The TRUE End of Evangelion
by One-Winged Angel
failed_experiment2501@hotmail.com
************************
Timelinewise, (jeez… long word) this occurs around Ep. 24 But I'm changing it a bit so Baradiel, the 13th Angel doesn't show up. Also, I'm being nice to Kensuke and making him the pilot of EVA-04 (So neither EVA-03 or -04 were destroyed, and -04 has no S^2 engine) Kaworu's here, and EVA-00 did blow up and Rei II did die. Ahh, crap. Hey, this is a parody! Timelines are utterly unimportant here!
One Winged Angel
************************
Ah, One-Winged Angel was sitting, sitting in his basement, bored of a magnitude that could only be found in the Tech Ed room at the high school he went to. Which was recently relocated to a "secure location". Yes, the Angel who Hath One Wing wishes that were true, but it was not. However, this is not to be the focus of today's endeavor to waste more of his free time. He instead booted up Microsoft Word and began to think
"I shall write a fanfic!" proclaimed the One Winged… One. "I shall write an Eva fanfic! I shall write an Eva fanfic where Shinji and Asuka are married and have kids!" For all of those that ran to their bathrooms and threw up at that moment, the Angelic one did decide to _not_ make this a marriage fic. But shield thyselves, it may be coming soon.
Which began the deliberating on how this fic shall start. "I could always make it like a TV episode!" exclaimed Mono-wing. And so it was done. But the Oneth Wingethed Angeleth had one problem. He had not a method of playing mp3 songs! (His speakers were buggered up again) So how would he supply the opening? "Oh wait, Cruel Angel's Thesis is the ringtone on my cell!" And so the crisis was averted. Tsubasa no One no Tenshi (Subtitle: One Winged Angel; he had forgotten the Japanese word for One) held up his cell phone.
BEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEP BE BE BEP BEE BEE BEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE BEE BEE BEE BEEP BE BE BEP BE BE BE BE BEEE BEEEEP!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
It was summer in Tokyo-3. Wait, it's _always_ summer in Tokyo-3. However, on this beautiful day of days, those who work for the protection of the world never get days off. In the large pyramid in Tokyo-3, there was a Big Room. There were three big robots in it. Usually there was five, but Ayanami Rei with the blue hair blew up EVA-00 to beat the 16th Angel and Unit Two's pilot, Sohryu Asuka Langley was in a state of depression after the 15th Angel. That left EVA-01 and Units Three and Four. The Big Room had a window that looked onto the control room. It was called Central Dogma. The control room, not the window. It contained three desk jockeys by the names of Ibuki Maya, Hyuuga Makoto, and Shigeru Aoba. It also was host to an EVA pilot that was not piloting right now. His name was Nagisa Kaworu. Also, there was an exasperated Major Katsuragi Misato. Misato's major object of exasperation at the moment was directed towards one of the EVA pilots currently engaged. There were five, Ikari Shinji, the boss' son in EVA-01, Suzuhara Toji in EVA-03, and the major's current point of frustration, Aida Kensuke in EVA-04. Our friend in the large silver robot (the robot in question being EVA-04) was new. In fact, he was I-just-got-here-last-night new. Next to the combat veterans like the rest, our little thorn in the major's huggable little backside was crashing into walls and tripping over things.
"Okay, Kensuke, think 'walk'. What're you thinking now?" asked Misato, who was the major.
Wait, you forgot that in Japanese, last names come first? FORSHAME!
--------------------------------------------------------
Genesis 13.5
Ep. 23.5
Discovering the Mystery of Oneself
Written by One-Winged Angel
--------------------------------------------------------
"ohmygodi'msoexcitedtopilotanEVAialwayswantedtopilotonecan'tbelievei'mpilotinganEVA" screamed an overexcited Kensuke. EVA-04 started hopping up and down like a little schoolgirl. EVA-03 placed a hand on it's shoulder to calm it, so that the earthquakes caused by the Unit 4's excitement did not create a disaster as calamitous as the Third Impact.
"Whoa man, it's not that great!" Toji said from the cockpit of EVA-03. Which was, suprisingly, a long way away from EVA-03's hand. In order to avert any accidental damage by Kensuke's excitement, Unit 3 activated the Gumby arm maneuver, where it's arms grew to 2 and a half times their normal size.
In the control room, among Misato yelling at Kensuke, Maya delivering tremor damage reports, the EVA-less pilot sighed and walked out of the room and began to think. Kaworu knew little about himself, just that he was raised in the care of SEELE, the UN committee. He heard the NERV officers talking in the background.
"Ahh, this sucks. We should dump Aida and get Nagisa into the cockpit," said Shigeru Aoba. The young man with the shoulder length brown hair slumped into his seat.
"Come on, Aoba! Be nice!" said another in the skin-colored uniform of NERV. Ibuki Maya, with the short hair, sat down as well.
"It's weird how Kaworu-kun has no background info," said Makoto Hyuuga. The short haired command officer with the glasses elaborated. "His records are all deleted except one. He was born on the day of the Second Impact."
Kaworu gasped. Born on the Second Impact? No one told him that. Sitting in a big room filled with enormous stones—and an ugly, ugly, man wearing a visor. That was all he remembered. And that song… That stupid, stupid song… He remembered it, and started humming Ode to Joy (The song he was humming when he first met Shinji)
"It's pretty…" said Ibuki Maya. "Life created on the day of so much death…"
Kaworu walked away.
Hyuuga got up. "I gotta go grab some Dr. Pepper," he said.
"Don't let Dr. Akagi catch you!" Maya said back, laughingly.
They're so happy, he thought. I want to be happy. I have a feeling. I feel like Happiness lies through that door. He began walking to the door of an elevator, missing the sign on the top that read: CAGE BRAND ELEVATORS.
******************************************
Anyone who has read the fic Evanjellydonut knows about the little tribute I paid with Hyuuga and Dr. Pepper. Love the fic, Andrew!
And the name of the elevator is supposed to imply that that elevator and the elevator that moves the EVAs are on the same system.
******************************************
Kaworu peeled himself off of the roof of the elevator. "They should really install the clamps on there like the EVA elevators have. Oh well. I still feel an overwhelming need for happiness. Something inside me tells me it's this way." He stepped on the car train type escalator that had a big neon sign above it that read TERMINAL DOGMA/LCL MANUFACTURING PLANT.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
"Okay, okay, WALK!" Kensuke actually got EVA-04 to work. Everyone was impressed, until he slammed into Shinji. EVA-01's full weight landed on Unit Three's toe. In the control room, a blond haired scientist named Dr. Akagi Ritsuko walked in the room.
"Damn, that toe was ingrown, too," she said. "By the way, has anyone seen Makoto-kun? I hope he's not out getting Dr. Pepper again." Everyone stared at the roof and started whistling. But they all had to avert their attention to the control room, as EVA-03 now started jumping up and down. This shook NERV headquarters like it was another Angel Attack. In fact, Tokyo-3's buildings sank into the ground and an emergency alert was issued.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hyuuga was walking along one of Central Dogma's long platform corridors, when a large earthquake hit. "A kekkai? No…" Another pulse came and knocked Hyuuga off the platform. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Kaworu was standing on the escalator. "Compared to the last elevator that I was on, this is practically a turtle!" At that moment, an earthquake hit and the escalator stopped. Kaworu heard a scream above him, and was shocked to see Hyuuga falling at him. Kaworu put his hands over his head, and looked up when he felt nothing. Yellow lines indicating a wall had appeared above him, and Hyuuga was gorily lying on it's translucent surface, in a large puddle of his own blood with a body full of broken bones. Kaworu looked up at it with an astonished expression. "AT field? The light of my soul…" He remembered something he had heard during his upbringing. "The ugly, ugly man… I think his name was.. Hell, Heel, Keel! Yeah! Keel Lorenz! Well he told me once, 'You will always be protected. You need only put your hands out, and the light of your soul will protect you.' A that point I said, 'Yeah, sure,' and went back to playing with my EVA toys. They were the only toys he ever gave me," Kaworu said, and pouted for a second. He then brightened up, as the escalator started moving really fast.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In the center of… Central Dogma, the MAGI computers were ever vigilant. Caspa-3 saw something run across her screen, and spat out her electronic Mello Yello.
[Pattern blue? SHIT! Nagisa Kaworu-kun is the 17th angel?!!! Damn… I liked him… he's cute…] she said.
Caspa shut off the power to the escalator where the Blue pattern was and notified the control room.
[Now as long as no-one opens the door to Terminal Dogma, we're gonna be fine.]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As the power of the escalator stopped, the brakes flung Kaworu off the edge of his step. (He was sitting on the edge) However, much to his suprise, he began to fly. "The old man never told me I could do THIS!" Kaworu said. "Now my happiness… That way." He flew down the route that the escalator took.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, there were two people who were oblivious to this drama, and were ironically at the center of it, that is Terminal Dogma.
"That's some good shit!" said a man with dark hair, a beard, and glasses while laughing.
"Hell yeah!" said a much older man with gray hair and a jutting chin. Yes, NERV Commander Gendou Ikari and Sub-commander Kouzou Fuyutsuki-sensei were getting high on LCL.
*beep beep beep beep*
"Goddamn pager… I guess we gotta go now, eh?" said Gendou in the stoner voice.
"Yeah, man!" said Fuyustuki, also talking as if he was stoned—wait, they were. They pushed and pulled, and opened Heaven's Door. Kaworu flew in, and just entered Terminal Dogma, and immediately flew toward the giant form nailed to a cross.
"Hey, wow!" Gendou said while pointing. "He's flying, man!"
"Whoa…" they both said in unison.
"Oh, wait!" said Gendou. "Isn't this the door to Terminal Dogma?" Fuyutsuki nodded. "Doesn't that mean he could be an Angel?" Fuyutsuki thought, and nodded. "Which could mean the Third Impact is about to start, right?" Fuyutsuki raised his eyebrows in only the way you can do whilst stoned. "Oh, cool." They both shrugged their shoulders and called, "Have fun in there, dude! Try that orange stuff! It's gooooood…" before closing Heaven's door and locking Kaworu in Terminal Dogma.
--------------------------------------------------
Back up in Central Dogma, they loaded Shinji into Unit One and sent him straight to Terminal Dogma. He was in a state of shock.
"Kaworu is an Angel? No, scratch that, She was a DUDE?!!!'
Obviously, Shinji wasn't paying attention.
Continued in Episode 25
************************************
Well, first fic. Review me if you thought it was good! Contact me at firebird_150@hotmail.com if you _really_ liked it.
I threw in an X reference just cause I felt like it. For those who are _really_ lost, Pattern Blue means an Angel, (Red means human) and everyone thinks that the giant form is ADAM, but it's really Lilith. If an Angel merges with either, the Third Impact starts. If an Angel merges with ADAM, all of humanity dies, and if it merges with Lilith, all humans evolve to a higher existence.
*All stare oppressgly at OWA, because they already KNOW this*
Oh, yeah! Here's a contest! Remember the Cruel Angel's Thesis ringtone I used in the intro? Anyone who contacts me with a real ringtone (we can work out how I'm gonna hear it once you contact me) gets written into the fic after this one (it'll be called Neon Genesis Evangelion: The New Testament—sorry, not a humour fic) In the next chapter, see what happens while Kaworu drifts ever closer to the Third Impact!
PEACE!
One-Winged Angel