The TRUE end of Evangelion 

Written by One-Winged-Angel

failed_experiment2501@hotmail.com

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This episode is more related to the events in the movie "End of Evangelion". You might have to have seen it to understand.

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One-Winged-Angel was resigned to his dungeon once more. Having a good base already established, he intended to dig deeper into the hole he had made.

"Now, everyone, hold up your cell phones!"

BEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEP BE BE BEP BEE BEE BEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEP BEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE BEE BEE BEE BEEP BE BE BEP BE BE BE BE BEEE BEEEEP

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Kaworu flew closer to Lilith.

"Happiness…" he said. He stuck his finger in Lilith's leg. In one second, it all flashed in his mind.

"I'm an angel…. the 17th angel, Tabis. I wish to return to Adam, my creator. But if I return to Lilith, the creator of humanity, all of humanity will return to the same shell… all the AT fields will cease to be," he said.

"KAWORU-KUN!!!!!!!!!" Shinji arrived in Terminal Dogma in EVA-01. "YOU'VE BETRAYED MY TRUST! Not only are you the 17th angel, but you're a guy!!!"

"You seriously didn't pick up on the fact that I'm a guy?" said Kaworu, his finger still jammed into Lilith's leg.

"nnnnnno…" said Shinji in the "I'm embarrassed" voice.

"Looking at Ayanami again?"

"mmmaybe…"

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Episode 25

A Boy and his Angel

Written by one-winged-angel

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Kaworu sighed. "How did you get to be an EVA pilot if you seriously didn't notice I was a guy cause you were looking at Ayanami?"

Shinji shrugged. "Don't ask me! Some guy named Marduk pointed at me and said, 'You're the Third Child. Come.'" Shinji noticed what Kaworu was doing. "What are you trying? You're an Angel! You'll cause the Third Impact! That's Adam! You'll kill us all!!"

"This isn't Adam. This is Lilith. The Third Impact that I can make will make you all whole."

Shinji had an impressed look on his face. "Wow! How'd you figure out that?"

Kaworu grew a sweatdrop.

Lilith grew a sweatdrop large enough to fill a backyard pool.

"Shinji, I don't _want_ to merge with Lilith. I want to merge with Adam. But I want to make you and humanity happy. So I will. I want you to be here so you can be at the heart of the Impact." Kaworu stuck the rest of his arm into Lilith, and Lilith sucked him right in. Lilith's hands moved right through the nails and its legs regenerated fully. The Eyes of Lilith mask fell off and Kaworu's head formed.  Lilith turned completely into Kaworu.

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Ibuki Maya was yelling to the panicked Central Dogma.

"The original AT field is gone, but it's been replaced by a Pattern Blue stronger than all other Angels put together! Third Impact has begun! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE!!!!"

At the highest point of the command center, Gendou and Fuyutsuki were still stoned.

"You're the commander, man! You gotta do something!" Fuyutsuki said.

"I.. know exactly what to do." said Gendou. He walked up to the edge and promptly fell off. He landed with a crack. He got up, not stoned any more. "Ahh, much better."

"That's what's so cool about the commander dude! He knows what to do!" said Fuyutsuki. He then promptly followed him off the edge. "Damn… I forgot thet I'm not as young anymore… It worked, though," as he was no longer stoned. I guess a big fall does that to you.

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Kaworu grabbed EVA-01 and promptly soared through the ceiling.

"OWW! SHIT!" said Shinji, having bonked his head on the ceiling. "Kaworu-kun, you forget that I'm not the supreme angel." he said in a pissed-off voice.

"Sorry," said Kaworu, and just blew a hole in the roof.

Shinji and Kaworu rose above Geo-Front, and Kaworu raised his hand.

"Come, O Lance, that looks like a mangled toilet paper roll!"

The Lance of Longinus rocketed down from the moon.

"Now I just stick it in Unit One's Core—where is it?" He looked on EVA-01, but he couldn't find it. "Oh, yeah. I gotta awaken it." Kaworu then transformed into Ayanami Rei. Rei looed at EVA-01. Now Shinji was stuck with a close up on a naked Rei.

"Uhh… YEAH!" EVA-01 roared, and the S^2 core came out.

Kaworu turned back into himself. "Shinji-kun, is there any reason why EVA-01 is getting a nosebleed drenching Geo-Front with it?"

"Uhh… No! None at all!" Hastily said Shinji.

"Alright, now, think happy thoughts!" said Kaworu.

Why? Shinji thought. Oh, okay. Whoa! Asuka looks great with no—

WHAM!!! Kaworu rammed the Lance into Unit 01's core.

"SSSHHHHIIIITTT!" screamed Shinji.

Bark began wrapping itself around EVA-01 and the Lance, and branches sprouted. The Tree of Life was formed once more.

"Wow! I always wanted to be a tree--" Then the cockpit disappeared. Shinji found himself floating in the darkness. "Kaworu-kun? Kaworu-"

Rei, Asuka and Misato appeared. They all walked _right_ up to Shinji and said in perfect unison, "Do you want to kiss me?

damnallthosegirlsatonceholySHIT! Shinji thought. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" They all shattered like glass.

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Geo-Front began to transform, and turned into the Black Moon.

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"Huh?" Shinji said. He was in Misato's apartment. A computer nearby said it was the year 2018. He looked around, and couldn't find Misato. He did, however, find Pen Pen.

"Hi, buddy!" Shinji said to the hot spring penguin. All of a sudden, he heard a rumble in the background. Pen Pen retreated to his cooler. Shinji found a card dated on the 21st of September, 2017 that said, "Merry Marriage!" from Touji and Kensuke. Then the door swung open.

"I'M LATE!!!!!" Asuka ran through the door. It took a few seconds, but Shinji made the connection that the card was for _them_. He shivered. "Well, are you ready to go yet?" Asuka said.

"What? Where are we going?" asked Shinji.

"BAKA! Were you paying _any_ attention? The NERV Christmas party!" replied Asuka.

"What happened to Misato?" asked Shinji.

"ANTE BAKA? SHE DIED OF LIVER DISEASE! YOU WERE THERE!" Asuka yelled.

"Okay, okay. So, when are we going?" asked Shinji.

"Quit asking me all those questions, we're going as soon as I can find a baby sitter." Those words sent a chill down Shinji's spine. Shinji ran into the living room, and sure enough, to kids were sitting on the floor. One that looked like chibi Asuka was smacking the one that looked like chibi Shinji about the head with a desk.

"Our… children?" he asked.

"Did the EVA steal your A^10 again? Of course. Now, I need to find a babysitter. Maya's busy, Ritsuko is working with the MAGI, and Hikari's dating Touji-kun!"

"Well, what about men?" Shinji asked.

Asuka rounded on Shinji. "Who would you have do it? Hyuuga-kun? Aoba-kun?"

"Well…"

"Kaji-kun?"

"Now I agree…"

Asuka's eyes narrowed. "Gendou-kun?"

"AAAH!" Shinji jumped back. "Fine."

"This is a service only a woman can provide," said Asuka. "Now go and find a babysitter!" Shinji started to walk out the door.

"I really think you hit your head on something," Asuka said. "The window!"

Shinji ran out of the window and saw EVA-01 and -02. Shinji hopped in -01 and plodded down the street. He saw a small group of women sitting in a dark alley.

"Maybe they can help me!" Shinji jumped out, but was overcome by nervousness when he saw what they were wearing.

"umm… I need… that is… a service only a w-woman can give," he said.

"Suuure, sexy man," said one of the women.

Shinji handed her his address.  "Can you show up here in ten minutes?" asked Shinji.

"You bet I can!" said the woman, and pinched his butt.

Shinji returned to the apartment.

"Did you find someone?" Asuka asked.

"Yup!" said Shinji. "Can they stay here alone for five minutes?" he asked.

"Sure! They are _my_ kids, you know." she said, tacking their names and the phone number of where they would be on the wall.

"Oh! Cool! Let's go then!" said Shinji.

Asuka and Shinji left for NERV HQ in EVA-01 and -02.

The two questionably clothed women walked up to the door carrying bags.

"Alright, let's go!" said one of them. The opened the door. They were shocked out of their wits when they saw that there were only two kids there.

"He stood us up!!!" said one.

"I'm gonna call him!" the other said, noticing the note left by Asuka.

*click*

"Hello?" asked Ibuki Maya.

"'Lo. Is there a 'Ikari Shinji' there?" the second questionably clothed woman (QCW) said. Her cleavage was safely out of view of the small videocam that broadcast to Maya.

"Yup. SHINJIII!" she called.

Shinji and Asuka walked up to the monitor. Shinji jumped when he saw the face on the monitor.

"Uh… hi," said Shinji.

"Where are you? you told me to meet you here!" she said. Asuka began turning blood red.

"I'm here with my wife!" Shinji said. "Waaiit… you aren't babysitters, are you?"

Asuka, QCW one and two, and Asuka the second did a collective facefault. Shinji the second wasn't even paying attention.

Asuka looked exasperated until the she realized, There's two p…pr…_prostitutes_ in my house, and just my kids in there! "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" The entire party stopped and turned to see this teed off 24-year old plowing through the crowd dragging Shinji. She got into Unit Two, dragging Shinji with her, and ran back home.

The Questionably Clothed Women were enjoying some of Misato's stashed liquor. She had enough in storage to have their own Christmas party 5 nights in a row. All of a sudden, explosives blew the door off. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Asuka ran screaming through the door. She threw both Questionably Clothed Women out the window with their bag.

All outside influences now gone, she rounded on Shinji.

"youweresupposedtofindababysitterandyougot_prostitutes_whatwereyoudoingAAAGH!youcantdoanythingrightyoustupidbasketballhead--"

All of a sudden, Ikari Shinji got up and started choking Asuka. Komm Suesser Tod (the song they play in End of Eva when Shinji chokes Asuka) began to play. That world disappeared and images began to flash through his head.

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In Central Dogma, Maya was screaming her little head off. "WERE GONNA DIEEEEEEEEE!!"

"Man can no longer keep their separate forms!" Hyuuga yelled. "Your innermost desires will appear in front of you! Get too comfy and you'll revert to LCL!"

Ghostly Kaworus began to appear. One Kaworu turned into Rei and touched Aoba, who was cringing from the touch. He promptly turned into an orange liquid and drenched the floor with the noise of a popped balloon. A Kaworu changed into Misato and glomped Hyuuga, and Hyuuga popped.

"Huh?" Misato said. A Kaworu that had turned into Kaji appeared. They headed into a back room, where they promptly popped. A Kaworu turned into Ritsuko and glomped Maya, and a Kaworu turned into Gendou and glomped Ritsuko.

A Kaworu turned into Yui and walked up to Fuyutsuki.

"What the hell, man? That's my dead wife!" yelled Gendou.

"Then come get her!" Fuyutsuki called back. Gendou punched him. Fuyutski punched back and Gendou flew into a random-appearing wall.

"Not bad for an old man, eh?" Fuyutsuki crowed. Yui touched Fuyutsuki on the arm. The old professor hugged her, and exploded.

Gendou was astonished. "Not only was his innermost desire my wife, he didn't even kiss her!"

Misatos invaded the cockpits of EVA-03 and-04, an apparition of Shinji appeared in Unit Two, but anyone still alive would have found that Rei was not in her cockpit.

All of them had small marble-sized red balls fly upwards. All of the red balls streamed up into giant-Kaworu's nose. His face turned into a weird expression.

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Shinji looked around. He saw a moon, and the world was filled with liquid. Presumably LCL, with a semi-stable base. He then saw a Kaworu, which started to move towards him. It only took two seconds for him to realize they both had no clothes on. "AAAAAAAAHH!" He began to run around the moon. Kaworu sighed, and titled his head like he was talking to someone behind him. Promptly, Kaworu disappeared, and Rei appeared, although with no more clothes than Kaworu had. Looking backwards, Shinji smacked into Rei and they both fell over. At that point, however, something else kicked in, and his embarassment at being in that position disappeared. He felt nothing more, and they drifted so that Rei was sitting on top of Shinji laying down.

The craziest thing, thought Shinji, is that I probably wished for this more than once. But now, I can't feel anything. No touch, no emotion, no pain.

"Your A.T. Field is probably gone now," said Rei. "I suppose you could call this Heaven."

"So the Third Impact brings everyone to heaven?" Shinji asked.

"Yes."

"One more question, why are you sitting on me? And why did I see Kaworu?"

"This world isn't real. We appear because we represent certain thoughts in your psyche."

"English, please?" asked Shinji.

Rei looked exasperated. She began to talk slowly. "Wo-rld. No-t Re-al!" She slapped him upside the head. "Me an-d Ka-wo-ru yipp-ie skipp-ie in you-r he-ad!"

"Ah. Now I understand." Would gravity be applying there, Rei would have done a facefault.

Exasperated, she said, "Would you like to go somewhere easier to understand?"

"Yes!" he exclaimed. Rei took Shinji's hand. The world flashed white.

Shinji woke up on a beach in his school uniform. He was extremely disorientated. There was Kaworu floating in the distance and the sky was dark, not to mention that a large ocean of LCL was only 10 feet from where he lay. He saw Asuka lying on the ground next to him, eyes closed. Shinji remembered the thing he had dreamed of. The future? No! Shinji began to choke Asuka. She all of a sudden raised her hand to stroke his face and said,

"Baka."