The next morning, the Sun rose with a gleaming smile on its face, people drank tea, and Arthur and Guinevere woke up from their fancy, violet bed. Arthur turned to Guinevere and tapped on her shoulder to remind her that she needed to get up. Guinevere had had a crazy night with Lancelot because of how much alcohol they have consumed while doing spastic movements. They passed out for 2 hours before waking up, getting Lancelot sent out of the castle, and having Guinevere go back to bed before Arthur came home from getting a quart of water. Arthur's own wife was having more fun with Lancelot than with Arthur himself! Only she just couldn't bear to tell the truth to him.
"Can't I have 10 more minutes?" whispered Guinevere.
"I guess so," said Arthur, "although I do hope you actually mean 10 more minutes. We wouldn't want to waste our day not working for our lives, protecting ourselves, and all other proceeding phenomena."
Here, the dialogue was really weird because I was too lazy.
"Right now, you need to eat breakfast before you can earn a couple of shillings during your working minutes."
"What time is it?" Guinevere asked.
Arthur rushed outside to look at the sundial only to realize the gnomon had been stolen. He scratched his head and thought, "Who would ever think to steal a gnomon? More importantly, why would anyone not want us to know the exact time?" He decided to look at the sky to see where the Sun was, and then ran back into the castle.
"I couldn't find the exact time," Arthur told Guinevere, "because someone has removed the gnomon on the sundial. However, judging from where the Sun is in the sky, I would estimate that it's about 8:00."
Guinevere became confused at Arthur's words. "Why would anyone remove the gnomon?"
"That's what I've been wondering," Arthur said. "It's like if someone doesn't want us to know the exact time of day. I just wouldn't know who, since we have not heard of any thieves in this town…"
Suddenly, they heard loud roars of bugles playing as the King walked in between the players in front of the castle. He spoke very loudly so that Guinevere and her husband could hear what he had to say.
"There are thieves in this town!" the King yelled.
"Well, now I believe it," Arthur said to himself.
"There have been reports of gnomons being stolen and sundials being wiped away! People speculated that it was a wizard and an owl that were stealing those time-tellers. They have also stolen the news people, so I have to take their jobs before I get stolen as well! Although we don't know the true motive of the people responsible, we do know that they have been carrying some unusual, small objects with them. There was shoving and pushing, but fortunately, no one has swallowed them yet. Well, at least in theory."
"How can you steal people?" thought Guinevere.
"Make sure to never encounter these suspects!" the King emphasized. "If you see them, please report them to the authorities to have them arrested!"
"Wait, how can you avoid looking for them while at the same time report them?" asked Arthur.
"You know what I mean, you little… what?" said the King. "Oh, I almost forgot! Arthur, you need to go to the courtyard to show that you are better than Gawain. You want to be king, right?"
Arthur got shocked at the thought of not being to the courtyard on time, immediately ran down, opened the gate, and met the King face to face.
"I'm ready," Arthur said.
"Good!" said the King. "Let's head 'round the castle and meet your worst enemy. (Don't feel bad. He's my worst enemy, too.)"
As they walked beside the castle, Arthur wondered if he really should be king. Yes, he wanted to, but should he? What if he messes up? What if he betrays his servants? What if he turns into a stupid cartoon guy and teams up with evil demons that are also cartoons to take over the entire palace of England? Arthur realized what he just thought of and knocked his head against the castle's wall, causing him to almost go limp from the force.
After a few seconds, they arrived at the courtyard. Gawain was busy carelessly swinging his sharp sword all around. A chicken somehow escaped from her coop and walked up to the irresponsible knight to see what the heck he was doing. Gawain then swung his sword under his waist and sliced off the chicken's head! With the chicken realizing her demise, she panicked and started running around the courtyard without a head. Gawain realized his stupid mistake and tried to pick up the headless hen to put her back in her coop where she will hopefully calm down. He ended up running around the courtyard for one minute before the King finally decided to barge in and retrieve the chicken. He put the spazzy fowl in the coop where the other chickens were terrified of what had happened to her. She didn't know how long she would live after the awful incident that was all Gawain's fault.
After Gawain panted for 10 seconds, he saw the King's shadow ascending behind him. He turned to view the King's steaming red face with more tension than stretching one's abdomen for a sixth of a minute.
"Gawain!" the King shouted.
"What?" asked Gawain, acting like he didn't know what he did even though it's very obvious he did know what he did.
The King picked up Gawain with his huge, hairy hands and kicked him 10 yards into the air. The knight saw a pigeon flying past him and looking - with skepticism - at the floating human being. Gawain looked down, gulped, and fell all the way down onto a pile of hay. The King went up to him, slapped him, and bellowed, "Do you want to be executed, kiddo?!"
Arthur started to feel very queasy after what he had witnessed. What if he gets killed because of that stupid guy? What if the chicken will never live a happy life? What if he turns into a stupid cartoon -
"AAAAARGH!" screamed the King. "If I have to see you messing up big time, Gawain, I'm going to have you on the stake! Not only that, but people will throw red, juicy tomatoes at you for eternity! Do you want to ruin your reputation?"
Gawain got so scared of the King's threatening ways, he screamed like a baby bat… that is a girl. He nodded his head so fast that it looked like he was time traveling. Well, he did wish he could time travel, and we all know why.
"You'd better mean it…" the King grunted.
Arthur was shaking while he stepped into the courtyard with a little dagger in his hand. Both Gawain and he got into the center of the yard as the King gave directions.
"I want to see how both of you will actually work hard for your country. Getting ready for practicing monarchy takes patience and discipline, just like how Mommy does to me. You will go through many obstacles and prove to me that you can work your way around them. First, you will show me that you can shoot arrows at that target over there."
The King pointed to a target hanging from a wooden pole.
"Then," the King continued, "you will hold up your lance while riding on a horse, since some battles require them, of course. Last, you will practice handling maces, dodging arrows and swords, and staying on your ride during a small battle. Most importantly, you need to show me that you're not a fantasizing little bloke who cares more about fooling around than actually defending England! You both know who I'm talking to, right?"
Gawain was sweating.
"King," he said.
"Executed!" shouted the King.
"AAAAARGH!" Gawain screamed like a girl baby bat again.
"Sorry," the King apologized. "Shouting that is like a reflex to me. I just felt like you were going to ask something I don't care about at all. Anyway, let's begin!"
As Arthur and Gawain walked to the target, the King grabbed Gawain's shirt and turned him around. The knight was sweating and waiting for what the King had to do.
The King sighed and told him, "Gawain, I know you are scared of failing. However, I do not want you to be. All I wanted was for you to try hard instead of practicing horseplay. That's what you should be scared about. What I ask is for you to support your claims that you are better than Arthur by working hard. I won't execute you for failing, just for constant, careless, dangerous actions. Murdering people is one of the countless examples. That's all I ask, OK? I hope you understand."
Gawain then shouted, "King! Would you control your spit and keep it in your mouth?! I swear, you never, ever even consider it! I'm out of here! You ruined the mood!"
After the knight angrily stomped away, the King slapped himself on the head to remind himself that he needed to keep his tongue in his mouth so that everything would be serious for him.
"I hope I don't mess up either…" he whispered to himself.