Hello. My name is Jeremy Arbuckle. I am an attorney living in Chiswick. I have been married to my wife, Lizzie, for 13 years. I am blessed with a son, Sean, and two daughters, Fiona and Genevieve.

The only magic in my family is the love we have for one another. There was a time, however, half a lifetime ago, where I was part of a real magical world. That's right, I was an honest-to-goodness wizard at one point. I have since lost my gift due to an experimental potion administered to me by one Lucius Malfoy - a particularly vile brew designed to take Muggle-born wizards' abilities to use magic away permanently. They called this concoction, The Mugglemaker.

To my knowledge, I am the only known wizard to have taken this potion and survived. A few other wizards and witches had this nasty substances forced down their gullets, only to have a fatal result. Though perhaps death may be a better fate than living an ordinary life again.

I was Muggle-born, meaning both my parents had no innate magic talents of their own. My younger brother Richie lacked my gifts as well. I was quite stunned to receive a letter from Hogwarts not long before my 11th birthday. My first reaction was basically "What the hell is this? Is this a joke?" I was about to throw the letter in the rubbish bin but thankfully Richie had the foresight to tell me to hang on to it.

I was sorted into Ravenclaw in 1987. I excelled in charms and transfiguration, and was abysmal at potions and herbology. I played as a beater for the Ravenclaw quidditch team starting my third year. I had an unrequited crush on Penelope Clearwater, who went on to become a Prefect during our fifth year. I can't tell you how many times she told me to piss off whenever I tried talking to her. Maybe she just has a thing for gingers. That Percy Weasley bloke just kind of rubbed me the wrong way, but his brothers Fred and George, and later Ron, seemed all right. Though one time Fred damn near blew my ring finger off with those blasted explosives of his.

I really liked Professors McGonagall and Flitwick. Professor Flitwick was my house head, so I tried extra hard not to disappoint him. The way he taught Charms really clicked with me from day one. I also liked Professor McGonagall - she was the epitome of a tough-but-fair instructor. She knew I tried hard in her classes, and even though she wasn't my house head, she kind of looked out for me as if she was. She would often say 'hello' to me in the halls and ask how things are going. If you really do well in her classes or find a way to get on her good side, she can go from matronly to grandmotherly in 6 seconds flat.

I didn't get along well with Professor Snape, but I suppose that's par for the course. He would say things like "How in Hades did you get sorted in Ravenclaw?" or call me "Arbungle." I don't think he actually called me by my proper name since second year.

I never saw much of Professor Dumbledore except when there was a feast or something. He seemed like a good bloke and all, but something seemed a little amiss. He would not outwardly show it, but I could just tell that he was frequently addled. Some mistook it for senility, but the man's faculties were sharper than many men less than half his age.

During my fifth year, I set my sights on becoming an Auror. I was already skilled at Charms and Transfiguration, and was quite strong in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Divinations. Professor Flitwick advised that I put extra emphasis on Potions. It was one of my weakest subjects, but the effort paid off. I received passing marks in every course for my OWL exams, including a most unexpected Outstanding in Potions.

When it came to my NEWTs, I got 3 Outstandings (Charms, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts) and 2 Exceeds Expectations (Potions and Muggle Studies).

In case anyone was wondering, my Patronus was a bloody squirrel. The Golden Boy Harry Potter gets a stag and I get a freaking nut munching rodent. That's not to be confused with my Animagus, which for me was a more respectable bobcat.

At any rate, my NEWT scores were good enough to let me become an Auror, which basically tracks down and apprehends dark wizards. I guess that it gave me a sense of purpose. It's a risky job for a wizard, but someone has to do it. Why not be me?