There is a loud bang as the door slams shut.
The apartment is empty save for her, but she could still see traces of the argument they just had, traces of the fight across the room, traces of ruin in their wake.
Their relationship is putting a strain on her and in spite of all these years, she is surprised by this fact because she had thought that her love for this man would be enough to get them through anything. She had thought they would pull through anything together.
Juvia sees the end like she sees the sunset every day, inevitable.
She sees it in the way Gray carries himself lately, the hasty retreat after a shouting match instead of a loving embrace.
Juvia hates to admit it, but she could see that Gray is getting tired .
She scoffs, snapping out of her frozen state by the door and heading to the couch.
Juvia has been tired every day for the past few months and she has never complained, not even once. She had been patient and steadfast and comforting, even when Gray was being his usual difficult self. Because she loves him.
By the Gods does she love him.
Staring at nothing in particular, she thinks and thinks and the thoughts that keep circling her mind should scare her, really, because she doesn't want this. However, they only proceed to make her mind up further.
This is inevitable too.
"Excuse me?" Gray asks and it is the first time he is looking at Juvia properly in a long while.
She can't bear to match his gaze.
"Juvia just needs time." Time to sort things out, time to figure things out, with them. She doesn't want to do this.
He is staring at her as if Juvia has gone crazy and she wonders if she has.
She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to do this. Honestly. She inwardly begs for a sign, for Gray to hold on to her and reassure her. For Gray to beg the heavens for her to stay.
"Are you breaking up with me?" The disbelief is clear in his high-pitched tone, and she blinks. Turns back to look him in the eye.
"Is it okay with Gray-sama if we break up?" Her voice is faint. She feels kind of light, like she could float up any minute.
"No but- I mean, if that's what you want." He mumbles and his eyebrows are scrunched up and he looks like this is some sort of troublesome discussion he terribly wants to get out of.
In her heart, Juvia screams. No! Let her stay. Don't let her go.
Juvia is silent as she observes the man she loves. It feels like her heart has been replaced with lead, and it is dragging everything down with her.
There are ghosts clinging to him, clouding the comfort he has always excluded with an agitated air. He's tense, high-strung, restless. She hasn't seen him relaxed in her presence in a long time.
The frown on Gray's face makes his features more pronounce, makes him look more on edge.
Juvia forgets the last time she's seen him smile.
And so, she smiles for him instead. "Juvia thinks it's time we let go."
(Juvia doesn't think it's possible to love someone this much, to give so much of herself away. And yet she isn't afraid of having none left for herself because she trusts this man not to drain her away.
He might not look it, but Juvia knows Gray. Kind, compassionate, thoughtful Gray and before she's even aware of it, she's in deep.
Juvia thinks it's a miracle, to find someone she is irrevocably enamored with in this life. She is lucky and she will do anything in her power to get her happy ending.
"Gray-sama!"
The man turns at the sound of his name and gives a lazy smirk. "Hey, Juvs." He raises a brow at the paper bag in her arms, which she promptly pushes into his chest. "What's this?"
"A graduation gift." She smiles in giddy excitement when he starts to open it and takes out the scarf. "Do you like it?"
Gray examines it for a moment, reluctant hands twisting the material around. "I don't really wear..." He trails off at the wide-eyed look on Juvia's innocent face. He sighs, but there is a fond tilt of his head as he wraps the scarf around his neck. "Of course, I like it."
Juvia lets out a delighted peal of laughter that makes Gray soften; usual cool exterior gone.
They are smiling at each other, lost in their own world and everything is okay.)
Half a year has passed, since she last saw Gray.
Her days are long and tiring, but she gets by. Work has been hectic for the last couple of weeks, the promotion she has been aiming for just within her grasp, and she gets by just fine.
Everything is okay, and for Juvia, who hasn't felt even the slightest bit alive since Gray left, it is more than enough.
"Come with us for drinks tonight." Some of her coworkers persuade her, which she easily agrees to.
The bar they go to is not the one they normally frequent. Something new and exciting, they say, and Juvia comes along for the ride.
They talk and laugh and dance and drink the night away, so much that the numbness in her heart gradually melts away, replacing it with a drunken haze.
Juvia relishes in the atmosphere.
Growing tired of the dance floor, she heads over to the bar, situating herself beside a dark-haired man in a suit. She orders her drink, not noticing the gaze from the man beside her.
Before the barista could move away to prepare her order, the man beside her tells him, "Her drink's on me."
She huffs, preparing to turn down an offer to go back to the man's apartment, because surely that's what he must want, but her brain immediately shuts down when she finally catches a glimpse of the man's face.
"Gray...sama?" She mutters against her will, and she blames the alcohol in her system, the former endearment falling from her lips so easily, as it always had.
Juvia swallows down the urge to hug him. It's been six months. Six whole months of grief, and heartbreak, and trying to pull herself out of the edge, with not so much as a call from him.
He looks the same, she realizes with a heavy, heavy heart, and she wonders if he had even mourned them.
He grants her a small smirk, the corners of his lips lifting ever so slightly as he glances at her, and it could not even be called a smile. Jesus, she doesn't even remember when he last smiled at her.
"Hey, how have you been?" He asks as if they are old acquaintances catching up after not seeing each other for so long.
She stares and stares, at the way he nurses his drink, at the slight slouch in his posture and gathers that he is beyond tipsy at this point.
She could not, however, read what's on his mind, and something small and hidden within her breaks at this, because she used to read him like an open book before.
Looking away, she clears her throat. "Fine." She clenches her jaw to stop herself from saying things she would most certainly regret, things like how she misses him even after everything. "The same as always, these days."
Gray is quiet at her response, taking a swig of the drink in his hands. She tries to catch his gaze, but he avoids her eyes like a plague, and she shouldn't let that get to her, even now.
Gray had avoided looking at her for a few weeks before they broke it off too.
It isn't something new.
"Are you happy?" Is the question he asks after a while, and the words feel like it shot right through her throat, clogging them up.
Her eyes are burning, her hands are trembling. The bartender comes back around with her drink, and a refill for her companion, so she clutches at her glass with a tight knuckle grip to hide the minute shaking.
"Why are you asking me that?" She whispers, because she's scared her voice might betray her if she asks loudly.
He doesn't answer, just glances at her briefly and in the two seconds she catches a glimpse of his eyes, she startles.
There are ghosts lingering there, remorse too strong to ever truly leave him alone.
Juvia swallows the dryness in her throat as Gray repeats. "Are you happy, Juvia?"
He asks it as if he is miserable, as if he blames her for leaving when the only thing Juvia wanted was to feel loved, something Gray hadn't been able to make her feel in ages.
She couldn't read him anymore, but she could take a pretty good guess.
"Are you?" She asks back.
The silence is telling.
Gray had always been prideful. It's a trait Juvia herself loved so much about him. When something happens, when something is wrong, when something doesn't go his way, pride has always been his go to feeling.
In this instance, she hates it.
They are both reeling from the breakup still, she could tell. They had been each other's person for a long time, after all. Suddenly living without the other is jarring, she knows. She knows .
She lives it every day.
With time though, they would get over it. They would move on with time. One day, in the future, all these feelings would fade away, as will all the pain.
This, she knows with a clear mind.
But...
She doesn't want to.
She doesn't want to get over it. She doesn't want to move on. She doesn't want her feelings to fade away. If she lets up and asks Gray to get back together, she knows he will agree right away.
Juvia slowly brings up the glass to her lips, finally taking a sip of her drink. The alcohol burns down her throat, burns down all the words she is dying to let out, burns down the possibilities of a future with the one she loves.
Despite what others might think though, Juvia isn't a fool.
If she gives in and begs Gray, if she will be the one to keep asking and begging and working for their relationship, she knows nothing would have changed.
This, she knows with a clear mind and a heavy heart.
(She doesn't want this love to ruin her, to break her down until there is nothing left of her to give. She doesn't want to resent this love.)
However, if Gray would be the one to ask, if he would get his ass out of that stick he had been sitting on for the last few years, if Gray would only choose her, fight for her.
Fight for them.
The night goes on and, in the end, he never did.