Paradise Lost

by WolfDarkness

Gerard, a simple teacher at the local school, had his life turned upside down when he tragically lost his family, thus having to start all over again on his own, but in the meantime, he has formed a relationship with his old friend and is now a talk show host. Frank is just a TV presenter who had his life crossed with Gerard's after years, messing it up again and messing with feeli

Dusk covered the sky in a subtle way that I didn't even notice and together with the appearance of small stars over the great immensity that seemed to shine more than usual, standing out in a special way and even though I was already used to enjoying them, there was something differently tonight. The light poles already lit blended harmoniously with the dark sky next to the skyscrapers and the tall buildings that cut it, it looked like a painting in front of me that I judge as almost perfect, because something is missing in this environment that bothers me and it was the presence of the moon, the sky will never be complete without her presence, but unfortunately she wanted to appear tonight to my misfortune.

I like to spend time here and enjoy every second of this beautiful view, it's definitely the best place in my apartment right now and I know the urban view has never caught people's attention, it's so unpopular, but I appreciate the stone jungle that I've conquered and as if it were my duty to spend hours admiring it, after all, I have the privilege of living on one of the highest floors — but art is in everyone's eyes, there's no way to judge.

I looked at the street ahead completely empty as probably the whole neighborhood and this is not a surprise for the time, no one was crazy to be walking the streets of Jersey at night, all the neighbors are afraid of the established violence and I rarely see them with the poles open until late, but it's a fear that I don't have for some time, because I feel that I have nothing left to lose and that no one would dare to rob me of walking so high, but if it came, I have nothing valuable to be stolen, after all , I live in Jersey.

The apartment is one of the cheapest and it was never its commercial value that caught my attention, as it was perfect when I bought it with Bert and I remember his huge smile of happiness when he walked through the front door and saw the worn paint from the wall, ignoring her completely and turning towards me with a big smile, saying that it was the perfect place to have our family, but of course, it would just need a little renovation as he warned me.

I didn't like it at first sight and as the days went by it became my true home, a feeling that I had never known when I lived with my parents, they never accepted Be and abhorred him for not following the precepts of the local church — deep down I wanted to that things were different, I feel like I was running away from my own family and here it became my safe haven, my very special place where I could escape all the atrocities of the world.

Bert always made me happy to the point that everything seemed to fit together perfectly without making any effort and I finally found the best place in the world, I finally found my home and here it became my true home, a cozy place with a special smell, even though little things that made the magic happen and I had never noticed, such as: when breakfast was present, the day of cleaning the house and the fragrance of cleaning product or even the scent of fabric softener from freshly washed clothes - that's what always happened. the house is amazing, every little detail of everyday life is unique.

I sighed heavily and brought the cigarette to my lips taking another drag and I confess I miss all the little things that made me feel alive, nothing left for me and each day is an internal struggle with all my thoughts being completely draining, I'm struggling with myself with something I have no control over and coming up involuntarily every room I walk through — it's horrible.

Walking around the apartment is tortuous because it's completely silent and it's as if my thoughts can scream at every moment, everything expands to each room and I can relive every happy moment for a few seconds, as everything is quickly swallowed and delighted by a deep sadness - the cold walls tell about all the lived love that once blossomed from a great madness and now withered and rotted.

I sighed sad as my heart squeezed and I broke into pieces with the memories, the same thing always happens and even after some time has passed it still hurts like it happened yesterday, a pain that will never really heal and seems to get worse every moment .

I leaned over the large icy balcony and there were some lights that resisted being lit from the buildings in front, being a very calm neighborhood and this made me not know my neighbors very much, but I have the impression that they know me with the artist crazy girl or the gay guy upstairs — that's the only thing I think about when they look at me crookedly and even though Bert tells me I don't care but that if I wanted to, I just asked him to report on someone — it was comical the way he he would say excitedly of something so terrible.

After the incident, I go out a few times in the small hallway and the neighbors haven't changed their behavior in front of me, maybe they were a little more kind or less critical, not changing at all what I feel, it just makes me feel even more invisible and everything that most wanted was for someone to ask how I was feeling and allow me to vent a little.

I bit my lower lip hard and I can't deny that I don't feel alone, it's an overwhelming loneliness that even made me consider living with my parents again, but they would never understand what I'm going through and it could make the situation even worse. My brother invited me to stay at his place for a few days, but I didn't want to get in the way of his life with Alice, they get along so well and I didn't want to spoil it — I never thought that choosing to stay would be the most painful decision, not a day goes by I don't miss him and his joy, now everything seems so dead.

I can clearly remember the last day we saw him and as the rain was pouring down outside, I felt my heart tighten for no reason and not even that my last words would be one: I love you in a tight hug as he made fun of me , saying I was being drama and huffed in displeasure but then laughed at his antics not knowing it would be the last time — I feel like I didn't enjoy my last moment as I should have.

Without him and Emy, the house is totally empty and it's not just her, I feel empty too, as if I have a hole in my heart that I can't measure how much it hurts, it's like it bleeds every day and the pain seems like it never goes away calming down, on the contrary, it eats me up inside as if I'll never be whole again, as if I'll never have an immediate connection like I had with him.

I never thought I would get this far in our relationship to the point of having a "daughter" and the last thing on my mind was being a father at such a young age, it felt like I would never adapt and to my surprise, I finally felt complete afterward. of years looking for this in my parents and i promised myself to be a better father than mine were to me, i would make the people i love happy and protect them from anything, but i couldn't and i wonder why all this? Why was I happy? Was it only to be snatched away from me and left me on the floor?! Because I still haven't recovered and I feel that every day I'm just surviving.

A lump formed in my throat as hot tears streamed down my cold cheeks involuntarily even though I didn't want to cry, but it's impossible not to remember them and my body doesn't react like that, it's a trigger of memories and I still feel like you'd see them again , as if this is just a nightmare I have that I wake up somehow — it's not easy to go through this moment alone.

The wind ruffled my hair down and I shivered with cold feeling that the temperature was getting lower by the minute, even so I wanted to finish my cigarette outside, even if it didn't make the slightest difference to smoke indoors, no one would complain about the smell or something like that — my outside smoking habit came with Emily's arrival and it was a mutual agreement between me and Be.

I sighed, upset and I know that it will be difficult to adapt to a routine alone, since everything was thinking collectively and all the time I go back to thinking about things that I try to get rid of to try to feel a little better, but it's painful to be alone when everything what i want most is him close to me and if it was an ordinary day we would be playing on the couch while he soothes me with sweet words so i feel good — now i have to do this alone and it's not easy trying to comfort me and believe that tomorrow will be a better day.

I looked over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of the TV lights on through the transparent glass of the door and it was the only lighting in the room as usual, becoming my faithful companion and my current hobby, getting addicted to programs without any foundations and being the only one moment in my day when I feel at peace, when I don't think about anything — I'm not proud of it and I've always said that TV makes people dumber, but I don't want to be the smartest person right now.

I inhaled deeply and let out the smoke, following with my eyes attentive to walk towards the sky I listen until it completely dissipated in moments and threw the rest of the filter on the street, shivering again with cold from the cold breeze that passed through my arms uncovered by the shirt of short sleeve. I hugged myself trying to warm up minimally and it would be better to go inside, I no longer had any reason to stay on the balcony, it's not a place I feel welcomed or had anything else to observe, it was just another cold and empty night.

I ran my cigarette-smelling fingers over my dirty hair partially tied back and tucked the strands loose behind my ear so they wouldn't bother me and straightened my blouse with my hands even though I knew it was more than time to change it, I've even lost my count of how many days I'm wearing it and I really don't care what I look like, even though it was never a common thing for me and even my brother mentioned my sloppiness, but it's something that has become completely irrelevant at the moment.

I opened the glass door taking steps into the room feeling the place much warmer and cozy, not to the point of feeling sentimentally better, but my body needed to get out of the cold. I closed the door to completely shut out the cold and pulled the dark curtains halfway, pulling them together for complete privacy and keeping the sun from hitting my face in the morning.

I looked towards the tv that produced a weak light that was on a channel that I knew very well and I'm not really proud, but I know every schedule and program by heart and I followed this script all week and I know everything that goes on, if it was a average week would already be annoyed that someone called her and waste time with something so useless.

I took a few steps towards the sofa in front, trying to avoid bumping into something on the floor as much as possible, being almost impossible due to the mix of objects that ranged from toys to kitchen items or anything else I bring from another room, consequently staying here as if the house was limited to this one room and I don't know how it happened, but I just stopped caring about putting things away.

I threw myself on the sofa, closing my eyes briefly, this being the only place I feel comfortable, I don't know why, maybe it's the place I most wanted renovation and to have been done by ourselves, from painting the walls to choosing the furniture, everything it was handpicked and even Bert hung one of my first paintings done here on the main wall, so everything has a little special touch that makes the environment even more pleasant.

I looked to the side at the pile of blankets of various types, a pillow on the arm of the sofa and in front of me the coffee table crumpled with things like glasses, plates, cutlery that had been mixed with the decor since a gift — I can't remember the last time I I tidied the house, I went shopping or whatever, these last few days I was just trying to survive and it already takes up all my time.

I bent my knees close to my body resting my dirty feet on the light fabric without caring like before and I have no idea how this sofa would end up because I've already dropped a lot of stuff on it and it can already be compared to a work of art abstract, the stupidest thing about this situation is that one day I wanted it extremely clean and now I'm the one who's dirtying it.

I rummaged through the covers looking for my fluffy coverlet, seeing it partially on top of the others and pulling it onto my lap as usual, taking one of the ends and taking a deep breath closing my eyes, smelling the pleasant scent of fabric softener mixed with some unique perfume that I like it a lot—it's surprising she doesn't stink like the others.

I smiled because it still smelled like Bert even though I had it from day one, so Mikey was wrong to say that everything stank of dirty laundry, this piece survived all this catastrophe — I feel like I woke up at dawn, stealing a blanket and going to watch the tv for silly until I fall asleep again.

I covered myself slightly and snuggled in, taking the remote beside me, directing it to the TV in the intention of changing the channel and at the same moment the program logo appeared with a strange font written: Tattoo Ink that was starting at the moment and I left it control aside for being my favorite show, even though I don't know the reason for my obsession with a show about tattoos, or rather, I have no idea if it was really about tattoos, every day is a surprise with a more absurd theme than the last. another, but that 's not why I watch it, since I'm not a fan of tattoos and you can tell quickly just by looking at me.

The short intro came to an end showing the performer with his more than exotic outfits, tight jeans and a pink blouse with a destroyed teddy bear that looked like he had come out of the deep web wonderland, not forgetting his boots. and various necklaces and rings, but he is as exotic as his robes, shorter and lighter sides of his hair, a piercing in the corner of his mouth and another in his nose, reamers, nails painted black and obviously the scattered tattoos, but it matches his personality and that doesn't stop him from being handsome.

I met him at school years ago and we were in different years, but at some point we became friends because we have similar tastes or almost, sometimes I think he just liked to look at me while he told some nonsense as if he was really interested about the Geek universe — I don't think he ever liked those things.

I remember when he said his ridiculously big name in front of the whole class and everyone thought it was funny including me and he just shrugged his shoulders as usual, ignoring the things that didn't matter or add much to his life - that must be why who has come this far in his career.

I didn't remember Frank anymore and it was a surprise when I saw him on TV, not that I recognized him right away because he was really different from school, but when I read his name I realized it was really him - maybe at some point with Bert has commented on our school friends and he was definitely on my list, I always considered him my best friend.

I turned up the volume to better understand what he was saying so enthusiastically and all his shows seem like he tries to pass some animation to the other side of the screen, it's not something forced even though I know he's not like that in person, but he's the only one person I know and I can enjoy the company at the moment, even though it's totally interpersonal it doesn't bother me, I feel less alone and I like to think that we are still friends.

I sank down and made myself comfortable on the couch while ignoring the other covers that were screaming that here had become my bed, I've been sleeping on the couch for a long time because I still don't have the courage to go to my room and have to face all the things I lived together with Be — I don't even dare wander around the apartment.

A lot of my nights are watching a boy I barely know who is now talking about cheese while challenging someone to get a tattoo about it and there was a show where he tattooed someone, maybe he became a tattoo artist or people are going insane.

He moved from one side to the other through the audience and the stage well waving in a communicative way, but he is not really like that and I was lucky to meet him in person, I even have a small memory of how kind he was always to me, making me laughing, spending time with me and giving me a hug always making me feel better, I always loved our conversations I could talk about everything, there was never a barrier between us, I could always talk about everything I felt or thought, from good things and bad—he always brought me peace, he was always my safe haven, and it felt good when we were together.

Flashback On

"I had seen it, but the teacher caught my attention anyway" I laughed humorlessly looking at my hands in my lap, moving them together with anxiety to remember what had happened and I heard a chuckle from the boy next to me. I looked at him carefully and pouted sullenly "Really, Frank" I whimpered dragged and pushed him lightly by the shoulder making him try to control himself until he stopped laughing "I'm mad at you" I muttered like a child throwing a tantrum.

I looked at the light-toned wall in front of the whole school and there was a calm atmosphere, a complete silence and probably everyone had already left, it had been a few minutes since we had seen anyone passing through the hallway we were talking to, which is not a surprise, the bell had rung for some time.

We didn't want to go home and we were purposely extrapolating our hours to spend more time together as usual, we only left when an employee kicked us out.

"Don't be like that, you know I like you?!" He spoke with a kind voice as a way of consoling me and slowly brought his face to my ear, making me freeze where I was.

I smiled embarrassed not knowing how to act with his approach and I felt uncomfortable, it was not common for him to act like that. I felt his soft breath on my neck and my cheeks heat up with embarrassment—I've always been shy and he knows it, so he takes advantage of it. I felt a strong sniffle in the crook of my neck and a shiver ran down my spine not knowing what to do—this has never happened before.

"You smell so good," he commented in a soft voice and I pulled away enough, looking at him without understanding what was happening.

He leaned towards me and looked at me intently with a special gleam in his eyes that I had never seen before, he really looked happy as I hadn't seen him in a while, as if he had achieved something. I felt my cheeks heat up even more and it sure was red with embarrassment — I'm very shy, but when he stares at me it just seems to get worse and even though he knows it, he just keeps doing it to tease me, or maybe he had an extra intention to do so.

"Stop looking at me, you know I get shy," I whimpered, looking down at my lap and mine falling onto my face and completely averting my gaze from his, not wanting to look at him anymore.

"I think it's cute, but okay, you've always been a killjoy anyway." I shrugged the slightly sarcastic comment and remained motionless in my seat.

I looked at my sneakers like I was interested, but I just wanted him to stop his teasing, they really make me uncomfortable, especially when he approaches with "ulterior motives", even though knowing we would always just be friends.

I started swinging my feet with attention on the shoelaces that moved together, enjoying the moment of absolute silence with him, I always liked his presence, it would always be amazing to be with him, I always enjoyed his company and it seems he does the same.

I like our conversations, but hanging out with him is always going to be something unique, because I rarely feel comfortable with anyone other than Frank, I really enjoy his company, and being by his side is totally different, yeah like it's a unique connection that I wouldn't have with anyone else, it's something special that only the two of us understand.

"I need to tell you something." The sentence followed with a heavy sigh, something unusual.

I stopped swinging my feet and turned my face, seeing a serious expression on his face and my stomach froze, I felt something was wrong. His heavy gaze was something I'd rarely seen, because Frank handled everything with sarcasm, which always made situations more comical—something really wasn't going right.

He looked to the side looking thoughtful and he moved his hands looking nervous, and the silence that was between us was deadly. My heart started to beat faster and I bit my bottom lip, anxious for what was to come—I'm not prepared for anything he wants to tell me right now, because I know it's a really bad thing.

"You know..." He looked at me and gave me a crooked smile still reluctant to tell me "Um, I'm moving away tomorrow" His voice trailed off and I widened my eyes in surprise, unable to make a sound to question it, but I didn't need to either, because he continued "I wanted to tell you before, but why? For you to get worse in advance? Why two people needlessly sad? - He laughed slightly sadly "But I won't leave you, here's my cell number" He pulled a small folded paper from the front pocket of his jeans and held it towards me, biting his lower lip apprehensively waiting for me to take it.

I was still surprised, I wasn't expecting something so sudden, I don't even know what to say, what to think or how to act, my body was in shock and it was like a movie playing in my mind, from the day we met until the day moment, and the last thing I want is him away from me. It's like a hole has appeared under me and I just want to die right now, because my heart is squeezing that it hurts in a cruel way I can't even describe, I just want it to be a stupid joke from him, but apparently it's not.

I took a deep breath and swallowed, trying to organize my thoughts and get back to the real world, which isn't easy, because I don't even know how to act, I just want to fall into his arms and cry, scream or whatever, I I really don't want him to leave, but I'm not going to do that and I'm going to contain myself as much as possible, I don't want to make him sadder knowing I'm sad, even though it seems impossible to show otherwise, I'll do my best.

"Of course" I said with a choked voice, immediately denouncing that I wanted to burst into tears, even trying it was almost impossible to hide my sadness "And if you change your number?" I took the paper and squeezed it hard as if I was going to escape. I looked at my hands not wanting to face him, because if I did, I would start crying.

"I promise not to change, you know, never, even if I have to steal from someone, I go after the person and say: give me the cell phone chip" He gestured playfully to lighten the mood and laughs slightly, still making me laugh. holding it not to cry, because he was trying his best not to see me sad.

"Will I see you again?" The question came out in a tearful voice and a few stubborn tears rolled down my cheek involuntarily, but I quickly wiped them away trying to hold them back.

I ran away and raised my face, looking at him and he was seriously slightly upset, not quite able to hide how sad he was, try as he might, I could see the melancholy in his lackluster gaze.

"Of course, we'll see each other again, I promise." He said softly and gently, trying to bring some comfort to what I was feeling, even though nothing could comfort me at the moment. He opened his arms in front of me in a silent request and I immediately threw myself against his chest, wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him as hard as I could. weakly as he ran his hand through my hair in a gentle ruffle.

I didn't want to be anywhere else but in his embrace, it was all I needed most and the thought that I wouldn't have him indefinitely makes me feel even worse. I let the tears roll down my cheeks without trying to stop them, wetting her blouse in I care trying to ease everything I was feeling, my heart was even tighter and my stomach was in a knot, I couldn't hold on to anything anymore I felt it, even if I tried.

"Don't promise what you can't deliver." My voice weak between sobs coming out in a dragging whimper, it was as if there was a lump in my throat that kept me from speaking.

"I'm not," he said in a faint, slightly shaky whisper, evidently trying to hold back the tears, I could tell how hard he was trying.

I felt him squeeze me even tighter against his chest and I snuggled into his warm embrace, enjoying the silence as I listened to his peaceful heartbeat that I could sleep right here. I smelled the fabric softener infused into his clothes that mingled with perfume and cigarettes, a unique fragrance that I would recognize anywhere, even when it lingers on my clothes—I didn't want it to be the end, I wanted to be able to stay here with him. forever.

flashback off

After that day, I never saw him again and he probably left without giving further details, I never knew what happened what was happening to him, Frank was always reserved about his family, he never liked to talk about them and them. problems he had, he just preferred to ignore it and pretend everything was fine, but everyone knew he had a lot of problems with them. I just saw him again on tv and he had conquered the world with his way of being Frank Iero and I stayed here in Jersey with Bert, that's what I chose and I don't regret it, my love for McCracken was unique and intense.

I don't remember the paper with its number and I probably threw it in some drawer hidden from myself, because I felt terrible every time I saw it, they were all feelings I couldn't handle that I preferred to just get rid of some, Also, at the time I didn't have a cell phone, but I never called him when I could — now it's too late for that, he shouldn't even have the number anymore, it would be almost impossible to keep such a promise for years, besides, he should having met many people and may not even remember me, I must be just a forgotten memory.

I slowly opened my eyes and rubbed my hand over my face, still sleepy, slightly dizzy with a headache, and I can already imagine that the night before had been very good, even though I don't remember it, but if something had happened, I would have seen it in my head. Internet. I pushed the warm covers aside and sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through my messy hair trying to smooth it out, but it didn't work.

I looked at the dark furniture next to it and on it there was a lamp, an old picture frame and a pack of cigarettes that I can't do without, even more so because of the busy mornings, so it became a necessity to wake up and smoke, just like that to start my day. I reached out and caught her by the lighter, a perfect pair that never parted.

I quickly took out a cigarette and put it between my lips, lighting it and taking the first drag and closed my eyes, feeling the small immediate pleasure over the silence being a peace I rarely managed to achieve, this was my moment. I opened my eyes and let out the smoke, slowly it dissipated, making me hypnotized by the abstract form as if it were a dance.

"Frank?!" I was slightly startled by the authoritative voice that broke the silence suddenly, but I recognized it very well as my father's.

I took one more drag and looked towards the open door, waiting for him to come in and if he was yelling my name, some shit had happened, especially at this time of the morning which seemed to be his preferred time to bring his useless problems as if it were mine. responsibility to resolve and it was all I wanted less now, I just wanted to enjoy a few more minutes of peace.

He quickly entered the room and his features showed how irritating he was, which doesn't affect me at all, I'm used to it and it would be weird if he didn't come to complain about something probably random. I took a drag on the cigarette waiting for my sentence, after all, when was he not pissed? Especially with me, he always seemed to be mad at me.

"Fuck, don't you know how to knock on the door?" – I asked irritating him that he shits on the sense of privacy, he just doesn't care about it when it comes to me, he thinks that because he's my father he has the right to invade my room at any time as if I were a child.

His gaze fixed in my direction but not on me, something behind me intrigued him and I didn't understand until I felt the sheets move on the bed. I immediately turned away and saw a boy who looked more surprised than the two of us—if I were him, I'd be embarrassed too.

He sat up and pulled back the covers in desperation to cover his exposed skin at any cost, trying to hide that he was completely naked as he stared at me with a stray dog. His short dark brown hair and delicate face, cheeks red with embarrassment as he stared at me and damn, he was so fucking handsome I can't believe an angel like that fucked his own devil on this bed - I don't remember, but he must have been amazing, because he must be naughty.

He lowered his face looking at his lap with interest and I raised an eyebrow without understanding anything, as much as my memory, I can't remember bringing him home — and I did, he didn't fall from the sky, Is not it? And we had sex, that's what seems more obvious to me, after all, why would I have a guy without clothes in my bed? but do what? This is my life and it's not like I'm freaking out about it, so kudos to me for dragging yet another angel to hell with me.

"Frank" I heard my father's angry voice and I looked serious again "I'm talking to you" He sounded indignant as if he had some control of the situation or me.

I laughed humorlessly as it looked like he got even angrier, but he knows me well enough to know that my only weapon is sarcasm and that he couldn't demand anything from me, other than the situation being inappropriate, I'm feeling embarrassed and I don't want this kid to get out of here and spread the word that he was woken up by Frank Iero's father in a ridiculous scene where he was trying to have some authority over his son — what a pathetic scene, what the fuck was your problem? In addition to walking in unannounced, he was now throwing a fucking tantrum like a little girl.

"Can't you see you're being inconvenient?" I asked ironically and laughed lightly "In fact, I think you never see anything" I got up abruptly feeling my head throbbing "But good morning, dear father" I said sarcastically, emphasizing on purpose as he looked at me as if he wanted to shoot me "What do you want?" I continued with the same tone of voice and placed my hand on the nightstand, striking a pose and faced him.

Unfortunately he is my father, because I didn't ask to be born in a family as disgraced as this one that makes me feel like shit, that's why he doesn't deserve my respect, even though I don't have any, not even dignity, my life is a shit pit that only has fucks, cigarettes, drinks and anything I can put my mouth to and lick, and with a life as messed up as this, it's no surprise to always be on the random news sites and a career based on: what a wack Sir Iero will do today? I can't say I don't like this shit, I made myself out of it and now it seems like everyone wants a piece of the pie, especially my dad.

"Look how you talk." He lectured me and I raised an eyebrow not understanding why he was scolding me, probably because the boy present was watching us and he still likes to show he has some authority over me. I laughed, finding it funny he still didn't realize he hadn't been in the parenting position in years "His dog ate another card" He threw the chewed-up plastic pieces of the colors I knew well and I turned my attention to him, in disbelief that he'd come here just to that.

I should have assumed that the reason I went up was because of money, I would never come here to say good morning or do something nice, unfortunately I'm the sucker who pays for everyone's life in this house as if it were my obligation to pay for it. exist and I feel like shit for it.

"At least he was happy for a few seconds" I muttered softly with thoughts away and took another drag followed by a tired sigh "Did you come here just for this?" I asked indignantly, not believing his more than foolish claim "It's not the dog's fault, it's yours for leaving the card where he takes it, the dog is the holiest in this story, but whatever, was that all? If so, I'll order another one later." I shrugged and he continued to stand as if expecting something. "What's wrong? I spoke through gritted teeth.

He hates Tobi and just puts up with him because I'm the owner of the house, which I don't understand, I'm the one who bought the house and I'm the one who enjoys everything the least, so it's hard for him to be nice to the dog? No, he makes me feel like an intruder to the point of having to pay for all the sins I don't even know what they are and makes me feel worse because of Tobi.

"Will I run out of card?" He crossed his arms authoritatively and I laughed nervously, not believing what I'm witnessing in front of me.

I feel like an irresponsible 10 year old who took my dad's card to buy any junk, so he just took the right to come and scold me in front of my friend to embarrass me and show that the situation is on his control, only this isn't what the fuck is going on here.

"What the fuck, use the app" I yelled irritating losing my little patience "Fuck it, leave me alone" I finished my cigarette and threw the filter through the open window in the back wishing it would disappear from my face as soon as possible.

He remained still like a statue and I quickly passed by, completely ignoring his complaints and headed towards the back door where the bathroom is. I stomped in and slammed the wooden door hard on purpose as a warning that I'm not well and that he'd better get out of the way — he'd understand the message, he wouldn't stay in the room alone with a naked boy, after all, I can tell he has a I'm kind of disgusted by all the guys I've brought in, not because they're men, but because they like men.

I braced my hands on the edge of the black marble sink and let out a sigh, tired of everything, because almost every day is the same and I can't take all this emotional pressure on me anymore, it's like I'm going to explode at any moment or time. to disappear, it's all I want most and even though I'm responsible for myself, I can't leave this house, there's something that keeps me here.

I stared at the reflection in front of me and all I see is a broken teenager at 24, fucked up emotionally and almost trying to kill himself with the shitty life they have - no one needed to witness the bitter taste of this with me, which is one of the reasons I still remain single, but let's face it, with the life I have, I doubt anyone wants to hold my hand and follow this with me.

I opened the icy water tap and cupped my hands under it, filling it and splashing it on my face, feeling it hit my skin a little unpleasantly, but waking me up and running my damp hands through my hair, lightly wetting — I hope to improve over the course of the day, but if it doesn't, fuck it, it's not like anyone cares and I don't either, I just have to survive until the end of my workday.

I walked to the shower at the back with the glass doors open as usual, I almost never locked the doors to my house for privacy, I never thought it was necessary. I went in and turned on the hot water tap, leaned my back back and tapped lightly on the cold tile letting the water fall over my body, and that was all I wanted most at that moment was to relax, even if it was for a few minutes and if If I could, then I'd get out of the shower and go straight to bed and sleep all day — it's not like I can't do that, but I just want to get away from home and anywhere is better than staying here.

I can come up with any stupid excuse to miss work, even if I'm under contract, but without me there wouldn't be a weird program that works and I don't want to let my fans down, they're the only people who truly believe I can do something Good.

I took off my wet underwear and pushed it with my foot to one of the corners as usual knowing that at some point the maid would catch it. I lifted my face slightly and let water fall over my hair, I sighed deeply feeling terrible and even though I'm famous, I don't feel special for that, I'm just like any other ordinary person and when I looked at the screen it always felt like something so special, I think that was the magic of it and it was spoiled for me, because I know what the backstage is like — I didn't ask for this fame and I don't even know how I got there, it was like one day I fell asleep being Frank Iero and woke up the tattooed guy who presents a crazy tv show.

I sighed remembering what had happened in my room, which would be almost impossible to forget and I still had to face that boy on my bed again and solve this problem that was just a few feet away from me, so I don't have time to waste. I turned off the tap and got out of the shower, grabbed the towel hanging by the side and ran it through my wet hair, messing it up and drying it lightly, then wrapped it around my waist.

I went to the front door and put one hand on the handle, paying attention to any slightest noise, but the room was completely quiet as if there was no one else and if that boy was really gone, it would be very lucky. I opened the door and his brown eyes immediately landed on me, sitting on the edge of the bed as if he had been waiting for me, after all, why wouldn't he be?

I sighed and ignored him, so I quickly crossed to the door on the other side without looking at him, but I felt his eyes watching every move I made. I entered the second door in my closet not caring that I was leaving wet footprints all over the room that could stain the floor, after all, why would I care about the floor at home? There are people who are paranoid about these silly things and if I was to look at it, I would already have tarnished him in a way because of my bad habit.

I looked at the clothes spread out in small piles in total chaos and I don't remember doing it, but I always spread things out without realizing it or I was very drunk when I did it, as I rarely remember anything other than erasing it in my bed. . I shrugged my shoulders looking around for a pair of underwear and spotted one among other clothes, picking it up and putting it on quickly.

I kicked one of the piles and tore it apart, scattering the clothes and not seeing anything interesting, I shrugged and kicked the one next to me, taking the jeans from under the other pieces, putting them on and taking the black blouse next to me doing the same thing — these are clothes from my everyday life, the ones I perform are in the studio, and I have my own costumes and sometimes some pieces stay with me.

I sat on the floor and looked around for some sneakers, fiddled with the clothes beside me, mirroring them even more and spotting my black all star. I bent down and picked them up along with the pink socks in front of me, holding them out in front of me raising a suspicious eyebrow—where did I get this? I get a lot of random stuff and often I don't even know where I got it from, if I brought it home or if someone left it here.

I shrugged and put them on next to my sneakers, made an awkward bow and stretched my legs shaking them childishly watching the bows move. I laughed lightly, finding it funny and feeling like a silly child who had just done the most fantastic thing in the world.

I sighed heavily, breaking my smile immediately, my reality is completely different from a fairy tale and I'd better leave the house to avoid bumping into my "family". I gathered courage and got up heading to the room finding that boy still in my bed, but he was already dressed and still had his eyes glued to me like a stray dog begging for my attention, and I can't say no I love it about people, it fills my ego when they beg like this.

I smirked at him seeing him so vulnerable at the moment and it stoked me, I could feel my whole body wanting to have sex again, even if it was fast and enjoy every sober moment with him, but my desire to leave the house much greater Besides, we'd already done that last night and he'd better go before he got attached.

"If you want to stay, you can stay, I don't care..." I said indifferently and took my wallet along with the car keys on the furniture next to the bed "As long as when I get back, I don't see your face, baby. You can enjoy breakfast with the folks at home." I added a note of sarcasm and took my cigarettes from the lighter that was there.

It might seem crazy to leave a complete stranger in the house, but I know that nothing would happen to my dad here, he would never let anyone random settle in and besides, I doubt he would put up with the crowd, he himself had seen it like this. home is crazy and I don't even know why he didn't run away at the first opportunity.

"Are we going to see each other again?" he asked in a soft and even innocent voice, his gaze making me feel a little pity and in disbelief at his question.

My reputation among my lovers isn't great and everyone knows they're an easy one-night stand, but I still manage to bump into innocent people who think they're going to win me over or something — I feel a little empathetic about this one, I have it. I'm sorry to know how the world is going to fuck them up and at the same time I'm pleased to be the first to do it.

"Oh, angel," I said in a soft voice mixing with sarcasm, leaning over my body and placing my hands on the bed, managing to face him. I brought my face closer to his, felt his accelerated breathing and brushed our lips, asking permission with the tongue that was accepted immediately and placed my hands firmly in his hair, managing to free myself abruptly and facing the confused expression on his face "We will never again You'll see, that's how life works." I laughed lightly, amused and amused, so I stood up abruptly.

He looked at me with fury as if I had deceived him and I couldn't contain my smile of satisfaction, it wasn't the first time or the last time that this would happen, but I can't say that I don't have fun, both in bed and when I have to kick someone out of it.

"Spread me the gossip, baby. And be snobbish for having seen my naked ass, if I were you, I would take advantage of these 5 minutes of fame, because apparently, it will be your first and last" I widened my smile, enjoying his sulky face as if it were a child who just found out that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

"You're disgusting." He said through gritted teeth and looked at me as if he could kill me.

I shrugged my shoulders and got used to having to deal with it, I rarely meet someone so wise that they take everything good, but also the opposite, this one I hate to have to deal with, even more when I'm sober, so I hate it when I come to my house to have sex, then to get rid of him is complicated.

"Take what you want, because I really don't care." I purposefully laughed and looked at him for the last time, taking easy steps towards the door, he wasn't my problem anymore.

I took the first step in the hallway completely silent, which was unusual even though it was just me, my father, his wife and the dog, but even with few people there are days when this house is chaos. They're supposed to be downstairs having breakfast and I can't think of a better time to slip away unnoticed—it's weird, I feel like I'm running away from my own house, but I don't want to run into my dad again.

I descended each step of the stairs in an almost jump accompanied by the typical sound of wood hoping not to attract attention. I jumped the last step into the large empty room and breathed a sigh of relief, taking long steps towards the exit door on the other side, but I stopped when the yellow dog crossed my path with a toy ball in its mouth and sat down in front of me. of me.

His big brown eyes looked at me attentively, his ears were high and he pressed the ball in his mouth, calling me to play and I just can't ignore him, if I do, I'll feel guilty, after all, I spend little time at home and I rarely spend it playing with Tobi — I'm a horrible owner, I don't even take him for walks or anything like that, yet he still considers me his owner.

I reached my hand over his mouth while he was standing there wagging his tail frantically excitedly, so I took the ball out of his mouth without any difficulty and my hand slobbered with the drool present and twisted my lips in a disgusted grimace — dog drool is never good in the morning.

I turned around and found myself in the huge room and if I threw the ball, for sure he would run to the other entrance that led to the kitchen and I would have time to escape before he came back. I threw the ball with force, seeing it cut the room in the air and going in the opposite direction next to him, who followed it with full attention on the yellow object, running clumsy as usual, curling up on the rug, pulling it out of place and still moving on.

"Where are the keys?" I grumbled putting my hands in my front pocket looking for them in a hurry and I took them, seeing Tobi next to me with the ball in his mouth wagging his tail waiting for me to play again "Enough playing, daddy has to go to work" I said childishly and put the key in the lock over a grunt of protest and I looked at him, I gave a sigh and it breaks my heart to see that he was still waiting for me to play with him "Seriously" I crouched down to almost his height and wrapped my arms around him. of his neck, squeezing him tight not caring that my clothes would smell like him. "Dad has to go." I whimpered not wanting to let go of my baby.

I sighed annoyed and he nudged me with his paw calling my attention, I looked at him and smiled, I placed a kiss on the top of his head and took the little ball he had left beside me, lifting me up and looking at the object in my hands, I really I didn't want to go and it hurts me so much not to have time to play with him.

"You do, don't you?" I swung the ball, poking him and threw it as far as I could, seeing him run after it.

I opened the door quickly and left the house before he missed, I know it's foul play, but I didn't want to see his face begging me to stay and I know I can't stay, I feel terrible for cheating Tobi and a half silly to say it, but he's the only thing that really believes and knows me, and even then, he wouldn't leave me because I'm a drugged, drunk guy and that the lungs will die before the body - I'm a horrible human being for not playing with my dog, I have to take him to the beach one day and spend the whole day with him.

I sighed annoyed and locked the door with the key so there was no possibility of him scratching with his paws and opened it to come after me. I put the key in my pocket and looked at the garden around me, it's the part of the house that I think is the most beautiful, always with the grass cut, the plants, flowers and everything tidy - I have to admit that my father's wife has a good taste for landscaping, it has flowers well I'll never know the name.

I followed the defined stone path towards the garage and saw the big gates in the distance, taking the remote control and opening it from where I was and gradually being able to see the two cars inside parking and one of them being mine.

I walked over to the black car I'd recently bought, a popular model, which might seem strange to someone as flamboyant as I am—I'm not really flamboyant, I've always been a shy kid, but on camera it's like I'm a character for what to do. I don't feel ashamed in my present to the world.

I got in and sat on the soft seat feeling the new car smell that still lingered, I love that smell, it's so pleasant and I know it wouldn't last forever, so I have to enjoy it. I leaned back lazily in the comfortable seat and turned on the air conditioning in an attempt to dissipate the present heat, taking advantage of the silence and for me I would stay here hidden from the whole world forever — sometimes I do this when I don't want to go out, I lie in the backseat and listen music like a kid in his dad's car.

I turned on the radio recognizing it as a pop or indie song that was playing at the moment, it's not something I like completely, but I started to appreciate it because of my lovers, it's surprising how they have similar tastes and I like to be cordial doing it to feel special for a night, but obviously that only works when I'm not so drunk that I don't even remember my name.

I felt a stronger stab of headache that had not let me down at any time and as I am cautious, I always have medicine in the car for emergency situations — here and my room are my safe point, they are the places I go if I need to escape.

I leaned over to reach the glove compartment and opened it, finding the medicine pack in the corner as usual, being the strategic place so that I wouldn't get lost in the chaotic mess in the small space. I highlighted one and tossed the card back, closing the door and putting the pill in my mouth as I looked around for my water bottle.

I turned my face seeing it on the back seat as if it could go unnoticed, its vibrant pink hue with a unicorn patterned it's definitely not my style but I had won over a fan and I sympathize with the object, it always provokes curiosity from someone and I like.

I bent down with the hand outstretched with difficulty and took it, took the first sip and swallowed the medicine already almost dissolved with a grimace, really the taste was very unpleasant. I tossed it on the seat next to me and sighed, taking the key out of my pocket and putting it in the ignition and starting the car—I'll consider I've succeeded in running away from home.

"We're in in three minutes," Lily ahead of me warned with her typical clipboard in hand and I put down the paper she'd given me earlier to review but was only pretending to read.

I hate taking orders and I've never handled it very well so I thought I made it explicit when I signed the contract and they told me things would go my way, but that's definitely not the case, there's a daily script to follow that prevents me from just getting in front of the camera and saying whatever I want to say the way I had imagined — I don't even know why I thought it would be any different.

"I get it," I grumbled sarcastically because I've heard it a thousand times today "This sucks, I'll do it my way," I raged, crumpling the paper in my impatient hands and making a little ball, throwing it in front of me and fixing the stitch. in my ear.

People were constantly walking around like ants without stopping to work, no one stopped to see where the paper had flown or why I was irritating, it was just another ordinary day that Frank Iero was freaking out — it must be like that what they think and I feel irrelevant behind the scenes, nobody pays much attention to me.

"You can't," she replied indignantly and I shrugged without caring what I said.

I looked at her in disbelief with her almost demanding that I follow what was written and I hate all this bureaucracy on TV, I only accepted the program because I was convinced it would be something totally different, but I was wrong, everything has to go as it had been perfectly planned and Lily makes a point of it - she irritates me to the core and I think they made us on purpose together with intentions that she would put me on track.

"Oh yes? So I'll go somewhere I can..." I looked at her and a guy approached starting to mess with my hair as usual, the last few minutes were someone appeared to fix the last details for my appearance to be perfect "You don't were a lot without me. I'm the darling here and you know it..." I sighed irritably and looked at the guy in front of me losing my patience "Stop that shit" I said loudly and scared him, but he nodded and left.

I ran my hand through my hair the feel sticky probably because he was applying some gel, I messed it up with my hand undoing all his work and I don't know what all this shit is about, I hate that people try to make me look like I really do I am not and never will be, and this job often makes me look like someone else and I'm sure my teenage self would loathe all of that.

"Do as you wish, Iero…" She looked at me as if she was tired of arguing and I rolled my eyes "Now come in!" I said authoritative as usual and rolled my eyes, shrugging.

I turn to face the entrance to the studio and had to wait for the signal but I can't deny that I still don't feel nervous every time I do this, my belly chills slightly but it doesn't matter, at this point grumpy Frank Iero passes the position to the super cool tv presenter Frank that everyone likes, kind of crazy, but still people like him without a few screws.

I heard at my point that I could come in and put a smile on my face spontaneously, feeling the energy invading my body and it's all that precious. I took a quick run into the studio and found the huge audience applauding me — on my first shows I felt like I was a small thing in front of so many people, now I feel like a meeting of many friends, but in this case, I have to entertain them. them.

"Thank you to everyone who came to another program: Tattoo Ink" I spoke loudly and euphorically, being greeted by the excited noise of the audience and quickly discreetly handed me the form, taking it in hand and quickly reading it to confirm today's theme that already I had read it behind the scenes "Well... Today the show is going to have another one of those shit tattoos twists, I hope I don't end up in this roulette" I said walking towards the aisle that divided the benches.

I stopped further back and looked at everyone with the attention only on me, I feel so close to each one as if I would never be able to get close to so many people at the same time and I try to think that they are really my friends, otherwise I would be totally shy with I always went to high school, because here I'm totally vulnerable without being able to use sarcasm like I usually do to defend myself.

"I would hate to have a cheese tattooed on me" I laughed lightly as I looked at my file looking for my guest's name under the watchful eyes of everyone present "Yeah, today our guest likes this peculiar ingredient and he's the chef of a restaurant nearby ... I hope he came to cook something, because I'm fucking hungry... Well, but before I call him, who here likes cheese?" I asked seeing most of them raise their hands "Ah, you greasy rat Italian" I said in a teasing tone for the stupid post I had made on twitter recently "Welcome our boss…" I looked at the entrance and applauded along with everyone.

To be continued...