Chapter 20: Forget Me Not
THE NEXT MORNING
SCENE: OUTSIDE AMBER AND ANDREWS APARTMENT BUILDING
(Amber is outside on the snowy sidewalk in her parka and beanie when she sees an 18-wheeler truck pull up across the street and goes to it. Aaron Karev comes out of the truck in his heavy jacket and beanie)
Aaron: (Rubs his hands together) How the hell can you stand this weather? What is it like 5 degrees?
Amber: 10 at least and you should've seen the storm last night. Thanks for coming I really appreciate this.
Aaron: Eh I was in Idaho when you called, I figured I'd make one more stop before heading back.
(Aaron and Amber walk to the sidewalk and decide to catch up)
Aaron: Bipolar huh?
Amber: I can't be sure his dad was never actually diagnosed. But the signs of a breakdown are painfully familiar.
Aaron: Hey if you want, I can bring back some of mom's old lithium stash. It's not like she ever took it when we were kids.
Amber: I'll keep that in mind thanks. (Sighs) I was always worried it would be me who would go crazy in this relationship.
Aaron: Oh, there's still time. You know I hear you can have your first psychotic break in your early sixties.
Amber: (Groans) Mental illness Russian roulette with schizophrenia as the bullet.
Aaron: And that's only on mom's side, is addiction genetic?
Amber: Uh it's intertwined, the whole nature and nurture thing. Sometimes it's what your parents took and other times it's the environment you grew up in.
Aaron: (Chuckles darkly) That's very encouraging.
Amber: (Grins) Jesus first mom then you then Jo now Andrew. Is this family ever gonna catch a break?
Aaron: Well maybe tomorrow afternoon it'll start to come, for you I mean. You said he was gonna get surgery, right?
Amber: Yeah, they start in an hour and after that 24-hour observation and if it's well he's out and…he comes back to an ambush.
Aaron: (Knows she's beating herself up) You're doing the right thing here; you know that right?
Amber: (Tries to sound convincing) I know.
Aaron: No, you don't, he'll be angry at first, he'll want to smash things but eventually he'll be grateful. Trust me this is better than the alternative if I know that so will he. I don't know him that well but if you're in love with him then that means he's smarter than all of our parents combined. And he will beat this disease, you just have to have faith in him and that will be the first step to his recovery.
Amber: …Thank you, I really needed that especially from you.
(Aaron pulls Amber in a side hug kissing the top of her head)
Aaron: Now get me inside I'm freezing my balls off out here.
Amber: (Chuckles) Come on, I got a fresh pot of coffee inside.
Aaron: You are an angel.
(Aaron and Amber go inside the apartment)
45 MINUTES LATER IN ANDREWS ROOM
(Andrew is in bed waiting to be prepped for surgery when Alex walks in and closes the door behind him)
Andrew: I'm about to go into surgery, I'm not in the mood for visitors.
Alex: Oh no I know you're not which makes this the perfect time for me to talk to you.
Andrew: (Annoyed) Talk to me about what?
Alex: I'm going to get your stubborn head out of your stubborn ass and your gonna take it because your bed bound and about to go into the O.R. and you can't hit me because if you do, one or all of your fingers will fall off. So, your gonna lay there, stay quiet and listen to what I have to say.
(Andrew sighs and leans back preparing for the talk)
Alex: Pretty recently I was mad at my sister same as you. I was mad at her not for judging me but for doing something against my wishes because she thought it was best for me. I know better than you, how hard Amber is. She is hypocritical at times; she can commit morally questionable acts when she deems it necessary and sometimes, she can be a brat especially to people she doesn't like including me and you. I have been where you are man, I get it. And yeah, I'm a little pissed that you compared her to our parents to hurt her but you know what? Deep down I kind of get it. I have said worse to people when I've felt slighted and I can't imagine what I would say if I was accused of having a mental illness.
Andrew: I don't-
Alex: Shut up I'm still talking. I know that what you're going through is hard but you need to think about what your gonna do next because it's not just you anymore, it's you and Amber. You told her that she has to be the sun in your relationship well she is not the sun, you're the sun, you're the one who radiates joy everywhere. Amber is the moon here; she is the one shining light in an eternal space of darkness. I know this because despite all that she has gone through she came out on the other side better than I was at her age. When I was her age, I didn't let anyone near me emotionally it took me a long time to get past that but Amber…she let you in. It took time but she let you into her heart and she has loved you with everything in her. It's why she came here last night even though she was angry at you because she loves you. (Andrew's face softens) And man, when she loves you, she will move mountains for you, she will do everything in her power to help you when she thinks you need it. When she loves, she does questionable things for you but it's worth it to have her in your life. I know you still love her not just because you wanted to propose to her but because I think, I think you kicked her out of your room to save her from yourself. Because you think she doesn't deserve to go through this again so you're making the choice for her to get out but that's never gonna be your choice. It's Amber's and she is not giving up yet, that's why she's holding an intervention for you when you get back to your place.
Andrew: What?
Alex: Yeah, I thought you should know and process that while your being debrided, that way you won't be so upset and drive Amber further away. And you're not gonna crash with someone else because Bailey, Carina, and Webber are gonna be there and you don't have a lot of friends outside of that circle so your only choice is to get on your bike and run but I know you're not gonna do that either.
Andrew: And how do you know?
Alex: Because even at your state your smarter than that and you know you won't go far before Amber and Carina call the cops. So, if you love my sister at all, if you feel even an ounce of guilt for comparing her to her mom and dad then you will go to your apartment after your discharged. You will go to that apartment, you will sit down, stay quiet for ten minutes, hear what they all have to say and then you can decide to throw away your life and let my sister know you are beyond her help.
(Andrew's face etches with guilt as he looks down at his lap)
Alex: I hope you make the right choice here, not just for your sake but for the people who love you and want you to be okay.
(Alex turns to leave when Andrew speaks up)
Andrew: (Sad) What if I am beyond help? Not just hers but all help? What happens to me then?
Alex: …It took my mom forty years for her to finally get a hold over her disease. I like to think that it was because medicine was different then when they just locked people like her up and threw away the key. I thought the same thing would happen to Aaron but he never slipped after that night and he's good, not cured but good. You and I both know that treatment has evolved, you can admit you have bipolar disorder and still live a good life. You just have to be willing to fight for that, so please for the love of God think about fighting and decide when you get to the damn apartment and hear everybody out. I hope this talk has started to pull your head out of your ass, Carina will be here in the morning to pick you up so don't think about running then.
(Alex leaves the room with Andrew exhaling as he thinks over his talk)
THE NEXT DAY AT AMBER AND ANDREWS APARTMENT
(Andrew walks to the building with gauze around his hands with Carina helping him. Carina leads Andrew inside the apartment where he finds Amber, Webber, Bailey, Aaron with the hospital counselor Cynthia Cole acting as the mediator)
Andrew: (Sighs) Don't bother telling me what this is Karev told me yesterday so…
Cynthia: Andrew, the people in this room love you, respect you, and care about you, and they want you to know that.
Andrew: (Scoffs and turns to leave) This is…
Carina: Andrea please, just five minutes please.
(Andrew reluctantly agrees and stands in front of the group with Carina going first)
Carina: A-A-Andrea, the day you were born, Nonna was babysitting me. And-And, uh, when she told me I had a baby brother, I-I-I ran outside and I splashed around in the puddles of rain and shouted at the sky because I was so happy. I, um… (Voice breaking) You…You will always be my baby brother. And I know you're hurting right now. I know that. But you don't have to be. There is help for you. All of us want to help you.
Webber: DeLuca, even if you and I weren't friends, I'd be here. I've seen class after class come through this program. I've done it enough to know when someone has something special. Don't throw this away.
Aaron: Look um…I don't know you man I've only known you for like two hours but I can tell you're a good guy. And the one downside to being a good guy is that your gonna feel worse than average when you hurt someone. I started hearing voices for months, I saw things that weren't there, little things. I brushed it off as stress or me seeing things like a normal person same as you…until that night. The night I grabbed a kitchen knife and chased my sister throughout the house and…and stabbed her.
(Andrew looks down as he hears the story. Amber holds Aaron's hand to comfort him and he continues)
Aaron: As sure as I'm sitting here that's where this is gonna go if you keep avoiding what's wrong. Your gonna hurt someone, really hurt them maybe even kill them. Your gonna take more patients than necessary, your gonna go into a surgery tired out of your mind and it'll happen. And when you do, when you do that, when you take that life knowing you could've done something to avoid it. You're not gonna come back from that, maybe you'll get treatment but you don't come back from that. You are gonna spend everyday trying to be a better person, a better doctor, try to save more lives to make it right but it'll mean nothing. I mean eventually you let it fade away a little, you smile and you laugh and you breathe. But that moment will haunt you for the rest of your life and you spend everyday trying not to let the guilt eat you alive. Now it's too late for me but it's not too late for you. I mean I would be here even without my sister calling me because I can't turn back time but I can get you to see that you need to fight this before it beats you. That's all I have to say.
(Amber sniffles and wipes a stray tear as she decides to go next)
Amber: I set this up so that I can get you to listen. I brought all these people here so that you can see that there's nothing to be afraid of. What you have is…horrible it is completely unfair but it's not the end, it doesn't define you. The man that I fell in love with is kind and generous and loving as both a doctor and a person. You care so deeply, you fight so hard for your patients, for the people you love. It's not the mania that makes you like that Andrew…it's you.
Bailey: You-You know I live with obsessive compulsive disorder. But I take medication. I get therapy, and I stay on top of it. And, no, it is not always easy for me. Look, you're not alone. You have an illness, but there's no shame in that.
Andrew: No shame?
Bailey: No.
Andrew: That's a joke, right?
Cynthia: Why do you think it's a joke? To say there's no shame?
Andrew: My whole life, I've had one goal. One thing that would mean I did okay. Don't end up like my dad. I wanted it more than being a surgeon. One thing. And I just…I failed.
Carina: No, you're not like him.
Andrew: (Breaking down) I don't care what you think, okay? I don't care about Bailey's OCD. I don't care about Aaron's guilt. I don't care about saving Suzanne's life. I would give up every life I have ever saved if I could just not feel like this.
(Amber tears up as she sees Andrew finally breaking down with Aaron holding her hand)
Andrew: (To Amber) I'd give up knowing you! (Punches a wall and cries) God!
(Andrew punches the wall repeatedly. Amber sits there in shock and sadness as Andrew slides down the wall crying)
Carina: (Goes to him to comfort him) Hey. Hey.
Andrew: (Voice breaking) I know I'm not okay. I just don't know what to do.
Carina: Okay. You listen to the people that know what to do and let them help you, Andrea. Th-That's it.
(Amber lets go of Aaron and kneels down to Andrew with tears in her eyes as well)
Amber: All we're asking you to do is fight as hard for yourself as you fight for everybody else. Okay?
(Andrew sniffles as he calms down)
Andrew: …Okay.
(Amber holds Andrew's hand handing him some of her strength)
TWO DAYS LATER IN THE RESIDENTS LOUNGE
(Amber looks at Andrew's empty cubby next to her in sadness as she gets ready for work. Levi spots her and approaches her)
Levi: Hey.
Amber: Hey.
Levi: Are you okay?
Amber: Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
(Levi gives Amber a look telling her he knows)
Amber: (Sighs) Who?
Levi: Jo, she thought you could use some help today with her and Karev in surgeries all day. I told her yes because…because I think you need it. At least until tomorrow when-
Amber: When I drive my boyfriend to a treatment center because he was diagnosed and is gonna get treated for bipolar disorder?
Levi: Yeah, are you working all day today?
Amber: And all night, I don't clock out till the morning.
Levi: Okay do you want to get something to eat? Maybe some pizza?
Amber: (Cold tone) Levi two days ago you wouldn't talk to me so I don't want your pity friendship. I just want to work at the pit and get my mind off what's gonna happen so please let me do that.
(Levi nods understandingly and Amber goes out into the hall when her mind flashes back to her past)
FLASHBACK TO 2003
(A ten-year-old Amber is on the table doing her homework when she hears smashing slightly startling her)
Helen: (In the bedroom) Why are you here?! Get out! Get out or I'll kill you, I swear to God, I'll kill you!
(Amber gets scared as she is alone in the house and hears the door open. Amber goes into the closet scared and takes the home phone with her. She crouches in a corner and sees her mom go into the kitchen frantic)
Helen: Where are you? Where are you?! I know you're in here I saw you watching me sleep?! So where are you?!
(Helen grabs the pans and throws them around. Amber calls Aaron who answers immediately)
Aaron: Hey kid what's up?
(Amber holds the phone towards the door so her mom doesn't find her when she talks)
Helen: (Throwing cups at the wall) Come out here now! Come out here so I can kill you!
(Amber holds the phone to her ear staying quiet)
Aaron: (In a rush) All right I'm leaving right now, just stay in there, don't open the door, and don't make a sound. I'll be there as soon as I can I promise.
(Aaron hangs up and Amber sits in the tiny closet watching her mom screaming and throwing stuff oblivious to Amber in the closet scared)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber shrugs the memory off as she stands in the pit in front of a bed getting ready to reset a broken wrist)
Amber: Um your wrist isn't completely broken it's your trapezoid that's out of place so I am going to reset it and put a cast on.
Luke: You sure? It's not bad?
Amber: No but it is going to feel bad when I reset it so try to resist the urge to hit me will you?
(Luke nods and hands his wrist to Amber who finds the trapezoid)
Amber: All right on 3, 1-
(Amber sets the wrist immediately causing Luke to groan and yell in surprise and pain)
Luke What the hell? What happened to 2 and 3?
Amber: 2, 3, there. Okay let's get a cast on you I'll page an ortho nurse to get the supplies here, try not to move that hand too much. I'll be right back.
Luke: (Groans) You're the devil.
Amber: Yep, but I got an MD so…
(Amber goes to the station and pages an ortho nurse to bring her supplies)
FLASHBACK TO 2007
(A 13-year-old Amber is sitting in her seat during eighth grade biology taking notes while the rest of the class dozes off)
Ms. Smarts: Okay class, can anyone tell me what life functions human sweat is a direct result of?
(No one answers and Amber looks up)
Ms. Smarts: Anyone? Literally anybody who has the slightest idea.
(Amber gingerly raises her hand)
Ms. Smarts: Yes Amber?
Amber: Waste removal and temperature control?
Ms. Smarts: Correct I see you actually did your homework last night.
(Some of the students snicker and the school bell rings. Amber stands up with the rest)
Ms. Smarts: Amber, can I speak to you alone?
(Amber stays behind while the others leave)
Amber: Did I do something wrong Ms. Smarts?
Ms. Smarts: No, the opposite in fact, you are the only student in this classroom who actually wants to listen. Your more interested in biology than your average student.
Amber: That's not true.
Ms. Smarts: I know it is because the others say your clinical when you listen and you only do it to get a good grade. But here you're actually interested I know this because you couldn't wait to dissect a frog fast enough. And you were the only one who didn't look grossed out, do you know what that tells me?
Amber: (Shrugs) That I have one of the classic signs of juvenile psychopathy?
Ms. Smarts: (Chuckles) No I've been teaching long enough to tell the difference between a fascination with death and a fascination with the human anatomy. You are of the latter; can you tell me why?
Amber: …I guess I want to know what makes a person tick and know if there's a way to undo it in the future.
Ms. Smarts: I thought so, you know I was your brother's teacher and he said the same thing. Have you ever considered following in his footsteps?
Amber: (Scoffs) Yeah not gonna happen.
Ms. Smarts: And why is that?
Amber: Four years of high school, four years of college, four years of medical school, it sounds like a lot of money which I cannot afford. You were my brother's teacher so you probably know that.
Ms. Smarts: I do but I also told Alex that there were options for students like him who are meant for greater things and can get there even with little resources. I understand that you skipped fourth grade?
Amber: Yeah.
Ms. Smarts: And that the principal is allowing you to skip ninth too? (Amber nods) That sounds like someone who can get to where she wants to go if she just applies herself a little more.
Amber: (Groans) All I am doing is applying myself so I can get a job and get out of foster care. Beyond that I don't have much of a plan.
Ms. Smarts: Okay I get that your young and you want to live a little bit before making big decisions about your future. There are avenues you can take for whatever future you want.
Amber: Just not in this crap public school where the only extracurricular is toilet swirlies.
Ms. Smarts: I agree this school is beneath you, you should go somewhere that's your level. Somewhere you have a better chance of getting into a good school and maybe getting scholarships so you don't have to worry about debt.
Amber: (Grins sarcastically) Yeah? Do you know where I can find that?
Ms. Smarts: I'm glad you asked that. (Pulls a pamphlet from her desk) Here, I want you to look it over tonight and tell me what you think.
Amber: (Reads the pamphlet) St. Savior's, the private school?
Ms. Smarts: Yes, their accepting applications for incoming freshman or sophomore if they let you skip a grade there too. They're now offering scholarships for kids that can't afford tuition, only 10 percent of applicants are accepted.
Amber: (Discouraged) And you think they'll choose me? Out of all the hundreds of other applicants you think they'll allow me, the foster kid whose mom has schizophrenia and whose dad is out of the picture into a prestigious catholic school? Are you really that ambitious?
Ms. Smarts: Absolutely not I am just being realistic. I know that there's a good chance you will get in and it gives you more resources for college maybe even med school. I know that you could get in if you just stop letting circumstances scare you. Circumstances can't be helped Amber, but what you decide to do with your future that can be helped if you take action.
(Amber looks at her and then the pamphlet thinking about her future for the first time)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber is standing by the doorway following Vic and Travis as they wheel in a teenage boy with gauze around his head)
Vic: 15-year-old, was caught robbing the house by the homeowner he took a baseball and hit him on the head repeatedly. His BP is 120/78 but his neuro exam was clear and follows commands and verbal.
Amber: Okay lets page Link and Koracick. Get him into trauma 1, was the homeowner hurt?
Travis: No, he defended himself and is at the station answering questions.
(They get Zac into Trauma 1 with Levi joining her)
Levi: Where do you want me?
Amber: Uh hang some fluids and I'll clean this wound while we wait for Koracick and Hunt.
(They get to work when Zac wakes up a few moments later groggy)
Zac: Wh…What happened?
Amber: Hey kid what's your name?
Zac: Zac.
Amber: Okay Zac you're at the hospital, the homeowner whose house you broke into caught you and hit you in the head but we're gonna take good care of you.
Zac: What? No, I wasn't breaking in, I wasn't breaking into a house.
Amber: Look I'm the one you should talk to the cops will talk to you after your treated.
Zac: (Cries) No, no I wasn't breaking into a house, I was in my house.
(Levi and Amber look at each other confused)
Amber: What? Did you say it was your house?
Zac: (Cries) Yeah, the guy who hit me, it was my dad.
(Amber looks at Zac in shock)
CUT TO BLACK
(Levi and Amber stand by as Koracick does the neuro exam with Hunt cleaning the wound)
Koracick: Neuro exam is clear but I'm gonna order a head CT. Schmitt run ahead and book it.
(Levi leaves the trauma room)
Owen: All right debridement is done, I'm gonna take care of this laceration if CT is cleared. Karev, call child services let them know we have an abuse situation.
Zac: (Panics) No! Don't do that please, don't send my dad to jail.
Koracick: Your daddy dearest hit you in the head with a baseball bat and tried to cover it up as a robbery. If it were me I would take that bat and turn it around.
Zac: Look he's not…he wouldn't hurt me not for real he…he has Alzheimer's.
Amber: (Doesn't believe him) Zac if you're covering up for your father you shouldn't we can help you.
Zac: I'm not lying he was diagnosed with early onset a few months ago. He's not even that bad yet, he just forgets things sometimes.
Owen: Okay Zac tell us what happened, so we can be sure this isn't intentional abuse.
Zac: …Um I was in my bedroom playing video games when I decided to get something to eat, just chips or something. I went downstairs, heard my dad and when I went into the kitchen, he just…he hit me with the bat telling me to get out. It's like he didn't even know who I was, I tried to tell him but he just-he kept hitting me and screaming until I passed out. And then I woke up here.
Amber: (Sad for the kids) Is there anyone we can call for you, your mom?
Zac: She uh she moved to Los Angeles a few years ago after she divorced my dad.
Amber: Okay can you give me her number, so I can call her for you?
Zac: No.
Owen: Zac I know this is scary but she needs to know what happened and-
Zac: She'll take me away; she knows about my dad and she wanted to take me with her but I don't want that. I-I told her that I could handle dad and that he doesn't need a nursing home.
Amber: Zac-
Zac: My dad can't be in a nursing home…I mean he's not even 50. He shouldn't have to be in there.
Owen: Zac something like this could happen again and-
Zac: It won't I'll-I'll take better care of him, I'll be more careful around the house, but just don't call my mom, please.
(Amber looks at Zac in pity over his situation)
FLASHBACK TO 2008
(A 15-year-old Amber walks with a police officer to a holding cell)
Officer: We were able to sedate her on the scene she's sleeping it off in the cell. Can you tell me why your mother was throwing stuff and yelling at a department store?
Amber: (Groans) Look up schizophrenia and you'll have your answer, is she okay? Did she hurt herself or anyone?
Officer: No, she shoved some people but nothing serious. You're lucky there was a more compassionate security guard there otherwise she would be shot at the scene. Are you her legal guardian?
Amber: No, I'm just here to keep her company and give her her meds. My brother is on a job in the road but he's driving back now, he should be here in a few hours.
(They stop at a holding cell where Amber finds her mom lying on a slab unconscious)
Officer: Okay, just wait for her to wake up, medicate her, tell her-
Amber: What's going on and wait for my brother to get here, this isn't my first rodeo officer so you can go.
(The officer nods and leaves her to it. Helen wakes up and sees Amber on the other side of the bars with a disappointed look on her face)
Helen: (Guilty) Oh Amber, my sweetest girl. My truest love.
Amber: (Sighs) Hi mom.
(Amber pulls a water bottle and orange pill bottle out of her bag)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber walks out of the trauma room to update the chart. Owen goes to her)
Owen: All right we can't call his mom without his consent and the dad should be here. I want you to call the police, tell them what happened and get his dad here so we can explain what happened.
Amber: Yeah, I'll do that now.
(Amber updates the chart but Owen is still there)
Amber: What else?
Owen: Look…I know this is a sore subject for you but I was thinking you could convince Zac to call his mom and tell her what happened.
Amber: And why would I do that?
Owen: Because you know better than anyone what his situation is like and I think you can help him see that this isn't something he can handle on his own.
Amber: (Sighs) It's not the same thing.
Owen: How is it not?
Amber: (Cold tone) He's choosing to stay over having a normal life with his mom. I never had that choice; I had a sick mom and absentee dad and other relatives who didn't take me in so I had to go into foster care. If he wants to make himself suffer of his own free will then there's nothing I can do.
Owen: (Surprised by her lack of compassion) Karev-
Amber: I don't want to argue I don't have time. I have to go and get the dad in here so I can explain he hurt his own son because his deteriorating mind convinced him he was a burglar, excuse me.
(Amber leaves the station to make a call)
FLASHBACK TO 2010
(A 16-year-old Amber is at a bar with Aaron having beer and celebrating)
Aaron: (Smiles) Cheers, to the smartest girl in this bar who yes is the only girl in this bar but still.
Amber: The only girl in this bar who can drink you under the table at 16 pal.
(Aaron and Amber clink their beer)
Aaron: Congratulations sis, you're graduating high school. If Alex wasn't born you would be the first Karev to do that.
Amber: Yeah, but I'm the first woman in our family to do it so that's a big accomplishment. More important note should you even be drinking? You just had surgery. And before that surgery you got your stupid ass in a fight with our stupid brother.
Aaron: He says it's fine, besides he started it. I would've kicked his ass if I could.
Amber: And I can kick both of your drama queen asses if you do that again on my watch. I swear I am the only logical person in this dysfunctional as hell family.
Aaron: (Chuckles) Yeah for reasons I don't know why yet. So, what's next kid?
Amber: (Sips her beer) What do you mean?
Aaron: I mean after you graduate what's next on your get the hell out of Iowa list?
Amber: Um I don't really know yet, I'm just…really focused on getting through my senior year.
Aaron: What about college? Did you get into that fancy school? Ambery or something?
Amber: Amherst and yeah, I did.
Aaron: (Grins proudly) That's great kid.
Amber: But they declined to give me financial aid and even with the scholarship I'll still end up back here waitressing to dig myself out of debt.
Aaron: Okay well what about the other schools you applied to?
Amber: Um U of Iowa and Iowa State let me in with scholarship and financial aid.
Aaron: Hey that's great, it's not Harvard or Amherst but it's still college. You could go state like Alex, look how well he's doing.
Amber: (Chuckles sarcastically) You mean aside from getting into a fist fight with his own brother before taking him into surgery?
Aaron: (Shrugs) Yeah.
Amber: (Shakes her head) I don't even know if I want to go to college.
Aaron: What do you mean?
Amber: I mean, what's the point? College is expensive and you can get by just fine with a high school degree. I mean Steve Jobs didn't graduate college and look at him now, he invented the freaking smart phone.
Aaron: So, what are you gonna do? Invent the next best thing in your garage?
Amber: Maybe or I can get a job at some office and work my way up. It's better than driving across country or spending the best years of my life inside a library. What do you think?
Aaron: (Conflicted) I mean I don't know; Alex is the doctor in the family I just move things but uh…
(Aaron stops talking as he sees something behind Amber)
Amber: What is it?
Aaron: There's uh there's some guy with paint all over him behind you.
Amber: (Turns and sees nothing) Um no I don't see anything like that. I'm pretty sure I would notice.
(Aaron looks at Amber confused)
Amber: Are you okay?
Aaron: (Shrugs it off) Yeah, I guess you just handle your alcohol better than me. Uh it was nothing just forget about it.
(Amber looks at Aaron strangely but nods)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber goes to the lobby when Owen goes up to her)
Owen: Is he here?
Amber: Yeah, he's in the lobby right now, cops are outside just in case.
Owen: Okay, what are you gonna do?
Amber: (Monotone) I'm gonna help him remember that he was diagnosed and that he mistook his own son for a robber. And that his son is upstairs in bed with a grade 3 concussion but alive.
Owen: And are you gonna speak in that robot tone?
Amber: You're the one who tells us to get to the point as fast and clinical as we can, I'm just following it.
Owen: (Sighs) Okay I'll take over you go back to the pit.
Amber: I can handle this Dr. Hunt.
Owen: (Faces her) No you cannot. This man needs a compassionate ear and you cannot give it right now. I know your going through a hard time but Duncan is gonna need help, not just for his Alzheimer's but for what it made him do. He is going to need reassurance that this was not his fault, he needs that, he needs a shoulder to cry on and can you tell me you are capable of that at the moment?
(Amber stands there frozen confirming his answer)
Owen: Okay now stand by.
(Amber stays by the desk as Owen goes to Duncan who looks normal. Levi spots her and walks to her)
Levi: Hey, it's uh it's lunchtime I was thinking we could go and get something to eat. Maybe some burritos from that food truck you like so much.
Amber: I'm not hungry.
Levi: …Amber are you okay? I know that's a stupid question but I feel like I should ask it since you seem to be-
Amber: (Irritated) Do you how many patients I discharged in the pit today? Do you know how many patients I treated?
Levi: No but your being uncharacteristically cold and unemotional to everyone including that kid so I just wanted to make sure you have your head on right and-
Amber: 24, that's how many patients I treated and discharged this morning 24. And it was all in the morning before I have to drive someone that I love to a mental treatment center for the hundredth time in my life. So don't you dare for a second think that I'm being cold, I am compartmentalizing. You just don't know what it is because you'd rather feel your feelings which I cannot do right now. Logic and compartmentalization are the only things that help me survive.
(Amber turns to look at Owen who is talking to Duncan who has a face of terrifying realization)
Duncan: (Crying) No! Not my boy, no!
(Owen keeps talking to him holding onto his shoulder for comfort. Duncan cries nonstop while he talks)
Amber: (Inhales and exhales) I have to go back to the pit, excuse me.
(Amber power walks back to the pit. She leans against the station as her mind flashes back to the worst memory of her life)
FLASHBACK TO 2010
(A 16-year-old Amber is sitting at the table studying for her final exams at night with her mom in the living room watching TV. Aaron comes inside the house exhausted and sits in the table across from Amber)
Amber: (Notices his tired state) Long road huh?
(Aaron says nothing as he just stares at the table blankly. Amber gets up and gets whiskey from the cabinet)
Amber: (Pours a glass) I'd drink with you but I have a calculus exam tomorrow and I don't want to be hungover. Hey, how about a movie after my exam tomorrow? That I Spit on Your Grave thing looks good. I mean a woman taking revenge and brutally torturing her rapists. Sounds like my kind of film.
(Amber turns around to see Aaron standing a few feet away from her with a confused look on his face)
Aaron: What the hell are you doing here?
Amber: (Assumes he's tired) I live here dummy, now movie or not?
Aaron: (Scared) You-You cannot be here right now, you can't.
Amber: (Looks at Aaron) Aaron? Are you drunk or something?
Aaron: What did you do to my sister? Where is she?
Amber: (Getting scared) Aaron I'm-
Aaron: (Gets angry) Where the hell is she you monster?!
(Aaron pushes Amber against the counter who yells out in pain)
Amber: (Breathes heavily) Aaron calm down please just-
(Aaron doesn't listen instead he slaps Amber so hard she falls to her side on the kitchen floor where she yells out in pain)
Aaron: Where is she? What the hell did you do to my sister you son of a bitch?!
(Amber quickly gets up and pulls a kitchen knife out at Aaron)
Amber: (Voice breaking in fear) Please stop, Aaron stop!
Aaron: Where is she?!
Amber: (Sobs) Please it's me it's Amber, please-
(Aaron lunges and twists her wrist around taking the knife out of her hold. Aaron grabs her hair and pulls her to the floor)
Amber: (Kicks Aaron in the groin as she's down) Mom! Help me please!
(Helen doesn't react as she is still frozen in front of the TV. Amber gets up off the floor and runs to the door but gets pulled back by her hair. She is then on the floor with Aaron on top of her)
Amber: (Aaron has his hands around her neck) Aaron stop please!
Aaron: (Takes the kitchen knife out) This is for what you did to my sister.
(Aaron then drives the knife into Amber's lower abdomen. Amber stills from the shock and pain with only the TV providing sound in the quiet house. Aaron's mind then clears suddenly and he looks at Amber then the knife in his hands as Amber's mouth fills with blood)
Aaron: (Realizes what he did and gets frantic) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
Amber: (Gurgles from the blood) Don't pull it out, don't pull it out.
Aaron: (Stands back) Okay, okay, okay don't move, j-j-just don't move.
(Amber lies still on the ground as Aaron goes into the kitchen and calls 911. Amber looks at the ceiling in shock and fear feeling the pain fully and yells out)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber is leaning against the station breathing heavily as the night comes back to her. She begins to shake and pulls back from the station. Her breathing gets louder and she clutches her chest in full view of the entire pit where the nurses and patients stare at her. Bailey and Levi go in and notice her and run to her as she panics more)
Bailey: Karev? Karev, what is wrong?
Amber: (Breathes more heavily not answering her)
Bailey: Schmitt take her, take her somewhere private and try to calm her down.
(Levi grabs Amber's trembling hand and takes her to the nearest lounge where she goes into a full panic attack)
Levi: Amber talk to me tell me what is wrong.
Amber: (Still breathing heavily) I'm back…that night.
Levi: (Knows immediately what's wrong) You're having a panic attack; your heart rate needs to decrease.
(Levi wraps him arms around Amber who resists)
Amber: (Tries to pull away but he doesn't let go) Stop it I don't want a hug, just stop.
Levi: (Holds her tighter) My cousin has anxiety attacks, she told me that deep pressure helps to relieve the symptoms. It relaxes your nervous system and decrease your metabolic rate. You'll hate it at first but eventually your symptoms will lessen.
(Levi holds Amber tighter and her breathing is still heavy. A few moments later her pulse decreases and Levi still holds her tight as she begins to cry)
CUT TO BLACK
LATER AT THE LOUNGE
(Amber is sitting on the couch calm and breathing normally with Levi standing above her pumping the blood pressure monitor cuff)
Amber: This isn't necessary I'm okay now.
Levi: (Doesn't listen to her) You had a panic attack in the middle of the pit so forgive me for taking extra measures to make sure you're really okay. BP is 115/75, your breathing seems to be normal, do you feel any pain in your chest?
Amber: No.
Levi: (Takes the cuff off) Okay, you seem to be good. Is this the first time you had a panic attack?
Amber: Yeah, and it had to be in the pit of all places. (Sighs) I guarantee in a day people will call me freak show. Again.
Levi: A panic attack is nothing to be made fun of.
Amber: Yeah, to you, your decent the rest aren't, they're not even human.
Levi: Do you want me to do anything?
Amber: …Can you just sit with me and…be my friend, at least for five minutes.
Levi: I'll give you twenty minutes because unlike you I'm nice.
(Amber grins and Levi sits next to her. They sit in silence for a few moments)
Amber: (Feeling honest) I miss you.
Levi: I miss you too…I want to defend what you did but…I can't. I have my own opinions Amber that's the truth, but the truth is I am lost without you in my life. I know my problems don't compare to yours but I hoped that you would listen like I have listened to yours and-
Amber: I'm sorry.
Levi: Your…your sorry? For what?
Amber: For blaming you for telling me what you think. For saying your problems and relationship are stupid. For…For not being as good of a friend as you, I'm so sorry. I want you back in my life, I need you back in my life and I will try to be better I swear.
Levi: (Holds her hand) Aside from those two moments of us fighting, you have been an exceptional friend. You're the only one who doesn't treat me like some klutz. You make fun but you also respect me, you respect me enough to tell me when I can do better than Nico. You came with me when my favorite uncle died and helped me move out of my mom's house. Those are things a best friend does and I am lucky to have that in my life.
Amber: (Touched) Thank you but for the record I am the real lucky one here…will we still be friends after the twenty minutes are up?
Levi: Yeah, we will. To start the reconciliation do you want to tell me how you are? Really?
Amber: (Sighs) …I will but not now, there's something I need to do. Something I should've done from the beginning but I was too busy trying to be a robot bitch. Excuse me.
(Amber gets up off the couch and goes to the door to leave when she turns to tell Levi something)
Amber: …You were the first friend I ever had who didn't run when they knew my past. Do you remember the first day we became friends? It was after-
Levi: (Remembers) Roy told everyone about your mom and brother.
Amber: Yeah…everybody ignored me, they thought I was a freak or they pitied me but you…you were the first person who didn't run, you didn't hide, you just…showed up and you were kind to me. You followed me to a supply closet and you gave me one of your sandwiches just so I wasn't alone. When I told you, you weren't freaked out you just told me you were sorry I had to go through that…and you meant it.
Levi: Yeah, well unlike the others I'm human so…
Amber: (Nods) I was wrong the day we first met; you didn't just become my friend you became the reason I started to see the good in people for the first time in a decade. So, thank you for being a reason.
Levi: (Touched) It was my pleasure.
(Amber grins and leaves the room)
FLASHBACK TO 2007
(A 13-year-old Amber runs out of her house to check on her friend Vanessa who is scared after being doused with bleach by Helen. Vanessa is on the phone with her mom)
Vanessa: (Scared) Mom, mom please come pick me up. I'm at Amber's house and I'm freaking out…No just me, just me. Look Amber's mom is a complete lunatic she's, like, crazy or something.
(Amber looks down in guilt a few feet away from Vanessa)
Vanessa: She-She poured a whole bottle of bleach on me, she thought I had spiders all over me or something, I don't know why.
Amber: Vanessa, I'm sorry I am so sorry.
Vanessa: (To Amber) What the hell is wrong with your mom?
Amber: (Sighs) Sh-she's schizophrenic.
Vanessa: (Shocked and appalled) You…She's schiz-She's actually crazy. And you let me be in a house with her?!
Amber: I tried to talk you out of coming tonight like a thousand times but you would never listen to me.
Vanessa: (Angry) If you told me she was crazy. (To her mom) No I'm at Amber's house near the mall! No, I'm fine just come and pick me up please.
(Amber sniffles at losing another friend to this)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber enters Zac's room to find him in bed staring at the ceiling in emotional pain)
Amber: Hi Zac, I'm Dr. Karev I was in the trauma room with Dr. Hunt and Koracick this morning. Do you mind if I talk to you?
Zac: I told you I don't want to call my mom so you can leave.
Amber: (Sits beside him) I'm not here to talk to you about your mom, I'm here to talk to you about your dad. I think that I am the exact person to talk to about this.
Zac: (Raises eyebrow) Really? Did your dad hit you with a bat thinking you were a robber because he had dementia?
Amber: No, he didn't…but I've seen some pretty bad stuff. I saw my mom douse my friend with bleach because she saw a thousand little spiders running up her face.
Zac: (Surprised) …What?
Amber: You heard me; my mom doesn't have early onset Alzheimer's but she does have schizophrenia. And me and my brothers got a front row seat to that.
Zac: (Scoffs) So they sent someone with a crazier parent than mine.
Amber: I didn't want to come here at first, Dr. Hunt asked but I didn't want to because I thought that what we both went through was different. I thought that you had a choice in a normal life and a crazy life unlike me but now…now I see that you feel like you don't have a choice too. Nobody chooses to witness someone they love suffering from something they can't control, I didn't and neither did you. We have both been neglected and beaten by this thing but we don't have to be. We don't have to suffer just because our parents are. I know you love your dad but-
Zac: (Sniffles) Yeah, I love him…before this he was just my dad. He was someone I could watch sports with or play poker with or hell talk about girls with but now…now I don't even recognize him. I feel like this is my fault somehow.
Amber: (Sad for him) No sweetie, don't say that.
Zac: I should've done more; I should've never let this happen.
Amber: Nobody ever sees this coming. You can't change what happened but you can change what happens later. Zac…this isn't okay, this isn't the way you should live your life. Nobody should live their life scared of their parents.
Zac: My mom is gonna put him in a nursing home and…I'm afraid of what's gonna happen to him there.
Amber: There are other options we can talk to you and your mom about, a live in nurse or we can help browse through impeccable homes for you guys to choose. Your dad needs more help than you can give him. He's not gonna get better Zac, I know you want him to but he's gonna get worse. He's gonna hurt you again maybe even worse or somebody else or himself. I think you're a good kid Zac and that you know you won't live with yourself if that happens and neither will your dad.
(Zac looks away and tears up before grabbing his phone and dialing his mom who answers)
Zac: Mom, it's me…I need some help.
(Amber holds Zac's hand in comfort as he talks to his mom)
FLASHBACK TO 2010
(A 16-year-old Amber walks out of the high school gym in her cap and gown angry after seeing the last person she wants to see in the crowd. She spots Helen within the crowd and goes to her with a scowl on her face)
Helen: Um congratu-
(Amber stops her mom by roughly grabbing her upper arm leading her to the corner of the building. She shoves her to face her)
Amber: (Angry) What the hell are you doing here Helen?
Helen: (Rubs her arm) I-I-I came to see you when I heard you were graduating I-
Amber: Decided to ambush me a month after you let Aaron attack and nearly kill your own daughter?
Helen: (Looks down in guilt) I-I know your angry with me and I-
Amber: (Angry) I am not mad not anymore. I shouldn't be mad at someone I have never counted on in my life in spite of the fact she is biologically programmed to love you and take care of you.
Helen: Honey, I do love you I was-
Amber: (Yells) No! No, you don't! You don't love me you never loved me, you never loved any of us! You destroyed our lives! You ruined my childhood! And that is not love!
Helen: (Crying)
Amber: (Cold) Crocodile tears? Really Helen?! Well, here's something for you to cry about for real. I wish it was you Aaron attacked that night.
Helen: (Looks up hurt)
Amber: I wish it was you he attacked that night; I wish it was you who has to relieve that awful night over and over again. I wish…I wish you were dead; I wish you were dead in the ground and no one would come and visit your grave because you are not worth remembering in life and death.
Helen: (Saddened that she destroyed her daughter) You don't mean that Amber.
Amber: (Spiteful) Sadly I mean every word and that is why I am getting as far away from this shit as I can. I am done with this, I'm done with the hallucinations, I'm done with keeping up with your meds, I'm done with this family and I am done with you. So, if you want to skip your meds, skip your meds. If you want to jump off a cliff, I will gladly lend a push. I never knew what hate was but now I do because I hate you with every cell in my being.
Helen: (Torn apart) Amber-
Amber: If you ever come near me again, I will kill you. And I'll be fully conscious when I do it…that is how much I hate you, Helen.
(Amber leaves Helen in the corner feeling free for the first time in years)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber and Levi lean against the wall on the gurney in the tunnels)
Amber: …Am I selfish for leaving someone in their time of need?
Levi: What?
Amber: …I have been through this pain too much Levi. I have been collateral damage in a person's war against mental illness too many times to count. When Andrew broke down in that apartment, I felt…relieved that he was finally getting help but…I was also scared because there was something to get help from. That's usually how it starts, it starts with them getting help and it ends with me paying the price with them. I love him…I love him so much but I don't know if I can go through that pain again Levi. I want to be supportive I want to help him with this but…I also want to be selfish and awful and leave. I am asking if I can be selfish if I can leave and let myself off the hook. Can I?
Levi: (Treads carefully) …You have been exposed to more crazy in your life than any normal therapist has. (Amber darkly chuckles) I think you need to ask yourself if your love for the guy is bigger than your fear of what might happen. If you know the answer to that question, then you're not selfish either way. You are just someone who either loves someone wholly, or someone who is allowed to not go through that pain again if she wants to. Whatever answer you have I will be here with no judgement of what you decide. Nico is the love of my life but you are my person and I will be here to help you always. And I'll be here if you want someone to hold you while you cry.
(Amber looks at Levi touched before thinking about her decision)
Amber: (Voice breaking) Am I awful for leaving him in his time of need? Because of something he can't control. Something he didn't ask for.
Levi: No, you're not awful your just…exhausted and rightfully so. You are someone who deserves to think about herself for once. It's not selfish if you leave Amber, it's selfish if you lie to yourself and the man you love who needs the truth from the woman he loves because he doesn't need to be lied to, not now. So…tell me the truth first and then you tell Andrew.
Amber: …I can't do this Levi; I can't go through this pain again. Andrew deserves someone who will support him through this without question…but it's not me. I don't think it's ever gonna be me.
(Amber sobs as she finally admits the truth with Levi grabbing her and holding her as she cries against his arm)
Levi: (Soothing voice) I've got you; I've got you, it's gonna be okay.
FLASHBACK TO 2015
(A 22-year-old Amber stiffly enters the Washington Square Diner to find her mom in a booth looking anxious as well. Amber takes a deep breath and goes to the booth where her mom stands up and grins at seeing Amber again)
Helen: Hi.
Amber: Hi.
(Helen hugs Amber who doesn't respond)
Helen: Please sit down.
(Amber sits across from Helen who looks at her baffled)
Amber: Sorry I'm late I had a gastrointestinal class and-
Helen: Oh no it's okay, I'm just glad you came.
Amber: Well, you wouldn't stop texting or calling so…
Helen: (Grins) God you are so beautiful, more beautiful than I was at your age. I bet the boys and girls must be fighting over you.
Amber: Um yeah, I don't really have time for that though, just studying and keeping my scholarship.
Helen: Well, it's good that you do it in the greatest city in the world.
Amber: Yeah, you start to see less of the great after a while.
Helen: And where are you living at now?
Amber: I uh I have a studio in the dorm hall so I have my privacy to watch movies and stuff.
Helen: (Chuckles) It must be a relief from having to share a bedroom with your brother.
Amber: Yeah, I'm probably not gonna spend much time in there anyway. I'm gonna start my clerkship in the fall and actually learn how to treat patients. See if I'm cut out for the doctor life.
Helen: Well, if you don't try, you'll never know.
Amber: (Nods and decides to cut to the chase) So, what are you doing here, Helen? Just so you know I don't have any money.
Helen: No, I don't want money from you. I don't deserve that from you and I know you wouldn't give it to me if I asked.
Amber: Well, we can agree on one thing at least.
Helen: (Nods sadly) So, I came here to tell you that my meds are working. I've been taking them regularly for the past year and a half and during that time I've…I've reevaluated my life and my regrets and my biggest was not being the mother you and the boys deserved. (Voice breaking) I…I am so sorry Amber; I am so sorry that I wasn't my best self when you needed me to be.
Amber: (Sighs) Yeah well, the time to give this apology has expired Helen.
Helen: (Sniffles) I know, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I am hoping…I am hoping that I can start to earn it. I came down here not just to apologize to you but also…I need your help.
Amber: (Expected this) With what?
Helen: …I want to get my old job back at the library. I've been setting up a routine that allows my mind to be stabilized and I believe that getting my job back is the first step to that. I have references from my doctors at the hospital they've remarked on my improvement you can call them if you want. But…I need a reference from a family member.
Amber: (Understands) You can't ask Aaron and if you asked Alex, he would yell at you.
Helen: I want you to know that I won't slip not this time. I have done the work and the steps and if you help me, I'll feel like I can live the mundane boring life I need. And after… (Voice breaking) after that if you'd let me, I'd…really like to be a part of your life
(Amber sniffles and sighs leaning back on the booth)
Amber: I really want to trust you, Helen. I really want to believe that you mean it this time, that it's real.
Helen: It is, it is real this time. Think about this, if I wasn't serious about my recovery would I half traveled halfway across the country asking for help from my only daughter who hates me. You don't have to forgive me right now and you don't have to love me. I'm just asking for you to help me be the woman you wanted me to be all your life. And hopefully…hopefully that can be the first step to you forgiving me.
(Amber looks Helen for the first time seeing her as a mom who wants to recover)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Amber enters the apartment the next morning. She finds Andrew sitting on the couch awake and staring at the packed suitcase in front of him)
Amber: Hi.
Andrew: Hi.
Amber: Um…My car is out front so whenever you're ready I can drive you.
Andrew: Okay.
(Andrew continues staring at the suitcase in agony as Amber musters to strength to say what she needs to say)
Amber: Um before I drive you, I need to-
Andrew: I'm sorry.
Amber: (Confused) What? Sorry for what?
Andrew: I'm sorry for saying you would turn out like your dad that…that was cruel.
Amber: (Inhales) I know, I know it wasn't you, I know…it was the mania that said it.
Andrew: (Still feels guilty) And I'm sorry for comparing you to your mom and kicking you out of my room.
(Andrew stands up and faces Amber with tears in his eyes due to his guilt)
Andrew: I…you're not your parents. Please don't believe what I said to you for one second not even a milli second. It's not true at all and I am sorry for saying that.
Amber: (Sniffles) I know and I need to-
Andrew: And I am sorry for what I have to do next.
(Amber looks up and sees Andrew inhaling and exhaling to prepare himself)
Andrew: Amber… (Voice breaking) You have had to do this more times than any person deserves. You don't deserve to go through this again, you don't deserve to cross another name off your list of crazy loved ones.
Amber: (Sighs) Look for what it's worth even at your current state you are way saner than any other person I've dropped off at a treatment center.
Andrew: No, I'm not because you're not gonna drop me off.
Amber: …What?
Andrew: (Sniffles) Carina is coming to pick me up, I was hoping she would get here before you so this will be easier.
Amber: What will be easier?
Andrew: …I love you Amber, I am in love with you, you're the love of my life. I love you so much that I am willing to get treatment so you can feel better knowing that at least one person in your list got better for you. I love you so much that…that I was willing to ask you to marry me.
(Amber looks at Andrew in confusion. Andrew pulls the white leather box out of his jacket pocket and shows the ring causing Amber to gasp. He puts it on the coffee table)
Andrew: (Sad) It was gonna be at Canlis, it would've happened the night Suzanne got sick and you found out where your brother was. That was the night it went downhill and…this is the day that I have to break up with you.
(Amber looks at Andrew in shock from both the ring and the confession)
Andrew: I want you to know I would've married you today or a year from now or ten years from now. If this didn't stand between us, I would be your husband anytime you want me to be. I wish that I could be selfish and come back and ask you to marry me. I wish that I could be selfish and let you be with me…but I can't. I can't be selfish about this or you, I have to be the good guy here and think about what's best for you. (Cradles her face) I love you; I love you so much, I love you more than I thought I was capable of. I love you too much to let you go through this again. Even if you say you're okay with it, I won't be, I won't be okay with you having to take care of another person with a broken head. You have more than earned to spend the rest of your life not having to worry about that or be in pain again because of this. I'm sorry that I can't be the guy to give you that. I wish that things were different that I wasn't…that we could be…
Amber: (Cries) Me too.
Andrew: I love you too much to be with you. I can't ask you to do this, I can't make you go through this again. I need to do this while I'm still brave and selfless…so I'm letting you off the hook, your free to find someone who can give you what you need.
(Amber looks at Andrew conflicted by his breaking up with her, his proposal confession and her not getting a word in)
Andrew: (Pulls back and grabs his suitcase) Okay um…I'll be back in 30 days you can stay in the apartment till then. We'll talk and see which one of us gets the apartment and which one of us moves out. Until then…I hope you'll understand why I have to do this and I hope you won't hate me in the long run because even when you hate me, I'll always love you.
(Amber stands there frozen. Andrew leans in and kisses her)
Andrew: Bye, Amber.
(Andrew leaves the apartment and Amber stands in the living room frozen from shock before sitting on the couch and staring at the wedding ring on the coffee table in front of her)
SIX HOURS LATER
(Amber is still on the couch staring at the ring when Levi walks in and goes to her carrying a pizza box)
Levi: Hey, I came by in case you needed some company tonight. I hear that misery loves company and pizza so I got a large everything.
(Amber doesn't respond as she continues to stare)
Levi: Amber? Do we need whiskey with the pizza?
Amber: (Swallows) …He's gone.
Levi: No, he's not gone he's just going away for a while that's it.
Amber: He…He broke up with me.
Levi: W-What? I thought you were going to-
Amber: I was going to but he didn't let me get a word in edge wise. He told me that he loves me too much to make me go through this pain. He said what I was going to say to him only without the so many I love you's and no engagement ring to show me or-
Levi: (Surprised) What? Did you just say engagement ring?
Amber: (Monotone) Oh yeah, he said he wanted to propose to me at Canlis.
(Amber stands up and shows the ring to Levi who puts the pizza on the table and looks at the ring in shock and surprise)
Levi: He…He was gonna propose to you?
Amber: (Monotone) Yeah, he was going to…until the day that everything changed and he started to…he canceled dinner and the proposal so that he could save Suzanne's life and so that I could visit my brother.
Levi: Oh my god Amber.
Amber: He told me that me that I'm off the hook, that I don't have to be with him anymore, that…I'm free.
(Levi looks at Amber who slowly realizes what happened and her eyes begin to tear up from a wave of sadness that washes over her due to Andrew breaking up with her)
Amber: (Voice breaking) Oh my god, oh my god, he was gonna propose. I lost my chance of being with him forever because of…oh my god, damn it, damn it!
(Amber begins to sob and drops the ring on the floor in despair. Levi hugs Amber who sobs hysterically as she clings to Levi)
FLASHBACK TO 2017
(A 23-year-old Amber pulls her car in front of Ms. Smarts house. She gets out and knocks on the door. A woman in her 70's answers the door)
Amber: Hi Ms. Smarts, I don't know if you remember me but I'm-
Ms. Smarts: Amber Karev. I remember you, your one of the good ones, or one of the ones that didn't end up boring or a criminal.
Amber: (Chuckles) Yeah that's right.
Ms. Smarts: Well, uh do you want to come in? I made fresh lemonade.
Amber: Um sure I can't stay long though I have to get back on the road soon.
Ms. Smarts: Sure thing hon.
CUT TO THE KITCHEN TABLE
(Amber and Ms. Smarts catch up as they drink the lemonade)
Ms. Smarts: I was happy when I heard you got into NYU. I always knew you would go above state school, I had a feeling you would become a doctor someday.
Amber: (Grins) Yeah, I guess I found my calling when I criked a patient in my fourth-year rotation. (Ms. Smarts looks at her confused) Oh uh crike is short for cricothyrotomy, its when you make an incision on the neck to establish an airway during emergencies and…I guess I knew cutting was what I was meant to do after all. I was relieved when I got matched in surgery.
Ms. Smarts: (Smiles) I always knew you would cut ever since I saw you look at that dead frog in amazement. So where are you headed now?
Amber: Seattle, I got matched to Grey Sloan. I start there in four days.
Ms. Smarts: That is fantastic I am so proud of you. I knew you could do it on your own.
Amber: Yeah, but the thing is…I didn't. I didn't plan on a future especially not such a big one, I just tried to survive each day not worrying about what I was gonna do. I had no plans to work to earn better things…until you talked to me that day. You took an interest in me when no one else did and that matters to me so I just wanted to stop by and thank you.
Ms. Smarts: I was just doing my job.
Amber: No that's not all you did. I went to private school because of you, I got to go to college thanks to you, hell I passed the freaking MCAT thanks to you. And now here I am driving across the country so I can get started on becoming a surgeon. I'm not saying it was easy I…I had to go through things as you probably know but I never let it hold me back. I took your advice and I made my own path and I have you to thank for that. You didn't just do your job, you made me realize that I was destined for a better life than the one I had. Thank you.
(Ms. Smarts tears up and hugs Amber gratefully who hugs her back)
BACK TO THE PRESENT
(Levi enters the lounge early in the morning surprised to see Amber there getting ready to work)
Levi: Good morning.
Amber: Morning.
Levi: You're working today?
Amber: Yeah, I am. I'm on cardio today.
Levi: (Carefully considers his actions) I'm…I'm trying to decide whether to give you space or take you out of here after what happened last night.
Amber: Levi, I appreciate you I do and I love that you care but I'm okay or…I will be.
Levi: Okay and are you good to work today? Circumstances cause me to worry.
Amber: (Puts her hair up and speaks confidently) A wise person once told me that circumstances can't be helped, but what you decide to do with your future that can be helped if you take action. I have been following that advice since I was thirteen, I went to college because of it, I went to med school because of it and I am a surgeon because of it. And I will get through this because of it. So, I am working today and I will not let circumstances hold me back.
(Levi looks at Amber in amazement as she puts her coat on)
Levi: (Grins proudly) You're my hero.
Amber: (Stands tall) Mine too.
(Amber walks out of the lounge to start the new day)