Chapter 23- I'm finally updating!
"Soda!" I'm calling out to him, trying to get his attention. I have to talk to him, to tell him what I did. Only Soda can make me feel better.
He walks over to me slowly, a crooked smile on his face. "Pony? That you? Where's Twobit and why are you crying?"
I hadn't even realized; I'm crying. And Twobit? Twobit had fallen. He'd gotten real dizzy from loss of blood, he was so damn pail, and he just fell. "Twobit's in an ambulance. I killed her, Sodapop! I don't know what I was thinking..I wasn't going to, but than I just...I don't know...I just...I killed her...hit her right in the neck. Than it was black, than there were dark red towels and Twobit, I hit him, too, right in the arm. He lost red..I mean..."
"Wow, wow, little buddy, slow down!" Sodapop wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. "Just breathe for a minute, honey."
I'm crying so hard, I can't seem to stop. I killed her. That just keeps running through my head over and over.
I killed her. I killed her. I. Killed. Her.
"Sodapop is that Ponyboy?" Soda nods slowly as Darry comes up behind me. "Pony, what happened? Where's Twobit? And what's that on your...is that...blood? What's going on, Ponyboy, what did you do?"
I know I'll eventually have to tell them about Kayla. But right now Twobit's more important. "Twobit got shot in the arm! He's in the hospital, Darry! He told me not to call the hospital, but than he fell, and so I had to. I didn't want him to die! But I killed her..I did it...I'm a murderer."
"So, wait, Twobit's in the hospital? Pony; slow down, what is it that happened? Please, Ponyboy, you've got to tell us. If Twobit's hurt, if you.." Darry pauses and swallows hard. "If you..killed someone, than you've got to tell us what's going on."
I'll have to stop crying. No one can understand me when I cry, and besides, it's not doing anyone any good.
Soda's still holding me. I don't want him to ever let go. Maybe if he could hold on forever, I wouldn't have to ever tell anyone what I did. Maybe I could keep it a secret. But Soda slowly lets me go. He says, "You do need to tell us, even if it's hard, Ponyboy. Try, please try." I've never seen Soda's eyes so wide. He's trying hard not to scream at me, I can tell. Because even though Darry doesn't know yet, Soda does. Soda knows me better than anyone. No doubt, he knows.
And he's disappointed in me...again.
I'm starting to pull myself together, so I say, "That was Blake's dare, to kill her. But I wasn't going to do it but than Twobit made me and when he was trying to hold her down he got shot in the arm, I shot him, than she fell than I shot her in the neck than I fell and it went black and when I woke up Twobit had his arm in a bunch of towels and they were soaked in blood. He said I couldn't call 911 'cause they weren't stupid. But on our way back here he fell, he was so pail, so damn pail."
Darry is staring at me, not believing. "So wait, who did you hit... who did you shot in the neck, Pony? Who's 'She'?" He says that real slow, than looks at me lightly.
Soda's face turns red. He nearly screams at Darry, "Don't you get it? He killed Kayla. She was struggling so he accidentally hit Twobit! He shot Kayla in the neck, she's dead. She would be, SHOULD BE alive right now, but because of Ponyboy, she's dead."
I can feel the tears hot behind my eyes and push them back. I can't start crying again. Darry is just staring at me. Than he walks away.
"I'm sorry....." I say. I'm tired; I don't think I can do this anymore. And I can feel Soda's eyes going through me when he says, "Who are you? Huh? You're not Ponyboy, that's for damn sure. My little brother..." He breaths in real deep, "he's gone. And you get in the truck. Now."
"What are you saying, Soda? I'm Ponyboy, but I'm not doing too good. Aren't you going to try to help me? Where are we going?" My eyes are helping me plead.
Please, Soda, I silently pray. Please, don't forget who I am. You're all I have left.
But this time it doesn't work. My prayer isn't answered.
"Forget it, boy, just get in the damn car!" Soda shouts out, taking me by surprise. "We're going to have to tell someone what you did. I'm sorry, boy, I am...but Kayla's family is going to have enough to deal with without having to worry about what happened to their daughter. They deserve to know." He stands there, silently, jingling the car keys for what seems an eternity.
"So, boy, you get in the car. We're going to get something to eat. We're going to talk. We're going to go see Twobit. Than we're going to the police station, and you'll have to stay." His voice drops at the end, it's barely a whisper.
"What?" I say, exhaustedly, "You're actually going to turn me in?"
Sodapop shuts his eyes tightly and nods, refusing to open them.
"I guess you're going to turn Twobit in, too?" I ask.
His eyes still closed, Soda shakes his head, than whispers, "No, I'm not. You're the one who got Twobit in to this. He already got hit in the arm, right? From the sound of it, we'll be lucky if he lives. And it's not his fault."
I can't believe it. My own brother is turning against me. "If he does...I mean, if Twobit should happen to...not make it...can't we say he did it?"
Soda opens his eyes to tiny slits through which the anger of the whole world is shines through. "I can't believe you just said that! What is wrong with you? Huh? I thought you knew, what from me and Darry and dad, I thought you realized that finding the easy way out of something doesn't make it the right way. You WANT Twobit to die! That way you won't have to go to jail. You think you're still alive so why not blame Twobit! Well there's one thing really wrong with that theory, and that's that you think you are still alive. You're not Ponyboy! Ponyboy Michael Curtis died the second he put that Damn Marijuana up to his lips!"
"Soda!" I'm calling out to him, trying to get his attention. I have to talk to him, to tell him what I did. Only Soda can make me feel better.
He walks over to me slowly, a crooked smile on his face. "Pony? That you? Where's Twobit and why are you crying?"
I hadn't even realized; I'm crying. And Twobit? Twobit had fallen. He'd gotten real dizzy from loss of blood, he was so damn pail, and he just fell. "Twobit's in an ambulance. I killed her, Sodapop! I don't know what I was thinking..I wasn't going to, but than I just...I don't know...I just...I killed her...hit her right in the neck. Than it was black, than there were dark red towels and Twobit, I hit him, too, right in the arm. He lost red..I mean..."
"Wow, wow, little buddy, slow down!" Sodapop wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. "Just breathe for a minute, honey."
I'm crying so hard, I can't seem to stop. I killed her. That just keeps running through my head over and over.
I killed her. I killed her. I. Killed. Her.
"Sodapop is that Ponyboy?" Soda nods slowly as Darry comes up behind me. "Pony, what happened? Where's Twobit? And what's that on your...is that...blood? What's going on, Ponyboy, what did you do?"
I know I'll eventually have to tell them about Kayla. But right now Twobit's more important. "Twobit got shot in the arm! He's in the hospital, Darry! He told me not to call the hospital, but than he fell, and so I had to. I didn't want him to die! But I killed her..I did it...I'm a murderer."
"So, wait, Twobit's in the hospital? Pony; slow down, what is it that happened? Please, Ponyboy, you've got to tell us. If Twobit's hurt, if you.." Darry pauses and swallows hard. "If you..killed someone, than you've got to tell us what's going on."
I'll have to stop crying. No one can understand me when I cry, and besides, it's not doing anyone any good.
Soda's still holding me. I don't want him to ever let go. Maybe if he could hold on forever, I wouldn't have to ever tell anyone what I did. Maybe I could keep it a secret. But Soda slowly lets me go. He says, "You do need to tell us, even if it's hard, Ponyboy. Try, please try." I've never seen Soda's eyes so wide. He's trying hard not to scream at me, I can tell. Because even though Darry doesn't know yet, Soda does. Soda knows me better than anyone. No doubt, he knows.
And he's disappointed in me...again.
I'm starting to pull myself together, so I say, "That was Blake's dare, to kill her. But I wasn't going to do it but than Twobit made me and when he was trying to hold her down he got shot in the arm, I shot him, than she fell than I shot her in the neck than I fell and it went black and when I woke up Twobit had his arm in a bunch of towels and they were soaked in blood. He said I couldn't call 911 'cause they weren't stupid. But on our way back here he fell, he was so pail, so damn pail."
Darry is staring at me, not believing. "So wait, who did you hit... who did you shot in the neck, Pony? Who's 'She'?" He says that real slow, than looks at me lightly.
Soda's face turns red. He nearly screams at Darry, "Don't you get it? He killed Kayla. She was struggling so he accidentally hit Twobit! He shot Kayla in the neck, she's dead. She would be, SHOULD BE alive right now, but because of Ponyboy, she's dead."
I can feel the tears hot behind my eyes and push them back. I can't start crying again. Darry is just staring at me. Than he walks away.
"I'm sorry....." I say. I'm tired; I don't think I can do this anymore. And I can feel Soda's eyes going through me when he says, "Who are you? Huh? You're not Ponyboy, that's for damn sure. My little brother..." He breaths in real deep, "he's gone. And you get in the truck. Now."
"What are you saying, Soda? I'm Ponyboy, but I'm not doing too good. Aren't you going to try to help me? Where are we going?" My eyes are helping me plead.
Please, Soda, I silently pray. Please, don't forget who I am. You're all I have left.
But this time it doesn't work. My prayer isn't answered.
"Forget it, boy, just get in the damn car!" Soda shouts out, taking me by surprise. "We're going to have to tell someone what you did. I'm sorry, boy, I am...but Kayla's family is going to have enough to deal with without having to worry about what happened to their daughter. They deserve to know." He stands there, silently, jingling the car keys for what seems an eternity.
"So, boy, you get in the car. We're going to get something to eat. We're going to talk. We're going to go see Twobit. Than we're going to the police station, and you'll have to stay." His voice drops at the end, it's barely a whisper.
"What?" I say, exhaustedly, "You're actually going to turn me in?"
Sodapop shuts his eyes tightly and nods, refusing to open them.
"I guess you're going to turn Twobit in, too?" I ask.
His eyes still closed, Soda shakes his head, than whispers, "No, I'm not. You're the one who got Twobit in to this. He already got hit in the arm, right? From the sound of it, we'll be lucky if he lives. And it's not his fault."
I can't believe it. My own brother is turning against me. "If he does...I mean, if Twobit should happen to...not make it...can't we say he did it?"
Soda opens his eyes to tiny slits through which the anger of the whole world is shines through. "I can't believe you just said that! What is wrong with you? Huh? I thought you knew, what from me and Darry and dad, I thought you realized that finding the easy way out of something doesn't make it the right way. You WANT Twobit to die! That way you won't have to go to jail. You think you're still alive so why not blame Twobit! Well there's one thing really wrong with that theory, and that's that you think you are still alive. You're not Ponyboy! Ponyboy Michael Curtis died the second he put that Damn Marijuana up to his lips!"