Chapter 24 (thanks for all the reviews! Keep sending them, please! It's a
great motivation!)
"What do you want?" Soda asks as we pull up to a Sonic. I shrug. I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything to him since he screamed at me. "Shruggin's not an answer, Ponyboy. Do you want a chili-dog or somethin'?"
I'm really not all that hungry, but for fear of making him mad again I nod. "Yeah, sure." Soda orders and we sit in silence waiting for our food to come. Than Soda drives over to the park.
He says, "Why?"
"Why what," I ask, even though I know. Soda whispers, "Why'd ya do it, you know, kill Kayla?"
I shift uneasily in my chair, than I shrug again. "Ponyboy, come on, Quit shrugging! I already told you, shruggin's not an answer." He stops himself and breaths in real deep. "I haveta know before I can let you go. I think I deserve to know."
For fear of what Soda'll say if I shrug again, I just sit still and quiet.
"What happened? Huh? You were doin' so good, with grades and all. What messed you up so bad? And don't tell me it was that girl, because if you'd loved her, she'd be alive right now."
I shrug, than think better of it, and say, "I don't know."
Sodapop tries hard to keep from crying, but fails miserably and just looks off to the side. I'm taken off guard. Soda hardly ever cries, and when he does, he doesn't sob kinda cry, just gentle, silent tears run down his face that he can't fight. I remember mom telling me once that sometimes even the toughest man in the world can't help but cry because so many things pile up and all you need is one straw to break you down.
Dad had added, "Besides, girls like sensitive guys."
"When you're in that jail...er, no, wait...you're still just 15...when you're in that JD center, I just want you to do one thing for me. Don't remember me the way the world has forced me to be...remember me hittin' on girls with Dallas, or kissing Sandy behind that tree....remember me hugging you at night when you had nightmares, and never let yourself get mad at the world. Because even though you feel like the world turned its back on you, it was actually you who turned your back on the world."
Soda stops and looks over at me, fighting back more warrior tears, "If you'll do that for me, than I'll remember you young and carefree too."
"Darry says that it may be better for you to be there, anyways, 'cause we can come see you mostly whenever we want. Not that I'm saying it's a good thing. No, you pretty much screwed up your whole life in one lethal bullet."
I remember that day with the Soc's, but God, it seems forever ago. Over by that water fountain, that's where Dally and Johnny's life had ended. They'd both been killed because of a damn drive-through movie.
He's right. Soda deserves to know what happened. I breath in, than out, trying to get my thoughts together. I decide to start from the day I met Kayla.
"Kayla was so damn pretty, you know that, Sodapop. She had Sandy's eyes and figure, and they smiled just the same. So you should know what it's like to fall into a girl that pretty."
Soda shrugs.
"Anyway, I had just broken up with Sarah about a week before than. You remember Sarah, right? She had that great knack for cooking and Darry liked her real well 'cause when we set a study date, we'd actually study. But she was too involved in school and all like that, so I had to break it off, ya know?"
I stop and look at Sodapop, who just shrugs.
"I'd been missin' her real bad, but that didn't seem to matter when I saw Kayla. So I went over to her and asked her what she was doing. She whispered, "shut up, quiet down!" So I did. Than she said, "Do you smoke, I mean, other than just cigarettes? Ever tried pot?" And I said, "No." And she mumbled, "Do you want to?" And I said, "Not on my to-do list" and she laughed and said, "It wasn't on mine, either, 'til I tried it. Come on, you look stressed. This'll calm you down real fast, guaranteed or your money back!"
"I said I wasn't stressed, and she said, "Aren't you that kid who killed that soc last year? That had to be stressful!" And I said, "Yeah, it was." Remembering how I'd felt when Johnny's head had sunk into those pillows as the life drained from him. "So, just try it. What do you have to lose?" I thought real hard and said, "Absolutely everything. Aren't those addicting?" And she shook her head. "Most drugs are, but not Marijuana. Just try it. If you do, I'll let you take me out to dinner Friday night." And I had said, "How nice of you!" And she handed me the smoke, and I just sort of...took it."
Soda cringed.
"I don't know what happened after that. It's all kinda blurry; especially since I spent half of that time too high to realize what was goin' on. But Kayla lied to me. She'd said they weren't addicting, and they were. So when Blake said that I should kill her, I wasn't going to. But than it occurred to me that she had to have her punishment. So I did. And I'll never be able to recall just what I was thinking as I pulled the trigger. Because it was temporary insanity. You know, we could plead that in court. You think we should try?
Soda shrugs.
"Stop shruggin', Soda, that's not an answer." I say.
"What do you want?" Soda asks as we pull up to a Sonic. I shrug. I haven't been able to bring myself to say anything to him since he screamed at me. "Shruggin's not an answer, Ponyboy. Do you want a chili-dog or somethin'?"
I'm really not all that hungry, but for fear of making him mad again I nod. "Yeah, sure." Soda orders and we sit in silence waiting for our food to come. Than Soda drives over to the park.
He says, "Why?"
"Why what," I ask, even though I know. Soda whispers, "Why'd ya do it, you know, kill Kayla?"
I shift uneasily in my chair, than I shrug again. "Ponyboy, come on, Quit shrugging! I already told you, shruggin's not an answer." He stops himself and breaths in real deep. "I haveta know before I can let you go. I think I deserve to know."
For fear of what Soda'll say if I shrug again, I just sit still and quiet.
"What happened? Huh? You were doin' so good, with grades and all. What messed you up so bad? And don't tell me it was that girl, because if you'd loved her, she'd be alive right now."
I shrug, than think better of it, and say, "I don't know."
Sodapop tries hard to keep from crying, but fails miserably and just looks off to the side. I'm taken off guard. Soda hardly ever cries, and when he does, he doesn't sob kinda cry, just gentle, silent tears run down his face that he can't fight. I remember mom telling me once that sometimes even the toughest man in the world can't help but cry because so many things pile up and all you need is one straw to break you down.
Dad had added, "Besides, girls like sensitive guys."
"When you're in that jail...er, no, wait...you're still just 15...when you're in that JD center, I just want you to do one thing for me. Don't remember me the way the world has forced me to be...remember me hittin' on girls with Dallas, or kissing Sandy behind that tree....remember me hugging you at night when you had nightmares, and never let yourself get mad at the world. Because even though you feel like the world turned its back on you, it was actually you who turned your back on the world."
Soda stops and looks over at me, fighting back more warrior tears, "If you'll do that for me, than I'll remember you young and carefree too."
"Darry says that it may be better for you to be there, anyways, 'cause we can come see you mostly whenever we want. Not that I'm saying it's a good thing. No, you pretty much screwed up your whole life in one lethal bullet."
I remember that day with the Soc's, but God, it seems forever ago. Over by that water fountain, that's where Dally and Johnny's life had ended. They'd both been killed because of a damn drive-through movie.
He's right. Soda deserves to know what happened. I breath in, than out, trying to get my thoughts together. I decide to start from the day I met Kayla.
"Kayla was so damn pretty, you know that, Sodapop. She had Sandy's eyes and figure, and they smiled just the same. So you should know what it's like to fall into a girl that pretty."
Soda shrugs.
"Anyway, I had just broken up with Sarah about a week before than. You remember Sarah, right? She had that great knack for cooking and Darry liked her real well 'cause when we set a study date, we'd actually study. But she was too involved in school and all like that, so I had to break it off, ya know?"
I stop and look at Sodapop, who just shrugs.
"I'd been missin' her real bad, but that didn't seem to matter when I saw Kayla. So I went over to her and asked her what she was doing. She whispered, "shut up, quiet down!" So I did. Than she said, "Do you smoke, I mean, other than just cigarettes? Ever tried pot?" And I said, "No." And she mumbled, "Do you want to?" And I said, "Not on my to-do list" and she laughed and said, "It wasn't on mine, either, 'til I tried it. Come on, you look stressed. This'll calm you down real fast, guaranteed or your money back!"
"I said I wasn't stressed, and she said, "Aren't you that kid who killed that soc last year? That had to be stressful!" And I said, "Yeah, it was." Remembering how I'd felt when Johnny's head had sunk into those pillows as the life drained from him. "So, just try it. What do you have to lose?" I thought real hard and said, "Absolutely everything. Aren't those addicting?" And she shook her head. "Most drugs are, but not Marijuana. Just try it. If you do, I'll let you take me out to dinner Friday night." And I had said, "How nice of you!" And she handed me the smoke, and I just sort of...took it."
Soda cringed.
"I don't know what happened after that. It's all kinda blurry; especially since I spent half of that time too high to realize what was goin' on. But Kayla lied to me. She'd said they weren't addicting, and they were. So when Blake said that I should kill her, I wasn't going to. But than it occurred to me that she had to have her punishment. So I did. And I'll never be able to recall just what I was thinking as I pulled the trigger. Because it was temporary insanity. You know, we could plead that in court. You think we should try?
Soda shrugs.
"Stop shruggin', Soda, that's not an answer." I say.