The Cinema 9 Theatre was deserted. Very peculiar, especially on a Saturday evening. But Tenna and Devi walked up to the box office to buy their tickets.
"So.." said Tenna. "What's on the agenda for tonight?"
"What's playing?" said Devi, peering at the marquee. "They've got: "Breakdown", "Brazil", "Spider-Man", "Lilo & Stitch", "Mallrats"....."
"'Mallrats'?" said Tenna with a sour look on her face. "Who th' Hell would pay to see a Jay and Silent Bob movie?"
"Aren't you playing any foreign films?" Devi asked the cashier.
The cashier, a pimply faced boy of about 16 years replied, "Um...we were showing 'Cider House Rules' last night."
"I said foreign films!" snapped Devi.
"As a matter of fact." The pizza-faced kid printed 2 tickets and slid them under the window of the box office. "I smudged the ink on the tickets, but I think the title was 'The Czech Is In Turmoil' or something like that."
The girls forked over their $5 and entered the movie house. As they sat in the back row, Devi couldn't help but notice that the theatre only had a few other patrons-- mostly single men in their mid 30's to mid 40's.
"Something wrong, Devi?" Tenna was placing her boot-covered feet on the empty chair in front of her.
"Isn't it odd that there are only four other people in this movie?"
"So? No one appreciates the fine art of obscure foreign films."
"Then why is this place composed of single men?" asked Devi, closing her long jacket.
"T&A," said Tenna. "They're only here for the sex and nudity in these films. And lord knows that you can't find THAT in such fine films like 'Lilo & Stitch'."
The house lights dimmed and the film began to play. To their surprise, there were no subtitles on the screen.
"Crap. This is going to be dubbed," said Devi.
But the characters in the first scene spoke impeccable English. It was a couple of men meeting in a seedy bar. Then they went to an old run-down motel that charges by the hour. Devi felt a bead of sweat drip down her temple as she heard soft shuffling in the theatre.
"Oh, fuck."
That's when the title popped onto the screen in huge bold yellow letters: THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE!
Tenna turned to Devi. "Porn! That dumbass sold us tickets to a porno!"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" hissed Devi.
"Now what?"
"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Devi and Tenna quietly rose from their chairs and slipped out of the theatre.
*10 Minutes Later.....*
"God Damnit!" screeched Devi. She and Tenna had just spoken to the manager about their little incident. To Devi's chagrin, Zit-Face wasn't even reprimanded for sending them to a gay pornographic film. In fact, the manager chuckled and said, "Oh, that little rascal." when Tenna told him about his slip-up. But to make up for it, the manager refunded their $5.
"That little BASTARD!"
"Relax, Devi," said Tenna. "It's over now. It's finally over."
"Sorry, Tenna but I'm reeeealy pissed off right now!"
"You know what you need?"
Devi stopped dead in her tracks and stared daggers into her friend's eyes. "I swear, if you say it...."
"You need to get out more often!" chirped Tenna.
"FUCK! That's your goddamn solution for everything! I swear, I could be dying from some vicious form of cancer, combined with painful chancre sores on my lips and my brain rotting away from syphillis, and that's the only bit of advice you could spit out of that goddamn mouth of yours!"
Tenna braced herself for another spewing of loud insults from her bud. "Well, can we get Chinese?"
Devi actually smiled. "Yeah. We can do Chinese."
"Kickass!" whooped Tenna. "There's this new place called Wok and Roll..."
As Devi listened to Tenna babbling on about this new restaraunt, she never saw the little boy walking next to her. Suddenly, the kid tripped on one of Devi's big boots and fell to the ground.
"Hey!" he spat. "Watch where you're going!"
"Get bent," snapped Devi as she and Tenna continued walking away.
The boy put his hands to his temples and began to concentrate. He focused his mind, like a Jedi preparing to summon his lightaber with his thoughts. A five dollar bill floated from Devi's pocket and into the kid's hands.
"Pepito!" called his mother.
Pepito pocketed his cash and went up to his mom. "Yes?"
"Bad news, sweetie," said a lady wearing a cross around her neck. "I have to make an emergency run to the office right now."
"But I wanted to see 'Spider-Man'!" he wailed.
"I'll tell you what, Pepito. Why don't you call your little buddy and see if he wants to sleep over tonight?"
"Yeah!" squealed Pepito. "I'll call Todd up right now!"
NEXT....THE FINAL CHAPTER
"So.." said Tenna. "What's on the agenda for tonight?"
"What's playing?" said Devi, peering at the marquee. "They've got: "Breakdown", "Brazil", "Spider-Man", "Lilo & Stitch", "Mallrats"....."
"'Mallrats'?" said Tenna with a sour look on her face. "Who th' Hell would pay to see a Jay and Silent Bob movie?"
"Aren't you playing any foreign films?" Devi asked the cashier.
The cashier, a pimply faced boy of about 16 years replied, "Um...we were showing 'Cider House Rules' last night."
"I said foreign films!" snapped Devi.
"As a matter of fact." The pizza-faced kid printed 2 tickets and slid them under the window of the box office. "I smudged the ink on the tickets, but I think the title was 'The Czech Is In Turmoil' or something like that."
The girls forked over their $5 and entered the movie house. As they sat in the back row, Devi couldn't help but notice that the theatre only had a few other patrons-- mostly single men in their mid 30's to mid 40's.
"Something wrong, Devi?" Tenna was placing her boot-covered feet on the empty chair in front of her.
"Isn't it odd that there are only four other people in this movie?"
"So? No one appreciates the fine art of obscure foreign films."
"Then why is this place composed of single men?" asked Devi, closing her long jacket.
"T&A," said Tenna. "They're only here for the sex and nudity in these films. And lord knows that you can't find THAT in such fine films like 'Lilo & Stitch'."
The house lights dimmed and the film began to play. To their surprise, there were no subtitles on the screen.
"Crap. This is going to be dubbed," said Devi.
But the characters in the first scene spoke impeccable English. It was a couple of men meeting in a seedy bar. Then they went to an old run-down motel that charges by the hour. Devi felt a bead of sweat drip down her temple as she heard soft shuffling in the theatre.
"Oh, fuck."
That's when the title popped onto the screen in huge bold yellow letters: THE CZECH IS IN THE MALE!
Tenna turned to Devi. "Porn! That dumbass sold us tickets to a porno!"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" hissed Devi.
"Now what?"
"Let's get the fuck out of here!" Devi and Tenna quietly rose from their chairs and slipped out of the theatre.
*10 Minutes Later.....*
"God Damnit!" screeched Devi. She and Tenna had just spoken to the manager about their little incident. To Devi's chagrin, Zit-Face wasn't even reprimanded for sending them to a gay pornographic film. In fact, the manager chuckled and said, "Oh, that little rascal." when Tenna told him about his slip-up. But to make up for it, the manager refunded their $5.
"That little BASTARD!"
"Relax, Devi," said Tenna. "It's over now. It's finally over."
"Sorry, Tenna but I'm reeeealy pissed off right now!"
"You know what you need?"
Devi stopped dead in her tracks and stared daggers into her friend's eyes. "I swear, if you say it...."
"You need to get out more often!" chirped Tenna.
"FUCK! That's your goddamn solution for everything! I swear, I could be dying from some vicious form of cancer, combined with painful chancre sores on my lips and my brain rotting away from syphillis, and that's the only bit of advice you could spit out of that goddamn mouth of yours!"
Tenna braced herself for another spewing of loud insults from her bud. "Well, can we get Chinese?"
Devi actually smiled. "Yeah. We can do Chinese."
"Kickass!" whooped Tenna. "There's this new place called Wok and Roll..."
As Devi listened to Tenna babbling on about this new restaraunt, she never saw the little boy walking next to her. Suddenly, the kid tripped on one of Devi's big boots and fell to the ground.
"Hey!" he spat. "Watch where you're going!"
"Get bent," snapped Devi as she and Tenna continued walking away.
The boy put his hands to his temples and began to concentrate. He focused his mind, like a Jedi preparing to summon his lightaber with his thoughts. A five dollar bill floated from Devi's pocket and into the kid's hands.
"Pepito!" called his mother.
Pepito pocketed his cash and went up to his mom. "Yes?"
"Bad news, sweetie," said a lady wearing a cross around her neck. "I have to make an emergency run to the office right now."
"But I wanted to see 'Spider-Man'!" he wailed.
"I'll tell you what, Pepito. Why don't you call your little buddy and see if he wants to sleep over tonight?"
"Yeah!" squealed Pepito. "I'll call Todd up right now!"
NEXT....THE FINAL CHAPTER