Title: Dancing Around Love (3/13)
Author: Cyclone
Feedback: Please be gentle.
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966
Rating: I'm gonna go say R for semi-explicit sex.
Spoilers: Up to Older and Far Away.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: What if Buffy wasn't the only one with an illicit affair?
Author's Note: Okay, so we've got major T/Xness, along with some W/X, W/T, and the A/X demanded by the time setting. I'm not fond of A/X. You have been warned.
Also, credit goes to Garrett for helping me with some of the dialogue.
* * *
Willow rocked back and forth, curled up into a ball. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't!
*But, God, seeing them like that...* she shuddered. It was... she couldn't describe it. They looked so... so happy together, and what right did she have to be upset about it?
"Hey."
She looked up, her eyes red from holding back tears. "Tara."
"Willow, I..."
"You were sucking him off!" Willow accused harshly as she rose to her feet and began pacing. "Just how far did you two go, anyway?" Tara looked away, ashamed, and she suddenly understood. "I see. All the way, huh?"
She continued pacing, then whirled and demanded bitterly, "So tell me: Was it good, having him inside you, giving you what only a _man_ can give you?" She had lost her battle against the onslaught of tears and asked, crying, "Did you enjoy it, getting what I longed for for _years_ and gave up for you?"
Tara cringed, "I-I'm sorry, Willow. There's nothing else I can say."
"God," Willow snarled, "it would be _so_ much easier if it were someone else, someone I could hate, like Anya o-or Amy or even _Spike_, but not _Xander_! _Anyone_ but Xander!"
Tara stared, and a realization slowly dawned on her, "You're jealous."
Willow looked at her strangely, "Of _course_ I'm jealous! You slept with _Xander_! I mean, I know we're not really together anymore, but still..."
"No," Tara shook her head. "No, I mean... you're jealous _of_ me. _Over_ him. N-not just the other way around." She added quietly, "You still love him."
Willow's jaw worked for a long moment before she found her voice, an octave higher than it normally was, "I WHAT?!"
"You love him."
"O-of course I love him," Willow said, shaken but rallying her resolve. "H-he's my Xander. But... but not like that."
"I-if you say so," Tara said skeptically.
Willow decided to let that pass. There were more important things to deal with... such as her next question.
She also really, _really_ didn't want to think about what it meant if Tara was right.
"Do you... do you hate me?" she asked in a small voice.
Tara looked up in shock, then said gently, "No, Willow. I-I could never hate you."
"You must. After what I did... why else would you... would you..." she couldn't finish.
Turning away, Tara said, "I love you, Willow. I don't hate you."
"Then _why_?!"
She whirled around and choked out, "Because it was real."
Willow's jaw dropped. She worked her mouth for a moment before she could speak again, "What?"
Tara looked away and said quietly, "What I had with Xander... at least I knew it was real."
"A-are you saying... what we had... wasn't real?"
The other witch looked up, "That's just it, Willow. I don't know. I _can't_ know. Do you know... how much it hurt... what Glory did to me? I didn't know who I was anymore. I'd lost my identity, but you brought it back to me. And then you took it away again."
"What... what do you mean?"
"Ever since... ever since you cast tabula rasa, I wasn't sure who I was. What I know, what I remember... how much is real... and how much is a lie you put there? I didn't know, I couldn't be sure. I still can't."
"You really think I'm capable of that?" Willow wondered, hurt.
"You were capable of wiping my memories just to keep me from arguing with you," Tara said bluntly. "Twice. It's not such a great leap to go from wiping them to changing them."
"Oh, Tara," Willow mumbled, a horrified look on her face. "I-I didn't realize..."
Tara breathed out a sigh of resignation, "No, I guess you didn't, but that's how I felt, how I still feel. With Xander... being with him was... against everything else I remembered... I knew it was real. I needed that, Willow, something I knew was real. I still do. A-and he gives me that."
* * *
"Anya, I..."
"Xander. Well, what have you got to say for yourself, you womanizing cheat?"
He flinched under his fiancee's gaze, then said quietly, "At least make it quick."
Anya stared, and her jaw hung open. "You... you're not going to deny it, rationalize it, explain it away? You're not going to try to pin it on me and my controlling ways or Tara's wily seductions?"
Looking up, he asked simply, "Why should I? You saw it. I cheated on you. Whatever my reasons, it doesn't change what I did."
She grit her teeth. This wasn't the way this was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to be sorry. He wasn't supposed to admit it. He was supposed to whine and protest and make excuses. He wasn't supposed to be so... so... so _noble_. "Well, before I kill you, I wanna know those reasons."
"I..."
"What is going on in here?!" Buffy stepped entered the room and looked at them in turn. "Have you two forgotten? We're still trapped in here with a demon in the walls! We need to sort this out. You two find everyone, get them to the dining room. I'm gonna go find Dawn."
Anya glared at him, "We'll finish this later."
He nodded wordlessly.
* * *
"Not everything. Not quite," Anya said icily, throwing a frosty look at Tara, who flinched under her angry gaze. Xander scowled and stepped between them, glaring at his fiancee.
Spike frowned. *What the _bloody_ hell is going on here?*
Meanwhile, Anya shifted her gaze to Willow, "We have a powerful witch here, much more powerful than you, Tara."
Willow shook her head, "No. I-I can't."
"No, see. That's not quite true either. Not can't. Won't."
"You don't know how much I hate this... all of this," Willow's eyes flicked to the other witch, piquing Spike curiousity even further. "I don't know if there's even... anything I could do."
Anya glared at her, "Yes, and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way."
*Time to step in,* Spike thought. "Look-..."
"It's dangerous."
"And so is all of us dying!"
"No, An," Xander said firmly. "I have to go with Wills on this."
Spike nodded in agreement. For once -- as disgusting a thought as it was -- Droopy Boy was right. He saw the others -- all except Anya -- nodding with him.
Anya looked from face to face and shook her head, "Oh, _I_ see. So _that's_ how it is. Well, if no one else is going to get us out of here, I _will_!" With that, she pushed herself to her feet and stormed off.
* * *
"An, what are you doing? This isn't the way..."
"Who are _you_ to tell me what to do, mister?" she shot back, not even pausing in her search of Dawn's room.
"Hey!" Dawn protested as she and her sister entered. "Stop it!"
"Anya, it's not her fault," Buffy said, starting toward the former vengeance demon.
As Anya picked up a small red box from the desk, Dawn yelled, "No!"
Anya crouched down at the items that had fallen to the floor, "Half this stuff is from the Magic Box." She looked up at Dawn, hurt in her eyes, and croaked out, "Everyone's betraying me today."
* * *
It didn't take Anya long to figure out why they were trapped in the house. The demon was finally dead. Trapped by her own spell, Halfrek lifted the curse and left in an annoyed huff.
So it was that Spike decided it was time to get some answers.
"All right, you four, what the bloody hell is going on with you?"
Anya, Xander, Tara, and Willow all looked at him. Xander, Tara, and Willow exchanged awkward glances, and Anya merely glared and bit out icily, "Xander's sleeping with Tara."
Spike's jaw dropped, then he chuckled, "Oh, good one. Almost had me going for a minute there."
Silence reigned.
He looked at them uncertainly, "You _were_ joking, right?"
Xander and Tara refused to meet his gaze.
The chipped vampire rolled his eyes and walked up to Xander, poking him in the chest, "So let me get this straight, Droopy Boy. You nearly get your head caved in by her old boyfriend," he nodded to Anya, "to save these two birds," he gestured again at Anya then to Willow, "and then you go and hurt them with a stunt like _this_? Are you out of your bleedin' mind?"
Xander winced. He had never, _ever_ expected that _Spike_, of all people, would _ever_ be able to take the moral high ground with him.
It was humiliating.
So he just shrugged and mumbled, "Haven't exactly ruled that one out just yet."
"I may be evil," Spike growled into Xander's face, "but I _never_ cheated on my Dru." He turned and stalked off in disgust.
"Okay," Xander muttered, his heart pounding as he watched Spike walk into the night, "that was surreal."
* * *
"Willow."
She turned, "Tara. What... what do you want?"
"B-before I go... th-there's something you need to know," she said nervously.
"What?"
The other witch sucked in a deep breath and visibly wrestled with her next words. She said, haltingly, "Xander... he still... he still loves you."
The redhead snorted and said bitterly, "He always had a funny way of showing it."
"You don't understand." She shook her head and explained, her voice unsteady, her eyes filling with tears, "The first night... when Xander and I first... he called for you. Not me. Not Anya. You."
The realization of what Tara meant struck her like a physical blow to the gut. Her eyes went wide, air fled her lungs, and she nearly doubled over. She struggled to find something -- anything -- to say.
She couldn't.
* * *
Author's Postscript:
Well, got another one out, this one a little bit longer than previous parts. Feedback is welcome.
Author: Cyclone
Feedback: Please be gentle.
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966
Rating: I'm gonna go say R for semi-explicit sex.
Spoilers: Up to Older and Far Away.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: What if Buffy wasn't the only one with an illicit affair?
Author's Note: Okay, so we've got major T/Xness, along with some W/X, W/T, and the A/X demanded by the time setting. I'm not fond of A/X. You have been warned.
Also, credit goes to Garrett for helping me with some of the dialogue.
* * *
Willow rocked back and forth, curled up into a ball. She wouldn't cry. She wouldn't!
*But, God, seeing them like that...* she shuddered. It was... she couldn't describe it. They looked so... so happy together, and what right did she have to be upset about it?
"Hey."
She looked up, her eyes red from holding back tears. "Tara."
"Willow, I..."
"You were sucking him off!" Willow accused harshly as she rose to her feet and began pacing. "Just how far did you two go, anyway?" Tara looked away, ashamed, and she suddenly understood. "I see. All the way, huh?"
She continued pacing, then whirled and demanded bitterly, "So tell me: Was it good, having him inside you, giving you what only a _man_ can give you?" She had lost her battle against the onslaught of tears and asked, crying, "Did you enjoy it, getting what I longed for for _years_ and gave up for you?"
Tara cringed, "I-I'm sorry, Willow. There's nothing else I can say."
"God," Willow snarled, "it would be _so_ much easier if it were someone else, someone I could hate, like Anya o-or Amy or even _Spike_, but not _Xander_! _Anyone_ but Xander!"
Tara stared, and a realization slowly dawned on her, "You're jealous."
Willow looked at her strangely, "Of _course_ I'm jealous! You slept with _Xander_! I mean, I know we're not really together anymore, but still..."
"No," Tara shook her head. "No, I mean... you're jealous _of_ me. _Over_ him. N-not just the other way around." She added quietly, "You still love him."
Willow's jaw worked for a long moment before she found her voice, an octave higher than it normally was, "I WHAT?!"
"You love him."
"O-of course I love him," Willow said, shaken but rallying her resolve. "H-he's my Xander. But... but not like that."
"I-if you say so," Tara said skeptically.
Willow decided to let that pass. There were more important things to deal with... such as her next question.
She also really, _really_ didn't want to think about what it meant if Tara was right.
"Do you... do you hate me?" she asked in a small voice.
Tara looked up in shock, then said gently, "No, Willow. I-I could never hate you."
"You must. After what I did... why else would you... would you..." she couldn't finish.
Turning away, Tara said, "I love you, Willow. I don't hate you."
"Then _why_?!"
She whirled around and choked out, "Because it was real."
Willow's jaw dropped. She worked her mouth for a moment before she could speak again, "What?"
Tara looked away and said quietly, "What I had with Xander... at least I knew it was real."
"A-are you saying... what we had... wasn't real?"
The other witch looked up, "That's just it, Willow. I don't know. I _can't_ know. Do you know... how much it hurt... what Glory did to me? I didn't know who I was anymore. I'd lost my identity, but you brought it back to me. And then you took it away again."
"What... what do you mean?"
"Ever since... ever since you cast tabula rasa, I wasn't sure who I was. What I know, what I remember... how much is real... and how much is a lie you put there? I didn't know, I couldn't be sure. I still can't."
"You really think I'm capable of that?" Willow wondered, hurt.
"You were capable of wiping my memories just to keep me from arguing with you," Tara said bluntly. "Twice. It's not such a great leap to go from wiping them to changing them."
"Oh, Tara," Willow mumbled, a horrified look on her face. "I-I didn't realize..."
Tara breathed out a sigh of resignation, "No, I guess you didn't, but that's how I felt, how I still feel. With Xander... being with him was... against everything else I remembered... I knew it was real. I needed that, Willow, something I knew was real. I still do. A-and he gives me that."
* * *
"Anya, I..."
"Xander. Well, what have you got to say for yourself, you womanizing cheat?"
He flinched under his fiancee's gaze, then said quietly, "At least make it quick."
Anya stared, and her jaw hung open. "You... you're not going to deny it, rationalize it, explain it away? You're not going to try to pin it on me and my controlling ways or Tara's wily seductions?"
Looking up, he asked simply, "Why should I? You saw it. I cheated on you. Whatever my reasons, it doesn't change what I did."
She grit her teeth. This wasn't the way this was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to be sorry. He wasn't supposed to admit it. He was supposed to whine and protest and make excuses. He wasn't supposed to be so... so... so _noble_. "Well, before I kill you, I wanna know those reasons."
"I..."
"What is going on in here?!" Buffy stepped entered the room and looked at them in turn. "Have you two forgotten? We're still trapped in here with a demon in the walls! We need to sort this out. You two find everyone, get them to the dining room. I'm gonna go find Dawn."
Anya glared at him, "We'll finish this later."
He nodded wordlessly.
* * *
"Not everything. Not quite," Anya said icily, throwing a frosty look at Tara, who flinched under her angry gaze. Xander scowled and stepped between them, glaring at his fiancee.
Spike frowned. *What the _bloody_ hell is going on here?*
Meanwhile, Anya shifted her gaze to Willow, "We have a powerful witch here, much more powerful than you, Tara."
Willow shook her head, "No. I-I can't."
"No, see. That's not quite true either. Not can't. Won't."
"You don't know how much I hate this... all of this," Willow's eyes flicked to the other witch, piquing Spike curiousity even further. "I don't know if there's even... anything I could do."
Anya glared at her, "Yes, and a good way to find out is to sit around and try nothing. That was sarcasm, by the way."
*Time to step in,* Spike thought. "Look-..."
"It's dangerous."
"And so is all of us dying!"
"No, An," Xander said firmly. "I have to go with Wills on this."
Spike nodded in agreement. For once -- as disgusting a thought as it was -- Droopy Boy was right. He saw the others -- all except Anya -- nodding with him.
Anya looked from face to face and shook her head, "Oh, _I_ see. So _that's_ how it is. Well, if no one else is going to get us out of here, I _will_!" With that, she pushed herself to her feet and stormed off.
* * *
"An, what are you doing? This isn't the way..."
"Who are _you_ to tell me what to do, mister?" she shot back, not even pausing in her search of Dawn's room.
"Hey!" Dawn protested as she and her sister entered. "Stop it!"
"Anya, it's not her fault," Buffy said, starting toward the former vengeance demon.
As Anya picked up a small red box from the desk, Dawn yelled, "No!"
Anya crouched down at the items that had fallen to the floor, "Half this stuff is from the Magic Box." She looked up at Dawn, hurt in her eyes, and croaked out, "Everyone's betraying me today."
* * *
It didn't take Anya long to figure out why they were trapped in the house. The demon was finally dead. Trapped by her own spell, Halfrek lifted the curse and left in an annoyed huff.
So it was that Spike decided it was time to get some answers.
"All right, you four, what the bloody hell is going on with you?"
Anya, Xander, Tara, and Willow all looked at him. Xander, Tara, and Willow exchanged awkward glances, and Anya merely glared and bit out icily, "Xander's sleeping with Tara."
Spike's jaw dropped, then he chuckled, "Oh, good one. Almost had me going for a minute there."
Silence reigned.
He looked at them uncertainly, "You _were_ joking, right?"
Xander and Tara refused to meet his gaze.
The chipped vampire rolled his eyes and walked up to Xander, poking him in the chest, "So let me get this straight, Droopy Boy. You nearly get your head caved in by her old boyfriend," he nodded to Anya, "to save these two birds," he gestured again at Anya then to Willow, "and then you go and hurt them with a stunt like _this_? Are you out of your bleedin' mind?"
Xander winced. He had never, _ever_ expected that _Spike_, of all people, would _ever_ be able to take the moral high ground with him.
It was humiliating.
So he just shrugged and mumbled, "Haven't exactly ruled that one out just yet."
"I may be evil," Spike growled into Xander's face, "but I _never_ cheated on my Dru." He turned and stalked off in disgust.
"Okay," Xander muttered, his heart pounding as he watched Spike walk into the night, "that was surreal."
* * *
"Willow."
She turned, "Tara. What... what do you want?"
"B-before I go... th-there's something you need to know," she said nervously.
"What?"
The other witch sucked in a deep breath and visibly wrestled with her next words. She said, haltingly, "Xander... he still... he still loves you."
The redhead snorted and said bitterly, "He always had a funny way of showing it."
"You don't understand." She shook her head and explained, her voice unsteady, her eyes filling with tears, "The first night... when Xander and I first... he called for you. Not me. Not Anya. You."
The realization of what Tara meant struck her like a physical blow to the gut. Her eyes went wide, air fled her lungs, and she nearly doubled over. She struggled to find something -- anything -- to say.
She couldn't.
* * *
Author's Postscript:
Well, got another one out, this one a little bit longer than previous parts. Feedback is welcome.