More Broken Than Ever (The Sequal To 'Broken Inside')

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : You know the drill… Not mine, not yours don't sue cause I don't own nothing

Paring : Ran/Ken? Other/More parings later on *nods*

Warnings : Shonen-ai, OCC, angst

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts.

This is a Sequal so you might want to read Broken Inside first or some stuff might be very very strange and confusing…

Chapter 1. Time Is Not Always Kind

He frowned as he walked along the beach. Things were just so weird and he felt like such a bastard but he couldn't help the way he was feeling inside, or rather what he wasn't feeling inside. He just didn't understand how it could have happened. For almost two years after they had left Weiss and Tokyo behind they had been so happy, everything had been perfect. There had been no more problems, nothing that they couldn't do as long as they had each other but it had changed and he didn't understand how or why. One morning a little more than two months ago he had woken up and something had changed, hitting him right between the eyes like a bullet. The man who he shared his life with, who held him every night, who had made him happier than anyone else had been lying there and just one look at at his lover had brought it all down on him.
"How? Why?" he asked himself as he watched the foam on the waves. "What went wrong?" He didn't love him anymore. It felt like he had a huge black void inside where the love had once been. He hadn't fallen out of love, it just felt like suddenly the love had just vanished. When he looked back he knew that something had been wrong for a while but he didn't know what, couldn't put his finger on it. It was like a part of him had went missing and he couldn't say when it had disappeared. He was scared of letting go, of giving up because he didn't really want to. All he wanted was to understand but he didn't, couldn't. Sadly his brown eyes roamed over the sea.
"Ken?" He turned around and looked at his lover.
"Hai." They rarely spoke Japanese anymore so it always meant that something was up when they did.
"What's wrong Ken?"
"I… Ran I…" He wanted to explain but he couldn't stand hurting the man who had done so much for him, saved his life so many times, loved him so much, who he had loved so much. The redhead came closer but he didn't touch his shorter lover.
"It's over, isn't it," Ran said with his voice emotionless and his eyes turned away. It was a side Ken rarely saw anymore. Since they had left their lives as assassins behind Aya had slowly changed, transformed into Ran and the blandness had all but disappeared.
"Ran I…" Ken tried again. Amethyst eyes met his and showed nothing except coldness.
"Just tell me Ken. It's over, ne? There's no more us, is there?"
"I… it's…" He couldn't think of anything to say, didn't want to answer those questions. It hurt, everything hurt.
"Don't I at least deserve your honesty Ken? I think I've earned at least that much. I've known that something wasn't right between us for a while but I hoped that you would come to me and tell me what it was. Obviousy I've been waiting in vain." Even with his choice of words there was no accusation in Ran's voice, there was nothing there at all.
"I just… I don't know Ran." The redhead turned away again but it wouldn't have helped even if Ken could have seen his face. Ran was too good at hiding his emotions.
"Just spit it out."
"I… I don't love you anymore." The words came out like a whimper, broken, filled with regret and they pained him so much.
"I figured as much. My train leaves in two hours and I don't know when I'll be back but I won't expect you to be here when I return," Ran said blandly and walked away. Ken stared and then quickly ran after the redhead.
"Train? Where are you going?"
"Away, what does it matter to you?"
"Of course it matters to me Ran! We're…"
"Over," the redhead filled in for him. "Just leave it alone Ken."
"But you can't just leave like this," Ken almost screamed. Something was wrong, it wasn't suppose to feel like this, was it? Had he misunderstood the way he felt inside? Ran stopped and turned around. His face might be passive but his eyes weren't anymore. They shone with hurt, loss, sadness and anger.
"I love you Ken or did that somehow manage slip you by?! This hurts, okay? It hurts a lot but there's nothing I can do, is there? Wait, don't even answer that…" The redhead paused for a moment. "If you think I can just stay here and be your friend, to shrug this off you don't know me as well as I thought you did. Just because you're not in love with me anymore it doesn't mean that my feelings have changed. You just ripped my heart out Ken, don't make me stand here to watch as you walk all over it too." Ran gave him one more sad look before he turned around again and walked away. Ken swallowed and hugged himself. No it wasn't suppose to feel like this! Something was wrong. It was hard to breathe. What had he done?

The gentle rocking and rhythmic thuds of the train did nothing to calm him down. He was empty of all emotions except the pain that tore him apart. No tears had fallen yet but he knew that once one managed to escape he wouldn't be able to stop them anymore. Right now he couldn't afford to break down though so he tried so hard not to think about Ken, fought with all his might to keep the brunette out of his mind. How could this have happened? Had he done something wrong? Ran rubbed his tired face and leaned back. When he went after Ken he had already known that it was over, that the love was gone, but hearing the brunette say those words had still crushed him completely. The fears he had had inside ever since they had fallen in love had been justified. Ken's love had come out of need and now that he was fine again he no longer needed Ran in his life so the love had faded. He had always had a nagging feeling that he loved Ken more than Ken loved him but he had ignored it and now he was paying for his stupidity. Sadly the redhead shook his head and closed his eyes. How was he suppose to live without him? He wanted to scream, he wanted to break things and most of all he wanted to hate Ken. But he didn't have enough energy for those things at the moment so he had to settle with gasping from the pain.

He didn't know where he was exactly and it didn't really matter. Slowly he sat down on a chair in his motel-room and picked up the phone. The number he dialed was one he knew well and it didn't take long before someone answered. He talked quietly, blandly and avoided what had happened the day before. After a few minutes he hung up and then he just sat there in the darkness. His sister was worried about him, wanted him to come and see her but he had refused. He just needed to be alone for a while. It wasn't fair to her but he didn't want Aya to see him in so much pain. When he closed his eyes he knew that he had lost the battle he had been fighting against the tears. One escaped and tore down the wall he had been hiding them behind. In an instant he broke down completely, crying hard, whimpering in agony as he wrapped his arms around himself. His heart was ripped apart and he didn't know how to fix it, didn't know what to do about anything anymore. He just wanted to hide, to crawl away from reality but that was impossible. After what seemed to be forever the tears calmed down and the only sounds that escaped him was choked sobs and painfilled whimpers. With his eyes puffy and his nose running Ran slowly dragged himself to his feet and headed to bed. He sank down on the cold sheets and made himself as small as possible. For a while he didn't move, didn't make a sound and then a new wave of tears hit him. Ran allowed himself to cry again knowing that it wouldn't do him any good but needing to do something, anything about the hurt that shattered his heart and soul. It took a long time but finally he managed to cry himself to sleep. One day he might be able to get over Ken, one day he might be able to say that he no longer loved the brunette and one day he might be able to walk on water. The latter one seemed a lot more likely than the former two.

The nightmares were back. He didn't understand. They had been gone for so long so why had they suddenly returned? What had gone so wrong that his past once again had come back to torment him? With a low whimper he hugged his pillow and tried to push away the awful memories. Everything felt so very wrong, so empty and lonely. Patiently he had waited day in and day out for his lover to return but now after six months he understood. Ran was never coming back again. He had made a mistake when he had told the redhead that he no longer loved him so he had stayed at their house. But now it was becoming clear to him that he would never get a chance to explain his mistake to Ran because Ran wasn't there anymore. Ken shuddered and hugged the pillow tighter. Why had he thought that he didn't love him anymore? What was it that had made him say it out loud and destroy everything? Ken didn't know, couldn't figure it out. He had called Aya-chan several times but the only thing she said was that she didn't know where her brother was.
"Ran," he said under his breath and that was all it took. For the umpteenth time tears started falling and his whole body shook with sobs. He needed Ran back but the redhead was never coming back to him again. His former lover was nowhere to be found and he had no one to turn to in order to search for him either. As soon as his crying subsided his mind went back to dwelling. Why had he thought that he didn't love Ran anymore? He did love him, would always love him with every cell in his body so why? Everything in his life revolved around the redhead. Ran wasn't just the love of his life he was also his best friend, his heart, his soul, his lifeline and now that he was gone nothing was good anymore. The nightmares were back, the fear and his inside was once again broken. "Please come back," Ken begged and pressed his face into the pillow.

Amused eyes watched the little house. His victim was almost ready, almost but not quite. It annoyed him that it was taking that man so damn long to break completely. Since when was he so damn strong? He huffed and searched his pockets. It took him a while before he found his phone. After dialing a number he waiting impatiently for someone to pick up on the other end.
"What?!"
"It's me."
"Where the hell are you? You should have been back hours ago!" an annoyed voice snapped at him.
"Ja, ja. I just had to check in on our little um toy. Take a chill-pill. I'll be there in… about an hour. By the way, did you manage to locate our other toy?"
"No. We're keeping an eye on his sister though. Our boss seems to think he'll turn up there sooner or later."
"I wouldn't count on it! He's a lot smarter than you'd think. Don't forget he was the leader of Weiß…"
"Hmph."
"Is the kid still searcing for the other two?"
"No, he found them yesterday but…" The voice hesitated.
"But?"
"I'm not sure. Something doesn't feel right about it though."
"That kid isn't right in the head and you know it! You should have gone after them yourself instead! I don't trust him anymore! Remember how weird he acted last year."
"Enough! I don't have time to sit here and argue with you, just get back to the house." The line was disconnected and he huffed with annoyance.
"Fuck!" Muttering curses in his native language the man turned around and left.

~TBC?~

Okay I've finally started on this thingy. *phew* Hm well what the hell was Ken thinking? Does he or doesn't he love Ran? Make up your mind baka! And what's gonna happen to Ran? And who might the strange man be that was watching him? I think I left enough clues ne? I'm not exactly sure where this is heading but if you want more just tell me. I might still decide to toss it though… This fic is making me edgy *LOL* Oh and one more thing, things aren't exactly what they seem here just so you know. And this fic isn't just some angsty thing where Ken fights to get Ran back and so on. There's a reason for this chapter, it's the backbone of the story. *nods* You'll see um if I decide to continue that is… Ja/Atsureki