Chapter 5: The Truths Behind Facts
"Asuka. Why are you always this way."
It was more of a statement than a real question. However, it was not what Asuka had expected.
"You constantly try to show how good you are. Who are you trying to convince? Others? Or yourself."
That struck home. Asuka's face turned red with anger. She lunged at Shinji, trying to attack him.
"I hate you!"
Shinji caught her arms and held her back. Asuka tried to kick at him, but that didn't succeed either. As EVA pilots, they had to do a lot of conditioning, so he was quite fit and strong enough to block her attempts to assault him. Misato ran over and grabbed Asuka from behind.
"Asuka! What are you doing!" she yelled.
"I hate all of you!"
That was when Shinji slapped her. Hard. A red handprint was on her face. She finally lost control and started crying.
"Why are you treating me like this?" she asked. It sounded like she was pleading for her life.
"We're trying to help you," said Shinji, "But you just won't let us."
She looked up at him with a vicious look on her face.
"I don't need your help!" she screamed out. However, it sounded weak.
"Yes you do," said Shinji, "Or else you might end up dead. I don't want that to happen, and I doubt you want that to happen either."
"Why would you care about me? You're better than me."
"No I'm not," said Shinji, "I'm not better than you, and you aren't better than me. You keep thinking that you have to prove yourself to the world. But that was an excuse. You were trying to prove yourself to yourself."
"How would you know?" Asuka said nastily, "You're a coward. You have no backbone."
Shinji actually shrugged at the statement, which made Asuka even more confused. Even though her body seemed to relax, Misato still held onto her.
"You still don't get it, Asuka. It's not about whether I have a backbone or not. It's about whether I understand why things are the way they are."
"Oh and you think you're so smart," she snarled.
"No. You keep making up assumptions. You keep making up comments and statements and all that other stuff to make yourself feel better. Well guess what? It's time for reality to break through to you. You think EVA is life. No. There are other things to life than EVA. You think EVA is happiness. Again, no. EVA is not the only way to happiness. It is more a path to despair and pain than anything else."
"Oh, so you can't hand-"
Shinji cut her off before she could continue.
"If I couldn't handle it, I'd be dead, along with you and Rei and every other human being on this planet."
How had Shinji become this way? Asuka asked herself. Before, he had been such a coward. Now, he had more than just backbone. He had courage. Well, he always did have that, Asuka admitted to herself. But it had never manifested. Why now?
It was as if Shinji was reading her thoughts when he continued talking.
"Why am I suddenly like this? Simple. Because I've found a greater calling in life than fighting Angels. It's called protecting the people you care about. People in your family. People who are your friends. People that you love."
"Y-you love me?"
That was simply too much for Asuka to accept and understand. Her feet felt weak, and Misato now had to support her as well.
"You keep thinking that EVA is life. But consider this. The Angels are defeated. What use is there for EVA? What use remains? Oh, the military might be interested in using us for combat, but I'm never going to let them turn me into a soldier. You, well, you probably will want to keep piloting EVA even after all the pain it's caused you. Even if it means you have to kill fellow human beings. But I doubt you care about that."
Asuka was only half-hearing his words. But so many were true. She did want to continue piloting EVA. Even if it meant she had to fight against other humans. But now, Shinji had impressed something into her mind. She was loved. She had promised to never allow anyone to be close to her. That way, she wouldn't get hurt. But Shinji, even after all that she had done to him, loved her. But was that true? Probably not. But she longed for someone to love her. Someone to protect her. But would there be someone? Probably not. She moved away from Misato, who released her, and went into her room. She closed the door, laid down on the bed, and cried softly. This was too much for her. The pain she was feeling was great. But the hope she felt. Was it real? She wanted it to be real, but she was afraid. Afraid that if it wasn't real, she would be hurt again.
Misato looked at Shinji.
"That was quite a talk you gave Asuka."
"Misato, can you get her personnel file for me?" he asked.
"Why?"
"Because I want to know why she's like this. Why she feels the need to prove herself to herself."
Misato looked at Shinji. The boy in front of her had grown up a lot. His thinking had matured extremely quickly. Too quickly, in fact. But perhaps the need to protect the ones he loved was what finally drew out the real Shinji Ikari.
"Shinji, I can tell you why."
The two walked into the living room and sat down.
"Asuka was only five at the time. Her mother was a member of NERV. She was part of the team that developed Unit 02. After a sync experiment, she went insane. She started talking to a doll as if the doll was Asuka. Then, she committed suicide and Asuka found her hanging from the ceiling, the head of the doll torn off."
Shinji was silent for about three minutes before he said anything.
"She's just like me. She literally saw her mother die."
"Yes," said Misato, "That's why she's been like this."
"She's fighting for a reason to live. EVA is her reason to live. Oh God. I need to convince her otherwise. Or she's going to destroy herself."
"But how?"
"Well, I just took a step in that direction," said Shinji, "Now I have to heal whatever damage I did and try to get her to open up. But it's going to be tricky to say the least."
"You've grown up a lot these past few days," said Misato with a smile.
"Thanks," replied Shinji, "But it's stressful. I just hope I don't crack or something."
"You won't Shinji. I know you won't."
End of Chapter 5
This might seem a bit shorter than my other chapters, but I'm using my home computer since I got back to the states, and the Word program is an older version and its format is a bit different, so I have to get used to length. Also, yes I know Shinji is occ, but as I have said before, it is very hard to write in character for EVA and have it deviate. R+R.
Z98
"Asuka. Why are you always this way."
It was more of a statement than a real question. However, it was not what Asuka had expected.
"You constantly try to show how good you are. Who are you trying to convince? Others? Or yourself."
That struck home. Asuka's face turned red with anger. She lunged at Shinji, trying to attack him.
"I hate you!"
Shinji caught her arms and held her back. Asuka tried to kick at him, but that didn't succeed either. As EVA pilots, they had to do a lot of conditioning, so he was quite fit and strong enough to block her attempts to assault him. Misato ran over and grabbed Asuka from behind.
"Asuka! What are you doing!" she yelled.
"I hate all of you!"
That was when Shinji slapped her. Hard. A red handprint was on her face. She finally lost control and started crying.
"Why are you treating me like this?" she asked. It sounded like she was pleading for her life.
"We're trying to help you," said Shinji, "But you just won't let us."
She looked up at him with a vicious look on her face.
"I don't need your help!" she screamed out. However, it sounded weak.
"Yes you do," said Shinji, "Or else you might end up dead. I don't want that to happen, and I doubt you want that to happen either."
"Why would you care about me? You're better than me."
"No I'm not," said Shinji, "I'm not better than you, and you aren't better than me. You keep thinking that you have to prove yourself to the world. But that was an excuse. You were trying to prove yourself to yourself."
"How would you know?" Asuka said nastily, "You're a coward. You have no backbone."
Shinji actually shrugged at the statement, which made Asuka even more confused. Even though her body seemed to relax, Misato still held onto her.
"You still don't get it, Asuka. It's not about whether I have a backbone or not. It's about whether I understand why things are the way they are."
"Oh and you think you're so smart," she snarled.
"No. You keep making up assumptions. You keep making up comments and statements and all that other stuff to make yourself feel better. Well guess what? It's time for reality to break through to you. You think EVA is life. No. There are other things to life than EVA. You think EVA is happiness. Again, no. EVA is not the only way to happiness. It is more a path to despair and pain than anything else."
"Oh, so you can't hand-"
Shinji cut her off before she could continue.
"If I couldn't handle it, I'd be dead, along with you and Rei and every other human being on this planet."
How had Shinji become this way? Asuka asked herself. Before, he had been such a coward. Now, he had more than just backbone. He had courage. Well, he always did have that, Asuka admitted to herself. But it had never manifested. Why now?
It was as if Shinji was reading her thoughts when he continued talking.
"Why am I suddenly like this? Simple. Because I've found a greater calling in life than fighting Angels. It's called protecting the people you care about. People in your family. People who are your friends. People that you love."
"Y-you love me?"
That was simply too much for Asuka to accept and understand. Her feet felt weak, and Misato now had to support her as well.
"You keep thinking that EVA is life. But consider this. The Angels are defeated. What use is there for EVA? What use remains? Oh, the military might be interested in using us for combat, but I'm never going to let them turn me into a soldier. You, well, you probably will want to keep piloting EVA even after all the pain it's caused you. Even if it means you have to kill fellow human beings. But I doubt you care about that."
Asuka was only half-hearing his words. But so many were true. She did want to continue piloting EVA. Even if it meant she had to fight against other humans. But now, Shinji had impressed something into her mind. She was loved. She had promised to never allow anyone to be close to her. That way, she wouldn't get hurt. But Shinji, even after all that she had done to him, loved her. But was that true? Probably not. But she longed for someone to love her. Someone to protect her. But would there be someone? Probably not. She moved away from Misato, who released her, and went into her room. She closed the door, laid down on the bed, and cried softly. This was too much for her. The pain she was feeling was great. But the hope she felt. Was it real? She wanted it to be real, but she was afraid. Afraid that if it wasn't real, she would be hurt again.
Misato looked at Shinji.
"That was quite a talk you gave Asuka."
"Misato, can you get her personnel file for me?" he asked.
"Why?"
"Because I want to know why she's like this. Why she feels the need to prove herself to herself."
Misato looked at Shinji. The boy in front of her had grown up a lot. His thinking had matured extremely quickly. Too quickly, in fact. But perhaps the need to protect the ones he loved was what finally drew out the real Shinji Ikari.
"Shinji, I can tell you why."
The two walked into the living room and sat down.
"Asuka was only five at the time. Her mother was a member of NERV. She was part of the team that developed Unit 02. After a sync experiment, she went insane. She started talking to a doll as if the doll was Asuka. Then, she committed suicide and Asuka found her hanging from the ceiling, the head of the doll torn off."
Shinji was silent for about three minutes before he said anything.
"She's just like me. She literally saw her mother die."
"Yes," said Misato, "That's why she's been like this."
"She's fighting for a reason to live. EVA is her reason to live. Oh God. I need to convince her otherwise. Or she's going to destroy herself."
"But how?"
"Well, I just took a step in that direction," said Shinji, "Now I have to heal whatever damage I did and try to get her to open up. But it's going to be tricky to say the least."
"You've grown up a lot these past few days," said Misato with a smile.
"Thanks," replied Shinji, "But it's stressful. I just hope I don't crack or something."
"You won't Shinji. I know you won't."
End of Chapter 5
This might seem a bit shorter than my other chapters, but I'm using my home computer since I got back to the states, and the Word program is an older version and its format is a bit different, so I have to get used to length. Also, yes I know Shinji is occ, but as I have said before, it is very hard to write in character for EVA and have it deviate. R+R.
Z98