Sorry it took me so long to post this. :( I wasn't too pleased with the first draft, so I had to retype it several times, and then I was away at camp for three weeks, so it took me a while. Anyways, the beginning is pretty much recap of what happened in the last chapter. Please review- I thrive on feedback! And thanks to all of the wonderful people who have already reviewed, especially to my beta-reader, Runnernda. You're all so kind! Thank you!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. ~*sigh*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Mel strolled aimlessly down the school hallway, her hands stuffed in her pockets, whistling idly. In one palm she gripped a bathroom pass, but she had passed the bathroom a while back. The restroom hadn't been her destination.
She paused before the school's front doors, still whistling, the sound echoing through the deserted hallway. She looked completely relaxed and innocent, as if she was just peering outside to see the weather, but her eyes were darting carefully over the hall and her ears were tuned for any foreign sounds. She stood for several seconds longer, hunched over, completely still, and then suddenly bolted, shooting as silently as possible onto the sidewalk. She jogged around the corner, the wind whipping against her hair, a feeling of freedom rising buoyantly in her chest as a smile crept over her lips. Escape accomplished.
She slowed, her eyes scanning the school windows, counting as she went until she reached the room she knew was Steve's fifth period history class. She peered carefully into the window, and when the teacher's back was turned, she waved her hand frantically at the dark figure hunched in the far corner of the room. She saw him move slightly, his hand half raised to signify that he had seen. She slid out of view once more, and heard faintly through the glass Steve's muffled voice asking for a bathroom pass.
She jogged back to the front door, and moments later, Steve appeared, sweeping her into his arms and twirling her around several times before setting her back on her feet. Trying to stifle her giggles, she led him away from the school, down the street.
"So what's up?"
"I was bored. Physics. And I know that you know everything there is to know about History already, so I figured you wouldn't mind if I dragged you out."
"Not at all," Steve smiled, glancing down at her. "Anything else?"
"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot- letter."
"Jess?"
"Yup." Mel fished a slightly crumpled piece of paper from her pocket, smoothing it out slightly before passing it to Steve. He glanced over it, his eyes widening as he read. "She kissed him? Wow. Never knew Jess was such a smooth talker," he grinned.
"Not quite," Mel countered, peering over his shoulder at the note. "Read this…"
"Ouch," Steve said, raising his eyebrows after he had read the next few lines. "It's never a good sign when you kiss a girl and she runs screaming in the opposite direction."
"Well, she wasn't screaming. And you can't blame her. She has that overprotective maniac draping himself over her head 24/7."
Steve raised his eyebrows and grinned at the venom in Mel's voice, but remained silent. Instead, he flipped the letter over, his dark eyes flitting quickly over it. "Hmmm… he wrote more on the back."
Mel stood on tiptoe, glancing at the note. "He did? I didn't see that."
"Here, it pretty much says that Rory scooted, yadda yadda, Jess was watching her run off from the window, yadda yadda, and… uh-oh, listen to this, she runs straight into The Boyfriend. And thus the letter terminates."
"Cliffhanger! I hate cliffhangers."
"I have a feeling Jess' next letter is going to be very interesting."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Rory jolted as she collided straight into a large, warm, solid surface. Still in a state of shock after what had just happened, she dazedly murmured apologies under her breath and turned to run off again. But a hand gripped her arm, gently turning her around to face the collide-ee. She found herself face to face with a pair of amused brown eyes. She gulped. The last person she wanted to see at that moment.
"Oh… Dean… um, hey."
"Rory! Hey, how are you doing?" Dean smiled and bent down to give Rory a quick peck on the lips, engulfing her in another wave, no, tsunami would be more accurate, of guilt. She unconsciously flinched and pulled quickly away, turning her head uneasily aside. She felt as if her insides had been surgically removed, filled with lead, and then shoved forcibly back in.
"Rory, what's wrong? Are you ok?"
She wavered, not meeting his eyes. "Oh, um, yeah, I'm fine," she said, flashing a half-smile that she hoped looked sincere.
"Where were you? I was looking all over for you."
Rory couldn't suppress the guilty flush that rose to her cheeks, remembering Jess.
"I… I was at the bookstore," she stammered, looking down at her feet, sinking into a mire of misery. She detested lying, especially to Dean, but what was she supposed to say? 'Oh, hello Dean, I was just at Luke's apartment, with Jess in fact. Yeah, that guy you hate with a passion and want to hack to pieces with a chain saw. Oh, and guess what? I just kissed him!'
She felt terrible. She was a horrible, horrible person; how could she have done this to him? Dean was so wonderful, too, he had done so much for her. He had built her that car, had given her practically all of his time and attention. He cared about her so much…
Too much.
She flinched again. The thought had sprung unbidden into her head, but now that it was there… she had to admit it was true. Everywhere she turned, he was there, smiling, asking her to sacrifice all of her hobbies so that she could spend every waking moment with him. And although she was grateful for his concern, it was… annoying. He had been by her side practically every day when she had been bed-ridden, cooing at her, giving her flowers until her room looked like a veritable greenhouse. She had nearly been suffocated by an overdose of perfume, but she couldn't remove them for fear of offending him.
She couldn't do anything for fear of offending him.
She flinched and bit her lip, taking his hand firmly in hers, assuring herself that she loved him, she loved everything about him, he was perfect. Dean smiled down at her, and squeezed her hand, leading her down the sidewalk.
She hated lying to him. It was horrible, that huge weight of guilt that settled like a boulder over her head, filling her with a perpetual uneasiness, never giving her a moment's peace. He had trusted her, and she had taken that trust, thrown it on the ground, and stamped it to pieces. But she couldn't tell him, it would ruin everything they had worked so hard to build… and that kiss really meant nothing. Nothing at all. It was… it was merely a sign of affection from a friend. That was all.
The annoying voice in her head piped up again, insisting on cashing in its two cents on the matter. It meant nothing, huh, it said. If it meant nothing then why did you feel like your heart was on fire? Why did you have to fight to pull away from him? Why are your thoughts perpetually tuned to him, even when you're with Dean?
Speaking of whom…
She gulped. Dean had been talking and she hadn't even realized it.
"Oh, uh, sorry, I kind of spaced out, what was that?"
"I said you aren't looking too well. Are you sure you aren't overly exerting yourself?"
"Dean, we're just walking. I told you, I'm fine."
He stared at her for several seconds, the expression in his eyes unreadable, then turned his head away, gripping her hand even tighter in his. Several seconds of tense silence filled the space between them before he muttered, "I can't believe that freak did this to you. He's turned you into a completely different person."
Rory froze, clenching her teeth as a strange tightness built in her stomach. Why did Dean always have to do this? She was sick of it, sick of him always trying to protect her and always being too stubborn to realize that Jess really wasn't as horrible a person as he thought. Her eyes hardened as she slowly pulled her hand out of his, turning to face him. She was sick of lying to him.
"Dean," she said, trying to keep her voice level, "I lied to you. I wasn't at the bookstore, I was with Jess. And I…"
"You were what!?!?" Dean stared down at her, his eyes widening, filled with angry incredulity. He looked like he was about to explode. "Rory, I don't want you hanging around him! You're too forgiving! You're too nice for your own good, and you can't see what he really is. I'm saying this for your own good, I want you to stay away from him!"
Rory stared at him, her eyes wide. The only sound she could hear was her heart pounding painfully in her chest. A weight of sadness settling heavily over her, pressing on her chest so that she found it hard to breathe. In that moment, she knew that she and Dean, no matter how hard they tried, would never again be able to pick of the scattered remnants of their relationship as it had once been. As much as she cared about him, as much as she wanted this to work, she now knew that it would never be the same again.
"Dean," she said quietly, "I know you're saying this because you care about me, and I really appreciate that. But I'm sorry, you can't control my life, and you can't control who I choose to be my friends. I know you don't like Jess, and I know that you think I'm too innocent and can't see the evil in him, but I really think it's the other way around. I think that you only see the evil in Jess, and can't see the good."
Dean stared at her, and she watched his anger slowly deflate as if he was a balloon that had been pricked by a pin. "So this is it, then?" he said quietly. "You're choosing him over me."
"No!" she said quickly, putting a hand on Dean's arm. "No," she repeated, more firmly this time, "This is happening because of us. I know, and you know, that things won't ever be the same between us again. But it's not because of Jess. This is my decision, Dean. I still care about you so much it hurts, but not in that way. I-I'm sorry," she said quietly.
Dean stared at her for several seconds, his face expressionless, before saying slowly, "So am I." With that, he turned and stalked down the street, leaving Rory standing alone on the sidewalk.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now, looking back on it, she couldn't think why she hadn't done it long before. Their relationship had been deteriorating ever since their first break up, but she had just been too blind to see it. She had buried herself in pit of self denial, hiding from the truth she was too afraid to face… that she was falling out of love with Dean.
But now it was over. As hard as it had been, she had broken up with him. She could see things clearly now with the lucidity that aftersight brought… it had been an infatuation that had slowly melted away into friendship, and neither of them had been willing to see that it was over.
Until now, that is, Rory thought gloomily, sprawled out on her bed. She slowly turned her head, sightless eyes staring out of the window at the pattering rain, drumming rhythmically on the roof over her head.
Yes, it was indescribably wonderful to be free again, but… she missed him. She had to admit she missed him. He was so sweet, so selfless; she really did love him as a friend.
Maybe he would come around, eventually…
"Rory!"
Rory jolted, surprised, jerking upright at the sound of her mother's voice. "What?" she asked, somewhat crankily, running her hands through slightly tousled hair.
"Daughter of mine, you've been moping in there all day. And I know this is really hard for you, and you need time to get used to this, but you can't sit in there forever, you know."
"Says who?" she muttered, burying her face in the pillow she held in her lap.
"Says the temptingly rich and steamy cup of aromatic coffee in my hand," Lorelai sang, trying to waft the aroma through the cracks in the door.
"Cruel and underhanded tactics!" Rory accused as she was inextricably drawn to the door, cracking it open to peer out at her mother.
"Well, what can I say? It's not my fault my daughter's a coffee addict," Lorelai grinned, allowing the mug to be snatched from her hand.
"Actually, it is," Rory shot back, plopping down at the kitchen table.
Lorelai hovered by the kitchen table for a while, watching her daughter with affectionate empathy. "There's more where that came from, you know," she said softly, "Do you want to drive by Luke's and get some more?"
Rory opened her mouth and nearly said yes when suddenly her jaw froze in place, her eyes widening as she remembered exactly why she couldn't step in a ten foot radius of the diner.
"Uh…" she said, fishing nervously for an excuse, "I… I'm not feeling well. Can you just get the coffee and come back?" To reinforce her plea, she gave Lorelai her wounded puppy dog face, batting her eyelashes for extra effect.
Lorelai wavered for several seconds before sighing, kissing Rory on the top of her head and grabbing her keys. "I'll be back with the ambrosia in a sec, ok? Don't go do a Romeo and Juliet on me."
With that, she was gone, the front door shutting behind her with a rattle, leaving the house shrouded in the semi-silence of a rainstorm. Rory stared into her coffee cup, slowly stirring the liquid round and round, watching it swirl and slosh against the edges. She let her mind wander into the past, remembering the events of that day a week ago.
She had tried to block him from her mind, and had put such a violent effort into it that she had partially succeeded. But still… she remembered the state of turmoil she had been in, rushing down the stairs leading to the diner, her lips still tingling from the kiss, her hands still burning from where she had touched him, her fingers remembering the texture of his skin.
Why had she done it?
It wasn't because she felt anything for Jess, she told herself firmly. More than a friend, that is. It was just that she had fallen out of love with Dean, and so she had therefore latched onto the nearest male specimen on hand. It was just a spur of the moment thing; it had nothing to do with Jess. Nothing to do with the fact that whenever he looked at her a strange warmth rose in her heart. Nothing to do with the fact that she had been drawn to him since the first time she had set eyes on him.
Nothing at all.
She repeated this firmly to herself, clutching her mug tightly in her hands.
She was not in love with Jess.