Chapter 7: "Stay vith me…"
I wanted so badly to touch him, to ease the tension on his face being alone with my corpse. I forgot the abnormal fact that I was looking down on myself and the happenings going on about myself.
Kurt took my good hand, holding it delicately in his three digit hands and sallowed hard. "I deedn't mean to say all those things, I only vish there vas time to say sorree. Don't go. Not nowv after all of thees."
Having seen enough, I turned away and the girl locked the door once more. She turned to face me again.
"All this doom and gloom isn't my idea of fun, so let's go somewhere it is better?"
"I suppose it couldn't hurt. What did you have in mind?"
"How about the beaches of Hawaii?"
She took my hand and once more we were transported to another place. When we arrive, I take my jacket off and run to the water, but it doesn't feel like water. I try cupping some in my hands but the water is not disturbed by my actions.
"Its because you're not really here, you don't really exist so feeling doesn't really exist." She looked up to the sun and began to walk up the beach. Her black heavy clothing seemed so out of place on a bright sunny day, but I didn't feel the heat of the sun, I didn't feel anything. A breeze blew but I didn't feel it, nor smell the salty air it would have carried with it.
I stepped out of the water effortlessly and not even damp, then followed the girl up the beach.
I asked her, "Why be dead if you can't appreciate the simple things in life?"
"You still don't realise!" She said firmly. "When you're dead, the simple things in life are gone, because you're not alive, you're dead. In death, it takes all and replaces it with another world."
"Then why choose to be dead, this bites!"
"We all go sometime, but for the fortunate few, there is a chance that they could come back but to what? To the pains and pressures of life, to continue to suffer and survive, finding ways to make the best of everything ending in the worst. If I were you, I wouldn't go back."
"But you seem to miss the point of living." I said in a resolved tone. "Have you ever lived?"
She shook her head with some bitterness.
I went on with a smile. "Life may be an obscure concept for you, but death is for me. Although life has its low times, and I know I have had my fair share of them, its not about the bad things but the good things. You can either be positive or negative in living. Mistakes aren't fate looking down on you, because somewhere later on, you may benefit from someone else losing, as would have happened in your bad turns. Life is for enjoying to live, not continual adaptation of the species through obstacles. Have you ever experienced an emotion?"
"I hadn't needed to, as I have said, I've never lived."
"It is great to have emotion, not always sadness and hatred but happiness, pleasure and most of all, love."
She gave me a dark look and stepped closer to me. "What would you know about love, you were never loved."
"You needn't have to be loved to feel love. I have loved David like a father, even though he became a heavy drinker and drove me away from my only home. Even now, I love being with the Xmen because they're similar to a family, despite their differences they all pull through and have happy times together."
"Yeah, but their not your family. You seem to forget, if you liked being with them so much, why did you leave?" She said with certain intentions.
I was gob-smacked. I felt like lashing out on her but she was right, why did I leave if they had opened up and treated me as one of their own.
I finally answered her hurtful question. "I did it because I was unaware of their intentions. Wouldn't you be a little taken back when you realise there are others that were a little different but are similar to you in many ways. I had no idea I was a mutant until I met these people, I thought I just had a different gift to other children."
She flashed us back to the black void and sat on the bench, looking up at me. She pulls out her meter and gives it another click.
"Is it bad?" I fear the worst.
"It could be, your chances have just halved so your glimmer of hope is fading."
"I assume that I'm in a coma?"
She nods in reply.
"How long have I been asleep for?"
"About twelve days, that Kurt fellow has stayed by your side ever since you were in the helicopter together. I think he likes you."
I blush a little, discarding the fact of how long I've been absent for.
"Did you want to go back?" She asks with a little tremble in her voice.
"Yeah, I'm going to see how I get on this time."
"O.K." We walk over to the door and it is unlocked and opened once more. She points the device back at me and then a look of horror erupts on her face.
"What's the problem?"
"You sure you want to live?"
"Yeah, but what's the hold up?"
"Their going to shut off your machine, then you'll have no chance of getting back!"
I look down and see the Prof., Logan, Kitty, Evan, Rogue standing around, Kurt sitting by me grasping my hand.
"Please Prof. just von more day, she'll come back. Please don't switch her off!"
"Kurt, I'm afraid we have to do this. She has no chance of coming back in my medical pint of view. It would have to be a miracle if she were to be revived." The Prof. tried to be sympathetic but this wasn't helping the situation.
Logan patted him on the back. "Face it, she had been went through a lot and we'll remember her for what she did, for us."
"Remember, like how? We don't know a thing about her?" Kitty looked around to find all but Kurt looking on her with distaste.
Logan tried to make the atmosphere lighter. "At least she will be out of pain this way, anyway, all that will happen is the machine will be turned off and she may even survive. She may continue to sleep until she's well enough to come back to us."
Rogue stood by the machine at the ready, she had volunteered because she probably knew that none of the others would be strong enough to cope with such an event.
"I need to go, how do I get back there?" I asked her.
She said with slight hesitation as I watched Rogue's hand slowly making for the switch. "Are you quite sure you want to do this?"
"Yes!"
"Well, alright. Just jump!"
I nodded and gave her a smile before diving out of the door. I felt like the world was rushing towards me and bright colours flickered in my eyes. It felt a tremendous rush, like sky diving without a parachute. I heard everything while I fell, Logan comforting Kurt, Evan telling Kitty her remark was crude.
"Selaeste, ve're going to turn off the machine. Please, just come back, stay vith me so I can say sorree." Kurt's voice was almost I cry of mourning. She was right, Kurt did like me I reckon and after all this time.
A white light blinded me and it sounded like I was falling in a wind tunnel. Then there was silence and nothing.
I sat bolt upright in, gasping for a breath and the distant sound of monitors beeped in the background. I opened my eyes, and shocked faces were all looking at me, even Kurt!
To break the awkward silence and everyone's stares, I smile and lean over to Kurt.
"Whatever you said Kurt, I knew it wasn't you that said it, it was all Magneto's controlling. No apology is required."
"You mean it? Hey, vait a sec, howv you know about that?"
The Prof. cut in. "When you're in a coma, the patient has the ability to hear all that goes on around but is unable to react." Giving all the rest of the Xmen a look, he added quietly before leaving. "I have some work to do and I'm sure all the rest of you could allow Selaeste some rest time."
"Professor, can I stay a while?" Kurt asks with some longing in his tone.
He turns and around and nods then gestures to everyone else to leave.
We are alone, Kurt and I. He pats my hand with his fingers and just looks at me with a dreamy face.
"So…"I try to make some conversation out of this moment. "What did I miss out on?"
To be continued…
A.T.- Another long one, but it had a nice ending instead, but dangers always prevails for the Xmen.
I wanted so badly to touch him, to ease the tension on his face being alone with my corpse. I forgot the abnormal fact that I was looking down on myself and the happenings going on about myself.
Kurt took my good hand, holding it delicately in his three digit hands and sallowed hard. "I deedn't mean to say all those things, I only vish there vas time to say sorree. Don't go. Not nowv after all of thees."
Having seen enough, I turned away and the girl locked the door once more. She turned to face me again.
"All this doom and gloom isn't my idea of fun, so let's go somewhere it is better?"
"I suppose it couldn't hurt. What did you have in mind?"
"How about the beaches of Hawaii?"
She took my hand and once more we were transported to another place. When we arrive, I take my jacket off and run to the water, but it doesn't feel like water. I try cupping some in my hands but the water is not disturbed by my actions.
"Its because you're not really here, you don't really exist so feeling doesn't really exist." She looked up to the sun and began to walk up the beach. Her black heavy clothing seemed so out of place on a bright sunny day, but I didn't feel the heat of the sun, I didn't feel anything. A breeze blew but I didn't feel it, nor smell the salty air it would have carried with it.
I stepped out of the water effortlessly and not even damp, then followed the girl up the beach.
I asked her, "Why be dead if you can't appreciate the simple things in life?"
"You still don't realise!" She said firmly. "When you're dead, the simple things in life are gone, because you're not alive, you're dead. In death, it takes all and replaces it with another world."
"Then why choose to be dead, this bites!"
"We all go sometime, but for the fortunate few, there is a chance that they could come back but to what? To the pains and pressures of life, to continue to suffer and survive, finding ways to make the best of everything ending in the worst. If I were you, I wouldn't go back."
"But you seem to miss the point of living." I said in a resolved tone. "Have you ever lived?"
She shook her head with some bitterness.
I went on with a smile. "Life may be an obscure concept for you, but death is for me. Although life has its low times, and I know I have had my fair share of them, its not about the bad things but the good things. You can either be positive or negative in living. Mistakes aren't fate looking down on you, because somewhere later on, you may benefit from someone else losing, as would have happened in your bad turns. Life is for enjoying to live, not continual adaptation of the species through obstacles. Have you ever experienced an emotion?"
"I hadn't needed to, as I have said, I've never lived."
"It is great to have emotion, not always sadness and hatred but happiness, pleasure and most of all, love."
She gave me a dark look and stepped closer to me. "What would you know about love, you were never loved."
"You needn't have to be loved to feel love. I have loved David like a father, even though he became a heavy drinker and drove me away from my only home. Even now, I love being with the Xmen because they're similar to a family, despite their differences they all pull through and have happy times together."
"Yeah, but their not your family. You seem to forget, if you liked being with them so much, why did you leave?" She said with certain intentions.
I was gob-smacked. I felt like lashing out on her but she was right, why did I leave if they had opened up and treated me as one of their own.
I finally answered her hurtful question. "I did it because I was unaware of their intentions. Wouldn't you be a little taken back when you realise there are others that were a little different but are similar to you in many ways. I had no idea I was a mutant until I met these people, I thought I just had a different gift to other children."
She flashed us back to the black void and sat on the bench, looking up at me. She pulls out her meter and gives it another click.
"Is it bad?" I fear the worst.
"It could be, your chances have just halved so your glimmer of hope is fading."
"I assume that I'm in a coma?"
She nods in reply.
"How long have I been asleep for?"
"About twelve days, that Kurt fellow has stayed by your side ever since you were in the helicopter together. I think he likes you."
I blush a little, discarding the fact of how long I've been absent for.
"Did you want to go back?" She asks with a little tremble in her voice.
"Yeah, I'm going to see how I get on this time."
"O.K." We walk over to the door and it is unlocked and opened once more. She points the device back at me and then a look of horror erupts on her face.
"What's the problem?"
"You sure you want to live?"
"Yeah, but what's the hold up?"
"Their going to shut off your machine, then you'll have no chance of getting back!"
I look down and see the Prof., Logan, Kitty, Evan, Rogue standing around, Kurt sitting by me grasping my hand.
"Please Prof. just von more day, she'll come back. Please don't switch her off!"
"Kurt, I'm afraid we have to do this. She has no chance of coming back in my medical pint of view. It would have to be a miracle if she were to be revived." The Prof. tried to be sympathetic but this wasn't helping the situation.
Logan patted him on the back. "Face it, she had been went through a lot and we'll remember her for what she did, for us."
"Remember, like how? We don't know a thing about her?" Kitty looked around to find all but Kurt looking on her with distaste.
Logan tried to make the atmosphere lighter. "At least she will be out of pain this way, anyway, all that will happen is the machine will be turned off and she may even survive. She may continue to sleep until she's well enough to come back to us."
Rogue stood by the machine at the ready, she had volunteered because she probably knew that none of the others would be strong enough to cope with such an event.
"I need to go, how do I get back there?" I asked her.
She said with slight hesitation as I watched Rogue's hand slowly making for the switch. "Are you quite sure you want to do this?"
"Yes!"
"Well, alright. Just jump!"
I nodded and gave her a smile before diving out of the door. I felt like the world was rushing towards me and bright colours flickered in my eyes. It felt a tremendous rush, like sky diving without a parachute. I heard everything while I fell, Logan comforting Kurt, Evan telling Kitty her remark was crude.
"Selaeste, ve're going to turn off the machine. Please, just come back, stay vith me so I can say sorree." Kurt's voice was almost I cry of mourning. She was right, Kurt did like me I reckon and after all this time.
A white light blinded me and it sounded like I was falling in a wind tunnel. Then there was silence and nothing.
I sat bolt upright in, gasping for a breath and the distant sound of monitors beeped in the background. I opened my eyes, and shocked faces were all looking at me, even Kurt!
To break the awkward silence and everyone's stares, I smile and lean over to Kurt.
"Whatever you said Kurt, I knew it wasn't you that said it, it was all Magneto's controlling. No apology is required."
"You mean it? Hey, vait a sec, howv you know about that?"
The Prof. cut in. "When you're in a coma, the patient has the ability to hear all that goes on around but is unable to react." Giving all the rest of the Xmen a look, he added quietly before leaving. "I have some work to do and I'm sure all the rest of you could allow Selaeste some rest time."
"Professor, can I stay a while?" Kurt asks with some longing in his tone.
He turns and around and nods then gestures to everyone else to leave.
We are alone, Kurt and I. He pats my hand with his fingers and just looks at me with a dreamy face.
"So…"I try to make some conversation out of this moment. "What did I miss out on?"
To be continued…
A.T.- Another long one, but it had a nice ending instead, but dangers always prevails for the Xmen.