A Very 'Keshi Christmas
Author's Notes: My Tomodachi's Christmas gift. Mmm. Much Takeshi, insanity, and Ara-osity. What more could you want? ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own the things that I don't own. *blinks* Yup. That should cover everything.
Japanese Guide:
Erika – Erika
Imite – Duplica
Kenji – Tracey
Kojiro – James
Mikagami Hiroshi – Richie
Musashi – Jessie
Myuu – Mew
Natsume – Sabrina
Nyaasu – Meowth
Ookido Shigeru – Gary Oak
Ookido-hakase – Professor Oak
Shion – Lavender Town
Takeshi – Brock Slate
Tooru – Todd
Toraeru Hanako – Delia Ketchum
Toraeru Satoshi – Ash Ketchum
Yamabuki – Saffron City
Yawa Kasumi – Misty Waterflower
A Very 'Keshi Christmas
By Ara Moon
Takeshi glared. "Give. Me. The. Nut."
The beast shook its head, clutching the apricorn tightly to its chest.
"Give me the nut."
Again it shook its head, edging away. Takeshi growled.
"GIVE ME THE FRICKIN' NUT!" He lunged. The monst—the squirrel "eep"-ed and scampered up the nearest tree. Everyone's favorite nearly-blind bishonen growled, diving at the tree. "GET DOWN HERE, YOU FUZZY—" jump, "—DEMONIC—" leap, "—SPAWN OF A—" hop, "—SATOSHI!" fall.
Takeshi sat there, pouting. He glared evilly at the rat that stole his nut. A brunette wandered up behind him, putting an elbow on his head and leaning on him as if he was a fence. Takeshi was unfazed. Or no more phased than he had been, anyway.
"Whatcha glaring at now, 'Keshi?" she asked, reaching up and grabbing the apricorn from the squirrel. He blinked. He as in Takeshi, not the apricorn. Apricorns don't blink. Do they?
Takeshi stared at the brunette. She rolled her eyes. "How did you do that?!" he demanded, his voice rising an octave or two. She blinked. "Well, I--" Suddenly, she kicked the tree. A disgruntled Espeon fell out head first.
"Tenshi, what were you doing in my tree?" she demanded coolly, biting into the apricorn. Takeshi's eyes bugged out as he squeaked.
The Espeon glared. That is not your tree, Ara. It's Risu-ko's. An angry squeak resounded from the tree.
See?! Now you've angered him! WE'RE ALL DOOMED! I don't wanna go! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE—Ara rolled her eyes, shoving the rest of the apricorn in the purple feline's mouth. "Hush, monkeh."
Takeshi stared at Ara in shock. "Y-you…" Ara arched an eyebrow. "Y-you…" Tenshi sweatdropped, edging away from the teen. "Spit it out already, 'Keshi." Takeshi growled and lunged at her.
"YOU ATE MY NUT!" Ara squeaked and ran as fast as she could. "Eeeeeeep!"
"My nut, my nut, my nut, my nut, ARA MOON, YOU ATE MY NUT!"
I'm going to kill you once this is over, Ara! The brunette sweatdropped.
"How was I supposed to know that Takeshi was so sensitive about his nuts?!" Takeshi slowed to a halt, as did Tenshi. Ara stopped and looked back at them.
"Er…"
That was very, very sad, and so very wrong. Ara sweatdropped. "At least it worked…" A vein on Takeshi's forehead twitched.
"I want my nut back, Ara Moon. And I swear upon all that is holy that I will be paid back for it. Or else." Ara "eep"-ed quietly, looking around nervously.
A tree… Some rocks… A pole… A forty-two year old chicken with a walker as a toupee… A pair of pants... Oh, God, what is there that I can pay Takeshi back wiiiiith?
I dunno. Ara screamed. "THE VOICES! THE VOICES ARE ATTACKING MY BRAIIIIN!" An Umbreon that had appeared next to Tenshi sweatdropped.
"Ahh," Ara said, letting out a breath, "It's only you, Akuma. What's up?" Akuma sweatdropped heavier, edging away from Tenshi, who was attempting to nuzzle him.
Err, Shigeru told me to give this to you… Ara squealed, grabbing the envelope from the black and gold Pokemon. She read it quickly, and laughed giddily.
"Shige's havin' a party. Tonight, eight, Ookido-hakase's labs." Takeshi's eyes glittered, and he drooled slightly. "Christmas party… Cute girls… Mistletoe…" His face went red. The group sweatdropped. Suddenly Ara was hit with an idea. This idea came in the shape of an acorn.
"Oww!" she hissed, glaring at a cackling squirrel. Takeshi raised an eyebrow. Ara rubbed her head, then clasped Takeshi's hands.
"I know how I'll repay you!" Takeshi blinked. Or, at least Ara thought he did. Does he even have eyes?
"I'll get someone to kiss you under the mistletoe tonight!" Takeshi's eyes glittered. Again, Ara assumed they did. God, someone get the guy a pair of pliers…
"Really?"
"Really! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be off…" Aiming a final kick at the cackling squirrel, she wandered off. Tenshi blinked, then jumped Akuma. Takeshi clasped his hands to one side dreamily.
Finally… I'll finally get kissed! The dark-brown haired teen clenched his hand determinedly. A thought dawned on him.
"GAAAAH! I NEED TO GET READY!"
~*~
"Red."
"Green."
"Red."
"GREEN."
"RED!"
"GREEN, DAMN YOU!"
Kasumi lunged at Satoshi, mallet in hand. He ran from the room screaming. The redhead grinned victoriously.
Hanako walked in, smiling brightly. "Oh, hello, Kasumi! Have you and Satoshi decided on a color for the ceiling hangings?" Kasumi smiled sweetly.
"Yes, Hanako-san." Something in her eyes flashed. "Green."
~*~
Ara sighed. How the HELL am I supposed to find someone who would make out with Takeshi without me having to pay them?! An old lady walked past her, giving her a toothy grin. Well, it would have been toothy, had she had any teeth. Without me having to pay Takeshi, either.
An idea hit her yet again. She ducked, prepared for another acorn. Hah! You missed me, idea! She walked straight into something soft and warm, and slightly puffy. Ara fell backwards. …Damn.
The brunette looked up, blinking. Then she grinned. "Well, well, well…" she said, eyes twinkling. The girl she had just walked into gulped nervously. "Ara, you've got that evil look in your eyes…" She pushed a Twinkie into her hands.
"Make happy," she said nervously. Ara advanced, rubbing her hands together. "Make happy! PLEASE, GOD, MAKE HAPPY!" She pushed her hands out defensively, cowering. Ara sweatdropped.
"Scrat, Scrat! Calm down!" The blood red-haired girl blinked her emerald eyes. She took a deep breath.
"Okay, okay, I'm calm, I'm calm, PLEASE GOD DON'T HURT ME!" Ara rolled her eyes.
"WHY MUST YOU BE SO PURPLE?!" Ara shook the redhead by her shoulders until she stopped screaming. She blinked.
"Okay, I'm over it. Want a Twinkay?" Ara accepted. The two walked down the semi-busy street, chatting idly. When they rounded a corner, Ara stopped. Scrat blinked.
"Oh, Scraaaaaaat…" Ara said innocently in a sing-song voice. The redhead backed away nervously.
"I need a faaavoooooooor…"
Scrat screamed until she passed out. Ara growled.
"Hey! You OWE me, Scrat Kaji!" Ara slapped her in attempt to wake her up. "Remember the incident on my birthday?" Scrat sat up and shuddered. "I spent TWO HOURS trying to get the scorch marks off my walls!" Scrat nodded guiltily.
"So what do I have to do?"
Ara grinned evilly.
Scrat screamed herself unconscious. Again.
~*~
Hiroshi couldn't breathe.
Whether that was because he was buried beneath a large pile of Christmas gifts or because Dana had once again latched onto him, he couldn't tell. All he knew was that he needed oxygen. And a back massage. Mmm.
"Danaaa…" the blonde whined, "I can't feel my arms. Can you let go?" The auburn-haired woman nuzzled him closer.
"Nu-uh."
Hiroshi sighed. Dammit dammit dammit dammit. Must… refrain… from lashing out… on… the… Dana… Said authoress let out a contented sigh. Hiroshi's brow twitched. Just breathe, Hiroshi. In, out, in, out, in… He choked. Is that her hair?! Can't… breathe… Need… oxygen… Darkness began settling around him. Damn… Guess I'll never know what Ara blows up this year…
Satoshi walked in and blinked. "Where's Hiroshi?" he asked Dana.
"Underneath me. Why?" Satoshi's eyes widened and he dove into the pile, swimming through the presents towards Hiroshi's apparent location.
He dragged the unmoving blonde from the pile. "Oh my God! She killed Hiroshi! You--" Shigeru walked in, rolling his eyes and yawning.
"He's just unconscious, baka." He walked over, kicked the blonde in the ribs lightly. "Move, Hiroshi."
The blonde groaned. "Is this heaven?" He looked up at Shigeru. "Good God, no! It's definitely not heaven! What'd I do?! I'm sorry about that incident with the Mankey when I was twelve, honest! I DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW IT OUT OF THE PLANE! MOMMY!"
Everyone sweatdropped. Shigeru slapped him. "Shut up, you moron."
Hiroshi glared. "Arrogant brat."
"Blonde dimwit."
"Spawn of a Psyduck."
"Dana glomper."
"Dana glomped is more correct."
Shigeru glared. "Snogless background character." There was a collective gasp.
Hiroshi fumed. "Shagless wanna-be master who's only around to be a pathetic excuse for a rival." Again a gasp. Satoshi passed out at the sheer daring of the insult. Kasumi rolled her eyes and slapped him awake. "Moron…"
Shigeru growled. "Want to put your money where your mouth is?"
"I'd rather put my fist where your mouth is…" Hanako swatted at him. "Behave!" she scolded, and he rubbed his head, muttering a, "Sorry."
"First one to get snogged at the party wins. You game?" he sneered, and the blonde smirked back.
"Loser crossdresses to the New Year's party?" Shigeru nodded. Hiroshi stuck out his hand.
"Prepare to lose, Ookido," he said as they shook hands.
"You wish, Mikagami." Shigeru stormed out of the room through the door he had entered through. Hiroshi headed out the opposite door, muttering.
There was a silence.
"Err—anyone want a cookie?" Hanako asked, sweatdropping lightly.
~*~
"No."
"Scrat--"
"No."
"But Scrat--"
"I said no, dammit."
"Scraaaaaaaaat--"
"NO, DAMN YOU!"
Ara sweatdropped. "But Scrat… I haven't even told you what you have to do yet…"
~*~
**…Why are we doing this again?** The brunette sighed.
"Because we made a bet with Ara and lost."
**…I thought we won that…**
Tempral sweatdropped. "Err, we did."
The Gastly stared at him. **Then why in hell are we doing this?!**
Again the blue-eyed male sweatdropped. "Well, would you want to tell Ara she lost in Super Smash Brothers with her as rabidly insane as she was?"
Kokamo sweatdropped, pausing. **…But SANTA COSTUMES?**
Tempral rolled his eyes, grumbling. "Oh, just shut up and help me get my beard on."
~*~
"How's this look?" Takeshi asked nervously. Tenshi looked at him critically.
Less hair work, more casual clothes, she commented.
Akuma watched from the side. And change the shoes.
Takeshi collapsed into a chair, sighing. "This isn't working," he murmured. Tenshi nudged him. No wrinkling the suit. I paid good money for it! Takeshi turned to look at her incredulously.
"…You stole it from Kojiro's closet."
…So?
The male sighed, banging his head against the wall.
Hey, maybe she won't even find you someone! Akuma said in an attempt to be remotely comforting. Sadly, he failed. Miserably.
Takeshi groaned.
"Why meeee?"
~*~
It was snowing.
Ara found it absolutely perfect; outside, it was frigidly cold, and crystals of ice were raining down through harsh winds. She always did take a certain pleasure in such cold weather. To her, simply watching the fields of untouched snow, pure and innocent unlike the colds they were spurned from, was enjoyable.
But Scrat was a summer girl. Thus, she didn't quite share the brunette's opinions.
"Why must you drag me to some party in this weather?!" she demanded. Ara giggled and pushed her lightly. Lightly, of course, meant powerful enough to push her into the large pile of snow on the side of the walkway.
"Hush, Tomodachi," the brunette said, going to open the door.
"WAAAAIT!" Ara blinked.
"What?"
"I LOST MY JELLYBEANS!" Scrat sobbed, digging frantically through the snow. Ara rolled her eyes, grabbing her by the back of her shirt.
"Oh, c'mon."
"NOOO! MY PRECIOUS! MY PREEEEEECIOUS!" The emerald-eyed female tore at the snow, digging for her jellybeans. Ara tugged her up, pushed open the door, and surveyed the room. Eventually, Scrat stopped tearing for the door.
"Same old, same old, eh?" Ara commented, grinning. True, it was the same as the last Christmas parties; Hiroshi and Shigeru were glaring at each other from across the room, Dana hanging firmly from the blonde's neck. Satoshi was in hiding, Kasumi was looking vicious, and Takeshi…
…was waiting under the mistletoe, blushing like a Christmas light.
"So which one have you signed my fate to?" Scrat asked, munching on another Twinkie. Ara blinked.
"Isn't it obvious?"
Scrat skimmed the room. "Oh, please, God, say it isn't the one glaring from the punch bowl…" she groaned. "He looks like an obnoxious git with ego problems…"
Ara glared. "Hey! That's my Shigeru you're talking about!" Scrat raised an eyebrow.
"Yours, mm? I don't quite see him rushing to greet you, now, do I?" Ara blushed.
"Shush…" she muttered, and dragged the redhead to the center of the room. Everyone froze.
"Eee! Ara-chan's here!" Dana squealed, launching herself at the younger female. She pulled the brunette into a tight glomp. She sweatdropped.
"Hello, Dana…" she said as the woman let go, allowing her to breath again. The brunette grinned. "Miss me, minna?"
Kasumi shot a glare at Satoshi as he went to open his mouth. "N—yes, Ara-chan," he said with a sigh. Shigeru ignored her, and Hiroshi gave a disgruntled wave. Takeshi looked up at her. She winked.
"And this," she said with a flourishing gesture at Scrat, "is my dear tomodachi, mi amiga, ma--" The redhead groaned from behind her.
"Oh, get on with it already!"
"—the beautiful Scrat Kaji!" Ara stepped aside, unveiling the redhead. She waved sheepishly. Shigeru was across the room in seconds.
"Why, hello there! Is it just me, or--" The conversation didn't last long. Scrat stormed to the back of the room, Kasumi at her side, leaving behind a crushed pile of Shigeru.
"Excellent technique you've got. Elbowing takes more precision than malleting," Kasumi commented to her fellow redhead. Scrat smiled proudly.
"Hey, you got NOTHIN' on these elbows!" And so they engaged in a conversation in the arts of abusing annoying or perverse males. Ara sighed and heaved up Shigeru. Hiroshi smirked at him. Takeshi sulked off to the corner, unusually meek.
Sigh. This is not going to be an easy evening…
~*~
**So all we do is go down the chimney?**
"Mm-hmm."
**…It's too easy. I don't trust you.**
"That's all there is to it, Kokamo. Really."
**You do remember that Ara is involved, right?**
Tempral fell into a thoughtful silence.
"Oh, shit. We're screwed."
Kokamo rolled his eyes. **No shit, Sherlock.**
~*~
Things weren't going quite as she'd planned.
The house was quickly filling with people. Takeshi was still moping, Shigeru was still pouting, and Scrat was lost somewhere, plotting with Kasumi. She watched a flaming Kenji run by, and sighed, turning back to the conversation.
"…and then I got the badge! It was so--"
"…Didn't you just tell this story, Sato-chan?"
The raven-haired male blinked at Ara. "No, that was Yamabuki gym, Ara." With a sigh, Ara turned to Imite, who was rambling about random things to a love-struck Tooru.
"…so that's why I think Santa is a child molester." Ara blinked.
Loudly, she said, "...I was chased by a chicken when I was six. Does anyone else agree that that has somehow affected my mental health?" No one seemed to notice. With a sigh, she took the stage, throwing off a semi-drunk Kojiro, who was dancing the can-can.
"Ahem," she said. No one looked up. "Ahem." Again she was ignored. A vein on her forehead twitched.
"I said GOD FUCKING DAMNED AHEM!" Everyone looked up at the brunette. She smiled innocently.
"Thank you. Now, music!" A CD began playing. Ara took a dramatic position, head down. As the words began, she shot her head up, looking straight at the audience.
"Kasumi got run over by a stantler…"
~*~
Sighing, Ara collapsed onto the couch, sprawling herself next to Shigeru. She raised an eyebrow. "Why the hell are you just sitting here?" He shrugged.
"Bet with Hiroshi," he said, eyes scanning the room. Ara rolled her eyes.
"Again? What is it this time?"
"Snogging competition. Last to get kissed crossdresses at New Years." He continued searching the room. Ara sighed.
"So basically, you're looking for some hapless girl to drag off into a dark corner to make out with?"
"Mm-hmm."
"…" The brunette fell backwards, groaning. "Why do I hang around with you guys?"
Shigeru shrugged, still not looking at her. Ara pushed herself up and walked to the punch bowl. Musashi and Nyaasu were sitting next to it, grinning. The brunette blinked.
"Should I be scared?"
"Ye--" Musashi thwapped the Pokemon on the head. "No, Ara. Not at all." The brunette quirked an eyebrow, and cautiously ladled some punch into a cup. Taking a deep breath, she downed it in one go. It was all down before she thought, Aww, dammit, I actually believed them…
~*~
Glare.
That bastard. He thinks he's so cool. I'm gonna beat him. And victory shall be so very sweet. There's nothing better than a drag-queen Shigeru, after all… Oh, I'll show him. Hiroshi squeaked. Once Dana lets me breathe, that is…
The blonde was curled up in a corner, Dana clinging firmly to his neck. He let out a sigh as he watched Shigeru. Apparently, neither of them had had any luck. He continued scanning the room hungrily, searching out possible prospects.
Kasumi and Imite weren't options. If he were to even step near them, Satoshi and Tooru would kill him. That new girl, (Scrat, wasn't it?), didn't look too approachable, either. He sighed. He didn't even know most of the other girls. That left… He gulped. Ara. He sighed.
"Well, I'm screwed." Dana shot him an affectionately questioning look.
"Mmm?"
He sighed, rubbing his temples. "I have to snog a girl before Shigeru does." Dana blinked, then buried herself in his shirt.
"You know, you don't need to prove your manliness to anyone," she purred. Hiroshi petted her hair idly.
"Mmm?"
She nodded beneath his hand. "Mmm."
"And why is this?" he asked in an idle murmur. The ginger-haired woman pulled herself up, straddling his waist.
"Because…" she whispered, kissing him, "I'd love you anyway."
Hiroshi smiled into the kiss. Mmm… he thought, detachedly, I suppose there is something better than drag-queen Shigeru…
~*~
"No, no, I disagree. Fudge to the third power is much faster than the speed of light."
Ara tilted her head to one side. "Oh? But wouldn't the orange monkey in Alanis Morissette's hair counteract the SWAG-osity of the tree?"
The melon in the penguin's arms gasped. "Of course! Brilliance, sheer brilliance!" Ara smiled proudly, hiccupping.
"Well, I did dance with that flaming emu when I was three…" The melon was clearly impressed. They then entered a conversation pointing out the pros of rabid cantaloupe running for President. Halfway through it, Shigeru walked over, raising an eyebrow.
"Ara, why are you talking to the wall?" Ara blinked at him, then staggered over, tossing an arm around his shoulders.
"Hey," hic, "Shigeru. This," hic, "is George," she gestured to the melon, "and Jake Tablesalt," she slurred, pointing to the penguin. Shigeru blinked his emerald eyes.
"A pleasure to meet you," the melon said with a bow. The penguin only quacked and waddled off. "Well, farewell, Miss Moon! May we meet again someday!" Ara waved sluggishly to the melon as it left.
"G'bye!" she said with a hiccup. Shigeru sighed, put an arm around her shoulders, and led them to the punch bowl.
"Musashi, what the hell did you spike it with this year?" Musashi jumped at the voice, falling from her chair. She quickly pulled herself up, blinking her blue eyes innocently.
"Why, Shigeru, whatever would give you the idea that we spiked the punch?" Shigeru rolled his eyes and gestured to Ara, whom was animatedly conversing with the Christmas tree. Nyaasu's eyes sparkled.
"We did it! It really worked! Well how 'bout dat!" Musashi glared at him, punching him in the head. He "GAAH!"-ed loudly and scurried behind the Christmas tree.
"Musashi…" Shigeru warned. She "eep"-ed, grabbed Nyaasu and Kojiro, and ran out with a, "TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAIN!" Shigeru sighed, picking up an intoxicated Ara (who was babbling about mad Muppets foretelling doom.)
~*~
"Where the hell is she?!" Scrat murmured, pushing herself through the crowd. Kasumi had long ago left to go torment Satoshi, and so she had searched for Ara. That search had proven fruitless.
With a sigh, she collapsed into a chair in the corner of the room next to a guy with spiky dark brown hair.
"Some party, huh?" she said, looking at the guy. He looked up, blushing.
"Y-yeah…"
Scrat held out a hand and smiled. "I'm Scrat Kaji. Ara brought me here."
"T-takeshi," he stuttered. They shook hands. Scrat sighed.
"Have you seen her?"
"Nope. Which is surprising, as she's usually off setting things on fire." Scrat laughed.
"That's muh Ara." Takeshi grinned. Wow… For once, I'm actually comfortable near a girl… Oooooooh, score one for the Takeshi…
"So…" he began. Please don't blow it, please don't blow it… "How'd you meet everyone's favorite brunette?"
Scrat grinned. "It's a long story involving a donut, a pack of rabid icicles, a twenty-pound ear-licking cat, and fanfiction." Takeshi blinked.
"Well, from the looks of it, I have time for a long story."
"Well then," the redhead began. "In the land of Fanfiction.net, there was an authoress with a history for random insanity… Two of them, in fact… And it just so happened that crazed authoress number one needed a beta reader…"
~*~
"…I hate you. I hate you all."
"Oh, shush, Natsume! You look great!"
"…I'm wearing a skirt."
"…Why yes, yes you are."
"…WHY am I wearing a skirt?"
"Because you love me?"
The psychic sighed. "And only because of that, Erika."
The grass-type master giggled. "Of course, koibito."
As the shorter gym leader leaned up to kiss the taller one, a large yellow rodent scurried off to the kitchen. Finally… he said. I thought those two would never shut up…
Pikachu had no choice in coming to the party; he went wherever Satoshi went, no arguing. Not that he minded. Someone needed to keep his Pikapi alive. And Kasumi sure as hell wasn't helping.
With a pika-sigh, the rodent pulled open the refrigerator (with much effort), and brought out a bottle of ketchup. He slurped at it sadly. If he had to be there, he could at least get himself pika-drunk…
Hey, baby. Pikachu blinked.
What the bloody hell?
Ooh, an English chap. Wanna snog?
Pikachu blinked again, looking around. …Who the hell are you?
Look down, hotstuff. He did. The ketchup winked at him. He groaned.
Gotta stop eating Takeshi's pokefood…
The ketchup blinked its large tomato-y eyes. So, wanna snog?
Pikachu shrugged. Sure. Why the hell not?
~*~
…Ara got drunk. Again. Akuma sighed. Tenshi nuzzled him.
At least she didn't go off chasing Tempral with a moose this time, the Espeon murmured into his fur.
Still… he paused, blinking. Uhh, Tenshi?
Mmm?
…Is that Shigeru carrying Ara off?
Tenshi blinked. Yes, yes it is.
…This can't end in anything good.
Tenshi grinned. Oh? What makes you think this?
Well… Akuma sighed. It's those two. Tenshi grinned mischievously.
Well, love… she murmured, licking his fur affectionately, let's wait it out, and see how things go, shall we? It is, after all, Christmas Eve…
He licked her back, rubbing his nose against hers. Whatever you say, koi…
~*~
Ara was, indeed, drunk.
Shigeru doubted that it had been alcohol that Team Rocket had spiked the punch with. They had a fetish for originality, and anyway, Musashi had a problem holding her drinks.
Still, that did not change the fact that Ara Moon was seriously smashed.
"Hey," hic, "baby," she said to Kermit. The frog blinked.
"Doom is upon us! DOOM!"
"Yeah," hic, "I know that."
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Ara waved solemnly as Kermit jumped out the second-story window and flew off. Shigeru blinked and heaved her to his room.
"Remind me to never let you near the punch bowl… Ever…"
Ara hiccupped. "'Ever you say, love…" Shigeru sighed and tossed her onto his bed. She giggled tipsily. The brunette rolled his eyes.
"You have a perverse mind when drunk, Ara." She giggled again.
"Don't I always have a perverse mind, Shige?"
Shigeru pondered this. "Mmm. Guess so." He pulled the covers over her. "Now wait it out. Musashi may be evil and all, but she sucks at making good alcohol substitutes. It should be through your system within the hour."
As the forest-eyed male went to leave the room, Ara sat up, sighing. "You know," hic, "that I'm a girl, right?" Shigeru cocked an eyebrow.
"We should hope, Ara."
She sighed and looked over at him, hazel eyes sad. "Then why don't you act like I'm one?" He blinked.
"What?"
"I'm a girl. I may be a tomboy, I may be a moron, and I may be slightly crazed, but I'm nonetheless a female. Why is it that you've always looked me over?" Shigeru turned away, hand on the door.
"Be glad I'm one that doesn't bring up drunken ramblings, Ara."
The brunette glared. "I'm not that drunk, Shigeru."
He sneered. "Then that's why you've been conversing with inanimate objects?"
"I do that anyway, Shige." He snorted. She rolled her eyes. "My point is that I'm still sober enough to form coherent thoughts."
Shigeru stepped out the door, and began closing it. "Merry Christmas, Ara."
"Merry friggin' Christmas," she growled fiercely. "I love you." He froze.
"What?"
She did a perfect match of his earlier sneer. "You heard me. I love you. That hard to comprehend? Now, go. I'm sure there's some random girl out there who's more worthy." He paused, and stepped back in.
"How drunk are you?" he said, eyes narrowing. Ara rolled her eyes.
"Shigeru, you said it yourself. Team Rocket cannot make an alcohol substitute for their lives. They never use the real thing because Musashi has a weak stomach." He snorted. "Anyway, we know from experience how quickly it wears off and I'm happy-sober Ara. Remember last year?" Shigeru snorted again.
"After, of course, you had burnt most of Shion."
She rolled her eyes. "Well that was Hiroshi's fault for leaving a flamethrower nearby." Shigeru laughed, then sat on the edge of her bed.
"So you're telling me that you'd still," he coughed, "'love me' after the hour's up?" Ara nodded.
"Mm-hmm."
"And if you don't?" Ara cocked an eyebrow.
"You tryin' to make a bet?"
Shigeru laughed. "That's our Ara." She grinned.
"But of course it's your Ara. It's been an hour and—" she looked at the clock, "—two minutes. Huzzah, I'm sober, and—oh, shit." Shigeru cocked an eyebrow.
"Takeshi needs to get snogged. Myuu only knows he needs help. Come to think of it, so do you." Shigeru glared.
"Oh?"
"Mm-hmm. Almost midnight and you still haven't beaten Hiroshi. He's probably hooked up with Dana… finally…" Shigeru sighed.
"Crossdressing to New Years, then…" he said. Ara grinned.
"Hey, you're the most sekushii crossdresser I've ever seen," she said. He raised an eyebrow.
"So…" Shigeru began after a silence, "do you still love me?" He smirked, waiting for his reply. Ara smirked back, leaned across the bed, and captured his lips with hers.
"Of course," she replied. He grinned.
"Score one for the Shige'," he said as the parted. Ara laughed.
"C'mon, then, koi," she replied, twining her arm with his. "I've still got a Christmas party to terrorize." As an afterthought, she added, "And I need to see where Kermit landed…"
Shigeru laughed and led her down to the party.
~*~
"…and so that is how Ara managed to get bitten by a squirrel."
Takeshi laughed. Scrat grinned at him.
"No matter how much I love 'er, I don't think I'll ever get over how odd my dear Ara-chan is." Takeshi nodded.
"Has she ever tried to tape your head to a street post?" Scrat laughed.
"Nope, can't say that she has."
"It took ages to get all that out of my hair… We thought that I would be bald by the end of it…" Chuckling, they stopped their stroll. While they told tales about Ara, they had wandered around the labs, stopping at random intervals. Takeshi, for once in his life, had not fallen to the floor (or floated to the ceiling) in a large bumbling mass of girl-depraved stupidity.
Shivering lightly, Scrat shoved her hands in her pockets. She blinked, and pulled out a bag of jellybeans, offering them out to Takeshi.
"Jellybean? I had them all along." Takeshi blinked (or so we assume), slowly taking one.
"Mmm. Grass," Scrat said, munching on the jellybean.
Takeshi blinked again. "Grass?" he asked.
"Grass," she confirmed. Takeshi shrugged and popped a bean in his mouth.
"What kind of company carries grass-flavored jellybeans?"
"Bertie Botts, apparently." He blinked.
"Whoooo?" Scrat sweatdropped.
"Harry Potter-verse. It's an authoress thing." Takeshi "ahh"-ed and munched on the bean.
"…I think I got sardine." Scrat laughed.
"Lucky you." They fell into a comfortable silence, the two fading from their own little world into the flow of people. Ara whistled at him from the staircase, gesturing upwards. Blinking, Takeshi looked up.
And blushed so hard he almost passed out.
Curious, Scrat looked up, too. She blinked, then sighed with a sweatdrop.
"Just my luck…" she said. "I end up under the mistletoe." From across the room, Ara rolled her eyes.
"C'mon, Grasser!" she called. "He likes you, you like him, there's mistletoe, you do the friggin math!" Scrat rolled her eyes back. Meanwhile, Takeshi was trying his best to stay conscious. Mistletoe cute girl Scrat so comfortable Ara promised keep cool keep dreaming keep conscious mmm is that a donut?
"Kiss 'im already!" Shigeru called, arm around Ara's waist.
And so she did.
Takeshi was seeing stars. Well, that could have had something to do with the Christmas tree, but he was nonetheless seeing stars. He liked to imagine that it was the kiss that caused the stars, and maybe it was in the strange place that is Takeshi's mind.
The clock struck twelve. From the corner of his eye, Takeshi noticed the couples shooting looks at each other, and then locking lips. He blinked as there was a rustling at the fireplace, and a dusty (and rather thin) Santa popped from the fireplace, followed by a floating elf.
"Ho, ho, h--" he was cut off by Imite lunging at him.
"YOU PERVERSE BASTARD!" she screamed, chasing him. Everyone either blinked, ignored this, or went back to previous activities. Ara joined Imite in the chase, brandishing a notebook and authoring up a flaming blue Spanish-speaking chicken.
"Ara! It's me, Tempral!" Santa said, pulling on his beard. He blinked and tugged harder.
"Kokamo, you moron!" he yelled at the elf, who was desperately tugging at his ears with plastic hands. "You glued my beard on!"
**Just shut up and keep running!**
Scrat blinked, leaning against Takeshi's chest and looking up at him. "Is this what Christmas is like every year with you guys?" Takeshi nodded absently, watching as "Santa" was set aflame.
The redhead grinned, leaning up and kissing him. "Then I think I'm gonna have to get used to this."
Once again, Takeshi fought to retain consciousness.
~*~
Ara woke up with a groan. She pondered going back to sleep. Although the couch wasn't the most comfortable place in the world, she believed that Shigeru's arms were…
With a blink, hazel eyes locked on the clock. She sat up in realization, rousing the sleeping male next to her. He groaned and looked at her. "Too early…" he murmured. Ara grinned down at him, pushing his shoulders.
"C'mon, love, wake up," she said, a playful smile on her face. He rolled over, grumbling. The female brunette rolled her eyes, standing.
"Merry Christmas, everyone," Ara said. Scrat glared at her over Takeshi's chest from her position curled against him in the corner chair.
"Lemme sleeeeeeep," she murmured incoherently, curling back into Takeshi's chest. Ara rolled her hazel eyes, and shot Scrat a warning look, heading purposefully towards the karaoke machine. The redhead groaned.
"Okay, okay, I'm up, I'm up!" she said, sitting up. Ara grinned, stopping.
"Good. Now help me wake up the rest of the pack." She gestured to the remaining partygoers, whom were sprawled on various bits of furniture. Scrat groaned and began jabbing a finger at Takeshi's forehead to wake him up. Ara smirked and began shaking Shigeru awake.
The male brunette groaned, rolling over again. Ara grinned, sliding herself over him to straddle his waist. She pinned his wrists above his head with one hand, and held him like that until he opened his eyes. He grumbled something incoherent and tried to roll over.
"Koibitooo," she whined, pouting. He cracked open an emerald eye and sighed.
"All right, all right, just get offa me…" Ara smiled as the other brunette heaved himself up and off the couch. She then walked to the corner, where Kasumi was draped over a snoring Satoshi. The brunette bent down close to Satoshi's ear and whispered, "Presents…"
Immediately, the black-haired male shot up, sending Kasumi tumbling unceremoniously to the ground. She growled and began chasing him around, mallet swinging threateningly. Ara chuckled. Behind her, she heard Takeshi yell, "OWW! MY EYE!"
Rolling her eyes, the brunette turned around, smirking slightly. "Do you even have eyes, Takeshi?" Scrat rolled her eyes back, swatting at her.
"Shush." Ara only grinned.
"Well, come on, my lovelies," she called out loudly, "Present time!" Satoshi was scrambling around the tree, hopping around it madly. Kasumi smacked him, dragging him back to the couch. There they all gathered.
Ara went to the tree, tossing presents to the people they were sent to. Everyone tore into them excitedly.
"Eee!" Ara exclaimed, opening Tempral's gift. In it was a slightly charred chicken. She grinned, took out the flamethrower she had gotten for her birthday, and lit it on fire. The brunette squealed giddily and danced with it. Everyone sweatdropped.
Ara lunged at Tempral, glomping him. "Thank yooooooou!" she squealed, accidentally spreading the fire from her to him. He ran screaming from the room and fell out the window into a snow drift. Scrat snorted as she heard Kenji mutter, "This is my snow drift, dammit…"
"Oh, shut up," Tempral replied, promptly passing out. Kokamo blinked, and Scrat sweatdropped.
"Err… Jellybean, anyone?" she asked, holding out a bag. A vein on Ara's head twitched.
"I thought you lost them outside…?" Ara growled threateningly. The redhead laughed nervously.
"Uh… eh heh… Well, about that…" Ara glared. Scrat "eep"-ed and ran for it. The hazel-eyed tomboy launched herself after her friend, wielding a miniature Christmas tree. Takeshi edged away silently. Natsume groaned, dropping her head into her palms.
"Why do I let you talk me into coming here every year?" Erika giggled, planting a kiss on her cheek.
"Because you love me," she stated cheerily. Shigeru rolled his eyes.
"Ugh, cut the sap. I'm getting sick already." The psychic glared at him.
"What, Shigeru? Still bitter because you haven't managed to land a girlfriend?" Shigeru smirked, and wrapped his arm around a violent Ara, who was running by, screaming curses in several languages at her friend. She paused and blinked.
Shigeru quirked an eyebrow. "What makes you think I haven't landed a girlfriend?" And then he swooped down dramatically, and they kissed. Satoshi was staring in shock.
"When did this happen?" Kasumi asked, blinking. Ara grinned sheepishly.
"Last night," she replied. Natsume quirked an eyebrow. Ara rolled her hazel eyes.
"Get your dirty mind out of the gutter. You know exactly what happened. You've probably read my mind three times over." Natsume huffed and Erika giggled. Hiroshi narrowed his blue eyes.
"So I win," he stated. Shigeru raised an eyebrow nonchalantly.
"Oh? Do you?" The blonde rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Shigeru, I do." Dana grinned and tightened her arms around him. He squeaked. Ara laughed.
From the window, there was a groan. Ara blinked and walked over to it, pulling a snow-covered Tempral back in.
"Hey Ani! What were you doin' out there?" The brunette only glared. Ara tilted her head to one side, shooting him an innocently questioning look. The blue-eyed male sighed, patting her on the head.
"Nothing, Imouto," he said, leaning against the wall. Ara blinked as her chicken walked past.
"You know, I was chased by a chicken once." Tempral blinked.
"Hrm?"
"Mm," she replied. And thus she dove into her tale about her infamous history with chickens.
"IT WAS TRYING TO EAT ME!" she exclaimed. Tempral mock-gasped.
"WITH A SPOON?"
"Yes. A chicken with a spoon," Ara replied, incredulously.
Tempral looked thoughtful for a moment. "Did it have an apron?"
Ara raised an eyebrow, as if chickens in aprons were the most obviously normal things in the world. "Of course."
The elder brunette blinked. "I think I met him once." Ara growled wolfishly.
"THAT HAIRY BASTARD!" She lunged at the passing chicken, which was now old and used a walker and a toupee. The chicken squawked loudly and dragged himself away. Hiroshi swatted at her.
"No attacking the elderly. Bad Ara, bad." Ara pouted. Hiroshi rolled his eyes and patted her on the head as if she were a dog. Ara grinned. Scrat blinked.
"You are aware that chickens have feathers, not hair, right?" Ara nodded.
"Of course."
Tempral looked thoughtful. "Does he use his walker as a toupee?" Ara nodded.
"How did you know?"
"Because Jupiter is aligned with Saturn and the wind is blowing to the west."
Ara blinked. "You said the same thing in the MST chronicles."
"Yeah, that happens every six-point-eighty-eight days, at least when relative to chickens." The younger brunette "ooooooh"-ed. Shigeru rolled his eyes, sighing. He was about to make a cutting remark when the door to the kitchen swung open, and Takeshi stepped in, dressed in an apron. Everyone blinked. He burst into dramatic verse, a tray of cookies in one gloved hand.
"Beloved, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops—"
Ara bit back a laugh, and took a dramatic stance across from him, placing her hand on the tray and quickly munching down a cookie. "O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, lest that thy love prove likewise variable." Everyone blinked, Takeshi included. Shigeru was glaring, and Scrat was growling threateningly.
"What shall I swear by?" Takeshi asked, still in a dramatic tone.
"Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee." Scrat looked absolutely livid. Ara grinned secretly.
"If my heart's dear love—" Shigeru interrupted Takeshi by lunging at him, screaming. Ara had enough time to laugh before she was leapt after by a rabid Scrat. "DIIIIIIIE!" she cried, leaping after Ara over Takeshi's pummeled body.
Ara laughed as she ran out the front door, redheaded friend at her heels. "Hey! STUPIDHEAD!" she called, running past the window. Scrat only growled, speeding up. Everyone inside sweatdropped.
Well, everyone who was conscious sweatdropped. Takeshi, unfortunately, was not among those numbers.
~*~
Risu-ko was not a happy squirrel.
For one thing, he was cold. Winter was not merciful to small, vicious rodents, who should be hibernating. He growled squeakily. If only that… that… that moose hadn't stolen his apricorn…
Squirrels are not the kindest of creatures, despite their appearance. Sure, they may look cute, but underneath those beady black eyes and dryer-fluffy tails, they were the cruelest of evils. Few who invoked their wrath made it through sane.
Thus why an army of merciless fuzzballs were camped around the Ookido Labs, freezing their tiny behinds off.
Risu-ko's ears twitched at the sound of approaching footprints. Quickly, he squeaked out an order to his troops.
"We! Cannot! Be seen!" And so an army of nearly one hundred squirrels dove into the bushes, waiting.
"ARAAAAAA!"
Laughter. "Sorry, Tomo, but it was too opportune a chance! You know I can't resist Shakespeare! And what was Takeshi doing reciting it, anyway? The blind bakayarou can barely complete sentences of his own!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
Risu-ko's nose twitched. It was the apricorn thief! He twittered a command to a bushy gray squirrel to his left. "Ready the pie!" The other bea—squirrel nodded its tiny head, forwarding the command.
"Ready the pie!" A shuffling around.
"Pie loaded!" Risu-ko glared at the girl.
"Then fiiiiiireeeeeee!"
A large peanut butter pie went flying past. Scrat stopped her perusal of Ara and chased after it hungrily. Ara paused and blinked as Tempral caught the pie.
"Piiiiiiie…" Scrat drooled hungrily. Tempral sweatdropped.
"No, Scrat, you cannot have some pie." Emerald eyes flashed.
"Piiiie," she repeated determinedly.
Tempral
shook his head slowly, blinking. "No, Scrat. No pie,"
he said slowly, his voice dripping in the tone parents used on young children. Scrat set her face.
"Pie."
"Nuuuuu, no pie." A vein on Scrat's head twitched.
"PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" And so she lunged at Tempral, who screamed and fell back, sinking into the snow.
Risu-ko used this opportunity to send his army after Ara. "ATTAAAAAAACK!" the squeaky voice called. Ara's squirrel-tuned ears (she was very in touch with her squirrely side after the whole "Oh-look-an-injured-squirr--GODDAMMIT-IT-BIT-ME!" incident) twitched suspiciously. She only had enough time to scream before she was drowned in a moving fuzzy brown-gray ocean.
"Justice at last!" Risu-ko cried, cackling evilly as Ara fought to stay above the mass of rodents. He was thoroughly enjoying this. Revenge was so very sweet…
So enthralled by Ara's suffering was Risu-ko that he didn't notice the slipper until it was too late.
Hanako blinked, picking up her fluffy blue-clad foot. "Oh, my…" she said, observing the bottom of her foot. She sighed, tossing the slipper into the ocean of squirrels. "There goes another one…"
Ara only squeaked as she was pulled under yet again.
~*~
"Oh, Araaaaaa…"
The bruised female glared up at Takeshi. Shigeru, who was beside her, tending to the brunette's wounds, glared as well.
"What, Takeshi?" she asked grumpily. He smiled innocently, with a drop of evilness.
"You know, you never paid me back for my apricorn…" Ara gulped nervously.
"Well, err… well… you--, and she--, and, err…" she sighed. Takeshi grinned. Shigeru glared.
"She has no reason to pay you back. Now go away." Hiroshi rolled his eyes from nearby.
"Oh, shut up." He glared.
"And why should I listen to you, blondie?"
"Because I'm not the one crossdressing to New Year's," he replied smugly. Shigeru groaned. Ara patted him on the shoulder reassuringly.
"Don't worry, Shige'… You'll be the most sekushii crossdresser ever…" He just looked at her oddly. She tilted her head to one side, grinning innocently. He rolled his eyes.
Scrat stumbled in at that point, wearing a pair of too-large sunglasses. "Hey… I can see if I squint real hard…" Everyone sweatdropped.
"Ah, you and Takeshi really do make quite the couple. 'The Blind Bakas,'" Shigeru commented. Scrat rolled her eyes.
"Oh, shut up, Glare Boy," she retorted. Ara snorted. Tempral raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry, just… Squintshipping and Glareshipping… It's too perfect!" Takeshi blinked and patted her on the head.
"You need sleep." In response, Ara's injured body fell off the couch.
"At least I don't obsess over jellybeans." Scrat glared.
"And at least I have a life outside collecting Pokemon and playing with my hair."
Ara watched the two argue from her position on the floor. "Oh, sure, leave me here to diiiiiie…" she said dramatically. They ignored her. She pouted. Scrat's Flareon, Aesta, walked out from behind the sofa, wires hanging from her mouth. Ara raised an eyebrow.
"When did you get here?" Aesta shrugged.
~~I've been here the whole time. But does anyone care? Nooooo. It's all about the humans, isn't it? No respect…~~ Ara blinked, tuning her out.
"I'm goin' out tonight, I'm feeling all right…"
"AND ANOTHER THING! YOU SMELL LIKE A MOLDY SHOE!" Scrat roared.
"Gonna let it all hang out… Wanna make some noise… Really raise my voice… Yeah, I wanna scream and shout…" Shigeru and Scrat paused in their bickering to listen to her.
"No inhibitions—make
no conditions
Get a little out of line
I ain't gonna act
politically correct
I only wanna have a good time…"
Hiroshi pulled Ara up from the floor. She thanked him quietly, and he joined her in the next lines:
"The best thing about
being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…"
Erika giggled. "This sounds like fun! C'mon, 'Sume!" Natsume stared at her.
"No." Erika pouted.
"Please?"
"No?" Erika unleashed the Greatest Weapon of Women—the dreaded Puppy Dog Eyes. Natsume sighed resignedly.
"Why do I let you talk me into this?" the violet-haired woman asked. Her girlfriend giggled.
Everyone else chimed in, "Because you love her." Erika laughed while Natsume's face melted into what only could be described as a pout.
"Oh, oh, oh, go
totally crazy—forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts—short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild—yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, Oh, Oh, get in the action—feel the attraction
Color my hair—do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free—yeah, to feel the way I
feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"
Hanako stepped out of the kitchen. "Takeshi, your cake is--!" She paused, looking at everyone. Ookido-hakase stepped out behind her.
"What's this?" He stared at the damage on his labs inflicted by chickens, squirrels, a rabid Ara, and the various other insanities that plagued his Christmases. He groaned, banging his head against the wall. Ara laughed nervously.
Hanako giggled, smiling kindly at Ookido-hakase. "Come on, Yukinari," she said, pushing him on the shoulders lightly, "it's Christmas!" And so she persuaded him to join her in the next verse.
"The girls need a
break—tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance—we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down…"
Kasumi nudged Satoshi in the ribs gently. "You wanna join in?" she asked, smiling. Satoshi shrugged.
"Sure. Let's go for it." The grinned at each other before they slid themselves into the song Ara was infamous for.
"The best thing about
being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…
"Oh, oh, oh, go
totally crazy—forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts—short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild—yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, Oh, Oh, get in the action—feel the attraction
Color my hair—do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free—yeah, to feel the way I
feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"
Scrat eyed Shigeru coolly. "Shall we?" she asked. He shrugged nonchalantly. The redhead grinned.
"Jerk."
"Moron."
"The best thing about
being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and…
"Oh, oh, oh, go
totally crazy—forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts—short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild—yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, Oh, Oh, get in the action—feel the attraction
Color my hair—do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free—yeah, to feel the way I
feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"
By the final bit, everyone was singing. Well, everyone but Kenji. Scrat had gotten annoyed by his voice and tossed him out the window. Ara could have sworn she heard Kermit's voice, but no one else did.
"I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby…"
The brunette grabbed the spatula in Takeshi's hands. He blinked as she held it like a microphone and sang the last line:
"I feel like a woman!"
Everyone applauded. Aesta grinned. ~~Myuu save us, everyone!~~ Tempral blinked.
"Well, that's cheerful." Tenshi stared at him levelly.
You're forgetting that we're Ara's friends, she replied simply. Tempral "oh"-ed. Suddenly, Takeshi shrieked. Scrat blinked.
"What is it?" Takeshi's face shone with horror.
"OH MY GOD THE CAAAAAAAAAKEEEEE--!"
And then, at every party with the infamous Scrat With a G at it, the cake exploded.
*~MERRY CHRISTMAS, MINNA-SAN!~*
Ahh, at long last, it is compleeeted. Only took me, what, over a month to write? -_- Well, 'tis for my beloved Tomo, Scrat. Please don't mind the crappiness it developed during the holiday rush. I triiiiiiiiied. *whines* Well, hope you enjoy, Grasser. May your holidays (even though they passed…) be filled with Takeshi and pie. ^_^;;