Chapter 14

A Taste of Ambrosia

He was alone in his bed. It was the usual thing. He would wake up in a cold sweet, the bed covers in a twisted mangled heap and he would be despairing, crying desperately and longing for some kind of release only that he didn't think he deserved it.

Then he remembered Taya and the way she had made love to him, but unfortunately the nightmare captured his attention more than his loving experience with her three days ago. The memory of long ago seemed to exceed that nights' almost unbelievable reality. Should he go up and see her? He felt compelled to do so, but exhaustion kept him almost paralysed in his bed. Severus smothered a yawn and slumped back down.

He was late for his first lesson of the day which wasn't an often occurrence. The children were milling outside the locked potions classroom chatting excitedly on whether Professor Snape would actually turn up.

He thundered through the group of second year students with determination. The sound of excited chatter and childish laughter came to a stop immediately.

"In," he ordered. Just one word was enough to send a class of twenty or more children quaking in their shoes.

As expected the equipment was already set up and ready.

The children sat down nervously in their seats and waited. Waited for what? For the lesson to begin? They hadn't expected to see what was to happen next.

He stood there observing the tense childish faces then something terrible happened. Something in all his time spent teaching at Hogwarts had never happened to him in front of a class of students.

He stifled a desperate sob and barely contained the tears. This couldn't have got any worse. Rage and confusion at his loss of self control sent him fleeing, slamming the dungeon door closed in the wake of his hysterics.

He didn't stop running and didn't know where he was headed. Not that he cared. He just had to move, he couldn't stay still otherwise the shock would get him, stifle him, intrude intrude into his very being unless he simply wanted to crawl away like a wounded animal. But Severus was strong, determined. He wouldn't crawl under a rock and bury himself in the depth of his dungeons and lower his head in shame. Not any more. He had to keep running. He wouldn't stop, every gasp of air, every breath he took, oxygen pushed him forward.

The adrenaline drive him, made him move faster. Luckily he saw no one in his mad haste to get away. He dreaded the possibility if he saw someone, anyone.

Unconsciously he was drawn up to the fourth floor and slid unnoticed along the many dark deserted corridors, lit only by the dancing flicker of candles. He proceeded down hidden passageways, a labyrinth of twisting narrow colonnades and staircases towards the teachers halls. His rapid footsteps echoing along the stone walls.

Severus skidded to a stop, panting and shaking slightly from adrenaline. He cursed as he hitched up the light fabric of his cloak when he nearly fell then he continued to flee. In what direction, his mind was unaware.

Finally he came to a dead stop, facing her door. He took a moment to try and compose himself, to achieve at least some of the self control he had lost. The potions master was about to raise his hand and knock when the door swung open.

Taya lunged out narrowly missing him, dressed only in her sleep wear. Her hair in disarray. Urgency was in her features, but she came to a cessation when she saw him. Flinging her arms around him she pulled him into her room kicking the door closed with her foot.

She took him to her bed and sat down beside him. From observation she had only just climbed out of it. The room was still dark, the drapes at the window were still clasped together.

"Oh Gods what happened?" she cried, stroking his face with frantic urgency. "I could sense everything." Severus opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn't speak. His voice just seemed to vanish as if by magic. Even if he could get his tongue to work properly he didn't even know what to say.

He felt numb all over, it was as if his mind and body had been anaesthetised. He sat there staring at the opposite wall trying to make out everything, what was going on in his head. He didn't even know what really happened or what drove him to crack like that. Never before in his entire life did he feel such humiliation.

For his students to watch his usual impeccable control, the nastiness and smugness to be reduced to nothing but slithers and cracked fragments was a blasphemy to all the years he had taken to master it. This even surpassed his experiences with the Death Eaters. That was how he felt at the present time. Perhaps in a few hours when he had calmed he may realise that his experience of today had been greatly exaggerated.

Something came to nag at the corners of his mind. This little scenario would be floating around Hogwarts hallowed halls for years to come and the shocked faces of those children who had seen him weep would harass his mind for weeks.

Severus Snape was crying.

Taya wrapped her arms around him pressing him close to her. Her fingers slid through his hair and she kissed him frantically. She pushed him down against the soft coverings on her bed then lay down beside him coiling herself up tightly against his still trembling body.

She could feel his despair and the link deepened.

The dream. She could have kicked herself if she could. Why wasn't I awake. Why didn't I see this. Anger tore at her conscience. She saw him gazing at the room full of children, choking up from powerful emotions that were overpowering him. He fled and ran. Then he was here sobbing like a defenceless child left to fend for itself.

"What's happening to me?" He said in a desperate shaky voice.

"I don't know Severus." She answered truthfully.

He glared at her. "You did this. You did this to me. You took advantage of me, my weaknesses. I do not pretend that I am weak but why?" Hopelessness and grief was laced through his heart wrenching words.

"I love you, Severus." She whispered, words he longed to hear over and over again. He feared the moment she stopped saying them it was the moment she didn't care.

"How can you?" He no longer believed. Her words were just that. Words and nothing more. He pushed himself off the bed and started to pace the room. "You see who I really am, you strip me of everything I have. Before I was safe. No one had to know. But now..." His voice trailed off. Severus stopped and pressed palms to the side of his head. "I can not shut out this abysmal nightmare,

"You say you can try to understand, You never will. No one can. You say you can see through my eyes, but you were never there. You never felt what it like to be stripped raw. Even my mind isn't my own anymore and you say you love me. Powerful words that contradict everything,

"I don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with this thing you label love." He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Taya went to him wrapped her arms around him. "All you believe and understand is that pain can be taken away with a kiss or a hug. It can't." He broke away then slumped down in a chair.

"It's deeper than that." He turned to her. Desperation showed clearly on his face. "Tell me what to do. Tell me for a change. I don't want this responsibility. I'm burdened with to much all ready. I am sick to death of ordering other people about. Keeping those foolish children from making the same stupid mistakes I did. Make it go away."

"You're not responsible for their choices, Sev. They have their own futures. You take on too many peoples battles. You are only human."

"They see me anything but human, and I let them." He sprung to his feet again.

"They don't understand."

"Do you?" His voice quivered.

"Yes."

"I'm so lonely," he muttered through his sobs forgetting that he now had someone to care for him. Neither the less despite his new found companion his loneliness felt as desolate as ever.

"I'm here for you now, remember." She reached out to touch him, but he pulled away stepping back several steps. "You aren't alone any more." Severus managed a weak, but indeterminate nod.

"Taya, you will be better off without me. I will crush you. I can not do that to you. I would rather live in my own hell than crush you."

"We'll get through this together."

"Lorsekruker was right. I am nothing more than a half Mud Blood Bastard."

Taya shook her head. She wiped her eyes and fought back the tears. A sob escaped and she went to him.

"Severus," she pleaded. "Please don't say that. I don't care who you are. I'm no special person myself." She wrapped her arms around him, relieved that he fell into her embrace, quietly leaning against her shoulder.

"I love you." she whispered and heard a muffled sob. "Perhaps you don't believe me at this moment, your stressed. You've just experienced what Muggles call a panic attack I think. When people are over aroused they jump to too many conclusions, reasons and thoughts become a muddled jumble." She shook her head. "I can't take those words I love you back Severus, I would only be lying to myself,

"I've spent too long brooding over it. I never felt such content as I have in your arms. Don't let them win Sev. Don't let them make you believe what they said is true. You are worthy. And..." she stammered. "...I need you to. I'm weak too. What am I to do if you leave me? I'll die without you here." He looked up while wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"Of cause you wont die you foolish woman." He swallowed and touched her face. Reason had begun to return. "I'm the one being foolish aren't I?"

"Your not foolish Sev, your afraid. Fear can be good, but it also is a terrible thing. To much terror in someone's life will scare them stupid and make them hurt beyond pain." Severus nodded weakly. "Oh Mother Earth, you look terrible. You look absolutely exhausted. Why don't you get undressed and get into bed. I'll speak to Professor Dumbledore about your little upset. I'm sure-"

"You can't!"

"I'll explain you were taken ill. He'll think of something to say to your students. I'll fetch you a nice cup of tea then get some rest."

"Severus...Severus?" A voice was calling his name. It sounded distant at first then consciousness beckoned and he woke up.

"What?" He opened his eyes and was gently kissed upon the lips.

"It's going to be fine. Professor Dumbledore has sorted everything out. He told the children that there was strange contagion outbreak among some of the students and explained that they hallucinated the entire thing. He even had them carted off to the hospital where Madam Pomfrey gave them a fake potion to drink. They think they dreamt it all."

"Oh thank the heavens," said Severus sitting up. Taya sat down at his side and smiled. "But he wants a word with you later."

"Great," he muttered sarcastically.

"With both of us. After all the Headmaster was my legal guardian when I was at school, and he worries about us."

"What did you say to him then?"

"I said you were unwell, feelings so intense came bubbling to the surface and you simply couldn't contain them for much longer."

"You said that?" The professor looked horrified and Taya guessed his reaction would be anything but joy.

"Sev, I had to tell the truth. It was spoken it complete confidentiality. None on the students suspect anything. They don't know anything different. Like I said they believe they dreamt up the entire scenario. He sighed and realised what was done was done. Nothing could change the fact.

"Any way, did you have a good sleep?" She asked changing the subject.

"Yes."

"No more bad dreams?"

"No." He frowned. "That is most odd."

"I put some Sleepeasy in your tea."

"How long have I been out?"

Taya smiled. "Twelve hours."

"Twelve hours? I should be-The rabbit!" Taya leaned in close.

"Don't worry about her. She's here fast asleep on her blanket. I collected her for you. I guessed you'd worry about her."

"Thank you. I must go."

"You're not going anywhere. It's late. Half past nine. You are staying right here with me."

"I am? We will see about that." Taya giggled. He was beginning to sound more like his old self again. She slid her hand down his bare chest to his abdomen. Pausing for a brief moment to touch a jagged scar across his hip.

He gasped slightly, surprised that a wound long since healed but inflicted upon him by Lorsekruker could feel so nice while being touched. Her hands moved position and began to stroke in a light circular motion over his belly. Severus grabbed her tiny wrists to prevent any more caresses.

"Please stay," she pleaded. "I want you here with me." He managed a weak smile, feeling a surge of love wash through him.

"If I agree to stay, will you please stop addressing me as Sev. It vexes me no end."

"Okay Professor."

"Severus," he said firmly.

"Severus then."

"Another thing, promise to hold me again?"

"I thought you didn't want me to cuddle you anymore."

"I was... confused." he pause. " I lied and besides I feel safe when you hold me."

"That is so sweet of you to admit Severus." She hugged him.

"I want to touch you," he breathed in her ear. She smiled into the silk mass of his hair, smelling faintly of herbs and wild flowers.

He pulled her down until she lay at his side and she held him.

They lay like that for what seemed like forever until Severus pulled her up into a kneeling position and lifted up the pale pink night-dress she was wearing. He took a gulp of air when he saw her and remembered four days ago when she seduced him.

She was naked beneath the night dress. Her pale milky skin glowed from the candle light making her womanly body shine in eerie ethereal beauty.

He lifted the floaty night dress over her head and let it drop some place on the floor. His hands slid over her, caressing her curves in the utmost gentleness and grace. She moaned almost silently relishing the light strokes of his warm, large hands as they glided over her hips sending delightful little shudders over her skin. Taya found it highly erotic, but she wanted more.

She took his hands and positioned them completely over her breasts. "It feels nice if you squeeze slightly." She closed her eyes relishing his gentle fondling.

Taya moaned as his inexperienced fingers brushed over a nipple. He captured it between his thumb and index fingers causing the tender flesh to harden and procuring a low feral moan to escape her lips.

"Like this?" His thumbs brushed over her nipples, stimulating and soothing at the same time.

"Oh, yes," Taya sighed feeling the sensations of deep pleasure growing throughout her body as his fingers manipulated her.

"Is this okay?" She opened her eyes with a start when she felt his tongue gently lap against the sensitive erect tissue. "Oh God yes," Taya murmured enjoying the feeling of him suckling her, then she pulled his face so close that his nose was pressed into her cleavage.

Severus slid his tongue down the valley between her breasts, tasting her skin, slightly damp from perspiration. She was burning.

Taya arched her back pressing her flat belly against the toned smoothness of his chest. He gazed down her watching how her body reacted to him. His tongue flickered over her again. The stimulation causing the nerve endings under her skin to become so sensitised that she thought she would spontaneously ignite into flames.

His mouth freed her nipple and Severus repeated the process on the other.

"Teach me how to actually make love to you," he whispered shyly releasing her from the brief moment of sensual bliss. She clasped his face with both hands and gently kissed him.

Severus sat up.

"Please, teach me," he repeated.

"I thought perhaps you'd want to sleep some more?"

"I've slept for twelve hours without waking once."

She smiled then pushed him back down against the pillows and kissed the hollow of his throat.

"Very well Professor," she breathed.

His fingers slid through the dark silk of her hair then stopped as they reached her back. For a second she closed her eyes, relishing his touch. After a moment of simple reflection she moved her head and gazed wondrously into the rich enigmatic pools of his eyes.

Severus swallowed feeling a slight murmur of apprehension in his stomach. Taya seemed to notice and touched his temples, finger tips lightly touching the pressure points.

"I can feel you," she murmured feeling a wave of apprehension flood her mind. "You're still a little scared?" She wondered with a question and moved her finger tips to stroke his eyebrows.

Severus swallowed again. "Perhaps."

"It's okay. It's to be expected since you've never done this before."

He moved over and onto his side, and slid a strong arm around her.

Taya arched her back pressing her flat belly against the toned smoothness of his chest. He gazed up at her watching how her body reacted to him.

Taya grasped his hand pulling it roughly from her shoulder and dragged his fingers savagely down to her secret hidden place.

"You want me to touch you here? Now?" He asked.

"Yes," she hissed, her voice seeming drunk from the intensity of the situation. She gasped as his long nimble fingers stroked beneath her then cupped her mound. For a long agonising moment he stopped and listened to the rampant beating of her heart and her unfettered irregular breathing. She gazed at him in desperation.

"Oh God, Severus don't stop now."

The professor hesitated a moment longer then eased his fingers between her soft lips, noticing she was slick with anticipation and frantic longing.

Taya opened her legs wider, submitting to him her deepest most intimate part of her body, allowing him to accommodate her better and permit him leverage.

"Touch here," she said grasping his wrist. "Slowly now." He found her nub, fingers stimulating, forcing her to nearly fall over the edge until he pulled away and inexpertly sort her opening.

He captured her eyes with his, and noticed the green irises had darkened with un-suppressed lust.

"May I?" He asked, his deep chocolate voice almost tinged with keen desperation.

"Yes," came the jagged riposte.

With gentleness and care he slid a finger into her core.

He pulled out quickly when he heard her mutter, "No,"

"Did I hurt you?" He said sitting up, eyes widening in alarm. The fact that he might have hurt her caused his skin to chill and a fear to burn into his throat.

"No, Severus." She shook her head. "You are very tender. It's just that-"

"What...?"

She smiled, sat up then pulled him to her, comforting him with an embrace.

"Severus, I want you inside me."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you? I wont force you if you think your not ready."

"I believe that I am." He swallowed.

"Severus thank you."

"Why are you thanking me for? You've given me so much all ready, more than I think I'm worthy of. I always thought I would be forever alone."

"You aren't alone now." Taya eased her left arm around his neck, her fingers softly smoothing his ruffled hair.

"I had no idea that I could do that for you," he said with a raised brow.

"You've surprised yourself?"

"Yes."

"You are a man after all Severus, your not emotionless or void. And you certainly brought me to um, satisfaction."

His throat spasmed into an unexpected gasp as her hands without warning slid down his torso. A slight, but opulent prickling sensation on the skin at the nape of his neck was rapidly expanded into waves of pleasure that darted down every nerve ending to his spine, tingles of pleasure, quenched by such a soft feather like touch on his erection as her hand came to rest around him for a brief shuddering moment.

"You liked that?" Taya murmured, noticing how his body seemed to suddenly respond, and the half closed eyelids.

"Hum."

"I have never felt an emotion so intense as this before," he said abruptly looking up. "I thought I was in love once-"

"Lilly."

"But I never imagined that it could be like this." Taya nodded in agreement.

"Nor me. I had sex with my last boyfriend, but it was nothing in comparison. I realise now that there was nobody else ment for me. Only you. He was a distraction. I was so bloody stupid to think otherwise. I thought I loved him at first, but I was so wrong."

She screwed up her face. "He was a pig, actually a selfish bastard to be exact. I discovered he was already married, but when we were together it was always you I was making love to. I pretended it was you. It was sex with him and love with you."

"How long were you together?" Taya bowed her head in embarrassment and smiled timidly.

"Two years. Then I was on my own for five. I didn't want to wind up in another meaningless pointless relationship." Severus frowned.

"But why stay with such a man you did not love?" Taya shrugged then absently stroked the potions master's belly again.

"I was scared I guess. I didn't want to be alone and I was afraid of you. I thought that you would be brutal or something despite me loving you virtually to death. You see all I saw in your mind as a kid was rage and hopelessness, then when I kissed you in class that day-" She shrugged. "Well, I felt such keen passion I guess it scared me a bit even though you were...gentle. I still had images in my mind that you could, would... hurt."

"I would never hurt you. I know that I'm a bitter selfish git that-"

"Shush." she pressed her fingers to his lips then removed them.

"I knew fully well what students are saying about me. I am not that foolish. I knew that I scare them. I admit I found a kind of gratification that they are afraid of me, but -"

"Don't start hurting yourself again," she said softly. "It's not your fault. But I wish you could have talked about it with someone, might have made it easier to bare." Taya caressed his face then noticed tears welling up in his eyes. "Oh Severus."

"Please hold me," he muttered. In sympathy she eased her arms around him and he responded by hugging her to him in such desperation she feared that he would squeeze her to death, being as strong as he is. A moment later he relaxed the hug a bit. She kissed him on his lips.

"I should have done this when I was eighteen instead of leaving you all alone for another seven years then meeting that stupid prat."

"You were still virtually a child," he muttered.

"Yea, I guess I was really naive to fall for that bastard and move in with him. I feel so stupid for denying the gift. You know Poppy Pomfrey was right about it."

"Hum?"

"It does clasp you in it's vice and never lets go. But it did let me see you for who you really are."

"Is that bad?" Muttered Severus.

"Oh no, 'cause not. If I didn't have the ability to link my consciousness with yours I may never have been able to help you with your pain."

"I see." He nodded. She gazed at him, studying his features, especially his sultry hooded eyes. She noticed that they weren't as black as she first thought. A very dark inky brown. Barely discernible from black. Taya frowned.

"Your eyes!"

"What about them?" He looked startled.

"They're brown." Severus allowed a light laugh which caught Taya by surprise. She wondered about the last time he had actually laughed aloud.

"Why? What colour did you think they were?"

"Black?" She shrugged feeling slightly if some what pleasantly embarrassed. Pleasantly because she had made him laugh. Embarrassed because she had mistaken her lover's eyes for black. Severus raised a brow.

"They have always been dark brown as far as I can remember." Taya laughed and leaned in close to whisper in his ear, but her eyes were glancing down.

"Come on my love. I feel that I can't wait any longer. I want to see your wand in action." The professor looked mortified.

"My what??" At that moment she steeled a kiss and proceeded to rouse his mood.

Severus lifted her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. She brushed her fingers against the telepathic contact points on his face, constituting a link between them. She moved her fingers down, arousing him quickly.

Severus quickened in her hands as they pulled away from the kiss.

Her own body felt eager for his touch.

This would be his first time truthfully. Rape and the harrowing brutal experiences he had with a man didn't count. Only what was going to happen between him and Taya would now.

She pushed Severus Snape onto his back then straddled him. He was about to say something when she slowly guided him into her then begun to rock her hips in time with his.

"Am I hurting you?" He questioned again.

"No," she shook her head. "Move your hips a bit more my love. I want to feel everything with you." He obliged and she cried out, a gasp of abdication as she felt him press further into her.

Severus closed his eyes. Taya leaned forward and kissed him.

"I never thought it could be anything like this," he said sounding breathless.

"Is that good?"

"Yes."

"You're wonderful Severus."

Abruptly he slid her over onto her back this time taking the lead. It was bliss. He was making love to her with such tenderness he feared she would break like a china doll.

She slid her hands down his back sending shivers of pleasure down his spine. Her hands grasped his buttocks.

It was the first time that she totally joined her soul with his, and didn't sense the terrible heart wrenching despair and loneliness. The fear or the terrible feeling of hopelessness was pushed at the back of his mind. She could only feel his furious passion combined with her own as they both strained against each other and climaxed simultaneously. All she saw was his eyes, lightning reflected in them, a reflection of her own passion .

His eyes pulled her into them she spiralled down into the familiar depth of his soul only this time she felt the intensity of his own orgasm, a detonation of illumination, visceral in it's drowning intensity. A rapturous assortment of physical and emotional sensations. She was swept away in it all.

Only when she had lost a minute amount of concentration did the familiar dark tunnel take her back into her own mind again, and to be rewarded by the sounds he made and pleasurable sensations of his hips bucking wildly as he exploded, ejecting his hot liquids into his young lover.

After their love making Severus Snape pulled the blanket around both of them and held her close.

Taya watched as his eyes flickered closed and a silent contented sleep bathed him in the darkness. She still felt the echo of his mind inside her, but for now he was safe, and she was content to simply watch as a slight almost child like expression was caste upon his features.

Not long after she too fell asleep.