Chapter 15

The Truth Be Told

"I still feel uneasy about this," Severus said wrapping his cloak around his shoulders.

"I know, but the Headmaster needs to know."

"Exactly, that is why I resent having to go," he snapped.

"I'll be right with you." She took his hand and gently kissed the back. "Remember it's only Dumbledore."

"Humf."

"Are you scared?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Please tell me because it's okay to be scared."

"Yes. I'm petrified." Taya reached up and hugged him. "And I feel quite nauseous."

"You get butterflies too? I get them when I'm nervous. Let me rub your tummy." Severus gazed at her strangely with that raised eyebrow of his. He felt the sensations of nausea subside when her fingers slid under his robes and rub his abdomen. For some reason he discovered that he liked it when she stroked him there. Was that why she did it as much as she did? She was after all empathic. Severus managed a brief smirk.

"Does that feel better?"

"Yes it does actually. You would make an excellent healer," he said tucking himself back in.

"It's good that you are opening up to me. It take courage to do that. Come on let's get this over and done with." Together they passed the threshold to Taya's room and left for Dumbledore's office.

"He's changed the bloody password again," muttered Severus.

"Oh. What is it this time?"

"I believe it to be, 'Fudge Creams.' he said in a clear loud voice. The stone gargoyle moved and a passage appeared.

"I should have thought Uncle Albus would have ran out of sweet names by now." Taya added.

"Hum."

"It'll be all right you know." Her fingers clasped his gently and they stepped into the passage leading up into darkness.

The Headmaster was sat at his usual place, behind his huge mahogany desk with his glasses positioned at the tip of his nose. He was immersed in reading the worn pages of a large volume. It's details were mostly hidden from view at the other side of the table.

Dumbledore tore himself away from the ancient book and smiled kindly at Severus and Taya.

"Ah, Severus, Taya."

"Headmaster I believe you wished to see me."

"Yes yes. Indeed I do. Please sit down both of you." Obligingly Severus sat if not awkwardly. Taya remained standing behind him. "My dear Professor Snape," he began. "I see that you two are getting on nicely."

"Admirably," muttered the potions master if not a little scathing at Dumbledore's personal question..

"Good. Now I have an understanding that you were taken ill yesterday?"

"You could say that." Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"My young friend informed me of the matter and I have seen to it that your shameless reputation has been restored." Dumbledore smiled.

"My sincere admiration for you Headmaster."

"Thank you, so kind." Dumbledore turned and smiled at the young woman. "Miss Matterson, may I have a few moments along with the Professor please?"

She gazed longingly at Severus who returned her a haughty look if not with a touch of desperation. She leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "I'll be in the other room Severus." For a moment he felt her fingers touch his cheek then she pulled away. "It's okay." She turned and stepped out of view leaving the two professors alone.

Dumbledore smiled after her but his cheery mood vanished as soon as she was gone. Severus felt a familiar sensation creep up his spine, anxiety at the very least was gradually rising and the nausea had returned.

"Tell me what happened, Severus?" Whispered Dumbledore gently.

The potions master froze, lost for words. He had the pure traits of a true Slytherin but how he was going to explain this one away? He had no idea at all. Taya had probably told the old man more than she admitted he realised and he was stumped, confounded for a conceivable truth that would let him off the proverbial hook.

"Tell me." Dumbledore's voice was soft, calming as if her were addressing an anxious child.

"I do not know where to begin, Headmaster." Severus lowered his head and gazed at his folded hands.

"I must confess that I was shocked by Taya's information, but something terrible on the lines of abuse had crossed my mind previously." Dumbledore shook his head. "I wish you would have told me about this before. I would never have put you in so much danger had I known what happened to you."

"Thank you Headmaster, but I took my fate into my own hands. I choose the path and I followed it despite the consequences."

Albus Dumbledore nodded and pushed his spectacles back up on his nose.

"Of cause you did, but you didn't know the results did you?"

"I do not expect you to renounce me of my crime because of this Albus."

Dumbledore laughed lightly. "You were forgiven years ago. I'm not keeping you here against your will. If you feel that you wish to leave then you can. Besides partly the reason I kept you here was for your own protection and it really wasn't entirely my own idea to make you a spy you know. The ministry objected immensely to my pleas to let you stay here. Arr, but you are here after all, son." The elder wizard smiled. "You needed some place to call home after your...visits. Someone had to take care of you when you came back." The potions master sneered.

"The ministry wouldn't have cared either way," said Severus. Dumbledore nodded sadly.

"I know, but you needed a friend." Severus gazed at him wordlessly.

"Many still feel I should have been left to rot in Azkaban."

Dumbledore leaned forward and watched the younger man intently. "Do you still feel that way, Severus?"

He shook his head. "No."

"I'm so glad of that. Now that he's gone you can go. Despite how you may feel you are a free man."

"Do you mean, He Who Must Not Be Named?" Interjected Severus.

"Yes yes. And we don't call him that any more. You yourself must no that calling someone by their name de-powers them."

"I ment it in respect Headmaster. I did not wish to offend you."

"Never my dear Severus. No offence taken. And for that matter you served me well, served the Ministry well despite what some think." Dumbledore leaned closer and folded his arms. "Now tell me what happened yesterday."

"I would assume that Miss Matterson has told you enough for you to be convinced that I was...maltreated?" The trepidation was now fast turning into a rage.

"Not really." said the wizened old man. "As I said I had my speculations. She just confirmed them."

Severus sighed and realised he had no opportunity to avoid Dumbledore's pressing questioning.

"I will answer your question, but it is a very long story. I suspect that you do not have the time to listen to me ranting on about my deprived, abysmal existence." Rage shone in the younger man's eyes and Dumbledore saw it.

"I'm not here to pry into your private affairs, Severus. Think of me as a detached observer." Professor Snape stood and forced himself to remain calm and objectionless.

"You don't have to tell me things you don't want to. I'm your friend. I want to help if I can. Perhaps you could start from the top? The orphanage? Did they...abuse you there?"

"No," came a crisp reply. "With all due respect Headmaster I do not see where this is heading."

Dumbledore nodded. "In all my experience, and I've had quite a number of years to think about it and digest what people have said, or what's been written so forth I would say that you are dwelling in something akin to self hate. Am I correct?"

The potions master bit his tongue. "I think Miss Matterson is very good for you. Take her advice when given and use it wisely." He smiled and leaned forward. "She loves you you know. Very much. I see it in her eyes."

"I know."

"And...Do you love her back?"

"My feelings where Miss Matterson is concerned are my own." And I will certainly kill her when I see her.

"Very well."

"What did she tell you about me?"

"She said you broke down without prior warning in front of your class then came to her. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Tell me if you can. Why did you think you were reduced to tears?" Severus slumped down heavily and held his head in his hands. "I know this is deeply personal," murmured Dumbledore sadly. "Did it happen, um were you... hurt as a young man? Possibly while as a Death Eater?" Severus noticed that the elderly wizard chose his words carefully. He sincerely wished that he would let it be and let sleeping dogs lie.

He looked up. Something gave way in his heart. He felt a hand gently rest against his shoulder. The headmaster was at his side. "Speak to me as a son to a father if that helps." Of cause that didn't help in the least. "Tell me."

"There was a man. His name was Dionysius Lorsekruker. I do not know whether you have heard of him?" Dumbledore shook his head. "You are correct on your speculations sir, I was indeed hurt. Raped." Severus felt his blood go cold even saying the word caused him pain. The Headmaster sat down again rather heavily.

"On Merlin's very own grave, you poor poor man." He closed his eyes. "Thank you Severus, thank you for being brave and sharing that deeply personal piece of information with me. That is all I need to know. I'm sure you will need the comfort of your girlfriend now."

"How do you...?" Severus was startled.

"It doesn't take a wizard to know that you two are together. I however suggest you keep your relationship quite for the time being. You have my sincere apologies for prying into your private life."

Severus looked up and watched Taya enter the room just at the right time.

"Uncle Albus?" She gazed steadily at Dumbledore who smiled.

"Sometimes no matter how long or how much you want to keep horrible memories to yourself it's always better to confide in someone else. I wont press you on this subject any further. Of course if you wish to-"

"Thank you Headmaster. I don't think any further discussions on my past are necessary." He turned to Taya and jeered slightly. The Headmaster nodded.

"Perhaps your heart will rest a little easier from now on. Off you go. Take the day off and enjoy each other's company. Professor Newt can take your classes for today Professor Snape and Miss Matterson I'll probably take yours. Good morning to you." Dumbledore looked down at his gold pocket watch. "Goodness gracious is that the time? I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. Must dash."

Once the Headmaster had left Taya slid her arms around Severus, not noticing the gazes on faces of previous Headmasters and Headmistresses. "You must really be hating me right now," she said. "I feared the worse when he sent me out. God I'm so sorry. Was it that bad?"

"Only that you apparently said more than you indicated to me." He was bitter but didn't pull away. Taya was grateful for that.

"Can you see though, Uncle Albus was worried about you. He needed to know. He told me that he had been worrying over you for years."

"I do not see why I had to-"

"It's only that he cares, Severus. There are people who care about you. Not everybody is bad. And I still love you."

"Dumbledore knew about us didn't he?"

"Yes." She nodded.

"From the start."

"It was his idea you know."

"I guessed that."

"But I came to you out of my own free will. Not because of what anybody said or wanted me to do, but because I love you."

"You still love me?"

"With all your weakness and vulnerabilities." He looked slightly fazed. "Do you forgive me?"

"Perhaps."

"Please," she pleaded.

"I will have to think about it."

They stepped out into the small hall overlooking the magic escalator.

"Please."

"You may have to work for your atonements."

"And do what?" Taya screwed up her nose in mock disgust.

"It is exceptional that you do it correctly. I do not wish to give you a detention."

"That sounds mighty interesting." She giggled. "What is it?"

"It concerns... love."

"I thought just as much, my love. Then why don't we go to your bedroom and I'll show you." He closed his eyes, leaning down slightly and she on tip toes. They kissed.