Chapter 16

The Library

The library was virtually deserted when Professor Snape entered the large chamber. It was past curfew so there was no danger of sneaking students. Rows upon rows of shelves and cabinets lined the room, containing the ancient scrolls, books, papers and various documentation.

He strolled over towards a tall imposing shelf near the back of the room until he noticed the woman sat at the near by table.

"Taya? My dear what are you doing here so late at night?" She looked up from her reading regarding the tall cloaked figure swathed in black gazing down at her. She smiled and stood up reaching out her hands to clasp his.

"Severus!" For a moment both were lost in time then Taya indicated for him to sit down. He complied and sat down closely beside her. His arm brushed against her. The contact stirring powerful emotions between them. They exchanged a brief kiss.

"I was looking for Dotty Morelop, you know the witch who invented the curse, Septiasteratos. I have a class in two days and we are studying blood curses." The man swallowed. It appeared to Taya that Severus winced slightly as well. "Are you okay?"

"It just brought back a rather disturbing memory."

"Oh Lord, they didn't? No?"

"Yes."

"How did you survive?"

"With great difficulty actually, a rather horrible way to go if you ask me."

The curse was as brutal as it sounded and was considerably deadly. Only a few survived, those who did only lived to tell the tale because there was something in their blood that prevented the final horrifying stages. It was a curse that literally ment the victim practically bleed to death. A formidable and painfully slow death.

"Some how I was resistant to it's potency," he said. "Not that I didn't bleed." Taya looked horrified.

"They actually did that to you?" He nodded sombrely. "Merlin's balls." She hugged him. "You did have a rough time of it didn't you?"

"You could say that." He gazed down at the book she was reading. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Yes. I'm sure that the seventh years will find it interesting."

"Indeed. Youth has a penitent morbid fascination for the grotesque." She nodded.

"I also found this." She took a large red leather bound book from under several others positioned under the table. He couldn't see the title.

"The restricted section I would gather."

"And well hidden. Wouldn't want to give the students any ideas would we. I don't know what it's doing here in the school in the first place." Taya opened it for him to see. I wouldn't be surprised if it was someone's little joke, she thought and a smile played on her mouth.

"The Kama Sutra. I suppose it deems some value, magic or otherwise. Indian sexual practices often include something more spiritual rather than just the basic act of copulation." He turned a bright shade of pink much to Taya's amusement. "Where did you find it?"

"Over there," she said pointing to an isolated section in the library. Many volumes were chained onto the shelf to prevent misfortunate happenings.

"I've never seen it before," commented Severus. "However I have browsed that shelf many times.

"Probably because you were never actually going out of the way looking for sex information." He made a little strangled sob noise.

"Perhaps. Why were you? Are you looking for something specifically? " His face dropped. "My techniques, humble they may be, am I not satisfying you?"

"Severus! You've got nothing to worry about in that respect. I was curious. If it bothers you that much I'll put it back." She started to get up but felt his hand grasp her upper arm. Taya looked down at him.

"You are angry with me," he stated turning around to face her.

"I'm not angry with you." She stroked his hair, appreciating the feel of soft silk between her fingers. She coiled a few strands around her fingers then let go.

"Then please sit with me." She sat down, nestled on his lap. He hugged her against him.

"I love you," she murmured. He smiled faintly. Every time she said those words he felt a soothing crush in his heart.

"I just don't see the point in looking at other people while they..."

"Have you actually looked at the Kama Sutra before?"

"No," he said quietly. "What would have been the point?"

"It's only a guide to love making. I wasn't looking at it for the sole purpose that I needed another kind of...of..." She couldn't find the word.

"Stimulation?" He offered.

"Yes. And beside this copy seems to be a wee bit different."

Severus frowned and looked at her cautiously.

"How?"

"Look for yourself."

"I can't. It's to personal." Neither the less she opened it and heard a shocked cry.

"BLOODY HELL," he yelled. "It's us."

His eyes widened at the moving images of them. Severus turned away, he couldn't watch. He tried to close his ears to the distinct sound of his own voice coming from the book as he cried out in rapture. Taya giggled as she flicked through the pages.

"Wonderful isn't it! There's stuff in here I've never even contemplated. Mind boggling, some of this stuff you would have to be a..."

He turned back, eyes falling onto the page and regretted what he saw. Abruptly he pushed her off his lap. She noticed his expression wishing with all her heart that the page hadn't flipped opened specifically on that image.

"Severus?"

"How...how can this book turn you on?" He said darkly, his voice consumed with rage and pain. He was choking nearly on every word. He slammed the book closed. He stood up pacing for a minute then sat down again. The image butchered his mind nearly as intense as the memory of Lorsekruker when he violated him. Even the thought of doing that to Taya caused tears to form in his eyes. He turned away from the touch that stroked his neck, just under the collar of his robes.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "Doing it that way doesn't always correspond to rape you know, it can be nice." She bit her lip regretting her words, knowing that they would stir terrible pain in him. She tried to soften her words. "How do you think gay men-"

"And you know all about this of cause? I should have guessed what you would have been up to with... with that other man. How can you so insensitive?"

"It wasn't ment by anything. Severus?" He expression and tone in voice took in desperation.

"I know I'm inexperienced, frigid and repressed but..." His voice trailed off into nothing. "And I suppose you've mastered the majority of this filth? Did it with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend now. You are and he was a mistake. A stupid mistake."

"Was he better than me? Are you jealous because I wont go down on... on your arse?"

"You're behaving irrationally. It's only a book." Her words were useless as was her futile attempts to calm him. "Don't tear yourself up over it." She silently wandered over to the book case and slid the offending volume back into place.

"Did you enjoy it when he took you from behind?" Severus suddenly lent forward burying his face in his hands. She stepped faward reaching out and this time he responded to her touch, falling heavily against her, pressing his head against her chest. "I'm sorry," he moaned. "I shouldn't have said that."

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?"

"Having that done to you." He tensed.

"I don't want to talk about it." He looked up at her. "I thought you already knew how it felt, you're an empath aren't you?"

"Yes, but I didn't look into you as deep as that. There are something's -"

"Better left alone. I know."

"Yes but others are better let out into the open. Keeping them shut away wont let you heal. I felt your pain, but I never properly assimilated it. Feelings were just so jumbled, so disconcerting and random. I couldn't really make them out."

"I'm sorry," he said simply.

"I am sorry for being so nasty. Tell me in your own words. Let it out into the open and let the air suck it away instead of it compressing inside us." He turned his head.

"I can't. It's too horrible."

"I'm your friend and your lover. You can safely confide in me."

He took a deep breath. "It's not that. It's just..." He sighed.

"Tell me."

"Look Taya I can't speak of this."

"Tell me. Let it free. You expressed your pain to Dumbledore. If you can't share your pain you can't heal." Severus nodded, realising that she was right. Keeping it in only made it worse.

"...I feared that I would be left for dead every time, or bleed to death. Sometimes I wished that would happen."

"Gods." He noticed she was weeping and slid an arm around her. Although what he was explaining was merely words they made her heart break and she wished she had never discovered that confounded book.

For a moment their eyes met and she felt herself falling, being swallowed up by those dark eyes, taken to some other hidden place beyond the physical. Then she felt it. The twisting, the stabbing agony of it all. Severus abruptly pushed her away, shielding her from most of the carnage. She cried inside him feeling the burning of her soul, and every nerve crying out in protest from the feelings and sensations that were now in some kind of order, unlike before, a juggling of twisted images and feelings because she understood.

Taya found herself back inside in library again, listening to the chiming of the grandfather clock in the background. It struck midnight, the witching hour, the hour of death. She noticed that Severus was watching her intently, perhaps still inwardly seeking her consciousness. He averted his eyes.

"I'm surprised you didn't bleed to death," she said hoarsely.

"A spell had been cast that enabled quick healing for all other times."

"What about infection?"

"Again a spell was used so that I wouldn't catch anything untoward. Although when I came back to Hogwarts I made a potion that eradicated any...symptoms and bacterial infections just to be on the safe side."

"What about your basic.. . needs," she asked.

"Difficult. Painful." Very gently Taya brushed a loose strand of hair from his eyes.

"Where did you live exactly?"

"There was this house. It was large and would have been really quite magnificent years ago. About forty rooms. I had my own room, it was basically a laboratory with a single bed. It was small but accommodating. I had clothes and food although I rarely felt like eating anything. When I was called I would be taken from my room to the cells, the dungeons." Taya stood up.

"Thank you for telling me, sweetie." Severus followed her lead. "Why did you come here?" She questioned.

"I have seemed to have lost my grade one textbooks and Magical Drafts and Potions."

"They're in my room where you left them last night."

"Foolish of me to forget. Thank you."

"Will you be coming with me tonight or would you rather be alone?"

"Thank you for your kind offer, but I would rather return to my dungeons tonight. I'll drop by tomorrow to pick them up."

Taya collected her books off the table.

"Let me carry those for you until we're at your door. They look heavy." She smiled at him and dropped him a gentle kiss.

"Thanks." Together they walked out of the library hand in hand.

"Good night then," he said dropping the books onto the table in that hall. She hugged him for a moment then let go.

"Sure you're be okay?"

"I am certain. I'm sorry about that book. Maybe one day when I feel stronger we will look at it again." She saw a slight twinkle in his eyes. "Why were the images us I wonder?"

"Because we are a couple. It said on the inside page, I quote, 'Those who know where true love lies shall see thee and their lover unite.'"

"It said that. Doesn't sound like ancient Indian to me," he said scathingly.

"No. Someone must have written it on there, it was hand scribed. The book was Muggle published and had been charmed so that the illustrations moved.

"How do you know that?"

"It said, 'Made in England. 1981.'" He smiled faintly and she took her leave of him. "Well then my dearest Severus nun nite." He nodded.

"And you." They kissed then he left, leaving her wondering. She sighed as she closed the door, her heart feeling heavy despite that they had made up. She needed to do something nice for him.