Chapter 19

Why Must He Hurt Me Again?

"Then who-?"

"It's him, Dionysius Lorsekruker."

Taya had never felt so sick to the stomach in her life. The prospect or the actual realiity shook her not to mention what it was doing to Severus right now. Old battered wounds and painful memories stood out in clear relief. The idea of Lorsekruker being in the actual school seemed utterly ridiculous.

"Oh Gods," she murmured. "Are...are you sure?" Severus's eyes widened. "Of cause you're sure."

"I would never forget his face," he said. "I see it every night."

She didn't quite know what to do. Whether he would want to be touched at a time like that.

What was he feeling? Taya took a deep breath and struggled to withdraw the sickening shivers that stole through her body. She clasped his hand firmly into hers and led him back up into the daylight.

"We'll go to my rooms," she said quietly. Any louder and her voice would have broken into an outright sob.

She was still holding his hand when they reached the fourth floor, only releasing it when the passed a student or two running in the corridor. A third year Hufflepuff boy who was bad enough, but much to Severus' annoyance he was accompanied by a tiny first year girl, a member of the much despised Gryffindor brood.

They were the unfortunate victims of Professor Snape's wrath. Both were chastised for sprinting in the halls and points were deducted.

Despite the girl's angelic innocent appearance Severus distinctly saw the glare she cast him as she and her friend passed. His keen hearing picked up faint muttering between the two.

"Stupid git," said the girl loudly. With a flick of a finger she pushed back a straying tangle of dark blond hair from her eyes.

"I think he heard you Mina," replied the elder child casting anxious glances behind him at the potions professor.

"Good-" She began to reply in a hard conceited tone, but stopped when Severus abruptly swooped down over them again.

"Taya stood standing a short way back looking slightly anxious.

"I did here that Mr Gallows," Severus snapped. He glowered at the girl who cowered slightly and took a step behind the boy.

"Your supposed Gryffindor valour seems to have depleted itself," he growled at Mina. Severus' eyes were hard and glistened darkly. They seemed to bore straight into hers. She lowered her head realising that it was a stupid mistake to goad Snape.

"Detention, both of you. Since Filch is no longer here and I myself have better things to do than watch stupid children, you will report to Professor McGonagall directly after your evening meal." Severus took a side step away. His jaw twitched slightly. "Now get out of my way both of you."

Abruptly Severus thundered off behind them closely followed by an uncharacteristically subdued defence against the dark arts teacher.

When they were out of sight Robert Gallows stopped. "Look what you've done now. We're in for it big time!" He exclaimed. The girl could only manage a weak smile.

"Sorry Rob," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"McGonagall's gonna go ape."

"Yea well, you should count yourself lucky she's not your head of house. It's me that's going to probably get killed."

"Well, it's your stupid fault."

Taya draw out her wand and whisper 'moonstones and chucklepuffs' to open the door to her private chambers. She stepped inside with a infuriated Severus Snape lagging on behind her.

The candles immediately flickered into being as soon as they were inside, as if they were alive.

"Calm down." she intoned noticing the tension in him. He looked ready to explode at any given moment.

"I AM calm." he bit back angrily.

"Obviously." Taya rebutted sarcastically. She glared at him and he glowered back. From what she could make out Severus was apparently fighting an inner battle with himself.

"Insufferable bloody kids."

"Now now." She raised a chiding eyebrow. "You were one once. Give them a break. They don't understand."

"Indeed not," he muttered to himself. Taya smiled at him gently and pressed her hand against his chest.

"Sit down," she commanded and he sat down on the armchair next to her bed. She positioned herself on the side of the bed leaning close to him. Severus simply sat there gazing out of the window not really looking at anything at all, but he had to stare at something.

"Why is he here?" He croaked.

She shook her head. "I don't know."

"Why?" This time there was desperation tinged in his voice. "Why must he hurt me again?" Suddenly Severus moved and ran for the bathroom slamming the door with abrupt resoluteness in her face. She stopped at the door then sat back down to cry.

That evening he stayed with her. He was just content to let her hold him that night. He didn't know what he was feeling, other than bewilderment and somehow desperate.

His eyelids flickered closed. Severus, regretting sleep as soon as he realised what he was dreaming.

The man, Lorsekruker was hitting him then the image changed.

He was laying on the cold icy floor his abdomen ached from the previous assault rubbing against the cold stone, rubbing against the chaffed skin, burning the tender flesh until he simply wanted to die.

He was breaking him apart, tearing the delicate membrane that was holding his fragile wits and sanity together. Then there was nothing. Blackness followed. For a moment he thought he was dead then he heard the calling. The tiny female voice reaching to him from far far away.

He found her hugging him from in the inside. He knew this caused her pain to have to touch him like that but did she really have much choice? Severus realised that he must have woken her up and she had come to him, felt and heard his outcry and reached inside.

She took him and guided him out from the depressing evil, the pressing and crushing darkness, an abysmal heat that had nearly swallowed him. Then-

Severus opened his eyes. He lay on his side wrapped in her arms. Her fingers stroking his bare arm, the place where the stigmata of the Dark Mark had been cast years before. It was burning. Not because Voldemort was summoning him he had been dead for a few years now, but because of the memory. He gazed at the ugly tattoo, a skull with a snake writhing out from it's mouth, black in colour, not red like it would have been, not inflamed and now no longer burning.

He heard a whimpering sound. She was crying. He moved closer, at least as close as possible and he felt something like silk slide through his mind, a mental caress. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very drained and he slept. This time a dreamless sleep.

Morning came and Severus found himself alone. Where was she? He sat up. He could still smell her distinct sweet musky scent on the bed clothes. She couldn't have been gone lone. He pulled off the bed covers and got to his feet. She wasn't in her small office.

She must be elsewhere, he thought as he padded naked into the bathroom. His body ached and he felt slightly sick. He thought that he would have got used to regularly vomiting. The dreams caused the weakening of his stomach. This morning he felt no different.

He was now feeling as sick as a parrot.

"Severus?" he heard a voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm in here," he groaned.

"Where? Are you okay?"

"The... the bathroom." He gazed down into the pan feeling another wave of nausea sweep through him.

"Can I come in?" There was no reply. "Severus?"

The door opened. He hadn't locked it. She found him stooped over the toilet.

He felt her body press behind him, her arms encircle him and her hands stroking circles over his convulsing tender belly.

"Feel sick again my love?" She held him. Severus couldn't reply. He began to retch. He felt so cold he was shivering, but his waxy skin was clammy to the touch. He felt soft fabric being draped around him. He was grateful for the warmth.

In any other circumstance he would have demanded privacy. However, right now he needed her support and compassion. Her arms were around him as he began to retch again.

When the sickness passed he became aware of her fingers running over his scalp, massaging away the pounding in his head. Taya pushed back that irresistible loose strand of lank black hair that was dangling over his face then embraced him fully.

"Where were you?" He said against her warmth.

"I was looking for Dumbledore, but he's left to visit London for the day. On some important mission I 'spose. I dunno when he'll be back. I'm going to see him tonight." Severus looked up into her face. "I'm not letting that... that man stay a second longer in this school." She pulled away from him when he stood and he stiffly padded over to the bath.

"He should be left to rot in Azkaban for what he did to you." Severus didn't reply. He was concentrating on drawing himself a bath. He simply wanted to be left alone for a bit now and soak perhaps for an hour, just lying there and letting the warm water release the strain in his aching limbs and torso.

"I'll leave you too it then." She brushed her hands along his naked back. Severus turned permitting her a weak smile and a nod. "I've... um got a number of appointments today." She glanced at her watch. Half past eight. She hoped that the meeting she had to attend would finish in time for her first lesson of the day. "Actually...Damn, one's about five minutes time. Oh and Jym Jams is asleep in the bed." The rabbit had taken up residence in Taya's rooms lately.

"Gotta go." She turned to leave then stopped casting him a concerned took. At least he didn't have a class until late morning. It would give him some time to capture his thoughts. "Will you be all right?"

"Yes I'll be fine. Just need a bit of time to myself that's all." Taya nodded.

"Okay."

"Thanks," he muttered. She smiled back at him and closed the door letting him have some reposing time to himself.

He only had one lesson that afternoon.

Severus Snape would be glad to go to his dungeon rooms and spend the night alone if allowed. Taya would no doubt forbid him being alone at a time like that but he could be very persuasive when he desired. He needed some peace and quiet and some time to relax maybe pick up a book and fall asleep in front of the fire. That was his plan anyway.

The children hurried out of the classroom as if there were no tomorrow. Non of them particularly liked to hang about down in the dungeons after class particularly if their potions master was in a bad mood. He wasn't feeling particularly happy today for obvious reasons and the brats or so he liked to call them irritated him even more. Both houses, fourth year Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had been deducted thirty points a piece.

He sighed when they were all gone and looked around his classroom with a mixture of resentment and pity. Pity at himself for having to deal with such useless stupid imbecile brats and resentment at such a group of dunderheads.

There had been two cauldron explosions, someone grew an extra hand from the potion that they were supposedly brewing, a shrinking potion, and another accidentally splattered theirs at their partner resulting in the poor unfortunate victim being reduced to the size of a mouse. At least that gave the angry potions master something to be mildly amused at while not enraged at the same time.

Taya left her lesson feeling mildly crushed, Severus will still causing her concern. She suddenly came to a stop when she saw Dumbledore. And then she remembered.

"Hello my dear," said Dumbledore with a smile as he passed. Taya hurriedly stopped him.

"Professor you're back early?"

"Indeed I am Miss. Luckily the meeting with the Board Of Magical Education didn't take as long as I expected." He saw frenzy in her eyes. "What is Taya? You appear a little desperate."

"I need to talk to you. Urgently."

"Of cause. Come this way."