To Eat Death or Not to Eat Death? That is the Question.
(A tale of three boys' Rite of Passage)
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco
Chapter 5: Sirius and Homosexual Bashing
Lucius tapped his fingers on his knee. He peered out his window for a moment. Not finding what he was looking for he crossed his legs and started picking at his nails. The door to his compartment opened. He snapped his head up expectantly. Crabbe and Goyle towered in the narrow doorway. Lucius sighed and uncrossed his legs.
"What do you two goons want," Lucius asked irritated.
Crabbe and Goyle took this as a sign to come in and sit down. "Can you believe it's time to go back to Hogwarts already," Goyle said excited.
Crabbe answered. "I know! Brand-new firsties to scare and bully." Both laughed at the thought, delighted by the idea. "Oooh and another feast. I love Hogwarts food. It never runs out."
Lucius stopped searching out the window to turn and glare at them both. "It certainly must be a feat for those house elves, considering both of you pigs are eating." They found it funny and cracked up again.
Lucius's upper lip twitched in annoyance. "What did you two smoke? I had to put up with your high arses all fucking summer. You are not smuggling narcotics into Hogwarts are you?
"We didn't smoke anything today, Lucius. I swear," Goyle answered. Crabbe burst out laughing again. Goyle attempted to keep a straight face but failed and joined Crabbe's hysteria.
Lucius stood up, angered. "I do not have the mind for either of you today. Get out of my cabin and out my sight, you drugged morons." Lucius shoved them out the door yelling, and didn't stop until a voice from behind froze him in his place.
"What has your panties in a twist, Lucius?"
Lucius turned around slowly. He took in Severus's appearance. The summer had done him some good. He didn't look sickly anymore. Still pale as a ghost but somehow held a glow. His frame was slender but his shoulders and arms had filled out and he was taller still. Not that Lucius was. He hadn't grown since second year. Severus had his hair trimmed. It fell right past his shoulders and was still blacker than midnight in the forbidden forest. It was freshly washed. Lucius could tell. It didn't appear as greasy, just near the top. And Severus was dressed in tailored black pants and a snug fitting black T-shirt that accentuated his toned arms and a snake tattoo that hadn't been there before. It took Lucius a moment to snap out of his daze and realize it was his turn to speak.
"Sevvy! I wasn't sure you still remember me. I thought you'd forget me over the summer," Lucius joked although that had been what he was afraid of.
"Forget you! Ha! Like I could forget your tantrums and big ideas." Just then a tall boy that looked very similar to Severus, but with shorter hair shoved him.
"Hey there, Snape. Stop blocking the hall with your ugly arse. I see you've finally managed to wash your hair a week ago, from the looks of it. It isn't nearly as greasy as usual."
Severus sighed. "And I had thought I had escaped idiots coming to Hogwarts, but I had forgot about *you* Sirius."
"Oh yes, Snape, because *you're* such the genius."
"I'm a lot smarter than you. How close was it last year that you fail?" Sirius grabbed Severus by the shirt and threw him up against the wall. Severus just let him. "I didn't know you wanted me Black. Are you going to kiss me passionately now? You fucking QUEER," Severus spat in his face.
"Why I ought a.I swear you open your ugly mouth again." James Potter interrupted grabbing Sirius by the shoulder and pulling him away, releasing Severus from the wall.
"Come on Sirius. Don't get in trouble before we get there. You'll have plenty of time for that. Besides I found Remus. Come on," the raven- haired boy coaxed. Sirius turned around and started leaving. Severus brushed himself off and turned to call after them.
"Everyone knows you're fucking Lupin! You aren't fooling anyone pansy- ass!" It was Lucius's turn to guide his friend away. He led him into the cabin and shut the door after grabbing Severus's bag with robes.
"What a way to start the year," Severus started.
"Yeah, with Sirius and homosexual bashing," Lucius finished, offense apparent in his voice.
"What is your problem," Severus asked as he sat down. "First you were screaming at those two goons of yours and now you have an attitude with me," he snapped smugly.
Lucius sat there staring at his best friend. The first real best friend he ever really had. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd still have a best friend if he knew the truth. Over the summer Lucius had a fling with one of the sons of his father's associates. What would Severus think of that? Lucius tried to hide his emotions like he was taught to. All summer Lucius had anticipated see Severus again and this is how it turned out. Lucius turned away as tears welled in his eyes.
Severus sighed heavily. "Geez Lucius, a fit already. Fine, be that way. Don't talk to me."
Lucius spoke up. "What is your deal with homosexuals?"
"What's yours," Severus snapped. "It's wrong. It disgusts me. Why are you having issues all of a sudden? What did you suddenly turn queer on me or something, or are you just picking a fight?"
Lucius turned his body back around towards Severus. A tear ran down his cheek and he was shaking. "You know Sevvy, for someone who's supposed to be such a genius, you sure are stupid."
Severus stared at him, expression blank, thoughts running wild in his head. "What the hell do you mean by that," his tone lacked the anger that had been there previously.
Lucius shook his head. "What? Do I have to spell it out for you? I guess I really am going to lose my fucking best friend." More tears ran down his pale face.
Severus's eyes darted out the window and back to Lucius's tear streaked face. "What are you talking about? You are not going to lose my friendship."
Lucius was quiet before he spoke. "What if I told you I was bi- sexual? I would then, wouldn't I?" Then Lucius let the tears fall and left Severus to watch. When Lucius was done breaking, he wiped his eyes bravely. "I always cry around you." Lucius stood up. "You know what I'm kicking you out of my cabin too. Get out." Lucius pointed to the door. "Get out," Lucius's voice rose. Severus stood up.
"Lucius," Severus said softy towering over him.
"OUT," Lucius screamed and attempted to use force to get him out, but Severus wrapped his arms around the smaller boy in a protective embrace.
"Lucius. Lucius," Severus murmured. Lucius gave up beating on Severus and rested his head on the other boy's chest and cried. "Shhh. I'm sorry Lucius. I'm sorry. I'm still your best friend. Shhh."
They sat down and Severus held Lucius and smoothed his hair until Lucius fell asleep worn out from their row. Severus watched him sleep peacefully, head on his chest, arm wrapped around his waist. He didn't care if Lucius was bi. Lucius was different. Lucius was special. Not special because he was perfect. Everyone knew that. No, Lucius was special in a different way. He could be what ever he chose and he made you feel that way too. He made you feel special, not something Severus was used to. He hated the fact he had made Lucius cry and want to hide from him. He was disgusted with himself, not with Lucius, because somewhere he thought he already knew about Lucius. When the train stopped Severus woke Lucius.
"Lucius. Lucius, wake up. We're here," Severus whispered in his ear.
"Hmmm," was all Lucius said opening his eyes. He didn't move.
"I'm sorry Lucius."
"It's alright." Lucius looked up at him. "I was just afraid you were going to hate me."
"I could never hate you," Severus replied honestly. There was a knock at the door tell them they were there. Both got up stretched and put on robes. Just before opening the door to leave they hugged.
~*.*~
That night after the feast Lucius climbed into Severus's bed after the rest of the boys settled down and fell asleep. Severus said nothing and moved over to make room for Lucius, falling into their old routine of éclairs and pumpkin juice that Lucius always smuggled.
"So when did you realize you liked boys," Severus asked taking another éclair.
"Well actually it wasn't a matter of realizing I liked boys, it was a matter of realizing liking boys was strange if you're one yourself," Lucius said tearing another bit off his éclair and putting it in his mouth. "Hmm, let's see. I was six. Yes, I was six when I was having lessons with this other boy who was ten and when we were done I leaned over and kissed him. He was dreadful good looking. It was as plain a day for me to do it. He punched me in the nose and called me a pouf. He threw a fit and our tutor separated us and told my father. That night my father wouldn't even look at me, said I was a disgrace. He locked me in the dungeon. After spending the night down there my mother got me and explained why what I did was wrong. It seemed so stupid to me. I kissed girls, why couldn't I want to kiss boys too. I guess I never really got what she meant back then. Actually, I still don't."
"Wow, I never looked at it like that," Severus said and reached for the jug of pumpkin juice. "Have you ever had a boyfriend? I already know about your crazy girlfriends."
Lucius snorted. "Yeah. Two. You wouldn't believe who my first one was."
"Really? Who?"
"You know how I got kicked out of my dormitory? Yeah, well it wasn't just his girlfriend who wanted me."
"You screwed him!" Severus almost choked on his food.
"No, you moron. I haven't *screwed* anyone. Everyone just thinks I'm a whore. You know better. Anyway, no, I was dating him. When we almost got caught making out he started punching me making it look like a fight and claimed it was over his girlfriend, who *did* want me as well. I made a comment at the time about a threesome sarcastically and then he really *did* start pummeling me. After that it was so bad between us I got my dad to get me moved. Of course I knew the fifth-years had the most room."
"Who was your second boyfriend?"
"Some guy this summer," Lucius said casually. "He looked a lot like you," and popped the last of his éclair in his mouth. Severus almost choked again.
"What?"
"I just said he looked a lot like you. I just realized that now is all. Geez, Sevvy, chill out."
"Oh right. Sorry. It sounded.well never mind."
"It sounded what," Lucius questioned with a smirk.
"Nothing. Never mind."
"What Sevvy?"
"It's stupid. I'm stupid. Let's just forget it okay," Severus said exasperated.
"Okay," Lucius sang overly innocent. Lucius picked up the empty bag and jug.
"Goodnight Lucius," Severus said.
"Night. Oh and Sevvy?"
"What?"
Lucius leaned in close to Severus's ear. "You were thinking right. I did pick that guy because he reminded me of you. Take a guess who I like." Lucius pulled back and shut the curtain. "Goodnight Sevvy." Severus could hear Lucius climb in to bed. Severus didn't sleep that night.
Pen Name: PhoenixTear Email: PhoenixTear2003@yahoo.com Category: Romance Rating: R Disclaimer: Don't know, Don't own, Don't imply. Contains Slash. Pairing: Lucius/Severus Snape and Harry/Draco
Chapter 5: Sirius and Homosexual Bashing
Lucius tapped his fingers on his knee. He peered out his window for a moment. Not finding what he was looking for he crossed his legs and started picking at his nails. The door to his compartment opened. He snapped his head up expectantly. Crabbe and Goyle towered in the narrow doorway. Lucius sighed and uncrossed his legs.
"What do you two goons want," Lucius asked irritated.
Crabbe and Goyle took this as a sign to come in and sit down. "Can you believe it's time to go back to Hogwarts already," Goyle said excited.
Crabbe answered. "I know! Brand-new firsties to scare and bully." Both laughed at the thought, delighted by the idea. "Oooh and another feast. I love Hogwarts food. It never runs out."
Lucius stopped searching out the window to turn and glare at them both. "It certainly must be a feat for those house elves, considering both of you pigs are eating." They found it funny and cracked up again.
Lucius's upper lip twitched in annoyance. "What did you two smoke? I had to put up with your high arses all fucking summer. You are not smuggling narcotics into Hogwarts are you?
"We didn't smoke anything today, Lucius. I swear," Goyle answered. Crabbe burst out laughing again. Goyle attempted to keep a straight face but failed and joined Crabbe's hysteria.
Lucius stood up, angered. "I do not have the mind for either of you today. Get out of my cabin and out my sight, you drugged morons." Lucius shoved them out the door yelling, and didn't stop until a voice from behind froze him in his place.
"What has your panties in a twist, Lucius?"
Lucius turned around slowly. He took in Severus's appearance. The summer had done him some good. He didn't look sickly anymore. Still pale as a ghost but somehow held a glow. His frame was slender but his shoulders and arms had filled out and he was taller still. Not that Lucius was. He hadn't grown since second year. Severus had his hair trimmed. It fell right past his shoulders and was still blacker than midnight in the forbidden forest. It was freshly washed. Lucius could tell. It didn't appear as greasy, just near the top. And Severus was dressed in tailored black pants and a snug fitting black T-shirt that accentuated his toned arms and a snake tattoo that hadn't been there before. It took Lucius a moment to snap out of his daze and realize it was his turn to speak.
"Sevvy! I wasn't sure you still remember me. I thought you'd forget me over the summer," Lucius joked although that had been what he was afraid of.
"Forget you! Ha! Like I could forget your tantrums and big ideas." Just then a tall boy that looked very similar to Severus, but with shorter hair shoved him.
"Hey there, Snape. Stop blocking the hall with your ugly arse. I see you've finally managed to wash your hair a week ago, from the looks of it. It isn't nearly as greasy as usual."
Severus sighed. "And I had thought I had escaped idiots coming to Hogwarts, but I had forgot about *you* Sirius."
"Oh yes, Snape, because *you're* such the genius."
"I'm a lot smarter than you. How close was it last year that you fail?" Sirius grabbed Severus by the shirt and threw him up against the wall. Severus just let him. "I didn't know you wanted me Black. Are you going to kiss me passionately now? You fucking QUEER," Severus spat in his face.
"Why I ought a.I swear you open your ugly mouth again." James Potter interrupted grabbing Sirius by the shoulder and pulling him away, releasing Severus from the wall.
"Come on Sirius. Don't get in trouble before we get there. You'll have plenty of time for that. Besides I found Remus. Come on," the raven- haired boy coaxed. Sirius turned around and started leaving. Severus brushed himself off and turned to call after them.
"Everyone knows you're fucking Lupin! You aren't fooling anyone pansy- ass!" It was Lucius's turn to guide his friend away. He led him into the cabin and shut the door after grabbing Severus's bag with robes.
"What a way to start the year," Severus started.
"Yeah, with Sirius and homosexual bashing," Lucius finished, offense apparent in his voice.
"What is your problem," Severus asked as he sat down. "First you were screaming at those two goons of yours and now you have an attitude with me," he snapped smugly.
Lucius sat there staring at his best friend. The first real best friend he ever really had. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd still have a best friend if he knew the truth. Over the summer Lucius had a fling with one of the sons of his father's associates. What would Severus think of that? Lucius tried to hide his emotions like he was taught to. All summer Lucius had anticipated see Severus again and this is how it turned out. Lucius turned away as tears welled in his eyes.
Severus sighed heavily. "Geez Lucius, a fit already. Fine, be that way. Don't talk to me."
Lucius spoke up. "What is your deal with homosexuals?"
"What's yours," Severus snapped. "It's wrong. It disgusts me. Why are you having issues all of a sudden? What did you suddenly turn queer on me or something, or are you just picking a fight?"
Lucius turned his body back around towards Severus. A tear ran down his cheek and he was shaking. "You know Sevvy, for someone who's supposed to be such a genius, you sure are stupid."
Severus stared at him, expression blank, thoughts running wild in his head. "What the hell do you mean by that," his tone lacked the anger that had been there previously.
Lucius shook his head. "What? Do I have to spell it out for you? I guess I really am going to lose my fucking best friend." More tears ran down his pale face.
Severus's eyes darted out the window and back to Lucius's tear streaked face. "What are you talking about? You are not going to lose my friendship."
Lucius was quiet before he spoke. "What if I told you I was bi- sexual? I would then, wouldn't I?" Then Lucius let the tears fall and left Severus to watch. When Lucius was done breaking, he wiped his eyes bravely. "I always cry around you." Lucius stood up. "You know what I'm kicking you out of my cabin too. Get out." Lucius pointed to the door. "Get out," Lucius's voice rose. Severus stood up.
"Lucius," Severus said softy towering over him.
"OUT," Lucius screamed and attempted to use force to get him out, but Severus wrapped his arms around the smaller boy in a protective embrace.
"Lucius. Lucius," Severus murmured. Lucius gave up beating on Severus and rested his head on the other boy's chest and cried. "Shhh. I'm sorry Lucius. I'm sorry. I'm still your best friend. Shhh."
They sat down and Severus held Lucius and smoothed his hair until Lucius fell asleep worn out from their row. Severus watched him sleep peacefully, head on his chest, arm wrapped around his waist. He didn't care if Lucius was bi. Lucius was different. Lucius was special. Not special because he was perfect. Everyone knew that. No, Lucius was special in a different way. He could be what ever he chose and he made you feel that way too. He made you feel special, not something Severus was used to. He hated the fact he had made Lucius cry and want to hide from him. He was disgusted with himself, not with Lucius, because somewhere he thought he already knew about Lucius. When the train stopped Severus woke Lucius.
"Lucius. Lucius, wake up. We're here," Severus whispered in his ear.
"Hmmm," was all Lucius said opening his eyes. He didn't move.
"I'm sorry Lucius."
"It's alright." Lucius looked up at him. "I was just afraid you were going to hate me."
"I could never hate you," Severus replied honestly. There was a knock at the door tell them they were there. Both got up stretched and put on robes. Just before opening the door to leave they hugged.
~*.*~
That night after the feast Lucius climbed into Severus's bed after the rest of the boys settled down and fell asleep. Severus said nothing and moved over to make room for Lucius, falling into their old routine of éclairs and pumpkin juice that Lucius always smuggled.
"So when did you realize you liked boys," Severus asked taking another éclair.
"Well actually it wasn't a matter of realizing I liked boys, it was a matter of realizing liking boys was strange if you're one yourself," Lucius said tearing another bit off his éclair and putting it in his mouth. "Hmm, let's see. I was six. Yes, I was six when I was having lessons with this other boy who was ten and when we were done I leaned over and kissed him. He was dreadful good looking. It was as plain a day for me to do it. He punched me in the nose and called me a pouf. He threw a fit and our tutor separated us and told my father. That night my father wouldn't even look at me, said I was a disgrace. He locked me in the dungeon. After spending the night down there my mother got me and explained why what I did was wrong. It seemed so stupid to me. I kissed girls, why couldn't I want to kiss boys too. I guess I never really got what she meant back then. Actually, I still don't."
"Wow, I never looked at it like that," Severus said and reached for the jug of pumpkin juice. "Have you ever had a boyfriend? I already know about your crazy girlfriends."
Lucius snorted. "Yeah. Two. You wouldn't believe who my first one was."
"Really? Who?"
"You know how I got kicked out of my dormitory? Yeah, well it wasn't just his girlfriend who wanted me."
"You screwed him!" Severus almost choked on his food.
"No, you moron. I haven't *screwed* anyone. Everyone just thinks I'm a whore. You know better. Anyway, no, I was dating him. When we almost got caught making out he started punching me making it look like a fight and claimed it was over his girlfriend, who *did* want me as well. I made a comment at the time about a threesome sarcastically and then he really *did* start pummeling me. After that it was so bad between us I got my dad to get me moved. Of course I knew the fifth-years had the most room."
"Who was your second boyfriend?"
"Some guy this summer," Lucius said casually. "He looked a lot like you," and popped the last of his éclair in his mouth. Severus almost choked again.
"What?"
"I just said he looked a lot like you. I just realized that now is all. Geez, Sevvy, chill out."
"Oh right. Sorry. It sounded.well never mind."
"It sounded what," Lucius questioned with a smirk.
"Nothing. Never mind."
"What Sevvy?"
"It's stupid. I'm stupid. Let's just forget it okay," Severus said exasperated.
"Okay," Lucius sang overly innocent. Lucius picked up the empty bag and jug.
"Goodnight Lucius," Severus said.
"Night. Oh and Sevvy?"
"What?"
Lucius leaned in close to Severus's ear. "You were thinking right. I did pick that guy because he reminded me of you. Take a guess who I like." Lucius pulled back and shut the curtain. "Goodnight Sevvy." Severus could hear Lucius climb in to bed. Severus didn't sleep that night.