Chapter 31

A Corruption Of Innocence

23rd of August

Gazing out of a window was a past time Severus Snape secretly enjoyed when not cooped up in those dark depressing dungeons, but today even watching the goings on down upon the ground or watching the sky, as clouds sailed slowly past didn't give him any assurance to what was going to happen today.

Severus would never had been considered a dreamy soul, or a poet, but things such as those he religiously kept to himself. If it got out that he had one redeeming quality about him there would be whispers, and Minerva McGonagall may even have passed out from the shock..

There were always whispers concerning him, but whispers that rumoured that he was in fact a romantic at heart would probably kill him on the spot if anyone, but Taya had found out.

She had found something that indicated poetry, probably the beginning of an elegy, some thoughts he had taken to writing down in poetry kind of a manner. It had been roughly scribed on the back of an unused test sheet and had brought her to tears upon reading it. Severus quite defensively pointed out that he had written it a long time ago. Perhaps that was true because the paper had started to yellow at the edges from age, but the indication of whom the woman spoken about in the verses were quite obviously her.

How long ago had he written it? She had wondered. When she was still at school? When she was in Norway? Taya didn't have any real evidence, but she suspected that the words were first scribed after her graduation, when the pain of realisation that he probably would never see her again had hit him the hardest.

She had held it up in her hand looking at the folded sheet curiously after finding it lodged between two heavy volumes in one of Severus' large bookcases.

She had unfolded it carefully and sat down on the couch to read.

On the outside no one could ever know

They just see a broken shell

Within a withering effigy of life,

A ghost of a man once dwelled.

On the inside is an empty heart

Frozen by a million dreams broken,

Untrue whims of the heart.

The beast does wreck my hold

Like the lies I've told so many years to those

And to me,

I am frozen.

Locked inside my empty heart

No one should ever behold.

And all I have is my dreams.

They haunt me by day,

As I see those faces

Untouched by rage and crime

Myself, purity lost,

And long forgotten.

They say I am cold,

Bitter,

And Cruel.

They do not realise that I am shielding them

From thy bitter rotten core

No one can know of the twisted knot that

Binds me to my isolation.

A twisted coil of hopelessness

And morbid disposition

In a world governed by secret evils

Doomed dreams and wishes,

I know not much difference

My secret past haunts my dreams.

I can not rest for fears and consternation

A language of my inner soul

Does spark my inner tears.

Why must I continue to walk this Earthy plane?

A corruption of purity and Innocence.

I listen to my own jaded thoughts,

And hope soon,

To be forgiven

I am a master of many guise,

A sorcerer cloaked in pretence

But deep inside I weep for thee

For longings,

Wants,

And needs

Needs that have never been given,

Wants that have never been expressed,

And longings that have never been freed,

Inside my heart,

Does it not break every time I think of thee.

Inside I cry for the touch that only she can give

I keep my silence and I can only hope

And wait for this pain to be abridged.

And silently I weep

Signed, Severus Snape

Summer, 1996

Severus Snape continued to gaze out of the window, but this time he wasn't really interested. Even the check he received that same morning, his reward didn't cheer him up. It had been a substantial amount of money, but even a hefty supply of gold galleons, silver sickles, and bronze knuts didn't make him feel better.

He took a deep gulp of air.

This was better than the pacing he had kept up for almost an hour, continuously. However despite his obvious gaze his thoughts were also clearly elsewhere.

Beside him, his love, his companion and his soul mate eased an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. He had been feeling particularly nervous all week and expressed his obvious unease with his usual crotchety self. Spitting venom at anyone who may unintentionally say one word wrong.

Now he lay back, leaning against the arm that was draped around him. He turned, finally freeing his eyes from the outside, from the window.

He watched her and she smiled.

"You okay?" She asked easily.

"As well as can be expected for someone just about to face their most terrible nightmare again," he bit.

"Once we get this over and done with, we'll be able to get back to some kind of normality,"
"Normality? What ever that is?" He replied grimly. Taya smiled, but this time her smile did not express happiness nor joy, but only concern and unease.

She moved forward, delicately stroking her fingers through the soft strands of his black hair. Abruptly she stood up and wandered over the dresser to retrieve his hair brush.

When she returned by his side she smoothed her hand over his head then bushed.

"Beautiful," she breathed and kissed the crown. Severus looked up.

"You like my hair don't you?"

"It's soft as silk and the colour of the night sky." He smiled faintly.

"I try to do something different, but nothing works."

"It's perfect the way it is."

"It's annoying."

"It's annoyingly beautiful. Your hair is in better condition than mine."

"I try to cut it-"

"Don't do that!"

"It always grows very quickly. I gave up doing anything with the length years ago."

"Your hair is perfect."

"It is greasy."

"No. It shines." Severus moved his head and stared at her scowling. "What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted something different." She replied completely seriously and pulled him to his feet. "Look. Come here and see." He stood in front of the mirror and groaned.

"What on Merlin's life have you done to it?"

"Like it?"

"It looks bloody stupid." Taya laughed. Severus reached his hand to his head grasping a few braids. "Change it back. NOW."

"You look...different. Sure you wouldn't like to keep it this way?" She chided.

"No."

"Oh, Okay." Taya raised her wand. "Hair reversus."

"That's better," he said sliding his hands through the now loose waves.

"Neh, dreadlocks didn't suit you anyway. Come on, love," she said with a gentle tug of his hair. "Lets get this over with."

Severus tensed visibly, and felt the sensation of nervousness disturb his stomach. Quickly he pulled at his clothes.

"What are you doing?" She enquired. He tugged at her hand to stroke him there. She rested her hand against his belly noticing that he now had regained most of the weight lost over the past few weeks and she liked it. Her palm stroked until she felt the coiled abdominal muscles relax. She looked up at his face and for a brief moment she embraced him. Then she let go.

Taking his hand they exited Taya's rooms and went to find Dumbledore.