Chapter 34

A little Chat

Why did I do that, thought Severus Snape as he looked down into his brandy glass. Why did I act like a complete moron this morning? He swirled the dark amber fluid around then gulped it down. So much for alcohol abandonment. God, didn't his head hurt. It wasn't from the brandy he was sure of that, but from the adrenaline rush hours ago. He felt like a dead waste. His eyes hurt, his back hurt, his shoulders crunched when he moved.

"Getting to old for this," he muttered getting up from his chair and leant out through the open window staring across a section of the Quidditch field. Some students were playing out there.

How he wished to be free and innocent, no worries except for whether that girl fancied you or your home work being completed on time. He realised he still resented the children. To be young and happy.

He had never been happy at their age, never, not once really. He felt trapped and alone. His eyes burned. He feared he was going to break down and cry again.

More so since that fateful morning. Much to his humiliation he had passed out as soon as Taya had taken him into her arms. He had slept solidly for three hours. Upon waking he was burning hot and shaking. Taya was curled up beside him.

It was now quarter past six. He felt hungry, but sick at the same time. His mind kept mulling over the morning events. The questions, the humiliation, that annoying Minister Eggbert Grott. Severus had a hard time suppressing a shudder. He trembled, his hands were shaking. He flexed his fingers a few times and took big gulps of air. His head still felt fuzzy.

Severus poured himself another brandy.

And he remembered with embarrassment he had ripped open his shirt in front of a complete stranger and his employer. Under normal circumstances he would never dare do such a thing. Normally he was covered up to his neck in dark heavy fabric. He was too shy to reveal his pale scared body in public.

Since this morning the only persons to see him naked were his mother, Lorsekruker, Voldemort, Dumbledore briefly once before, when Lorsekruker very nearly raped him again in Hogwarts itself, Taya his lover and Madam Pomfrey.

He tried his hardest to deliberately keep away from Poppy Pomfrey's tampering even in a weak state, near death. He knew that she had seen him in several states of undress on more than one occasion. Luckily he was always unconscious those times, but it didn't make him feel any better.

Most of the time he managed to creep back to his quarters before being spotted and dragged to the hospital wing.

Stupid fool. She's a nurse for heaven sake, he thought grabbing a large container off the shelf.

He was a keen healer of sorts in his own right. Mixing potions and brewing them He knew all about plants and animals and their medicinal qualities. It was only natural. He himself brewed most of the potions used in the hospital. He remembered Taya saying that he should have been a healer.

Some healer, he thought satirically. She was obviously just being sweet.

Suddenly there was a knocking at the door. Severus sighed, wishing that he could be left in peace. He shoved back the large glass jar brimmed to the full with some kind of magic herbs and pushed his chair back with a loud screech.

Since the door to his office was unlocked whoever had the nerve to push it open and peak inside was soon met with an explosion of insults.

"Oh, it's you," Severus said after the final curse. "What do you want now, Harry?"

"Back to calling me by my first name again then?"

Severus sneered rudely.

"If you've got something important to say, say it now or, I put this as best polite as I can 'GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE."

"If that was supposed to be a threat. It wasn't very good. You sound more scary when you whisper."

"Get out, Harry," came a feeble reply.

"I...I came to apologise."

"Why should you do that?" Severus scoffed.

"Because you were right. Whether Lorsekruker hurt you or not it really is non of my business, but-"

"Damn right it isn't."

"But is the paper right? Are you..."

"I will not answer any more of you stupid questions. Good day." Severus gazed down at his desk and decided it needed tidying.

"I...I hated you before but..." Harry swallowed. "But I think I like you a bit better."

"Your endearments weaken my heart," Severus scorned scathingly, but inside he felt a little puff of happiness. "Believe what you want, Potter, but remember Skeeter has a large tendency to exaggerate."

Something in those green eyes betrayed Harry.

"Now do I need to repeat my message?"

"Of cause not, but...but if you need someone to talk too-"

"Thank you," he said quietly and to Harry's surprise the slightest of a gentle smile brushed the head of Slytherin's mouth. He gazed at Harry deeply. The smile quickly turned to a sneer. And a remberence of past things concerning the young man came to mind.

"I believe there are a few things you wish to tell me?"

"There are?" Harry was puzzled.

"Perhaps you will feel better if you finally make your confessions." He narrowed his eyes and lent forward paying particular attention to the way the younger man twisted slightly and look at his hands.

Whip my arse more like, thought Harry glumly and felt his cheeks redden.

"In case you were wondering, I did know that you stole from me in your second year here, to make that Polyjuice potion. Much to my misfortune I had no proof." Harry gulped. He always had an inkling that Severus Snape suspected him of everything.

"You did?"

"Hum. I am the ears and the eyes of the school after Dumbledore that it." He gave a weird grin, more like a grimace as if he were in pain.

"Actually Severus. It wasn't me. It was Hermione."

"Ha, that little know it all. A bit below her reasoning, wasn't it?"

"Necessary."

"I am sure it was."

Harry quickly changed the subject. "Where were you this morning?"

"At a meeting." He lied.

"Must have been important?"

"It was. I would rather be alone now. I have work to finish."

"Is that why you are drinking that?"

"GET OUT POTTER!"

"Okay, okay. I'm going."

"And be sure to lock the doors before you go. I don't want any misfortunate accidents or incidents occurring like students steeling from my personal stores! Now I ask you kindly. GET OUT!"

Inside her room, Taya re-read the poem.

Afterwards she whispered, I love you and kissed the parchment before folding it and placing it under her pillow. How sad of he to think he was a corruption of innocence. In truth he had been corrupted, certainly his innocence had, but that was long ago and this was now.

Severus undressed quickly and slid into the bed beside her.

"Why do you keep that old thing?" He questioned her in disgust.

"Because it reminds me of how far you have come. You never thought you could ever find that love, feel that love, but you did. Ever considered writing more love poetry?

"It wasn't a love poem. It was like the letter."

"And did it work?"

"No."

"Then why keep it?"

"I don't know." He thought for a moment. "I hoped that one day my wish were to come true.

"And it did, love."

He lay down, and pulled his hair tightly up off his perspiring face, off his neck until he let go and it spilled from his fingers like a halo onto the pillow.

"I am concerned, I think Harry Potter knows about me," he said blowing cool air.

"What makes you so sure? He can't possibly suspect everything."

"He asked me if any time I felt like I needed to talk to let him know."

"He cares about you."

"Sorrow, more like. I don't want his sympathy. It's hot," he said changing the subject pulling open a few buttons on his night shirt, and pushing back the one sheet they already had on their bed.

"Then why wear clothes in bed when it's baking like tonight?"

"You are right, my love," he said smiling and sat up again lifting the night robe up and pushing it over his head.

"Is that better, my little love muffin?"

"You what?" He pushed his arms up above his head, stretched slightly and yawned.

"Come here," Taya said. "You look tired."

"I am tired," he said defiantly.

"Lets cuddle, I like falling asleep in your arms