Chapter 36

A Lesson In Discreetness

"Harry can you kindly pass me the dried monkshood jar, please," said Severus as he peered into the odoriferous concoction simmering gently in front of him.

"That stuff stinks," said Harry as he brought the container containing the dried herbs and set it down on the table. Why did healing potions always come with such a disgusting smell?

"Your nasal ability excels over the rest of your abilities, Harry Potter," said a stern voice.

"Thanks," muttered Harry defeated. He was well used to the other man's familiar bating, Severus was so used to chastising him that it was a habit for him to reply anything just short of sarcasm or out right cruelty. Severus looked up at him.

"And we need to make sixteen litres of this for Poppy when the students come back. Coldicure is one of the most commonly used potions." He remained silent. "Bitten your tongue there, Harry," he said. Harry smiled slyly.

"No. Just that I saw you the other night with Miss Matterson. Again." It got the desired reaction.

"Where?" Stammered Severus whose ebony hair suddenly swung dramatically off his face revealing a sharp jaw line and two elegant shell shaped ears. Harry laughed suddenly. The sudden new appearance startled him into staring.

He really wasn't that bad looking, Harry decided. Obviously Taya finds him powerfully attractive from the way they were at it the other night. And he's got a strange leonine beauty about him. Harry mentally coughed. Here he was a pure red blooded male, heterosexual in all sense of the word and he was now studying the face of a man who had always heavily repulsed him before.

Darn it, thought Harry in self disgust. He screwed his face up slightly and stared at the other taller man. What's wrong in admiring other men? Women do it, they admire other women.

Severus glowered at him.

"What?" he whined.

"Your hair isn't greasy at all!" He exclaimed.

"Harry you are scaring me. When I ment that I care about you I didn't mean it in that kind of way. Leave at once and do what ever you do with your girlfriend."

"And what do you do with yours?" Harry slapped his hand over his mouth regretting the words that had unintentionally passed out of his mouth. Severus froze. Harry shuddered. Shit, was the first thing that came to mind. He knew how Severus Snape acted when he was angry. It wasn't pleasant. God he wished he kept his gob shut. Harry Potter couldn't keep himself out of trouble even if he tried and even in adulthood especially around the man who was once his most hated teacher. "Get out," Severus said in an oily quiet tone.

"Gods, don't worry about it."

"Why where you out there?"

"It's too hot in this castle in summer, Jinny and I decided to sleep outside. It wasn't my fault you two woke me up."

"If you breathe a word of this to anyone, be it deliberate or accidentally I promise I will throw a curse far worse on you than the Cruciatus. I swear it Harry Potter."

"You know me better than that."

"I hope my dear boy you are correct."

"I'd never hurt you intentionally," Harry whispered. He gently lay a hand on the other man's arm. "Especially after what you told me."

"I didn't tell you anything," he said while violently shrugging off the hand resting on his shoulder. "Didn't I say that I wanted it left alone?"

"I understand."

"No you don't. And I would appreciate it if you would kindly shut your gob now."

After a time Severus' relaxed a fraction, but there was a silence between them. They spoke neither a word to each other for half an hour, then Severus looked up.

"You wont let this go will you?" Harry smiled faintly.

"It's not because I'm being nosy, you know."

"Ha," Severus glowered. "It's not?"

"I know you've had it bad in the past," Harry said. "Like I said before, you deserve a little happiness. Now I know that you never hated me-"

"I can quickly put a change to that if you are not careful, Potter. Harry looked up slightly wounded then saw Severus' eyes.

"I thought you were serious."

"I was." He smiled ever so slightly.

"Anyway, now that I know you never hated me, you...and how you felt about Mum and everything, I think I know why you joined the Death Eaters."

Severus looked up sharply.

"You were lonely. People hurt you at school, you felt dejected-"

"That's only part of it," said the potions master gazing into his potion as if it had suddenly produced gold." "Take a few minutes," he said. "Sit down,

"My mother died when I was one and I was left to be brought up in a terrible Muggle orphanage. I ran away when I was eight and shortly after was thrown into the Death Eaters from there. I spent two years living with this family then I went to Hogwarts. As you can probably expect people hated me then just as much as they do now. However I soon became friends with your mother, and that as they say is history,

"I joined the Death Eaters two years later, after studying advanced Potions and Defence Against The Dark Arts at Yignot University and earning the title of Professor, then later Potions Master.'

"I was soon to be quite disillusioned." Then he stopped. Harry noticed a strange glassiness to Severus' normally cold eyes and quickly he turned to stair at his own bubbling cauldron.

"Is that when-?" Harry bit his tongue.

"Lorsekruker did terrible things. Things that you should never know about, or see." He paused.

"It must have been terrible when you found out she died."

"To put it mildly." Severus felt himself fall back in time. Feelings from long ago were uprooted and fresh, as clear and new as the day he felt them.

Lilly was dead.

He felt a dull emptiness at first. Shock came soon then the agony of loosing the only ever person in his entire universe.

He hadn't seen Lilly Potter for years, not since school to be exact, but the knowledge that she was gone, her life completely destroyed at the hand of Voldemort, a man he almost believed to be his friend, had nearly shattered his very own existence.

The knowledge of her death rocketed him further into a black depression of morbidity and choking loss and he collapsed into himself. Too absorbed in the cruelty of useless pain even to weep for her.

And she had left a son, a child that should have been his, a child that had defeated the darkest wizard of all time, now a young man who was sitting across from him, watching apprehensively.

Severus clenched his jaw. That was then and this was now. He had a love, he had someone who loved him, unlike Lilly who did not return his feelings and had fallen for someone else, but the twenty five year old girl who had stepped back into Severus' life, who he had feared lost forever was now here. She was his. His mate, his life, his joy.

"I will finish here." Harry nodded in understanding.

"Taya loves you, you know." said Harry smiling cheerfully.

"I know she does. Sometimes I think she loves me too much."

"You can never love any body too much Severus." He smiled thinking of Jinny.

"Ever thought of getting married?"

"No I haven't."

"I wonder if she has?"

"Probably. Most woman fall into idiocrasy concerning love."

Harry laughed.

"Too right they do, but I've never looked back. The day I proposed was the best day yet."

"This is all knew to me you know," Severus said fleetingly.

Harry frowned. "What's new?"

"Relationships, trusting...needing."

"It is?"

"Yes. "

"How long have you been together then?"

"Since February," said Severus carefully chopping up the monkshood.

"I can see that she loves you a lot. I've never seen it in any body before. Even Jinny." He sighed. "It's as if you were ment to be together."

"You are very perceiving, Harry. We are."

"Do you love her?"

"That's not a very polite question Harry. One does not discuss such intimate matters."

"Okay." Harry shrugged. "Just asked."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"Then I suggest we finish before you precious Miss Weasley comes calling for you after hours."

* * *

Severus felt sick again.

"He knows," he whispered in a defeated tone.

"Who knows and what?"

"Harry Potter. He saw us last night."

Taya dropped the tome she was carrying across the library to the shelves and only managed from letting it hit the floor with a quick grab or her wand and an incantation, 'Wingardium Leveosa.'

"What was he doing out there?" she said angrily. The ancient tomb nearly crashed to the floor again. Severus clasped it before it hit and put it onto a reading table.

"I asked him the same question. He and Miss Weasley apparently slept outside."

"Well, it is still very hot and unpleasantly sticky," she wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. "Perhaps they had the same idea we had."

"I wouldn't even like to venture out on that one, but he said we woke him up."

"We were that loud?" She smiled.

"Aren't you cross?"

"Not any more."

"Good, but..." He swallowed, desperately trying to calm his short strangling breathing. "He also knows about my past."

"How?" Taya frowned.

"I told him. He practically gabbled on until I said something. And..." He swallowed again and forced his chest to relax. "My suspicions were correct. He does think I was Lorsekruker's victim."

"Let it rest love. He can't prove anything." She rested a hand against his chest in a subtle gesture to ease his erratic breathing.

"Indeed he can."

"How..." She gasped. "You didn't tell him? Did you? You could barely talk to me about it!" Severus picked up a strange whine in her voice as if she were slightly hurt, as if he could confide in Harry easier than her.

"Indeed not!" He said indignantly. "As much as I hate to admit, he's an intelligent man and figured it all out. I think he could see into me." He gulped for oxygen and felt a bead of sweat slide down his face. I...I had no choice but-"

"Oh Severus," she hugged him. "Deep slow breaths. Calm," she recommended noticing his difficulty. He took a shuddering gulp of air forcing it into his lungs. "Better. Slowly or you'll pass out. Come here." She took his hand and led him out of the room leaving the heavy book on the table. "Your home or mine?"

"What about my wounded pride?"

"Harry wont betray you. If he does I'll kill him for you."

"That's what I said."

"Then I'm sure he wont even mutter a word to the bees."

"And I certainly wont tell him a thing more."

"Good.

"I'm your saviour not him." She giggled softly then sobered. "Do you feel any better now?"

"Yes."

"So would my darling like a little kiss better anyway?"

"Will it help?"

"Oh yes."

"How can you possibly prove that?"

"Like this?"

They reached forward and kissed.