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October 3-12, 01

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This chapter continues..the day after the last one.

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Doug had already made a stop at Carol's apartment, hoping he would find her there. He hadn't. He didn't know where her landlord lived and didn't know how to find out, so he was heading toward Plan B.

That was why he was sitting in his jeep, looking up at Helen Hathaway's little white house. He sighed and fought silently with himself over going up there to find Carol. He ran his hands over the steering wheel and before he could change his mind, he was out of the car and standing on the front walk.

He stared up at the house and took a deep breath. Then he forced his legs into motion and began to walk slowly up the sidewalk. He headed up the steps silently, his heart pounding in his chest. He would never admit this to anyone, but Helen Hathaway scared the hell out of him. He stopped just in front of the door and nearly turned around and ran back to his jeep. Instead, he lifted his hand, fisted it, and quietly knocked on the door. Then he chastised himself because he had barely heard that knock, let alone had anyone inside. So he pounded a little harder on the door, in rhythm with his heart, and waited nervously.

A few moments later, the door opened and he spotted half of Helen's face peeking around the door.

"What do you want?" She asked, her voice stiff with hostility. He cleared his throat and shuffled on his feet.

"Is Carol here?" He asked.

"No and if she was I wouldn't tell you." Helen went to shut the door.

"Wait!" Doug exclaimed. Helen sighed.

"Go away, Douglas. Carol, nor I, want anything to do with you."

"Could you at least tell me where she is? I need to talk to her." He said.

"I'm sure you do. No, I'm not going to tell you where she is. In fact, she asked me not to tell you." Helen added.

"She did?" Doug asked, his heart squeezing so tightly in his chest that he thought he might actually cry.

"Yes, she did. Now, if you'd excuse me, I have more important business to attend to." Helen shut the door before Doug could protest, even though he couldn't find any words to protest. Carol didn't want him to know where she was. Had his actions really harmed her that much?

God, he needed a drink.

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"Hey Marky!" Doug said as he walked into the ER. Mark looked up at him, over the admit desk and sighed. Not this shit again.

"Doug, what are you doing here? You're not on." Mark said.

"I love this place. It's me home." Doug said and chuckled to himself. He came around the wall, a little unsteady on his feet, and the grin he sent toward Mark was goofy. He threw his arm around Mark's neck and made him cringe when the smell of alcohol on Doug's breath reached his nostrils.

"Damn, Doug, you need a mint." He said.

"The curiously strong mint." Doug quoted, remembering a commercial he had seen. "That's Altoids just in case you.."

"Yes, Doug, I know." Mark said. "C'mon, let's find you an empty room."

"Okey, Marky, whatever you say." Doug said grinned happily and walked with Mark, half stumbling, to Exam Three.

"Here. Lay down." Mark said. Doug grinned.

"You coming with me?" He asked and laughed at his own joke. Mark rolled his eyes and began to prepare an IV for Doug.

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Doug groaned and rolled over on the gurney, nearly falling onto his ass. His head was pounding and his throat was as dry as a tomb. As he stood, his head felt like it was going to fall off his shoulders, so he pressed his hands to his face and held his head steady.

"Shit." He muttered and when his brain finally stopped rattling against his skull, he dropped his hands and walked to the door. He stepped through and immediately made his way to the water fountain that was just down the hall. He bent his head and let the cool water refresh him, bringing his throat back to life. Now, if only he could find some strong aspirin.

"You're up." Doug heard Mark say behind him. He turned.

"Yeah." He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry about that, Mark. Do you know where I can find some aspirin? Like a whole bottle?" He asked. Mark nodded and dipped his hand into his pocket and brought out a bottle of Tylenol.

"I'm prepared." He said and handed it over to Doug.

"Thanks, buddy." Doug said and headed to the men's room.

"Have a bad night?" Mark asked. Doug sighed and glanced over at him before dropping his head and studying the tile as they walked.

"I uh, I went to Helen's to see if Carol was there. Helen wouldn't tell me where Carol was and I..Went to a bar." Doug finished, not knowing what else there was to say about the issue.

"That's not the answer, Doug. Things didn't work out between you and Carol partially because of your drinking problem." Hand it to Mark to tell Doug the straight truth, the truth as it was.

"I know." Doug sighed. "I hate knowing that I did this to her." He paused and looked at Mark. Mark didn't deny it, knowing it would be useless. He knew that something had happened with Carol and Doug after the would-be-wedding because he had seen them leaving together. Mark shrugged.

"Only you can change you." He said. Doug nodded and pushed the door to the bathroom open.

"Thanks Mark." He said and smiled before heading alone into the bathroom. Mark nodded a bit and walked off to see a patient.

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The next morning, before his shift started, Doug was outside, playing basketball. He shot and missed it, sighing as he chased after the ball.

"Playing this early?" Doug heard and turned to smile at Mark.

"Yeah. The ER isn't busy, so I came out here to pass time." He said. Mark nodded and caught the ball as Doug passed it. He did a quick lay-up and made the shot.

"Lucky shot." Doug joked. Mark grinned.

"You know I could beat your ass any day." He said, quickly and easily falling into their regular banter. Doug grinned.

"I'll have to take you up on that this afternoon. What time is your shift over?" Doug asked and dribbled the ball that had been passed back to him.

"Six, you?" Mark asked.

"Same. Same court?" Doug asked and grinned. Mark nodded and smiled in return.

"You bet your ass." He said.

"No, I bet your ass. Dollar a basket." Doug said. Mark laughed.

"You're on." He said. Doug nodded and the smile slipped off his face. Mark watched him.

"You alright?" He asked quietly. Doug nodded and sighed.

"I didn't realize how much she really meant to me until I made her leave." Doug said quietly.

"You didn't make her leave." Mark said. Doug looked up at him.

"Mark." Mark sighed.

"There were other factors. Tag, is a huge one." Mark said. Doug shrugged.

"They don't really work together, at least not that often. I'm sure she could have handled it. But I had to be a fucking bastard and she left." Doug met Mark's gaze. "She's gone because of me." Mark didn't reply, knowing there was no way to convince Doug otherwise, not even sure if Doug deserved an otherwise. They were friends, but Mark knew Doug did some pretty shitty things to Carol.

"That night after Tag left her at the altar, I arrived at the wedding because you called me and told me what happened. I went there, just to..I don't know." Doug began playing with the basketball, keeping his eyes on it and fiddling with it so he wouldn't have to look at Mark. "I wanted to see her. When I got there she was in the church and so I went and sat with her and talked for a little bit. When I asked her if she wanted to go out there and be with all of you, she said no but that she wanted to get out of there. So I took her home and she asked me to stay while she changed, so I waited. When she came back she suggested we go out for beers. I didn't really want to because I didn't know if I would be able to keep my hands off of her. Anyway, we went out and she drank, a lot. I didn't drink anything because I didn't want my mind to be all muddled up. I wanted to make sure I could keep my head screwed on and not do anything stupid. She got drunk and so when I went to take her home, she wanted me to come inside. I didn't want to but she could barely walk. So I promised myself I would put her in bed and get out of there. But of course, she wasn't as drunk as she let on to be and I ended up sleeping with her." He sighed. "I felt like an ass, taking advantage of her like that. So, I did what I always used to do and I left before she woke up. Then she left the next day and now I don't know what to do with myself." Doug finally lifted his head and met Mark's gaze with his own. "It's my fault, Mark."

"It was pretty stupid of you, Doug, but how could you have known she would leave?" Mark asked. "You didn't and she's gone. It's up to you what you want to do about it." Mark said.

"It's obvious she doesn't want me to find her. I've hurt her enough. I'm going to let her go, stay out of her life. And I'm going to change mine." Doug said.

"Your life?" Mark asked, raising his eyebrows. Doug nodded.

"No more drinking or women for me, Mark. I'm done with that. I'm moving on." Doug said.

"Good idea, buddy." Mark said and smiled. Doug nodded and ticked his head to the side.

"You do realize you're going to have to keep me busy, don't you?" Doug grinned. Mark chuckled and snatched the ball from him.

"Sure I do." He said and shot the ball.

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