October 13-15, 01
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Takes place like 30 minutes after the last one.
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Doug sat on the edge of his bed and slowly, with trembling, shaking hands opened the first letter, making sure not to bend the envelope. He took note that Carol was in Ohio. That was where all of the letters had been written from.
Then he began to read.
"Dear Doug,
I've sat here for hours trying to come up with a way to tell you what happened to me, where I disappeared to. But nothing has come to mind, nothing that I could really say to you. So I'm going to tell you everything, straight from the truth.
About a month ago, I discovered I was pregnant. It came as a shock to me because I had never expected it. I know that it's probably a huge shock to you, also, and I don't mean to drop this on you this way. The child is yours. I'm not sure how you are going to take this news, so I want you to know that I don't expect anything out of you. I just believe that you have the right to know you are going to become a father.
I've been staying in Ohio, with my sister, Molly. I got a job at a hospital, working as an ER nurse. I'm going to keep this baby and support it, with or without your help. It will be up to you whether you will be involved in our child's life.
I just felt you should know. My address is included if you want to contact me.
Carol"
Doug sat, taking this all in. He had a child out there somewhere. Oh God. He quickly opened the second letter, needing more.
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"Dear Doug,
I wrote you a letter last year and you didn't try to contact me, so I'm assuming you don't want to know our child. That's alright, but I thought maybe you would still like an update. Or maybe you won't even read this.
On Thanksgiving I gave birth to our daughters. Twins. Their names are Katherine Elizabeth and Tess Ann. I had some difficulty with their births, but we all got through it fine. That was one month ago. They are growing quickly and sometimes they look so much like you that I can barely believe it.
I was not going to contact you again because you didn't contact me last year, so I assumed you want nothing to do with our girls. But it's Christmas Day and I thought that maybe you deserve to know about them.
They are beautiful children and a wonderful gift to me. They will be raised well and if you would like to see them, just write or call. My number and address is below.
Carol"
Doug couldn't breath. He had two daughters. Twins. Katherine and Tess. Oh God. They would be five years old now. Just turned five nearly three months ago. He couldn't believe it. He had to continue reading.
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"Dear Doug,
I'm not sure why I am writing to you once again. I guess somewhere deep inside me I will always hope that you will one day want to meet your beautiful daughters.
Today is their first birthday. I had a small party with my sister, Molly. My other sister, Jackie, couldn't make it out but Ma flew out for their birthday. They are getting so big. Kate is rambunctious. She is the louder one of the two. She takes after you in looks also. She has lighter hair and your brown eyes, but she still has my curls. As does Tess, only hers are darker, like mine. She also has my eyes. Tess is rather shy and is easier to care for then Kate. Kate likes to cause trouble.
They have grown so much and you've missed out on so much already. I love them beyond belief and that is probably why I am writing to you, in hopes you will want them after all. You know how to contact me. Same as last time. But just in case, I'll leave my address and phone number for you once more.
Carol"
Doug swallowed and thought of all the milestones he had missed. All the firsts. It felt like someone was squeezing his heart and soon it would burst with the pain and sorrow he was experiencing over his daughters.
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"Dear Doug,
I'm still holding out hope for you. Somewhat ridiculously, but I'm writing anyway.
The girls turned two today. Maybe you don't even read these letters, but if you do, I hope you know what you are missing. Our daughters are beautiful.
They both talk so much now. Kate never closes her mouth and she talks to complete strangers. I'm going to have to watch her closely over these next few years. Tess talks to the people she knows well, but she doesn't open up to strangers at all. I'm going to have trouble with her over these next few years, only in a completely different way then Kate. I'm going to have to make sure Tess gets over her shyness and opens up, or school could be difficult with her.
I haven't enrolled either of them into a preschool yet, because Molly stays home with her daughter and son and she watches them for me when I am at work. But I'm beginning to think it's time to get them out there, or maybe wait one more year. We'll have to see.
As usual, ways to contact me are included.
Carol"
Doug couldn't believe he was seeing his daughters grow up through letters. He decided right then and there that he would have to find them and let Carol know what had happened. He wanted to see his daughters. Doug momentarily forgot all about his girlfriend of two years, Joanna, who was still at work.
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"Dear Doug,
I don't have my hope left for your replies, but I'm still here, sending these letters.
I enrolled the girl's into daycare this August. They are adjusting well to it. Kate fit right in, and Tess had a bit of difficulty that first week, but now she is as excited as Kate to go see her new friends at school every day that I take them. I only take them three times a week, though. My sister had a new baby, so when I learned that she would have to take care of her newborn, her other daughter, the twins, and her son when he got home from school, I decided to put the girls in daycare. She still watches them on the other days I work.
I told the girls about you. They wondered why their friends at school had a daddy and they didn't. So I told them about you and that you lived in Chicago. They're still so young that they didn't know to ask why you weren't there. I wouldn't have been able to answer them anyway. Maybe now that they know about you, you'll like to meet them.
Anyway, it's the same address and phone number and once again I put it at the bottom for you, just in case.
Carol"
Doug swallowed, wondering how his daughters were doing in kindergarten, knowing Carol would have enrolled them by now. He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, soaking in the hope that he could finally meet his children now that he knew.
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"Dear Doug,
Tess and Kate turned four today. I've enclosed a picture of them, just in case you would like to see them. Maybe seeing them will show you how beautiful, amazing, and real they are. You really should meet them. They need a father.
Recently, Tess has become somewhat curious about you. I showed both of them a picture of you, and that's what made me think of sending you one of them. For the past few weeks, Tess has wondered more and more about you, asking me a lot of questions. Pre-school has made her more aware of how important a father is to a family and how many little girls have one. She wonders why she doesn't. I've tried to explain it as best as I could to them, but I don't really understand it myself. I could never believe you would be immune to your children.
I don't know if I'll be writing you anymore letters. Perhaps another, to be sure. We'll see.
Address and phone number included.
Carol"
Doug had felt the picture drop out of the envelope but hadn't looked at it until he had finished the letter. He slowly turned the picture over in his lap and stared at his smiling daughters.
Oh God, he thought, his hand shaking slightly as he picked the picture up and brought it closer to his face. Kate, God, she looked like him. Tess was Carol's miniature. He wondered if Carol thought of him every time she looked at the girls, especially Kate. They were so beautiful. Doug felt tears well up in his eyes, wishing he hadn't missed so much.
If only he had known.
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"Dear Doug,
I've decided this will be the last year I write to you. The girls are growing older and I'm going to have to accept that you don't want anything to do with them.
They turned five today. Both of them finally understand that you will not be in their lives. They love you, because you are their father and they know they are supposed to love their daddy. But they still don't quite understand why you aren't with them. I still don't know how to explain it to them.
I have finally accepted that you don't want anything to do with them. I wish you the best in life.
Carol"
Doug noticed that she didn't write her address or phone number at the bottom of this letter. He held the letters in his hands, all folded up but scattered over his lap. Slowly he gathered the letters into a bundle and closed his eyes, feeling the tears swim in them for the children he didn't know, except through Carol's letters. He knew that he would try that old number now.
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