October 20, 2001-May 13, 2002
:::::::::::::::
This takes place the day after the last one. The morning after, around ten a.m.
:::::::::::::::
Doug swallowed nervously and lifted his hand, balling it into a fist. He hesitated slightly before laying his hand onto the door and knocking loudly. Then he waited, his stomach churning with a nervousness that he couldn't squelch.
Then Doug heard Carol's voice through the door. He could barely make out what she was saying, but he could tell she was talking to someone on the other side of the wood. He strained to hear.
"Turn the lock. There ya go. Okay, you can open it." He heard. The door was slowly pulled open and Doug looked straight into the eyes of his youngest daughter. Kate smiled up at him.
"Hello." She said. He grinned, looking at her in awe, amazed by how adorable she truly was. Love washed over him and he swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing words out of his mouth.
"Hi." He replied. Then he glanced up and met Carol's gaze. His heart lodged in his throat at the sight of her. She was so beautiful and the sight of her sent a shock through his entire system and he felt explosions go off in his head. For a moment he forgot himself.
"Hey Carol." He finally said. She nodded.
"Come on in. Kate." Carol said and placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder. Kate moved back and stepped out of Doug's way. Doug picked up his duffel bag and walked into the house. He immediately spotted Tess standing beside the couch, watching him carefully. Carol closed the door behind him and turned to watch.
"Hello." He said softly to her. She stared at him for a few seconds.
"Hi." She said quietly, so softly that he barely caught it. Then Doug looked down when he felt a gentle tug on his jeans. Kate was staring up at him. Doug smiled and crouched down, his knees cracking as he went. His face was now level with hers, making him able to study her every feature closely.
"I'm Kate." She said. He smiled.
"I know." He said.
"Mommy says you're my daddy." Kate said. He glanced up at Carol who smiled slightly. He looked back at Kate.
"Yes, I'm your father." He said, subtly avoiding the word daddy, knowing he didn't deserve the title. Kate nodded.
"Can I call you my daddy?" She asked quietly. Doug grinned slightly.
"If you want to." He said. She nodded.
"Okay, Daddy." She said, testing it out. She decided she liked it and grinned. Then she stepped toward him and touched his face. He watched her as she ran her small fingers over his cheek. Then she reached out with her other hand and pushed his cheeks together, making his lips pucker. She giggled. He laughed slightly and reached up, placing his hands on her waist to keep his balance. She pulled his cheeks down, causing his eyes to stretch. She laughed and Doug chuckled again. Carol watched, smiling. Tess watched from a distance, not surprised by her sister's acts but she herself was still unsure of this man who was her father.
Then Kate's hands smoothed his face back into place and she studied him.
"You're pretty." She decided. Carol laughed at this, amazed at the things her youngest daughter said. Doug chuckled.
"You're prettier." He said. Kate grinned at this and stepped forward, wrapping her arms firmly around his neck and hugging him. She turned her little face into his neck and took a deep breath, smelling this man that she already loved so innocently. Despite how young she acted, she would always remember this moment, for the rest of her life, remembering how her father had smelled and looked when she had first met him.
Doug held her, knowing that he himself would commit every detail of this day to his memory and carry it with him everywhere for the rest of all time. Doug closed his eyes briefly and felt the love for his daughter rush over him and swamp him in its wake. He would never forget this, not even if he grew old and got Alzheimer's.
When he opened his eyes, he looked up at Carol, who was staring at the two of them with tears in her eyes. She smiled at him and he smiled back up at her, gently pulling Kate away. Kate grinned and stepped back, just as Tess came up to him. He smiled slightly at her, knowing she was going to be harder to convince.
"Hey." He murmured. Tess watched him.
"If you're my dad, why haven't I ever seen you before?" She asked. Doug cleared his throat and shifted on the balls of his feet. He glanced up at Carol and then back at Tess.
"Because I didn't know that I had any daughters until the day before yesterday." Doug said quietly.
"Why?" Tess asked. Doug ticked his head to the side and glanced down for a moment.
"I don't really know why, Tess." Doug knew he would never be able to explain the mix-up with the letters to a five-year-old. "That's just the way things happened." He finally said. She nodded and glanced up at her mother, as if for confirmation. Carol smiled slightly. Tess looked back at Doug.
Slowly, she stepped forward and placed her small hand on his cheek. He felt relief, hoping this was a good sign, but he wasn't quite sure if he should rejoice in it just yet. Tess' hands traveled over his face, much like Kate's had. Except Tess was serious, as if he was a specimen she was to study with great detail, while Kate had used his face like play-doh, laughing over it.
"Can I hug you?" Tess asked softly, staring into his eyes, making him feel slightly off balance. How was it that his five-year-old daughter could make him feel self-conscious?
"Of course." Doug murmured. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and stepped forward. He wrapped his arms around her tiny body and held her against him, falling in love more and more with his girls. Doug glanced at Carol and smiled. Then he looked at Kate and reached out to her with an arm. She grinned a grin that matched his own and walked into his embrace, holding onto him. Doug hugged his two daughters and looked up at Carol, love shining over his face. Carol watched it all but ooze out of him. She smiled warmly at him, able to see that he had changed so much.
Doug was leaner, more muscular. His hair was becoming gray which made him even sexier. Age had made him more handsome. She could also see that he had changed other than that. He was more open with his emotions and seemed less restless. As if he knew where he belonged, with his daughters. Carol could tell that he already loved them so much.
She watched them, tears welling up in her eyes, love running through her and for a moment she forgot that he would be leaving the next night.
:::::::::::::::
Later that night, after they had put the girls to bed, Doug and Carol sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee.
"They're beautiful, Carol." Doug wrapped his hand around the coffee mug. "I cannot believe they are mine." He said, wonder shining in his eyes.
"Yeah, well, all you have to do is look at Kate and you can believe it." She said. He nodded and met her gaze.
"I'm sorry that I haven't been here since they were born. I'm sorry I didn't know." Doug apologized quietly.
"It's not your fault." Carol looked down into her coffee. "Part of it's mine. I should have figured you would have moved since you didn't reply." She said. He smiled slightly, a bit ironically.
"But you figured that I wasn't taking responsibility and that I was the same old jerk." He said. She smiled a bit.
"I'm sorry." She murmured.
"That's okay. I can understand why…I wasn't exactly reliable when you lived in Chicago. The last time we…..saw each other, I didn't leave a very good impression when I left." He said as she watched him. He looked up and met her gaze. "But I've changed." He paused. "Once you left, I was determined to change. I knew that I had hurt you and I was sick and tired of myself. I hated myself. I was at my lowest low. So…" He sighed. "I stopped drinking and womanizing. I've been with the same woman for the past two years." He said, somewhat painfully as he looked at her. Her gaze dropped at his words. He sighed inwardly. "I'm now the Pediatric Attending in the ER. I run the whole pedes section of the ER with the help of only Jeannie." Doug said proudly. He would always be proud of what he had done in the ER and nobody could take that pride away from him.
"And I'm ready to take full responsibility for everything. I want to know the girls. I want to support them. I know that we live far apart, but I was hoping you would let me come up and see them once a month, at least. And that I could call them sometimes." Doug said quickly, partly pleading with Carol. She looked up and met his gaze before she nodded.
"Okay. I'm not going to keep you from them. That's why I wrote to you. I want you to know them. I want them to know you. They already love you." She said.
"And I love them." Doug replied immediately. Carol smiled.
"I know. Therefore, I can't deny you them or them you. I wouldn't want to." She said. He nodded.
"Thank you. I promise to be there for them whenever I can. I won't let them down. I won't let you down." He said. She smiled.
"Thank you."
:::::::::::::::
Doug sat on the plane going back to Chicago with his head in his hand. His eyes were closed and he felt the beginning of a headache coming on. There was so much to think about. He didn't want to live so far away from the girls or from Carol. He had found out that there was a job opening for a pediatric doctor in the ER where Carol worked and he was contemplating applying. There was only two problems to that situation.
First of all, he didn't want to leave his job. He loved the position he held and what he did for the hospital. He didn't want to become a regular pedes ER doctor with no responsibilities again. He didn't want to leave. But he knew his daughters were more important that any job could be.
Secondly there was Jo. He loved her and didn't want to hurt her..But he knew he still loved Carol and always would. She was his soul mate. He would never love anyone the way he loved her. He cared for Joanna, but Carol was the one for him. And even if he did move to Ohio to be with the girls and Carol, that didn't mean she'd let him come running back to her open arms. He had hurt her numerous times and she may not trust him, no matter how much she thought he had changed. But if he never moved to Ohio just to give it a try, he would always wonder for the rest of his life how it could have been. And he didn't think he could stay away from his daughters, even if he tried, because he now knew what he had missed and didn't want to miss a single second more.
:::::::::::::::
Doug arrived home at two in the morning. He walked slowly up the stairs and made his way into the bedroom. He tried to undress quietly but when he slipped into bed, he felt Joanna move closer to him on the bed.
"Were they wonderful?" She asked. He chuckled and reached over to turn the light on beside the bed.
"Yes, they were fantastic. They're beautiful." He said. She smiled.
"What are they like?" She asked.
"Kate is amazing. She's really talkative and funny for a five-year-old. She doesn't ask as many questions as Tess though. Tess wanted to know everything. She is so beautiful. Both of them are. Tess looks so much like Carol that I cannot believe it. Kate looks so much like me and she makes them seem so much more real because you can tell she is my daughter. I just wanted to pack them both up in a bag and bring them home with me." Doug said. Joanna smiled.
"That must be so great." She said.
"What? He asked.
"To have two beautiful daughters." Joanna replied. He smiled.
"It is. It's amazing." He said and laid his head against the pillow. "I still can't believe it." He said. Joanna snuggled up to his side.
"How was Carol?" She asked. Doug peered down at her.
"What do you mean?" He asked. Joanna smiled.
"Doug, you loved her once upon a time. Or maybe you still do." Doug watched her silently, unsure how to reply to her. "How was it seeing her?" Joanna looked up at him. "Honestly." Doug looked up at the ceiling and sighed a bit.
"She's just as I remembered her." He said quietly and was silent. Joanna laid her cheek against Doug's chest and wondered if he loved Carol more than he loved her.
:::::::::::::::
Two days later after Doug gave much thought to moving to Ohio, he decided to go. He loved his work and he loved Joanna, but Carol and the girls were more important to him than anything else ever would be. He would make those adjustments if that's what it took to get his family.
He picked up the phone and dialed the long number to Carol's apartment. She picked it up after the third ring.
"Hello?" She asked quickly, as if she were in a hurry.
"Carol, it's me." Doug replied.
"Oh, hi. Sorry it took so long to get the phone. The girls and I were just coming home from the grocery store." She said.
"Oh, that's alright." He said and she nodded.
"So, what's up?" She asked.
"I was just calling to check up on the girls." Doug said. Carol nodded.
"Do you want to talk to them while I unload groceries?" She asked.
"Yeah, sure." He replied.
"Hold on a minute." She answered and called for the twins. Seconds later Doug heard Kate's voice coming through the receiver. They talked for a few minutes before Doug could hear Carol telling Kate that it was Tess' turn to talk. Kate said her goodbyes and put Tess on the phone. Tess was a little less talkative than Kate had been, but he managed to keep her interested for a few minutes. Finally Carol got back on the line.
"Hey." She said.
"Hello." He replied.
"Tess doesn't like talking on the phone very much." Carol said.
"Yeah, well, she's not quite as comfortable with me as Kate is." Doug said, a little bit regretfully.
"She will be in time." Carol murmured softly, trying to reassure him. He nodded a bit and cleared his throat.
"Yeah. Well, uh, actually I wanted to talk to you about something else." Doug said.
"Okay." Carol replied.
"I…Well, to put it simply, my life has changed. Drastically. For years I've wondered where you went, but I never even thought of the possibility that you had given birth to my child, children. But now that I have found out and I have met the girls and realized what it is to be a father, I know that I can't stay away from them. I want to be able to see them whenever I want. I want to move to Ohio to be near you three." He said.
"Doug.."
"Wait, I'm not finished. I don't want to fight you for custody or anything like that, but I do hope that we can work out some sort of agreement ourselves. I know you may not trust me yet, but I want to know our girls. I can't leave here without them." He said, finally finished.
"Doug, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. You told me that you are a Pediatric Attending now and you run a pedes section in the ER. Doug, that's great! And…Well, frankly, you said you have a girlfriend who you've been seeing for two years now. That's serious, Doug." Carol said with some difficulty.
"Carol.."
"Now wait, I'm not finished." She said, cutting in. "You have a life in Chicago, an important one at that. There are lots of nursing positions open at hospitals everywhere. I can do what I do here in Ohio back in Chicago somewhere."
"No, Carol, I couldn't ask you to do that."
"I don't have much of a life here. I just have the girls, my job, and my sister. The girls can come with me, my job isn't important, and my sister can live without me. I miss Chicago. Ohio isn't the same. Chicago is my home. Ma is there. The girls hardly ever get to see her and I know they would love to be near her."
"But what about their schooling and their friends?" Doug argued.
"They'll miss their cousins, but they're young. Adjusting to a new school wouldn't be difficult. Even Tess has no trouble making friends at school. I just think that it would be all around better for all of us if we came to Chicago. That way you could keep your job and your girlfriend. The girls and I can adjust."
"I, Carol, I don't know what to say." He said.
"Why?"
"That's a big move for the three of you. I don't feel right asking you to do that."
"You never asked, plus it'll be good for us. I want the girls to grow up where I grew up. I miss Chicago."
"Carol, are you sure?" He asked.
"I'm positive." She replied.
"I…I guess that would be okay then." He said. She laughed and he basked in the sound of it.
"You guess?" She asked. He chuckled lowly.
"Yeah. I guess." He said.
"Well good, 'cause we are coming." Carol said.
"When?" He asked.
"I'll have us ready before two weeks is up." She said.
"That soon?" He asked.
"I really miss Chicago." She said and they both laughed.
"Okay, if that's what you want."
"It's what I want." She replied.
:::::::::::::::