May 14th, 2002-January 6th, 2003
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This chapter takes place the same night that the last one ended. Time skips around in this story, so don't get confused.
When I tried to calculate what time this would be in ER time, I came up with Season 7. So whatever cast members were in season 7, are the ones that are in this story. Except one of the cast changes I made is that Jeanie is still in Chicago.
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The same night that Carol told Doug that she and the twins were going to move back to Chicago, Doug was waiting for his girlfriend to get home. Jo was at work and Doug was a little nervous about telling her about Carol. He knew the way Jo was and he knew she would never say anything about it to his face, but he didn't think she'd be very happy about the girls moving. She'd be happy about his daughters, he thought, but he didn't think she'd be very thrilled with the prospect of Carol living closer, when it was almost clear to him that Jo thought he loved Carol still.
And how was he supposed to respond to that? If she knew, there was no way he could lie to her about it. He loved her, he really did, but he couldn't help but love Carol more. He always had loved her, even if it had taken her leaving for him to realize it. He waited on the couch, watching a basketball game but not really seeing it as he thought of ways to tell Jo.
Even as he invented ways in his head, he knew that he'd have to come right out and tell her. Then he'd just have to wait for her reaction. Just as he realized that was what he would have to do, he heard Jo's key in the lock. Moments later he saw her face through the long blonde hair and he saw her smile.
"Hey." She said. He smiled.
"Hey Jo." He replied.
"Whatcha watchin'?" She asked and turned toward the television.
"Oh, basketball." He said and flipped it off.
"You could've left it on." She said and looked at him as she placed her things on the back of the couch.
"No, I uh, I wanted to talk to you about something." He said and took a hold of her hand and led her around the couch.
"About what?" She asked.
"Uh, Carol and the twins." He said.
"Oh." She said as she took a seat. She wondered what could be so important that it was making him nervous. She could feel it.
"Yeah, uh, I called her earlier so I could talk to the girls." He said. She nodded but didn't say a word. "Well...I guess I should start from the beginning. The past couple of days I realized that I can't stay away from my daughters. They are my life now, they're everything." He said. Jo swallowed, suddenly nervous herself. "I called Carol to talk to the girls and also to tell her that I was moving to Ohio." Jo froze and tried to process what he'd said in her mind. But it was stuck. He's leaving, she kept thinking, over and over.
"Okay." She finally managed to squeeze out.
"But," Doug paused, "Carol said no." Jo wanted to let out a whoosh of breath, but she figured that would be too obvious. So she let it out slowly and cautiously. "She thinks that my job is more important and she doesn't want me to have to leave it. So...She decided she's going to move back to Chicago with the girls." Jo didn't know what to say. How did she feel about that? She was thrilled that Doug would get his girls. She loved children, obviously being a doctor for them, and had hoped she could have her own soon, and she knew how Doug felt about kids and knew he loved his daughters already. But she didn't know how to feel about Carol being there. Jo knew that he loved Carol, she'd never openly asked him if he loved Carol more than he loved her, but she knew deep down. And if Carol was there, what would that mean for her and Doug's relationship? Would it all fall to pieces? Or did he really truly love her and not Carol and she was just absolutely mistaken?
But no, Jo knew she held false hope in that regard. Even she could see the passionate love Doug held in his eyes every time he even thought of Carol, let alone spoke of her.
"Jo?" Doug finally asked. Jo forced a smile.
"That's...great, Doug. You'll get to see your daughters all the time, instead of once a month or less." She said. He chuckled.
"I know. I'm so happy." He said. She smiled a bit more truthfully this time, but she still held back because of a woman she had never even met. Because of the woman who held the heart of the man she loved.
"I'm happy for you." She said. He smiled sadly and squeezed her hand.
"I know that you're worried, but Jo, being with my daughters isn't going to keep me away from you. I love you and this doesn't change that." He said. She nodded and leaned over to hug him.
"I didn't think it would." She lied softly into his ear. He hugged her gently, knowing she didn't believe that and he didn't really believe it himself.
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Nearly two weeks later, Doug got a call at home. He reached over and picked up the ringing telephone.
"Hello?" He asked into the receiver.
"Hey Doug."
"Oh, hey Carol." He replied. He was glad Jo was working, or else he'd have to feel guilty just for talking to Carol. "What's up?" He asked.
"We're here!" She said quickly.
"What?" He asked.
"We're in Chicago." She replied.
"Now?" He asked. She laughed.
"Yeah, our plane got in about two hours ago." She said.
"Why didn't you tell me you had a flight? I'd have come and got you!" He said.
"Did you have to work?" She asked. He paused.
"Well, yeah.."
"Therefore I got us a taxi. Besides, the girls were thrilled. They never got to ride in a taxi before. The only thing they've ever ridden in is ordinary cars and school buses. They were happy." She said. He chuckled.
"Wait until we introduce them to the El. If they are true Chicagoians, they'll love it." He said. She laughed.
"Oh, probably."
"Anyway, so where are you exactly?"
"A hotel." She replied.
"What hotel? I'll come now." He said.
"Doug, you don't have to.." She started to argue.
"I want to see my girls and besides I wasn't doing anything here."
"What about..." Carol trailed off.
"What?" Doug asked quietly, knowing her well enough to know she was thinking of the girlfriend he had told her he had.
"Nevermind. We're staying at just a regular Holiday Inn for a few days so we can get an apartment." Carol said.
"Carol, that's not.."
"Yes, Doug, it is."
"You could stay with us for awhile." He suggested.
"Doug, they may be your daughters, but believe me, you can't just move in with twins right away and expect to stay sane!" She said and he chuckled. "But seriously Doug, I don't want to intrude that much on your life."
"Carol, I love the girls. Anything with them wouldn't be an intrusion." He said.
"But I would be..You know I would be." She said softly and trailed off.
"Carol, I.."
"Doug, you don't have to explain. It's not like you were obligated to me or anything. We can't stay with you, not even for a few nights." He sighed.
"You're right." He said.
"Aren't I always?" She asked, joking. He smiled.
"Aren't all women?" She laughed then and he closed his eyes to the sound. He'd never get tired of hearing her deep, womanly laugh.
"Of course." She replied.
"Well, which Holiday Inn? I want to come see them now, if that's okay with you." He said.
"That's fine." She replied and proceeded to tell him which hotel they were staying at.
"Alright," He said, "I'll be there in about a half hour."
"That's fine. We'll be waiting." Carol said.
"See you soon." He replied.
"Bye." They both hung up the phone and stared at it for a few moments. Then Carol was distracted by the twins and Doug by his urge to go see his girls. He quickly wrote a note for Jo and left the house.
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Doug had been at the hotel for about a half hour when the girls got distracted by a cartoon on the television. Doug and Carol sat on the two beds that the room provided and talked quietly as one twin sprawled across each of the beds.
"Where are you going to look for a job?" He asked.
"Everywhere, I guess." She said.
"You should talk to Mark about working back at County." Carol stared at him, unsure. She shrugged.
"I dunno, Doug. I mean...Things have changed. You even said so yourself. Susan is gone. There are so many new people there. Mark is engaged and his fiancée is pregnant, plus she works at the hospital. There are a bunch of new people like....Cleo, and um, what's his name, Dave. And you said Deb came back. Carter, Peter, Jeanie, and Kerry are still there, but there is Luka and Abby who I've never met before. And plus there is a new chief of staff, Romano. Just because Mark promised that I would always have a job at County, doesn't mean it's true." Carol argued.
"But Mark is still the ER attending, Carol. He still gets some say in what goes and Romano really doesn't care what the hell goes on in the ER."
"Well that's not possible. How can he be the chief of staff and not care?" Doug chuckled.
"You haven't met Romano." Carol sighed.
"I still don't know, Doug."
"You could always ask, Carol. There's no harm in asking." He paused. "Hey, I have an idea. You should bring the girls into work tomorrow. You can see everybody again and meet all the new people, plus talk to Mark and Kerry about coming back." Carol eyes lit up for a moment at the thought of seeing everybody again. But then she shrugged.
"I don't know if the ER is the best plus for a set of five-year-olds." She said. He rolled his eyes.
"Carol, if anything happens to them, they'll already be in the ER. Plus nothing will happen to them, you're just fishing for excuses. Besides, I have the final say. You're coming into work tomorrow." She snorted.
"Since when do you have the final say?" She asked. He grinned.
"Since now. That's final." He said. She rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile.
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Joanna got off the elevator in the ER and turned the corner to make the way down the hallway towards the admit desk. She needed to consult with Doug on one of his patients that had come through the ER the day before. Just as she was nearing the admit desk, somebody from behind the desk let out a surprised exclamation.
"Carol!" Jo stopped in her tracks and turned her head to look at the woman walking into the ER with a small girl on each side of her, holding her hands. The woman's face lit up and she grinned.
"Carter!" She exclaimed back and he came around the desk. He laughed and hugged her quickly. When he stepped back Jeanie was just on his heels. She hugged Carol too and they all smiled warmly. Jo just stood back and watched.
"We've missed you." Carter said. Carol grinned.
"I've missed all of you too. And this place." She threw up her hands and looked around. "It's changed but everything is still the same." She said. They all chuckled. Then Carter bent to the ground so that he was eye-level with the twins. Jo finally looked down and nearly gasped. She could tell right away which twin was Kate and which was Tess because Kate's grin was the same as Doug's and both of the girls had Carol's curls. Jo slowly backed away as her eyes traveled back up to Carol's face.
So this is Carol, she thought. She's gorgeous. I don't have a chance, Jo thought and turned around and headed back to the elevator. She got on, her mind reeling, as she traveled all the way up to the roof. She stepped out into the cold air, and even though it was freezing, she didn't even notice. She made her way to the edge and leaned against it, closing her eyes and taking a deep, refreshing breath. Jo opened her eyes and still all she could see was Carol and the twins. Tears started to form in Joanna's eyes, because she knew that this was the end of her and Doug. It had to be. Jo couldn't stand to be second best, especially not to Doug. He could still work things out with Carol. All she would be was in the way, Jo knew. A tear slid from her eye and she didn't even wipe it away. She just let the rest come.
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Jo turned the handle on the door and walked into the house. Doug was sitting on the couch, watching television. He looked up when she came in.
"Hey, where ya been?" He asked.
"I got caught up with Ben, the nine-year-old cancer patient." She said. He nodded.
"How are things with him?" Doug asked.
"He's not getting any better, but he's not getting any worse either. So we're holding out hope." Jo replied. Doug nodded, but he could tell something was on her mind. Something that was bothering her. She took off her jacket and everything quietly before sitting beside him on the couch. He immediately turned the television off, knowing she needed to talk.
"What's up?" Doug asked. Jo sighed.
"I saw Carol and the girls today." She said. His body stilled.
"You did?"
"I was going down to the ER to ask you something, and she had just come in." Jo said and glanced at him. He nodded slightly. "They're beautiful, Doug." She paused. "All three of them." His eyes searched hers, wondering what was going through her mind. "If I ask you something, do you promise that you will tell me the truth?" He paused, knowing what she was going to ask, but he also knew that she deserved the truth. He nodded.
"Of course." He said and braced himself.
"Do you love me?" It wasn't quite the question he expected, but it was close enough.
"You know I do." He replied. She nodded.
"But you love her more, don't you?" She asked. Yup, that's the question, Doug thought. He didn't say anything for a few seconds. Her heart sank.
"I never meant to hurt you." He whispered, without answering because it was obvious that they both knew the answer was yes.
"I know." She said and he reached over and gripped her hands.
"I do love you, Jo." He said. She nodded and brought his hands to her cheek. She rubbed her cheek against them.
"But you love her more and I can't be second best. You know that. You can't ask that of me." He nodded.
"I know." A tear slid from her eye and he brushed it away. "She's always been the one, Jo, ever since I met her." Jo nodded, understanding. "You'll find somebody else, Jo. Somebody who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. Completely." She closed her eyes and leaned into his hands. "You're beautiful and intelligent. You're one of the greatest people I've ever met, Jo, and you'll get married to someone who will love you forever and you'll have a bundle of beautiful children." Jo smiled, hoping he was right. She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I really am sorry it couldn't be me." Doug said softly as they stared at each other. Then he bent his head and brushed his lips across hers for the last time.
And it was over.
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The next day Carol, Doug, and the girls went to a park since Doug had the day off. The girls were climbing on the monkey bars while Doug and Carol sat on a bench and watched them carefully.
"So," Carol started slowly and cautiously, "what does your girlfriend do for a living?" Doug grinned a bit.
"Curious George, are we?" He asked. She smiled and bent her head. "Well her name is Joanna, or Jo as everybody called her, and she is a doctor on the pedes floor at County." Carol looked up.
"Wow." She said. He chuckled.
"Expecting yet another bimbo?" He asked. She shrugged.
"Yeah, I guess. A little bit." She said. He nodded seriously this time.
"Well Jo is far from being a bimbo, but she's not my girlfriend anymore." He said. Carol looked up and met his gaze.
"What?" She asked.
"We broke up last night." He said. "Amicably."
"Was it because of.." He cut her off.
"It had nothing to do with...well, it did have to do with you three, but it wasn't the way you think."
"I'm sorry." Carol said, but wasn't quite sure whether she really meant it.
"What happened has been festering ever since we started dating. This is just the first time it's ever opened up to the both of us and we had to actually face it. It's not your fault." Doug said. Carol nodded.
"Well, I'm sorry anyway." She said.
"There's no need to be." He said. She nodded and they both turned to watch the girls. Just as they looked, Tess' hands slipped from the rail and she fell onto her knees in the gravel. She looked shocked for a moment before she started to cry. Doug and Carol immediately jumped up and ran to her. Kate saw what happened and because her big sister was crying, it made her cry too. She sat beside Tess and cried along with her. Doug gently touched Tess' shoulder.
"Where does it hurt, baby?"
"My knees." She replied.
"Can you move them?" He asked. She nodded.
"I think so." Kate wailed beside her. Doug looked at Carol and Carol nodded. They could both tell Tess wasn't seriously hurt because she was already calming down now that her parents had come to her rescue. Carol scooted over and gathered Kate up into her arms.
"It's okay, baby, Tessy's fine. See. She can move." Carol whispered to Kate as Doug got Tess onto her butt. Doug began to examine Tess' knees.
"I think you just scraped them. I don't see any rocks in there." Doug said as Tess sniffled. "Will it feel better if I kiss them?" Doug asked. Tess nodded.
"Pwease." She said, adopting her feel-sorry-for me baby talk. Doug grinned and bent down and planted a gentle kiss on both knees.
"There all better." Doug said and stood, pulling Tess up into his arms. "Now you get to show off your scars to all your friends. You can even make up an adventure about climbing through the rain forest fighting wild cats." Doug said. Tess nodded, staring at him. "As long as Kate doesn't tell." Doug said and he and Tess both looked at Kate. She shook her head to indicate that she wouldn't tell. Tess looked back at Doug and he smiled.
"It burns, Daddy." She whispered. Doug's heart clenched at the word daddy, but he pretended it didn't phase him and he nodded solemnly. "We'll go back to my house and put some magic cream on it to stop the burning and make it heal really fast." He said. Her eyes widened and she nodded. Doug turned to Carol and she nodded too, her heart thudding in her chest. He was a natural at being a daddy, she thought. She could feel her heart slowly tumbling into love with him and she didn't even fight it. Not this time. She just followed him and carried Kate, amazed.
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By the time they neared his house, Tess and Kate were tired of being carried. They walked a little bit ahead of Doug and Carol, holding hands. Tess was telling Kate how brave they had been and Kate was just nodding, fascinating. Tess was also telling her about the story she was going to tell everybody at school and Kate nodded, growing excited about the story.
Doug and Carol walked side by side, watching the girls silently. Carol turned toward him and smiled a bit.
"You did great with her, ya know?" She asked. He nodded.
"It's my job. Treating kids." He said. Carol nodded.
"Yeah, it is, but you were in daddy mode then, not doctor mode." She said. He shrugged.
"She scared me there for a minute." He said. Carol nodded.
"You're a natural." He glanced at her.
"Really?"
"Looks that way to me." She said. He nodded, happy she thought so but unsure about himself, and they fell silent again. As Carol watched her daughters walk and hold hands, she had an incredible urge to reach for Doug's hand too, to make everything complete again, but she knew it wasn't that easy. So she stuck her hands in her pockets and listened to Tess and Kate chattering on.
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Tess and Doug were in the bathroom, patching up Tess' knees. Carol was down with Kate in the kitchen getting Kate some juice. Tess sat on the edge of the sink, watching Doug. Love swelled in her heart for him and she didn't even realize it. She just couldn't believe her daddy was right in front of her, taking care of her knees. Her knees didn't even hurt that bad, she just wanted him to take care of her.
"Daddy?" She whispered. He paused and looked up at her, a bit surprised.
"Yeah?" He asked.
"Why don't you live with us?" She asked. He finished smoothing out the band-aid and then stood, looking down at her. He didn't know quite how to reply.
"Well, because.." He paused. "Most mommies and daddies live with each other if they are married. And you're mommy and I aren't married." He said, hoping she would be satisfied with that. But like any other five-year-old, she wasn't.
"How come?" She asked.
"Well..." He sighed. "You're supposed to be married if you love each other."
"You don't love Mommy?" She asked. He nearly chuckled.
"I do, but we don't love each other the way you have to love each other to be married." He said, lying. He knew he loved her like that, but that wasn't something he could explain to Tess. She nodded and seemed to be satisfied. "Ready?" He asked her. She nodded. "Walk or ride?" He asked.
"Walk." She said. He nodded and helped her off the sink. They walked to the kitchen where Carol already had a glass of juice ready for Tess. Tess took a seat at the kitchen table beside her sister and across from Carol.
"There's some coffee being made, I hope you don't mind." Carol said. He shook his head.
"That's fine." He said and took a seat beside Carol and across from the girls. Carol glanced at him and they could almost read each other's minds. This is what it would be like if we were a family, they both thought and quickly looked away from each other. Just then Tess picked the perfect moment to bring up the topic to her mother.
"Mommy?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Daddy told me that we don't live together because you guys aren't married." Doug lowered his head and couldn't help but grin a little when Carol glanced at him. Kate's attention was immediately sparked by her sister's words. "And he said you aren't married because you don't love each other like that. Daddy says he loves you, but not like that." Tess said and Doug felt heat rising to his cheeks. Leave it to a five-year-old. "Do you love Daddy like that?" Tess asked innocently. Carol felt heat rising to her own cheeks.
"I love him, but not like that." Carol said cautiously, hoping her daughter would be satisfied. Tess was, but now Kate wasn't.
"If you both love each other, how come it isn't like that?" Kate asked. Doug choked through a chuckle, pretending to cough. Carol glanced at him, not knowing what to say. Neither of them would confess, especially in front of their children, that they did love each other like that.
"It's just not, baby, now drink your juice." Carol said and got up from the table. "Where do you keep your mugs?" She asked Doug. He pointed to a cupboard, hardly able to stop grinning. Carol smiled and rolled her eyes at him before getting two mugs down from the cupboard and pouring the coffee. Doug looked back at the girls who were staring at him and Carol, unsatisfied with the answers their parents had given. Tess looked at Kate.
"We're going to living room to watch cartoons." She said and tugged on Kate's arm. Kate followed her quickly. Carol sat across from Doug and they grinned.
"Sorry about that." Doug said. "She just asked me out of the blue why I didn't live with you guys and so I had to say something."
"It's fine." Carol said and laughed. "It's amazing the things that come out of their mouths." Doug grinned.
"No kidding." They smiled at each other and then quickly looked away when the moment seemed to become a little too intense.
Out in the living room the television was on and the screen showed the Rugrats, but Tess and Kate weren't interested. They were sitting on the couch, whispering quietly to each other.
"I want Daddy to live with us."
"Me too." Kate replied.
"I think they do love each other like that." Tess said. Kate nodded.
"Mmhmm." She replied.
"I want to live with Daddy."
"Me too." Kate said again.
"We have to get them to live with each other. And with us." Tess said, determined. Kate nodded. They sat beside each other, trying to come up with something in their five-year-old minds.
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