Chapter 44

A Dangerous Realisation, And A Hard Task To Bare

Harry heard the scratchy noise interrupt his light sleep with a start. He sighed loudly. What was the point of having a lay in when even on your off work days you were disturbed. Harry groaned inwardly and lay there for a moment longer simply letting the scratching noise continue.

Perhaps if he lay perfectly still and closed his eyes the noise would stop and he would be left alone. How wrong could he be. The was a loud screech coming from the vicinity of the curtained window, then a tap taping sound, another screech. The thing or whatever it was wouldn't leave him be, so Harry got up, grudgingly though.

He walked over to the window dressed in pajama bottoms and slid the dark reddish gold curtains aside. Outside was a raven, the blackest he had ever seen, it's feathers were an inky black blue and glissened with health in the sun light.

The bird opened his long pointed beak again and screeched.

"Okay, Okay. I'm hurrying as fast as I can," grumbled Harry as he unfastened the window. With keen proficiency the bird swooped in and dropped it's burden on the floor then landed itself on Hedwig's vacated perch waiting.

"So?" Questioned Harry with a glare at the magnificent bird. There was doubt who the raven belonged too. Hegwig wouldn't be very please if she knew that Severus Snape's raven was currently occupying her stand.

The bird cast it's beady eyes in Harry's direction as he opened the sealed envelope.

Harry,

Please make time in your busy schedule to see me one day, possibly this week!

Regards,

Severus Snape

Harry chuckled. The man could even be sarcastic in letter form and he sounded from his writing that he was addressing a naughty student.

Harry turned the paper over and fished for a pen in his desk drawer. He dipped his quill in the black coloured ink and began to write. As each word was scribed across the page the ink changed colour, into a bright pink shade then slowly transmuted into blue, red, yellow, green, purple, then back to pink again.

That'll show him, thought Harry as he returned the cap to the bottle of 'Magic Mischief's incredible colour changing ink' and popped it into the desk drawer. He knew that his fancy letter would annoy the hell out of the potions master.

Okay, Professor. Will tomorrow at six be okay? Your office?

Love and kisses, he wrote as an after thought, knowing how much this would jab at Severus' nerves until he could do nothing more than burn the letter with his own fingers.

Harry

He looked over at the raven who squawked in disapprove at him. Yes, it was childish behaviour, but it was funny. Fred and George Weasley would have been impressed.

Harry tucked the letter back into the envelope and re-addressed it.

To Professor Snape.

He tied the note onto the black bird's leg. It took one last look at Harry and fled the room.

Harry shut the window behind it then crept back into bed. Jinny stirred slightly but didn't awaken.

* * *

"Yes Potter, your joke was very amusing. Your humour would go far among a bunch of three year olds," said Severus with disrelish, although Harry swore his words were mingled mildly with a slight concoction of irony.

Uninvited Harry sat down. Severus scowled at him.

"Please sit down Mr Potter." Harry smiled bashfully.

"Sorry, Severus." The potions master sat down opposite his protege and studied him.

Harry sipped his tea and smiled. "So, what do you want to talk about?" He put the cup and saucer down onto the table.

"You," he said in his best intimidating voice. Harry's expression dropped.

"Me? What have I done?" He sounded like a frustrated elder offspring always getting the blame for his younger siblings misdoings.

"Why do you always assume the worse of me Mr Potter? Or are you guilty of some unspeakable crime you have committed under my nose without me knowing about it? Have you...?"

"I've done nothing Severus. I'm not a kid any more."

"Hum, I beg to differ sometimes." Harry sighed and absent mindedly rubbed his scar.

"I must speak with you about your past." Harry's eyebrows flew up hiding behind the fringe of messy dark hair.

"My past?" His shoulders sank. "Everybody still seems to know more about me than I do myself," he said resignedly. Severus nodded.

"Yes I know. It must be frustrating." Harry looked him straight in the eye. They had touched a similar battle scar. Harry knew far less about himself than he cared to and the professor remembered far to much from his past that he promised not to reminisce over. Sometimes however his mind did otherwise and while he lay in bed at night, his inner vision played out memories of forgotten miseries and anguish against his better judgement and will.

"Professor Dumbledore preferred to keep you unaware of them until you were old enough."

"What is then?" It was a question that Harry had started to wonder whether he did want an explanation to.

"It concerns Voldemort."

"Voldie?" Harry looked puzzled.

"Yes, Voldemort." Severus said coldly. "And your mother." The younger man frowned. "I am unsure where to begin."

"Professor?"

"Yes?"

"Has this by any chance got anything to do with you?" Severus took a deep breath.

"How do you know?"

"The way you are...don't be offended but you are kind of constrained and touchy on the subject."

"It's not really about me, but...more about your survival as an infant."

"Dumbledore said Mum protected with parental love."

"Dumbledore was correct."

"He said Mum saved me from Voldemort because she loved me. How's this got to do with you?"

"I believe a bond between a mother and child is unique. Not that I know anything about bonds mind you." Harry didn't know that he and Taya were bonded, nor did he know about the unusual circumstances that had brought them together.

"And nor do I have any recollection of a bond between my mother and myself either," he said flatly. Severus looked at his hands for a brief moment. "I will put this as plainly as possible to avoid any more awkwardness and un-necessary questions.

"When your parents were killed that fateful night in nineteen eighty one, I and Remus Lupin were chosen to help find you. Unfortunately we got to Godrick's Hollow to late to save your parents." Harry looked stunned.

"Close your mouth, you will catch flies," snapped the professor glaring at Harry in disgust.

"You were there!" Said Harry in utter amazement.

"Indeed. But the werewolf had to leave before he wretched his guts out and thus it was me who found you."

"This is all too weird. I remember a green light, but nothing else much."

"You were one year old. Hardly."

Harry swallowed nervously. He blinked. "Why you? Why was it you that got me and not..." Harry frowned. He had never thought much before about who had rescued him. Dumbledore had been his first choice of person. He didn't even venture to fantasise that it had been the dreaded potions master, the one he had thought hated his guts since the moment he lay eyes upon him.

"You nearly died of shock." Severus went on. "You had been bleeding,

"I picked you up and was prepared to carry you down stairs when you were breathing your last breath. Instead I lay you back down with...I turned to leave but something made me turn back. Your head started to bleed again. Whatever possessed me to turn back I have no idea. I know that I wouldn't have left the room until...anyway I touched your head and your wound, the lighten bolt on your forehead stopped bleeding. I carried you down stairs just in time to meet Professor Dumbledore."

Harry continued to listen in silent shock.

"Unknown to me at that point you would have died had it not been for me. Or so the good Professor told me later on."

"But..but why? Why didn't he tell me this before? I had a right to know," said Harry. His voice caste a wistful sound around the room. He stood up and for some reason found the things floating in their jars quite fascinating.

Harry spun around. "Why didn't you tell me?" He was angry. "Why keep it all a secret for so long? I don't understand."

"Would you have honestly believed me, Harry?"

"I 'spose not."

"Exactly. Was I not your most hated teacher? The bat I believe?" Severus glowered at him which for some reason made a small smile appear on the younger man's face.

"Then you loved me even as a baby too." Harry continued to smile, this time somewhat wistfully.

"Forgive me for intruding into your fantasy, Mr Potter but I never even met you until that night. I hadn't seen Lilly since graduation. I could hardly love you then."

"Oh."

"Don't look so disappointed but, neither would I leave a defensive baby alone."

"I don't understand, Severus. What has it to do with you that helped me survive? Voldemort-"

"Dumbledore explained that my...attachment to your mother saved you." Harry looked disappointed.

"I am sorry, Harry. I was secretly angry that Lilly had you and you weren't mine. I felt rejected beyond belief but chose not to tell any one let alone her, but listen here," Harry turned his face and gazed directly at his ex teacher, "circumstances changed. I found you. I ...grew to..." Harry smiled very faintly.

"I'm glad I now know the real truth. I'm glad you care and I'm glad you have Taya. You have changed so much, Severus. She has helped you more than you probably know." He nodded, if not a little bashfully.

"I've been thinking," said Harry.

"About what?"

"I wish I knew you properly then, when I was a boy. I wish I new you as a person and not just as the scary 'Potions Master.' I wish I could have seen through my childlike perspectives of you and seen you as a person. I wish you could have shown me who you really were back then."

Severus nodded slowly.

"I think I understand you," said Harry.

"That is a very bold statement, if I have ever heard. Griffindors," he said tutting.

"You were scared." Severus looked up sharply. Harry had hit the nail on the head. Severus though couldn't bring himself to answer. His pride had been hurt. "It's okay you know," said Harry gently. He stood up. "Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I...I'd like to get to know you... deeper. Will you let me in?" His words reflected a similar sentence that Severus was offered months before.

"I can't promise anything, Harry. I certainly can't be a father replacement."

"God, I know that, I wouldn't deem you of anything."

"Good."

"Then...?"

"You know there are things, terrible things that have happened. I see that you are still hoping that I can confide in you but...I can not give you that satisfaction."

"It's not my satisfaction. I just thought..."

Severus stood up and cross to stand in front of the younger man. He gazed down into those green eyes.

Lilly's eyes, he thought.

"Does Taya know?" Harry's voice broke him out of his revere.

"Does Taya know...what?"

"Does she know you were raped?" At that very moment Severus Snape thought his heart had stopped. The world was spinning in slow motion and his stomach spasmed in argument from the tightening of his internal organs, and his vision lost focused.

He clenched every muscle in his body then came to reason that doing so was causing him to gasp for air. Or was he gasping out of shock?

"It's okay," said Harry very softly.

"How did you come up with this preposterous reason?" He stormed over toward the exit of his office, black robes billowing after him. He yanked open the door.

Suddenly Harry touched his arm. He recoiled and pulled back.

"Get out," he said softly. His vision was blurring again, hot rage was melting his control. Harry was in immediate danger.

Quite un-expectantly Severus turned away and sat back down retaining his head in his hands. He had suspected Harry had known for quite some time really. Only when he had said those words aloud did it feel like a kick in the centre of his heart. Had he thought years ago that his life would lead into this confrontation he would presumably have fled for his life. And to have Harry Potter say it to his face. He may have well thrown himself off a bridge.

"You are right," he said ever so softly.

"Severus, as your friend, as your...Look you can't go through life keeping this to yourself. It'll break you in the end."

"She knows," he said quickly and quietly. "She knows everything."

"I'm glad." Harry turned towards the open door. "Thanks for the tea."

"You're welcome."

"Don't dwell on this in silence." Severus cocked an eyebrow at him. "That's precisely what you would do. I know. Got back to your girlfriend and talk it out."

"I have already talked it out, a countless number of times. It gets to the point that whatever you say, nothing can make it any easier and it gets down right boring."

"I can't pretend to understand what you are or were going through, but I can try."

"No, to understand you would have to have been there, Harry." The youth nodded.

"Severus?"

"What?" The elder man sounded drained. He slumped forward, his head almost leaning on his knees. Harry felt pity for the man. He knew that Severus would rather die than be pitied over, but neither the less the feeling stood out, right central in the heart.

"Will you tell Taya that I know?"

"I wont if you don't want me to."

"Tell her."

"Harry?"

"Yea?"

"Promise me that you wont tell anyone. I won't go back on my last threat."

"Know you wouldn't. I give you my word, Scout's honour."

"Scout's what? I'm in no mood for your foolishness."

"It's a Muggle thing. It's a club for boys. Dudley joined it once."

"Your nephew?"

"Yes. He stayed for ten minutes before they chucked him out."

"What did he do?"

"Punched the lights out of two other boys."

"Foolish thing to do."

"He was stupid and still is," Harry quipped. Severus managed a weak smirk "Good night then." The professor nodded, but he was immersed into deeper thought to really avow any further. He didn't notice it when Harry left and was finally left to his reticence again. This conversation hadn't turned out like how he had foreseen it, not in the least.

How life had changed.

He sighed and rubbed grit out of his weary eyes. Severus moved forward and lamented, ignoring the cracking of joints in his neck and shoulders.