Chapter 47

Joys and Fears.

Taya gazed at her figure in the long oval mirror standing in the corner of the bedroom. She lay a hand against her belly. Worry was etched arrows her face. How long was it now? On estimation three and a half months since her last period. She was foolish not to have taken Severus' advice and see Poppy about her condition. If she weren't any wiser she would have believed that she was pregnant, but she was not. It was impossible.

Her desperation to have a child years ago had caused her great sorrow, but she had come to terms with the fact she was a barren woman. The prospect of not being able to give Severus a child at first hadn't even entered her head until recently. Would he be upset that it was impossible for her to conceive?

She needed to tell him. When? She had no idea. He hadn't mentioned children at all in any point of their relationship. She felt sadness that she would never feel his child quicken in her womb or hold his baby in her arms.

Then there was that strange dream. The dream that was repeating itself every night. The child, the fog and the heart shaped locket that whenever she opened she woke up.

What did it mean? Did have any significance at all? Was it her subconscious mind playing tricks with her heart. Who was that little girl? Why did she give her the necklace in the first place? What did it symbolise?

And now she was sensing things. Hidden impressions, not thoughts exactly, nor communication, by a subtle glow inside her mind told her the thing she was sensing was inside her.

It scared her. She could sense Severus, the link with him was strong and distinct. She wasn't supposed to be able to read anyone else.

Was she kidding herself?

Taya sighed as she gazed at her frowning reflection. She turned and looked at her sleeping lover in the bed then gazed back at her double. She knew that Severus was silently wishing her to seek help. He could do nothing but give her advice and respect her wishes when he expressed worry over her lack of periods. I'm going to go, she thought. I need to get this sorted out once and for all.

It was eight o'clock and he was still sound a sleep. Taya shook him gently. He awoke from a hazy dream that he could no longer remember.

"Up." Taya ordered. "Up, up, now lover boy." He glowered at her slightly, but the annoyed expression on his face changed to subtle joy when she wished him a 'Happy Christmas.'

Abruptly Taya heaved him up. De-tangling himself he pulled back the covers and shivered from the icy atmosphere. Taya whipped open the curtains to a world still white with frostings of snow.

"Hurry up, Severus," she called as he stepped into the bathroom. "Pressies are awaiting."

"For me?" He looked utterly surprised.

"You've had presents before, haven't you?"

"Yes but..."

Severus Snape had never enjoyed Christmas. Partly because mostly everyone else had left Hogwarts at that time of year, gladly most of the children, but even most of the teachers left for their own families. He never had a family to go home too. He had heard of Snape manor. He new his mother's side of the family resided there, but whether they would except him now was for their knowledge only. His mother's estate which would have been handed down to him had he been a pure blood and conceived in wedlock was passed to another relative or so he had heard.

He took very little interest in their affairs. He knew that he would feel rejected, and scorned the moment he would pass those huge oak doors and set foot inside. A bastard child wasn't a child of theirs for the Snape's, an old and noble family, yet a family with old fashioned ideals.

He had been banished even before he was born.

Christmas was always a lonely and sombre affair for Severus. He much rather hibernate for the entire holidays, for the next year to be perfectly honest.

He was always given gifts from staff, mostly things he didn't want or need. Usually foolish joke gifts, like a packet of Muggle condoms. Non other from Sirius Black. A cruel tasteless joke that ruined an already dismal festival any way.

Someone gave him an automatic blow up cauldron that exploded and rocked the castle on its foundations every time he tried to burst it. That left him in an extremely bad mood, he hadn't appeared to either Christmas feasts that day, not that he was going to anyway.

Only Albus Dumbledore gave him gifts worthy of his favour. Usually rare potions books or nick knack that he didn't really want but was too polite to refuse, but they were genuine presents. Not the silly sort that here useless novelties.

He knew that other staff members saw him as a miserable old recluse, who's only pass time was to brew potions and fall asleep in front of the fire, if he could bother to light it, than enjoy the merriment's of the season.

This year was different. As different as any Christmas he had the misfortune of spending.

When he emerged a time later he found Taya giggling on the floor next to the tree she had insisted on Hagrid putting there. She had decorated it herself. Severus, being the over zealous person he was took no part in it.

"Look," she said pointing to an abundance of gifts wrapped in a variety of paper, some even changing colour, or whistling with merriment if you touched them.

He discovered that his curiosity had got the better of him and sat down cross legged on the floor, forgetting that he was only wearing black silk boxers Taya had bought him.

He lent forward examining the boxes with curious interest.


"Here," said Taya, taking a small long oblong shaped box from under the sparking tree and handing it to him.

"Who is this from," he asked suspiciously. "I already have a vast collection of useless gifts."

"Yes," Taya said. "So I heard."

"How?"

"You repackage them and give them to people the next year. "Madam Hooch, said to me she received the same Conoodles' with Cootslopps three years running from you."

Severus scoffed. "It is a known fact people redistribute unwanted gifts each year, and besides it saves me buying stupid presents for them." Taya laughed.

Severus turned the label over that was sealed with Muggle sellotape on the brown paper wrapping. 'To Snape, Sirius. Hope this helps you in your ever ending quest for sexual enlightenment.'

"Take it he doesn't know about us," said the girl watching her love turn over the package so carefully that it might explode. Gingerly he tore it open then nearly choked. Inside was a very large black vibrator.

"My God!" He exclaimed suddenly feeling very sick. He passed it to her without even touching the inner box. "You have it. You seem to know what to do with whatever that thing is for." Taya looked at him then back down at the toy.

"It's a sex toy, love," she said.

"I guessed that. It's repulsive. Why on God's name would he send me such an atrocity?"

"Does he think you are gay?"

"Wouldn't know, wouldn't care," he said. "It is repulsive. What are you doing?"

"Opening it to see if it does anything else..." She shrugged and gave a very sloppy grin. "It might be charmed or something. Actually this can't be Muggle. This takes on the appearance of whoever or whatever you are thinking about at the time."

"That's just splendid." He got up and paced the room, his face darkened with embarrassment and anger. "Is that all you think of me? A bloody ...willie?"


"'Course I don't."

"You are not putting that 'thing' anywhere near or in me. That I am sure of young lady. Please remove it away from my person. NOW!"

Taya flung the vibrator onto the bed and took Severus' hand.

"Wonder where your friend got it from." Taya mused.

"Stole it is the most likely answer."

"Severus!" Taya looked at him with obvious disaprovement. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your friend.

"And for your information my dearest," he drolled sarcasticly, "Sirius Black is not my friend. Never has been, most certainly never will be. Merlin's beard, he even tried to kill me when I was at school."

"Kill you?" Taya gasped.

"Humm, The Whamping Willow incident. I'll tell you about it later. In any case Black is my idea of a perfect disaster. No doubt the bloody fool will be coming to Harry's wedding." Severus sighed heavily. "God I never even thought of that. Having to attend the blasted event is bad enough now that the fool is going as well...should have been taken back to Azkaban...bloody living in Hawii. " he trailed off tutting and grumbling in annoyance.

"Is'nt he Harry's Godfather?"

"Worst mistake anyone could ever make, but yes. Blasted James Potter!" He blurted out. Taya gently squeezed his shoulder.

"Cheer up honey bumpkins. It's Christmas."

"God forbid. Don't you ever call me that in public you here me?" Taya smiled. "I mean it."

"Don't worry. Come on, there are lodes of other presents to open. She pulled him back over to the tree and she sat down.

The potions master pulled on a long dark grey robe then settled down beside her. Taya grabbed another gift wrapped in simple dark emerald paper. This time it had her name written on it. The wording was small articulately delivered and very loopy. "Severus?" She smiled over at him. He sat stiffly.

To Taya, from Severus xx

She ripped open the elegantly wrapped package and took out a small velvet box. Carefully she opened it and gazed in shock at the small delicate bracelet. It was barely a thread of silver and crystal, interlaced with minute iridescent stones that glistened magically. She pulled it out of the box and unfastened the chain.

"Give me your wrist and I will put it on for you." Taya reached out her hand. He took the delicate threads of silver between his fingers. For a moment she feared he would crush it. Severus lay the bracelet over her wrist and attached the clasp together.

She gazed down at the delicacy encircling her wrist then pulled her lover into a deep meaningful kiss.

"I love it," she whispered into his mouth and their tongues swept together in a tender moment of passion. Taya was first to pull away and retrieve another package. She gave it to him.

He look the pack entwined in red fabric and read the label.

To my love, Severus

Seasons Greetings

Love Taya, xx

"What is this?" He asked with a smile.

"Open it and you will see."

Carefully he freed the squashy packet of it's wrapping and pulled out a cloak made of the softest richest velvet with a silk lining, trimmed with emerald. Smiling demurely he stood up and pulled the dressing robe off. Quickly he wrapped the cloak around his shoulders pushing his arms inside the long wide sleeves. The silk slid easily over his bare skin, a sensation of rich extravagance.

"This is glorious, Taya. Utterly so. I love it." He moved around, the surprisingly light material swooshing around his slender body.

"That's for destroying the other," she said coyly. Again they kissed. Severus removed the cloak and folded it carefully. He put it on the bed.

Again they took turn in opening gifts, some purely ridiculas, he got a bright pink lycra body suit, a silver lama dinner jacket with matching bow tie, both of which he would never wear. Taya thought they were funny even if he sneered and threw them aside on the floor. A baked bean jigsaw that couldn't be put together with magic. That to hit the floor without a second glance.

'Snake Charming For Beginners by Sharlene Slither' was pretty useless, but at least he could sell or swap it in Diagon Alley for something of a more favourable read. A book on Voodoo was much more interesting, 'Hoo do Voodoo by Abu Bugabooboo.'

The Muggle Britney Spears CD was immediately given to Taya who didn't have a CD player, not that she was bothered anyway. She could still play the disk by magic had she even liked Britney's kind of music. Something classical would have suited Severus better. A wizard world version of a video called 'Complete Workout by Andi Aerobicus' was chucked in Taya's direction to.

The bottle of Muggle shampoo 'Wash N' Go' Madam Pomfey had given as a joke was caste aside on the 'to be burned' pile, as was the Grecian 2000, given by Minerva McGonagall. Taya had found that hilarious, that Minerva had a wicked sense of humour.

Hagrid's gift was a Yeti skin rug. What Severus was going to do with that he had no idea. 'How to keep and Cultivate You Own Devil's Snare by Skarlete Scare,' given by Professor Sprout would be an interesting read if nothing else. As for the 'Wand Waving For Beginners' book aimed at children, that could be sold too. It was unthinkable that Severus would ever give it away to a needy student. The bright yellow balaclarva with jiggling and giggling green bobbles was a surprise. 'The burn pile.'

And 'How To Perfect The Perfect Sneer,' was down right stupid, again was chucked on the to be sold pile.

Although the bottle of home-made 'Dragon's eggnog' from Dumbledore was a welcomed change to the silliness he had been opening and a rare valuable volume on potion brewing, the bag of Weasley's tongue twister lollys, they weren't. They literally did twist your tongue.

Taya on the other hand had received a crystal ball from Madam Trelawney, a bag of sweet muffins from Hagrid that were so hard she nearly broke her teeth on them and a bottle of 'Grow your Own lawn' above other things, a few girlie nic knacks, like magical makeup - lipstick that changes colour depending on your mood, soaps, perfume, a few pieces of costume jewellery and finally a selection of different sweets from some of her students.

Severus had even managed to procure a long sleek black gown for her. How, where and when he had got this she had no idea. Perhaps he had asked one of the other female teachers to buy her a suitable garment. She couldn't imagine Severus visiting 'Madame Je'nui's' boutique of ladies evening attire.

Taya had promised to wear it Boxing day.

Although most of the presents were stupid, they were funny and tickled her sense of humour, especially Severus' gifts. Those which he groaned at made her laugh out loud.

There was gift to both of them and it was from Harry Potter.

"You or me?" Questioned Taya on who should open it.


"You definatly. I dread to think what Potter has come up with."

"Did he give any clues before he left with Jinny for the Weasley's?"

"Non. I don't know whether that is good or bad."

"Let's see." Taya pulled back the label.

To Severus and Taya

From Harry

She ripped it open. Severus sighed with relief. Inside was an expensive green and silver leather photo album.

"How thoughtful," he muttered.

Taya didn't know whether he was being particularly sarcastic or genuinely thankful. Probably the former, but the album was a beauty, crafted with the most expencive materials and fine workmanship in Slytherin colours.

Just as they thought that they had come to the end of the pile Taya spotted another one lurking behind the bottom of the tree.

"Ooo, wait a mo jo there's another one. Just over there. Can you see it?"

Severus stretched over and picked up the rectangle of wrapped paper. He turned it over in his hand then saw the label. Taya found herself laughing when she heard a small chuckle from him.

"You are bonkers," he said. "You really are. Do you honestly believe that I would think this really came from Jym Jams?" Severus shook his head. He ripped it open anyway. "Speak of the devil." Taya turned around. The rabbit was hopping over toward them.

"She obviously wants to know what you think of her present for you."

He was frowning. "How generous of her to buy me a new shaving set. I may use it on her. She sheds over everything."

"How cruel. Look she even went out of her way to have your name put on the case." S. S. Severus gently picked up the rabbit and nuzzled into her fur. Taya couldn't help smiling at the tenderness he was showing toward the creature.

He put the rabbit back down onto the floor. "Taya?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. These gifts you have given me are very special. I shall treasure them always."

Taya clasped the rose pendant at her throat. The delicate cut stone had turned to a shade of pink.

Of love.