Yes, this is all in jest. Yes, this is a bit mean. But hey – that's what I'm here for ^_^ If you want real fic, check my profile. (And if you like my satire about bad fanfic, check "Lemon-aid" or "Can't stop the love (but I want to get off)" – those are both real stories, and much better than this little rant-fic. There: shameless plug over ^_~)
"So how's it going, Kagome?" Sango asked, peering at her friend's computer screen.
"Not bad!" the schoolgirl responded cheerfully, tapping out the end of a sentence on her keyboard. "You wanna see?"
"Sure!" Sango grinned, ignoring the ruckus behind her. Inuyasha was still fighting with Miroku and Shippou, trying to figure out how they'd all gotten into Kagome's room in the first place.
"Ok, here goes…" Kagome breathed.
"One hi, a kawaii ningen musume named Kagome aruku by the ido near her family's jinja. She was trying to iku gakkou as hayaku as possible, because she was a good little gakusei and always suru her renshuu. Suddenly, she saw that the ido door was aku.
"Aneue!" her baka otouto-sama cried. "I can't find our neko!"
"Mou…not again!" Kagome osuwari on the steps. "Just go get him!"
Souta was scared, and kare began to cry. "But nee-sama…"
"No more naku! I'll just have to do it!" Kagome scowled. "You are muyo!"
Kagome walked purposefully down the kaidan and looked for the neko. "Buyo! Kuru o koko! Ima! Honki!" she called. Suddenly, she heard a loud oto, and a centipede youkai tatakau her.
"Dare o tasukete desu! Watashi wa kowaii!" Kagome screamed, falling into the ido.
"Well?" Kagome asked, beaming. Sango did not look impressed.
"Umm…Kagome?" she began. "I honestly don't know what this is. I can't read those foreign words."
"What?" the schoolgirl asked with a sweat-drop. "But I put a glossary down at the bottom!"
"But that doesn't help me now!" Sango sighed. "How am I supposed to understand while I'm reading if all the definitions are at the end?"
"You could always go look at it!" Kagome sulked.
"What, while I'm reading? That would take forever!"
"Here, let me look at it!" Miroku interjected smoothly, stepping between the two girls. He leaned over to examine the screen.
"Got some free paper?" he asked absently. She vaguely waved toward her school notebook, still 'discussing' things with Sango. Miroku began scribbling.
"Ok, try this!" he beckoned, handing a page to Kagome. Sango peered over her shoulder, and they both began to read it out loud:
"One day, cute a human a girl named Kagome walk by the well near family's Shinto shrine. She was trying to school go as early/fast as possible, because she was a good little student and always do her practice. Suddenly, she saw that the well door was opens.
"[Archaic] Big sister!" her high and mighty little brother stupid cried. "I can't find our cat!"
"Aw man…not again!" Kagome Sit! on the steps. "Just go get him!"
Souta was scared, and he [indicating boyfriend] began to cry. "But my honorable and powerful big sister…"
"No more cry! I'll just have to do it!" Kagome scowled. "You are unnecessary!"
Kagome walked purposefully down the stair and looked for the cat. "Buyo! Here coming now must! Serious I!" she called. Suddenly, she heard a loud sound, and a centipede demon fight her.
"Save someone is! I am scary!" Kagome screamed, falling into the well.
"…oh dear." Kagome whimpered.
"See?" Sango demanded. "It doesn't make any sense!"
"Well, I thought it was good…" Inuyasha commented lamely.
"How am I ever gonna fix this?" Kagome wailed.
Shippou jumped onto her computer table and surveyed the original. "Well, not all the words were bad..." he noted. "You could keep 'youkai' – that's kinda hard to translate anyways." He crossed his arms and glared at Miroku. "We 'demons' aren't all so bad!!"
"And addresses…" Sango noted. "As long as you use them right. You wouldn't want to call Naraku 'Naraku-chan'." She shuddered. "That would be really freaky."
Inuyasha huffed angrily. "I think we should just call him 'that baboon bastard', or that fu—" He was mercifully censored by Miroku's helpful elbow.
"Anyways, for the most part, I don't think you should use any words you can easily translate." Miroku continued gently, turning back to Kagome. "Most people really don't know what they are."
"Ok…" Kagome sniffled. "I just have one question…"
"Yes?"
"When did you guys learn English?"
"Eh hehehehe…"
There! End of rant. I hope I got my point across – I would have rather used kanji to show how illegible unnecessary Japanese can make fanfics, but that will show up as gibberish in most people's browsers. Although, maybe that's the point…
Moral of the story: if you can write it in English, please do. And if you doubt your accuracy for titles/addresses, please ask for help. It gives everyone else a headache to see three million unnecessary terms…especially if they are misused.