"Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind anytime
I miss you
Still have your picture in a frame
Hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane . . ."
Brian McKnight, 'Anytime'
~*~*~*
Chapter 33 - Missing you
The next morning was unlike any morning Hogwarts has ever seen. For the first time since coming to Hogwarts, James, Sirius, and Remus all sat at the Gryffindor table while Lily, Kayla, and Aria all sat at the Ravenclaw table. This had never happened before! The school was in a uproar with gossip as to which couple was arguing, and why.
By the time that Breakfast ended, Lily had heard that Kayla had broken up with Sirius because he had the nerve to stuff his past lovers in her face, that Aria and Remus broke up because they can't stand each other anymore, and that she and James broke up because she heard him talking about her father. Lily rolled her still slightly red eyes and walked out of the hall, not bothering to tell anyone where she was going.
She felt hollow inside, and the only thing on her mind was James.
'Why couldn't I have just said yes?' she wondered as she walked up to her room. 'I couldn't be more miserable than this, and at least then I'd have James.' Lily crawled into Kayla's bed, not wanting to be in hers. She didn't think that she would ever be able to sleep in that bed again. The sorrow that flashed across his face when he read her answer haunted her, every time she blinked that image was there. Tears began to fall from her eyes, and she didn't even care. 'It's your fault that he's gone Lily,' she yelled to herself. 'Just like it's your fault your father is gone.'
Lily ended up falling back to sleep, still crying. When Kayla and Aria found her, they decided to just leave her alone and make up excuses for the teachers.
~*~*~*~*~*
Later that night, Sirius and Kayla were walking hand in hand around the corridors of Hogwarts. It was five minutes until curfew, but they didn't care. Sirius tugged on Kayla's hand to get her to follow him.
Kayla looked at her boyfriend, taking in his appearance in the black Hogwarts pants, and the gray turtle neck sweater that he wore. Then, she realized that they were headed down a deserted corridor and looked at him in question. 'What is this guy up to now?' she wondered, but stayed silent.
When Sirius stopped in front of a bare wall Kayla rolled her eyes. 'He got lost.' She thought to herself as she turned around, ready to walk back the way they came from. Instead, she felt herself being propelled forward, into the wall! 'Okay,' she admitted. 'Maybe he didn't lose his way.'
The wall closed behind her, and Kayla turned around to see where they were, and gasped.
~*~*~*~*~*
For the first time since he and Kayla started dating, Sirius was silent as they walked around the castle. He was more nervous than he ever thought possible. 'What if she says no? What if we end up like Lily and James?' his mind buzzed with thoughts such as these.
Late last night, after everybody was asleep, Sirius went in search for the perfect place. And somewhere close to four a.m., he found it.
He readied the room himself. He lit all the candles, started the fire, transfigured things into a couch and a bed, just in case, and he spread the red roses around the room.
Now, as he took Kayla down the hall that would lead to the room, he began feeling twitchy, and he knew that he was sweating something fierce. And his heart, that was beating faster than a hummingbird's, and he found that it was becoming hard to fill his lungs full of air as he lead Kayla into the room.
He slowly looked at her when she gasped. "Do you like it?" he asked.
~*~*~*~*~
Kayla looked around the room. The couch was white, as was the lone bed on the other side of the room. Long-steamed roses were placed around the room, and on the table in front of the couch lay a small dinner. The fire in the fireplace was roaring cheerfully, and she could have sworn that she could hear Chopin in the background.
"Do you like it?" Sirius asked her.
Kayla looked at him in surprise. 'He did this?' she thought. Kayla gave the room another glance and nodded her head. And she heard Sirius' sigh of relief.
"What is this all about, Sirius?"
Sirius didn't say anything though, he just lead her to the couch and sat her down on it. And instead of sitting next to her like Kayla thought that he would, Sirius sat on the coffee table directly across from her. Kayla was beginning to get confused, and worried. 'What is he going to tell me?' she wondered. 'Please don't have him break up with me God. Please. I need him so much.' She thought frantically as the thought passed.
"Kayla," Sirius begun in a shaky voice. "I love you. I don't know when it started, and I don't know why it had to be to the one person who inflicted more pain on me than a bludger, but I love you. It's as if I found my center when I'm around you. Like everything is right in life when you're by my side. As if nothing can ever go wrong when you are in the same room as me." He paused to take a breath and looked at Kayla.
What he saw in her eyes shocked him. It was pain, and sorrow. 'What is she sad about?' he wondered. "Kayla, love?" he asked her as he genteelly cupped her cheek in his hand so that she couldn't look away from him. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Kayla yelled as she jumped off of the couch. "You think that I don't know what this is about, Sirius Black? You think that I don't know why you brought me here? Well, I do!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
Sirius began to get scared. 'She doesn't want me. We're going to go through the same thing that James and Lily are.' He thought. "Kayla-" he started, but stopped dead at the next words that came out of her mouth.
"I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you Sirius. I'm sorry that you find me wanting, because I love you. More than anyone in this world could ever love you. And if you don't want me, just please, save me the trouble and tell me now." Kayla whispered fiercely.
Sirius was shocked. 'Not want you! Hell, I was asking you to marry me and you say that I don't want you?' Sirius didn't realize that he said the words out loud.
"Y-you were asking me to marry you?" she asked, astonished.
Sirius got up and walked over to where she was standing. He looked Kayla in her eyes before he silently went down on one knee in front of her and took a box out of his pocket. He looked at Kayla in her simple dark blue jeans and black scoop neck sweater and smiled at her. 'She is so beautiful.' He thought.
Sirius took a deep breath. "Kayla Cameron, I love you, and I want you forever more. There will never be another woman in life. So I'm begging you in a way, will you marry me?"
Sirius waited, barely breathing as Kayla looked at him, then smiled and crouched in front of him.
"Yes!" she cried, tears of happiness flowing down her cheeks.
"Really?" Sirius asked, scared that he was hearing things.
"Really." Kayla said, her smile growing wider.
Sirius took the diamond and ruby ring out of it's box and slipped it onto her ring finger. It fit perfectly.
Kayla held up her hand and examined the ring. It was made of four stones, two diamonds, and two rubies, and the band was done in white gold. She felt something warm flowing through her veins, but figured that it was just happiness. "It's beautiful." Kayla managed through her tears and hugged Sirius.
"I'm glad you like it, baby." He whispered into her hair. Sirius tipped Kayla's head back and brushed her lips in a soft kiss. Kayla smiled against his lips and opened her mouth. Sirius didn't wait for another invitation and slipped his tongue inside her mouth. A white hot lance of lust and love shot through him and he pulled back from the kiss, smiling at Kayla's groan of displeasure. "Kay, honey," Sirius whispered across her lips. "Please, I need you. Will you let me have you?" he asked her.
Kayla shocked Sirius by nodding her head and wrapping her arms more securely around his neck.
Sirius didn't waste time asking her if she was sure, he scooped her up and laid her carefully on the bed.
"I'm going to make this seem as if it was your first night. I promise you." Sirius informed her with a harsh whisper.
Those were the last words spoken that night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily couldn't stand sleeping in the same room that James had proposed to her, so she went to the Astronomy Tower, but then memories of their first night came to her and brought tears to her eyes. He was so tender and loving that night. And every other night that they made love. While they had had both slow and wild sex, he was always loving, and always thinking about her needs first. Sometimes she resented him for that. She could tell that he never let himself do what he wanted to do to her. He always held back from her.
Lily sighed as she made her way outside. The night was chilly, and she was wishing that she put something other than her robe over her black pajama bottoms and her yellow hooded sweater.
Lily made her way over to the lake and sat down, not even noticing that someone else was there too. Lily drew her knees up to her chest an laid her head on them, looking over the calm water.
~*~*~*~*~*~
James had been sitting on the grass looking at the Ravenclaw girls 7th year dorm rooms window when he saw a shadow of a person sit down on the opposite bank. He squinted his eyes to see who it was, and caught his breath on a gasp. It was Lily! He would recognize that red hair anywhere. But - what was she doing out here instead of sleeping in her room?
James forwent his study of the Ravenclaw girls dorm and looked at Lily, sadness and love shining in his eyes. He hadn't seen her all day. When Kayla and Aria came and sat with them at lunch, they had said that she was asleep in the dorm. He thought that it was just because she was tired, but as he looked at her, even from a distance, he could tell that it wasn't because of exhaustion, but it was because she felt as if she had nothing to hold on to anymore. Her once proud shoulders were slumped, and for the first time in his whole entire life, he saw Lily situate herself in a protective position.
James felt tears prickle his eyes. He done this to her. He had made her feel lost and alone he made her feel vulnerable. He claimed that he loved her, but all he was doing was causing her more harm. James shut his eyes and willed the tears away. He didn't think that it was possible for him to cry anymore, but it seems that he was wrong. James didn't bother wiping the tears off of his face. He already knew that fresh ones'd just replace them.
James watched as Lily laid down in a ball and fell asleep. He waited for an hour, content just to watch her sleep and then when the sky began to get light, he walked over to her and draped his cloak around her body, knowing that she would wake up when the sun rays hit her eye lids. James bent down and softly kissed her lips. He watched as her mouth curved in a smile, and he smiled in return when she snuggled into his cloak whispering his name.
~*~*~*~*
Lily woke up as the sun rose over the hills and shined down on the lake. She took a deep breath and stretched. And then took another breath. 'What the hell?' she thought as she sat up and looked around for James. She could smell him. She knew that smell, it was the smell of the ocean, of male, and his cologne. But he wasn't anywhere around. Lily frowned and looked around one more time. 'Great. Now I'm smelling him!' she thought as she stood up.
It was then that she noticed the cloak. Lily bent to pick it up, and recognized it even before she picked it up. It was James'. Lily put it on over hers and started walking towards the castle. Even though she had to keep on pulling up the hem of the cloak, she kept it on until it was time for her to take a shower. She carefully hung the cloak in her closet, picked her things up and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
"How did I get that cloak?" she asked herself as she stepped into the shower stall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kayla walked into the Great Hall the next morning glowing. There was no other word for it. She was positively glowing. She sat down across from Lily, who was sitting next to Aria, and had the plus of being able to face the Gryffindor table.
"What is wrong with you?" Aria asked.
"Nothing." Kayla chirped happily.
Kayla glanced at Lily who had her head resting on her arms, which were on the table, then glanced at James' back. He was seated in the same position. It was the same way yesterday at breakfast. They didn't face each other at all, and didn't even talk.
Kayla sighed. She wished that she could do something for them, but she knew that they just needed to do this on their own.
Kayla spotted Sirius walking in through the doors and practically beamed when she smiled at him. Sirius grinned in return and winked at her. Kayla blushed and began to load her plate with food. She was starving! 'Who knew that sex made you so hungry?' she thought to her self as she began to eat.
"Okay, what is it that you're not telling?" Aria demanded.
Kayla shook her head and continued eating.
Lily lifted her head from her arms finally and looked closely at her best friend. While she might still be tired from having only two hours of sleep, she wasn't blind, and she knew Kayla well enough to know what was going on. Lily smirked. "You had sex last night." She accused.
Kayla's head shot up and she looked around her, panicked that someone heard. When she saw that everyone was doing their own thing, she nodded her head. Lily raised her eyebrow, demanding to know if she thought that sex was worth it now and Kayla sighed. She knew that it would come to this last night.
Kayla stood up, grabbed an apple and asked, "If you ladies don't mind missing our first class, I'll tell you."
"Wait!" Lily screamed as she scrambled up out of her seat and ran after Kayla.
"Tell me later!" Aria called out as she headed towards her class, not wanting to miss it.
Lily and Kayla walked towards the secret room that they and the Marauders found silently. When they entered the room, Lily automatically pounced. "Well, did you like it?" she demanded.
Kayla smiled and nodded her head. "I never knew that it would feel so . . . good. That it'd make me feel so free. Now I see why you always . . . . what's the word? Yearned? I don't know, why you always boasted on sex, I guess is what I was saying. I mean last night, Sirius was so gentle, so loving. Usually when a guy touches me, memories of getting raped flash through my head, but not with Sirius. All I could think about was his hands." She said with a sigh. "And what those hands were doing to me. God, I could barely even think!" then, as a after thought, Kayla asked, "Is it always like that? Like you can't get enough?"
Lily looked at Kayla and shook her head. "No. It depends on your partner, and usually how skilled they are. But if you love them, it makes it all the more . . . exciting. To where you don't think of anything else but wanting them over and over and over again." She told her. Lily opened her mouth to say something else when she saw Kayla's ring finger.
"Oh, my God! He asked you to marry him!" Lily exclaimed, excited for her friend.
Kayla blushed and nodded her head. "Congratulations." Lily said as she hugged her friend ecstatically. "I'm so happy for you Kayla."
Kayla looked up and looked into Lily's eyes. "Lily, saying yes had to have been the single most smartest thing that I have ever done in my life. I love him so much Lily. I mean I'm scared that girls are going to try to take him away from me, I mean come on, he's Sirius Black, but I trust him enough to stay true to me."
Lily swallowed hard and looked away from Kayla. "But I don't know what I'd do if I saw James like he was before I left to take care of my Father. He didn't do anything to get the girls off of him, Kayla! Nothing. And I felt like I was nothing compared to them. As if I was second best. That he'd rather have a group of girls rather than one. Can you imagine how much worse it'd be if I was to be engaged to him! I'm scared of what I might do. I feel as if I have so much pressure building up in me that if one little thing lands on me, I'm going to break. That I'm going to go vicious. That I'm going to hurt someone. And I know that if I was to see James in that position again, that I'd snap, and that I'd hurt those girls. I feel so shaky right now, and I don't know which way to go to get to solid ground." Lily finished sadly.
Lily and Kayla stayed quiet, Lily staring at the wall thinking about what she just said, and Kayla looking at her ring, wondering what she'd do if she saw Sirius in that position.
~*~*~*~*~
Sirius, James, Remus and Aria all stood silent outside of the door to the secret room, looking at James. James just stood there looking down at the floor, taking everything that he heard into consideration. 'So it's not because she doesn't love me.' He thought happily. 'But because she's scared of what might happen if I let my egotistical mind rule me.' He finished huffily.
"Well, are we going to go in so we can hear this good news, or are we going to stand outside of the entrance like idiots and miss all of our classes?" James asked.
Sirius perked up and beamed. They all went through the entrance to the room and looked back at Kayla and Lily.
"Okay, Kayla and I have something important to share with you guys." Sirius said as he sat down on the arm rest of Kayla's chair, and waited for everyone else to do so. "Last night, I asked Kayla to marry me, and she being so entranced by my good looks and charm said yes. So, that means that I, Sirius Black am going to become a one woman man for the rest of my life."
James and Lily looked at each other and shared a secret smile, thinking about the last time that he referred to himself as charming and what Kayla did to him.
A round of Congratulations went around before everyone started to pile out of the door. Lily and James were left alone, and just looked at each other.
"Thank you for your cloak." Lily whispered, feeling shy. 'Wait, why am I feeling shy? I've known James all my life, and all of a sudden I feel as if I'm a 11 year old girl talking to a 18 year old guy.' She thought. "Your welcome." James answered, breaking her thoughts. Lily looked at him. "Do you mind if I keep it?" she asked. James smiled a little and shook his head.
Lily smiled gratefully. "Thank you."
"I won't take it back as long as you give me something of yours." He informed her with a smile.
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Should have known that there'd be a ultimatum in there.' She thought as she wondered what to give him. "What do you want?" she asked, tired of thinking.
James smiled. "A piece of clothing that I've been wanting for a long time." He stated. Lily raised her eyebrow. "Your bra." He elaborated. Lily chuckled. 'Should've figured.'
Lily took off her school robe and threw it over the chair, then pulled her shirt out of her skirt. Reaching behind her back, she flipped the fastening open. She then unbuttoned the cuffs of her uniform shirt, and reached her other hand inside of her sleeve and felt around for the strap. When she finally found it, she pulled it down her arm and off. She then repeated the exercise on the other arm, then reached under her shirt, drew it out and handed it to him. "Didn't you take my gray one from when we jumped each other in the perfects bathroom?" she asked as she tucked her shirt back into her skirt.
James thought about it then shook his head. "No, but you took my boxers." He accused. Lily looked up from buttoning her cuffs and smiled. "Yes, but you took my underwear when I you paid a visit to the Ravenclaw dorms a few days ago." She retorted. "Then I guess we're even then." He said. Lily nodded her head then put her robe back on.
"James?" she asked before she stepped out of the room. "Give me some time, then ask me again, and my answer will be different. I just don't trust myself at the moment." She admitted.
"I will Lily, you can count on that, I will." James promised.
Lily smiled. 'I hope you keep that promise.'
"Quidditch starts next month," James yelled after her. "Are you back on the team?"
"Wait and you'll see, Potter!" she yelled back before she closed the door, leaving a grinning James behind.
~*~*~*
Chapter 33 - Missing you
The next morning was unlike any morning Hogwarts has ever seen. For the first time since coming to Hogwarts, James, Sirius, and Remus all sat at the Gryffindor table while Lily, Kayla, and Aria all sat at the Ravenclaw table. This had never happened before! The school was in a uproar with gossip as to which couple was arguing, and why.
By the time that Breakfast ended, Lily had heard that Kayla had broken up with Sirius because he had the nerve to stuff his past lovers in her face, that Aria and Remus broke up because they can't stand each other anymore, and that she and James broke up because she heard him talking about her father. Lily rolled her still slightly red eyes and walked out of the hall, not bothering to tell anyone where she was going.
She felt hollow inside, and the only thing on her mind was James.
'Why couldn't I have just said yes?' she wondered as she walked up to her room. 'I couldn't be more miserable than this, and at least then I'd have James.' Lily crawled into Kayla's bed, not wanting to be in hers. She didn't think that she would ever be able to sleep in that bed again. The sorrow that flashed across his face when he read her answer haunted her, every time she blinked that image was there. Tears began to fall from her eyes, and she didn't even care. 'It's your fault that he's gone Lily,' she yelled to herself. 'Just like it's your fault your father is gone.'
Lily ended up falling back to sleep, still crying. When Kayla and Aria found her, they decided to just leave her alone and make up excuses for the teachers.
~*~*~*~*~*
Later that night, Sirius and Kayla were walking hand in hand around the corridors of Hogwarts. It was five minutes until curfew, but they didn't care. Sirius tugged on Kayla's hand to get her to follow him.
Kayla looked at her boyfriend, taking in his appearance in the black Hogwarts pants, and the gray turtle neck sweater that he wore. Then, she realized that they were headed down a deserted corridor and looked at him in question. 'What is this guy up to now?' she wondered, but stayed silent.
When Sirius stopped in front of a bare wall Kayla rolled her eyes. 'He got lost.' She thought to herself as she turned around, ready to walk back the way they came from. Instead, she felt herself being propelled forward, into the wall! 'Okay,' she admitted. 'Maybe he didn't lose his way.'
The wall closed behind her, and Kayla turned around to see where they were, and gasped.
~*~*~*~*~*
For the first time since he and Kayla started dating, Sirius was silent as they walked around the castle. He was more nervous than he ever thought possible. 'What if she says no? What if we end up like Lily and James?' his mind buzzed with thoughts such as these.
Late last night, after everybody was asleep, Sirius went in search for the perfect place. And somewhere close to four a.m., he found it.
He readied the room himself. He lit all the candles, started the fire, transfigured things into a couch and a bed, just in case, and he spread the red roses around the room.
Now, as he took Kayla down the hall that would lead to the room, he began feeling twitchy, and he knew that he was sweating something fierce. And his heart, that was beating faster than a hummingbird's, and he found that it was becoming hard to fill his lungs full of air as he lead Kayla into the room.
He slowly looked at her when she gasped. "Do you like it?" he asked.
~*~*~*~*~
Kayla looked around the room. The couch was white, as was the lone bed on the other side of the room. Long-steamed roses were placed around the room, and on the table in front of the couch lay a small dinner. The fire in the fireplace was roaring cheerfully, and she could have sworn that she could hear Chopin in the background.
"Do you like it?" Sirius asked her.
Kayla looked at him in surprise. 'He did this?' she thought. Kayla gave the room another glance and nodded her head. And she heard Sirius' sigh of relief.
"What is this all about, Sirius?"
Sirius didn't say anything though, he just lead her to the couch and sat her down on it. And instead of sitting next to her like Kayla thought that he would, Sirius sat on the coffee table directly across from her. Kayla was beginning to get confused, and worried. 'What is he going to tell me?' she wondered. 'Please don't have him break up with me God. Please. I need him so much.' She thought frantically as the thought passed.
"Kayla," Sirius begun in a shaky voice. "I love you. I don't know when it started, and I don't know why it had to be to the one person who inflicted more pain on me than a bludger, but I love you. It's as if I found my center when I'm around you. Like everything is right in life when you're by my side. As if nothing can ever go wrong when you are in the same room as me." He paused to take a breath and looked at Kayla.
What he saw in her eyes shocked him. It was pain, and sorrow. 'What is she sad about?' he wondered. "Kayla, love?" he asked her as he genteelly cupped her cheek in his hand so that she couldn't look away from him. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Kayla yelled as she jumped off of the couch. "You think that I don't know what this is about, Sirius Black? You think that I don't know why you brought me here? Well, I do!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.
Sirius began to get scared. 'She doesn't want me. We're going to go through the same thing that James and Lily are.' He thought. "Kayla-" he started, but stopped dead at the next words that came out of her mouth.
"I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you Sirius. I'm sorry that you find me wanting, because I love you. More than anyone in this world could ever love you. And if you don't want me, just please, save me the trouble and tell me now." Kayla whispered fiercely.
Sirius was shocked. 'Not want you! Hell, I was asking you to marry me and you say that I don't want you?' Sirius didn't realize that he said the words out loud.
"Y-you were asking me to marry you?" she asked, astonished.
Sirius got up and walked over to where she was standing. He looked Kayla in her eyes before he silently went down on one knee in front of her and took a box out of his pocket. He looked at Kayla in her simple dark blue jeans and black scoop neck sweater and smiled at her. 'She is so beautiful.' He thought.
Sirius took a deep breath. "Kayla Cameron, I love you, and I want you forever more. There will never be another woman in life. So I'm begging you in a way, will you marry me?"
Sirius waited, barely breathing as Kayla looked at him, then smiled and crouched in front of him.
"Yes!" she cried, tears of happiness flowing down her cheeks.
"Really?" Sirius asked, scared that he was hearing things.
"Really." Kayla said, her smile growing wider.
Sirius took the diamond and ruby ring out of it's box and slipped it onto her ring finger. It fit perfectly.
Kayla held up her hand and examined the ring. It was made of four stones, two diamonds, and two rubies, and the band was done in white gold. She felt something warm flowing through her veins, but figured that it was just happiness. "It's beautiful." Kayla managed through her tears and hugged Sirius.
"I'm glad you like it, baby." He whispered into her hair. Sirius tipped Kayla's head back and brushed her lips in a soft kiss. Kayla smiled against his lips and opened her mouth. Sirius didn't wait for another invitation and slipped his tongue inside her mouth. A white hot lance of lust and love shot through him and he pulled back from the kiss, smiling at Kayla's groan of displeasure. "Kay, honey," Sirius whispered across her lips. "Please, I need you. Will you let me have you?" he asked her.
Kayla shocked Sirius by nodding her head and wrapping her arms more securely around his neck.
Sirius didn't waste time asking her if she was sure, he scooped her up and laid her carefully on the bed.
"I'm going to make this seem as if it was your first night. I promise you." Sirius informed her with a harsh whisper.
Those were the last words spoken that night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Lily couldn't stand sleeping in the same room that James had proposed to her, so she went to the Astronomy Tower, but then memories of their first night came to her and brought tears to her eyes. He was so tender and loving that night. And every other night that they made love. While they had had both slow and wild sex, he was always loving, and always thinking about her needs first. Sometimes she resented him for that. She could tell that he never let himself do what he wanted to do to her. He always held back from her.
Lily sighed as she made her way outside. The night was chilly, and she was wishing that she put something other than her robe over her black pajama bottoms and her yellow hooded sweater.
Lily made her way over to the lake and sat down, not even noticing that someone else was there too. Lily drew her knees up to her chest an laid her head on them, looking over the calm water.
~*~*~*~*~*~
James had been sitting on the grass looking at the Ravenclaw girls 7th year dorm rooms window when he saw a shadow of a person sit down on the opposite bank. He squinted his eyes to see who it was, and caught his breath on a gasp. It was Lily! He would recognize that red hair anywhere. But - what was she doing out here instead of sleeping in her room?
James forwent his study of the Ravenclaw girls dorm and looked at Lily, sadness and love shining in his eyes. He hadn't seen her all day. When Kayla and Aria came and sat with them at lunch, they had said that she was asleep in the dorm. He thought that it was just because she was tired, but as he looked at her, even from a distance, he could tell that it wasn't because of exhaustion, but it was because she felt as if she had nothing to hold on to anymore. Her once proud shoulders were slumped, and for the first time in his whole entire life, he saw Lily situate herself in a protective position.
James felt tears prickle his eyes. He done this to her. He had made her feel lost and alone he made her feel vulnerable. He claimed that he loved her, but all he was doing was causing her more harm. James shut his eyes and willed the tears away. He didn't think that it was possible for him to cry anymore, but it seems that he was wrong. James didn't bother wiping the tears off of his face. He already knew that fresh ones'd just replace them.
James watched as Lily laid down in a ball and fell asleep. He waited for an hour, content just to watch her sleep and then when the sky began to get light, he walked over to her and draped his cloak around her body, knowing that she would wake up when the sun rays hit her eye lids. James bent down and softly kissed her lips. He watched as her mouth curved in a smile, and he smiled in return when she snuggled into his cloak whispering his name.
~*~*~*~*
Lily woke up as the sun rose over the hills and shined down on the lake. She took a deep breath and stretched. And then took another breath. 'What the hell?' she thought as she sat up and looked around for James. She could smell him. She knew that smell, it was the smell of the ocean, of male, and his cologne. But he wasn't anywhere around. Lily frowned and looked around one more time. 'Great. Now I'm smelling him!' she thought as she stood up.
It was then that she noticed the cloak. Lily bent to pick it up, and recognized it even before she picked it up. It was James'. Lily put it on over hers and started walking towards the castle. Even though she had to keep on pulling up the hem of the cloak, she kept it on until it was time for her to take a shower. She carefully hung the cloak in her closet, picked her things up and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
"How did I get that cloak?" she asked herself as she stepped into the shower stall.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Kayla walked into the Great Hall the next morning glowing. There was no other word for it. She was positively glowing. She sat down across from Lily, who was sitting next to Aria, and had the plus of being able to face the Gryffindor table.
"What is wrong with you?" Aria asked.
"Nothing." Kayla chirped happily.
Kayla glanced at Lily who had her head resting on her arms, which were on the table, then glanced at James' back. He was seated in the same position. It was the same way yesterday at breakfast. They didn't face each other at all, and didn't even talk.
Kayla sighed. She wished that she could do something for them, but she knew that they just needed to do this on their own.
Kayla spotted Sirius walking in through the doors and practically beamed when she smiled at him. Sirius grinned in return and winked at her. Kayla blushed and began to load her plate with food. She was starving! 'Who knew that sex made you so hungry?' she thought to her self as she began to eat.
"Okay, what is it that you're not telling?" Aria demanded.
Kayla shook her head and continued eating.
Lily lifted her head from her arms finally and looked closely at her best friend. While she might still be tired from having only two hours of sleep, she wasn't blind, and she knew Kayla well enough to know what was going on. Lily smirked. "You had sex last night." She accused.
Kayla's head shot up and she looked around her, panicked that someone heard. When she saw that everyone was doing their own thing, she nodded her head. Lily raised her eyebrow, demanding to know if she thought that sex was worth it now and Kayla sighed. She knew that it would come to this last night.
Kayla stood up, grabbed an apple and asked, "If you ladies don't mind missing our first class, I'll tell you."
"Wait!" Lily screamed as she scrambled up out of her seat and ran after Kayla.
"Tell me later!" Aria called out as she headed towards her class, not wanting to miss it.
Lily and Kayla walked towards the secret room that they and the Marauders found silently. When they entered the room, Lily automatically pounced. "Well, did you like it?" she demanded.
Kayla smiled and nodded her head. "I never knew that it would feel so . . . good. That it'd make me feel so free. Now I see why you always . . . . what's the word? Yearned? I don't know, why you always boasted on sex, I guess is what I was saying. I mean last night, Sirius was so gentle, so loving. Usually when a guy touches me, memories of getting raped flash through my head, but not with Sirius. All I could think about was his hands." She said with a sigh. "And what those hands were doing to me. God, I could barely even think!" then, as a after thought, Kayla asked, "Is it always like that? Like you can't get enough?"
Lily looked at Kayla and shook her head. "No. It depends on your partner, and usually how skilled they are. But if you love them, it makes it all the more . . . exciting. To where you don't think of anything else but wanting them over and over and over again." She told her. Lily opened her mouth to say something else when she saw Kayla's ring finger.
"Oh, my God! He asked you to marry him!" Lily exclaimed, excited for her friend.
Kayla blushed and nodded her head. "Congratulations." Lily said as she hugged her friend ecstatically. "I'm so happy for you Kayla."
Kayla looked up and looked into Lily's eyes. "Lily, saying yes had to have been the single most smartest thing that I have ever done in my life. I love him so much Lily. I mean I'm scared that girls are going to try to take him away from me, I mean come on, he's Sirius Black, but I trust him enough to stay true to me."
Lily swallowed hard and looked away from Kayla. "But I don't know what I'd do if I saw James like he was before I left to take care of my Father. He didn't do anything to get the girls off of him, Kayla! Nothing. And I felt like I was nothing compared to them. As if I was second best. That he'd rather have a group of girls rather than one. Can you imagine how much worse it'd be if I was to be engaged to him! I'm scared of what I might do. I feel as if I have so much pressure building up in me that if one little thing lands on me, I'm going to break. That I'm going to go vicious. That I'm going to hurt someone. And I know that if I was to see James in that position again, that I'd snap, and that I'd hurt those girls. I feel so shaky right now, and I don't know which way to go to get to solid ground." Lily finished sadly.
Lily and Kayla stayed quiet, Lily staring at the wall thinking about what she just said, and Kayla looking at her ring, wondering what she'd do if she saw Sirius in that position.
~*~*~*~*~
Sirius, James, Remus and Aria all stood silent outside of the door to the secret room, looking at James. James just stood there looking down at the floor, taking everything that he heard into consideration. 'So it's not because she doesn't love me.' He thought happily. 'But because she's scared of what might happen if I let my egotistical mind rule me.' He finished huffily.
"Well, are we going to go in so we can hear this good news, or are we going to stand outside of the entrance like idiots and miss all of our classes?" James asked.
Sirius perked up and beamed. They all went through the entrance to the room and looked back at Kayla and Lily.
"Okay, Kayla and I have something important to share with you guys." Sirius said as he sat down on the arm rest of Kayla's chair, and waited for everyone else to do so. "Last night, I asked Kayla to marry me, and she being so entranced by my good looks and charm said yes. So, that means that I, Sirius Black am going to become a one woman man for the rest of my life."
James and Lily looked at each other and shared a secret smile, thinking about the last time that he referred to himself as charming and what Kayla did to him.
A round of Congratulations went around before everyone started to pile out of the door. Lily and James were left alone, and just looked at each other.
"Thank you for your cloak." Lily whispered, feeling shy. 'Wait, why am I feeling shy? I've known James all my life, and all of a sudden I feel as if I'm a 11 year old girl talking to a 18 year old guy.' She thought. "Your welcome." James answered, breaking her thoughts. Lily looked at him. "Do you mind if I keep it?" she asked. James smiled a little and shook his head.
Lily smiled gratefully. "Thank you."
"I won't take it back as long as you give me something of yours." He informed her with a smile.
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Should have known that there'd be a ultimatum in there.' She thought as she wondered what to give him. "What do you want?" she asked, tired of thinking.
James smiled. "A piece of clothing that I've been wanting for a long time." He stated. Lily raised her eyebrow. "Your bra." He elaborated. Lily chuckled. 'Should've figured.'
Lily took off her school robe and threw it over the chair, then pulled her shirt out of her skirt. Reaching behind her back, she flipped the fastening open. She then unbuttoned the cuffs of her uniform shirt, and reached her other hand inside of her sleeve and felt around for the strap. When she finally found it, she pulled it down her arm and off. She then repeated the exercise on the other arm, then reached under her shirt, drew it out and handed it to him. "Didn't you take my gray one from when we jumped each other in the perfects bathroom?" she asked as she tucked her shirt back into her skirt.
James thought about it then shook his head. "No, but you took my boxers." He accused. Lily looked up from buttoning her cuffs and smiled. "Yes, but you took my underwear when I you paid a visit to the Ravenclaw dorms a few days ago." She retorted. "Then I guess we're even then." He said. Lily nodded her head then put her robe back on.
"James?" she asked before she stepped out of the room. "Give me some time, then ask me again, and my answer will be different. I just don't trust myself at the moment." She admitted.
"I will Lily, you can count on that, I will." James promised.
Lily smiled. 'I hope you keep that promise.'
"Quidditch starts next month," James yelled after her. "Are you back on the team?"
"Wait and you'll see, Potter!" she yelled back before she closed the door, leaving a grinning James behind.