Chapter 35 - Memories of the Lost
It had been two weeks since the final Quidditch Match, and Lily finally begun to wind down just enough to realize what day it was. It was May 15 . . . six days before her father had died.
Lily was sitting on her bed in the dorm room when she realized this, and she automatically felt ashamed for coming close to forgetting about her Fathers' death. Lily got out of bed to the window that over looked the lake that was next to her bed. "I love you, Daddy." She whispered quietly, feeling tears slid down her cheek as they always did when she thought of her father.
Lily heard someone enter the room, and looked over towards the door. Kayla stood within the doorway, looking around the room gloomily.
"You're starting to miss him too, aren't you?" Lily questioned softly as she looked at her best friend who seemed more like a sister to her.
Kayla looked up into Lily's eyes. "I always dreamed of him walking me down the alter . . . I never thought of Phillip doing so. And I always thought that he'd be a part of my wedding, if I ever did get married, but now, well, it's just a huge shock to know that he's not going to be there. And the fact is, it just hit me a that it has almost been exactly a year since I've gotten a letter from him . . . tomorrow will mark that day, and it has almost been a year since I've buried the only father I ever considered so." Lily looked at her friend, and with a shaky voice replied, "I know Kayla . . . it's harder than I ever thought that it would be."
Kayla stepped out of the doorway and into her room, walking over to Lily's bed and sitting on it. "You have something on your mind." Kayla accused with that accuracy that only the best of best friends could possess. Lily nodded her head, knowing that it was useless trying to admit otherwise.
"Kayla, have you ever noticed that sometimes we just sort of happen to leave Aria out of things?" Lily inquired.
Kayla opened her mouth to reply, and then shut it. They did tend to do that. "I guess we do, don't we." She allowed softly.
"Pouncy, we've always been close, but I don't know, it seems like sometimes we tend to just . . . leave her out of things you know? We don't really pay attention to her sometimes. I know we don't mean it, but we do, don't we?" Lily wondered as she sat on her bed Indian style, facing Kayla.
Kayla nodded her head gloomily. "She doesn't even notice though." Kayla hedged. "She knows that we are inseparable, and she gives us our space, but I get what you're trying to say. We're not as close with Aria. I mean sure she's our best friend, but we don't know her like we know each other. And you know that she's alright with it Huntress, she told us so when we first became friends with that shy little girl we met in first year."
"Yeah, I know that, but I still feel bad about it." Lily admitted more to herself than Kayla.
"But that isn't what is bothering you." Kayla insisted.
"But that isn't what is bothering me." Lily replied in a monotone voice. "I've been thinking of why exactly I turned down James that night." She told Kayla in a distant voice, sounding as if she was still thinking, but letting her friend know her thoughts. "Almost everyone who means the world to me end up . . . dead; Papa, Cammy, Uncle Brandon, Cousin Heather. At the time when I refused, I thought that I was saying no because I wasn't sure if I could handle something happening, but now that I've had so long to think about it, I'm thinking that maybe it's because I'm scared of losing him for good. I think that his death would kill me . . . I don't think that I could live, knowing that he isn't alive. I think that what I felt at Daddy's funeral would be nothing compared to what I would feel if it was James that I saw being lowered into the ground. I'm really scared Pouncy. But I don't know if I can go on without him any longer. I need him. I need him more than I need to breath, and I know that I'm going to run out of oxygen soon if I don't get him back. But I don't want to be afraid for the rest of my life." Lily ended, the last word coming out on a sob.
Lily hadn't been paying attention to who was in the room while she was talking, was startled to see James sitting on the bed where Kayla had been, what seemed like moments ago.
"I was delivering a message to Kayla from Sirius when you had started to talk, and I couldn't help but listen, and Kayla decided to leave us alone." James told her. "Lily, is that really why you said no to me? Because you're afraid that I might leave you?"
Lily nodded her head in shame. "James . . . it's just that . . . I love you, and I can't, and won't imagine my life without you. There are very few reasons I'm still here, breathing James, and you are one of those reasons. You are the foremost reason. And I don't think that anything would be able to hold me back if you were to die on me too, James. Nothing!" Lily cried out passionately, while tears began to flow freely down her cheeks.
"Aww . . . Baby, come here." James instructed her as he opened his arms to her.
Lily flung herself into his embrace, needing it more than she thought possible. God how she missed his arms! "I'm so sorry James. I didn't mean to drive you away." Lily sobbed into his chest.
James continued to stroke Lily's back while she cried. "You didn't drive me away, Lil. You could never do that. I just . . . I felt embarrassed that I was refused. I thought that you would be ready for something like marriage just because I was. I mean, isn't it the male who is usually behind on such matters?" he joked. And when he got a faint laugh out of Lily, he smiled and looked down at the thick, beautiful auburn hair that he was petting. "I love you Lily. But I couldn't wait any longer to ask you that. I had bought the ring and everything, and I just felt like it had to be then, no other time. If anyone screwed our relationship up, it was me."
Lily shook her head in denial. "How about we blame no one?" she asked. James nodded and Lily smiled.
"Does this mean that we're going back out?" James wondered as he continued to play with Lily's hair. He had always loved that particular part of her. The color was captivating to him. He had never seen any other human with the same color. And then there were her eyes: his second obsession. At times they reminded him of emeralds, then other times, they reminded him of the deep green of the ocean.
"I hope so, because these past seven months have been hell on me. I don't think that I've even gotten a decent sleep since you walked out that door. And I can't sleep if I don't have your scent around me . . . which is why I wear your cloak at night." Lily's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what she just let slip out of her mouth. 'I so did not mean to tell him that!' her brain screamed even as she felt her cheeks start to burn.
James chuckled. "No reason to be embarrassed, love. If you must know, I keep your bra under my pillow to make me feel closer to you."
Lily looked up at James. "Do you even remember that bra?" Lily asked him.
James gave Lily a funny look. "Why should I remember it?" he asked.
"That was the bra that almost flew out the abandoned Charms classroom window the last time we made love." Lily informed him with a smirk.
"Lily, honey, in case you hadn't noticed, at the time I wasn't paying any attention what so ever to what you were wearing. I was paying more attention on how to get you out of what you were wearing." James told her in a tone that suggested that her question was more suited for a three year old.
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Some things never change.' She thought as she settled her head back down onto James' shoulder, and began to drift off to sleep.
James, realizing that Lily was falling asleep on him, automatically pulled back her covers, slipped off his shoes, put his glasses on her nightstand, and laid down with her nestled by his side. "I love you, Lily." He whispered into her hair as he, too, fell asleep.
~*~*~*~
It didn't take long the next day for everyone to get the news that Lily and James were back together. The whole day, it seemed like you turned a corner and you ran into them either kissing, or as the first years put it 'looking stupidly into each others eyes as if they were searching for a speck of dust in them.' People were starting to get most disgusted by the major PDA that they were showing. (Public Display of Attention)
~*~*~*~*~
Unfortunately for the population of Hogwarts, by May 21 they were all wishing that Lily would go back to trying to snog James senseless, as she became a total bitch.
On May 20, Lily had lost her temper. She had caught a sixth year Ravenclaw flirting outrageously with James while he had been in the library studying, and she had walked over to the girl, and pulled her up by the hair, and simply told her 'hands off.' Although she might have pulled out a few strings of the Ravenclaws pretty blond hair while she was doing so.
On May 21, Kayla Cameron had joined the bitchy club. She had nearly bitten off the head of a seventh year Gryffindor who simply asked how she was doing. Even James and Sirius were snapped at. Everyone learned early that morning NOT to talk to the two girls if you still wanted your body the way it was after Malfoy and Snape came over to the Ravenclaw table to give the girls hell, who in return ended up with tails, ringing heads from being hit with the plates, and bruised eyes for commenting on Lily's father.
By the end of May 21, no body would go near the girls. Not even Aria dared to!
But, on May 26, both girls stood up on the Gryffindor table and apologized for their behavior.
Everyone let out a grateful breath, knowing that they wouldn't have to deal with the two bitchy sixth years and the final exams. At least that was one thing that they didn't have worry about. Now they just had to worry about passing the exams!
It had been two weeks since the final Quidditch Match, and Lily finally begun to wind down just enough to realize what day it was. It was May 15 . . . six days before her father had died.
Lily was sitting on her bed in the dorm room when she realized this, and she automatically felt ashamed for coming close to forgetting about her Fathers' death. Lily got out of bed to the window that over looked the lake that was next to her bed. "I love you, Daddy." She whispered quietly, feeling tears slid down her cheek as they always did when she thought of her father.
Lily heard someone enter the room, and looked over towards the door. Kayla stood within the doorway, looking around the room gloomily.
"You're starting to miss him too, aren't you?" Lily questioned softly as she looked at her best friend who seemed more like a sister to her.
Kayla looked up into Lily's eyes. "I always dreamed of him walking me down the alter . . . I never thought of Phillip doing so. And I always thought that he'd be a part of my wedding, if I ever did get married, but now, well, it's just a huge shock to know that he's not going to be there. And the fact is, it just hit me a that it has almost been exactly a year since I've gotten a letter from him . . . tomorrow will mark that day, and it has almost been a year since I've buried the only father I ever considered so." Lily looked at her friend, and with a shaky voice replied, "I know Kayla . . . it's harder than I ever thought that it would be."
Kayla stepped out of the doorway and into her room, walking over to Lily's bed and sitting on it. "You have something on your mind." Kayla accused with that accuracy that only the best of best friends could possess. Lily nodded her head, knowing that it was useless trying to admit otherwise.
"Kayla, have you ever noticed that sometimes we just sort of happen to leave Aria out of things?" Lily inquired.
Kayla opened her mouth to reply, and then shut it. They did tend to do that. "I guess we do, don't we." She allowed softly.
"Pouncy, we've always been close, but I don't know, it seems like sometimes we tend to just . . . leave her out of things you know? We don't really pay attention to her sometimes. I know we don't mean it, but we do, don't we?" Lily wondered as she sat on her bed Indian style, facing Kayla.
Kayla nodded her head gloomily. "She doesn't even notice though." Kayla hedged. "She knows that we are inseparable, and she gives us our space, but I get what you're trying to say. We're not as close with Aria. I mean sure she's our best friend, but we don't know her like we know each other. And you know that she's alright with it Huntress, she told us so when we first became friends with that shy little girl we met in first year."
"Yeah, I know that, but I still feel bad about it." Lily admitted more to herself than Kayla.
"But that isn't what is bothering you." Kayla insisted.
"But that isn't what is bothering me." Lily replied in a monotone voice. "I've been thinking of why exactly I turned down James that night." She told Kayla in a distant voice, sounding as if she was still thinking, but letting her friend know her thoughts. "Almost everyone who means the world to me end up . . . dead; Papa, Cammy, Uncle Brandon, Cousin Heather. At the time when I refused, I thought that I was saying no because I wasn't sure if I could handle something happening, but now that I've had so long to think about it, I'm thinking that maybe it's because I'm scared of losing him for good. I think that his death would kill me . . . I don't think that I could live, knowing that he isn't alive. I think that what I felt at Daddy's funeral would be nothing compared to what I would feel if it was James that I saw being lowered into the ground. I'm really scared Pouncy. But I don't know if I can go on without him any longer. I need him. I need him more than I need to breath, and I know that I'm going to run out of oxygen soon if I don't get him back. But I don't want to be afraid for the rest of my life." Lily ended, the last word coming out on a sob.
Lily hadn't been paying attention to who was in the room while she was talking, was startled to see James sitting on the bed where Kayla had been, what seemed like moments ago.
"I was delivering a message to Kayla from Sirius when you had started to talk, and I couldn't help but listen, and Kayla decided to leave us alone." James told her. "Lily, is that really why you said no to me? Because you're afraid that I might leave you?"
Lily nodded her head in shame. "James . . . it's just that . . . I love you, and I can't, and won't imagine my life without you. There are very few reasons I'm still here, breathing James, and you are one of those reasons. You are the foremost reason. And I don't think that anything would be able to hold me back if you were to die on me too, James. Nothing!" Lily cried out passionately, while tears began to flow freely down her cheeks.
"Aww . . . Baby, come here." James instructed her as he opened his arms to her.
Lily flung herself into his embrace, needing it more than she thought possible. God how she missed his arms! "I'm so sorry James. I didn't mean to drive you away." Lily sobbed into his chest.
James continued to stroke Lily's back while she cried. "You didn't drive me away, Lil. You could never do that. I just . . . I felt embarrassed that I was refused. I thought that you would be ready for something like marriage just because I was. I mean, isn't it the male who is usually behind on such matters?" he joked. And when he got a faint laugh out of Lily, he smiled and looked down at the thick, beautiful auburn hair that he was petting. "I love you Lily. But I couldn't wait any longer to ask you that. I had bought the ring and everything, and I just felt like it had to be then, no other time. If anyone screwed our relationship up, it was me."
Lily shook her head in denial. "How about we blame no one?" she asked. James nodded and Lily smiled.
"Does this mean that we're going back out?" James wondered as he continued to play with Lily's hair. He had always loved that particular part of her. The color was captivating to him. He had never seen any other human with the same color. And then there were her eyes: his second obsession. At times they reminded him of emeralds, then other times, they reminded him of the deep green of the ocean.
"I hope so, because these past seven months have been hell on me. I don't think that I've even gotten a decent sleep since you walked out that door. And I can't sleep if I don't have your scent around me . . . which is why I wear your cloak at night." Lily's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what she just let slip out of her mouth. 'I so did not mean to tell him that!' her brain screamed even as she felt her cheeks start to burn.
James chuckled. "No reason to be embarrassed, love. If you must know, I keep your bra under my pillow to make me feel closer to you."
Lily looked up at James. "Do you even remember that bra?" Lily asked him.
James gave Lily a funny look. "Why should I remember it?" he asked.
"That was the bra that almost flew out the abandoned Charms classroom window the last time we made love." Lily informed him with a smirk.
"Lily, honey, in case you hadn't noticed, at the time I wasn't paying any attention what so ever to what you were wearing. I was paying more attention on how to get you out of what you were wearing." James told her in a tone that suggested that her question was more suited for a three year old.
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Some things never change.' She thought as she settled her head back down onto James' shoulder, and began to drift off to sleep.
James, realizing that Lily was falling asleep on him, automatically pulled back her covers, slipped off his shoes, put his glasses on her nightstand, and laid down with her nestled by his side. "I love you, Lily." He whispered into her hair as he, too, fell asleep.
~*~*~*~
It didn't take long the next day for everyone to get the news that Lily and James were back together. The whole day, it seemed like you turned a corner and you ran into them either kissing, or as the first years put it 'looking stupidly into each others eyes as if they were searching for a speck of dust in them.' People were starting to get most disgusted by the major PDA that they were showing. (Public Display of Attention)
~*~*~*~*~
Unfortunately for the population of Hogwarts, by May 21 they were all wishing that Lily would go back to trying to snog James senseless, as she became a total bitch.
On May 20, Lily had lost her temper. She had caught a sixth year Ravenclaw flirting outrageously with James while he had been in the library studying, and she had walked over to the girl, and pulled her up by the hair, and simply told her 'hands off.' Although she might have pulled out a few strings of the Ravenclaws pretty blond hair while she was doing so.
On May 21, Kayla Cameron had joined the bitchy club. She had nearly bitten off the head of a seventh year Gryffindor who simply asked how she was doing. Even James and Sirius were snapped at. Everyone learned early that morning NOT to talk to the two girls if you still wanted your body the way it was after Malfoy and Snape came over to the Ravenclaw table to give the girls hell, who in return ended up with tails, ringing heads from being hit with the plates, and bruised eyes for commenting on Lily's father.
By the end of May 21, no body would go near the girls. Not even Aria dared to!
But, on May 26, both girls stood up on the Gryffindor table and apologized for their behavior.
Everyone let out a grateful breath, knowing that they wouldn't have to deal with the two bitchy sixth years and the final exams. At least that was one thing that they didn't have worry about. Now they just had to worry about passing the exams!