Dedication: This baby goes out completely to Alyson Metallium. Without you and your excellent proofreading skills, this portion would be literally about five times shorter and a hell of a lot worse.
Note: Thanks for waiting, folks! Well, this is one hell of a long chapter and it's getting longer by the second. Oi. Brevity is so not one of my talents. Funny thing is that I think the original 16D (with all five of its scenes) was only like 13 pages, but Alyson helped out so much that things got expanded big time. Since the first two scenes alone are now up to 19 pages (originally 4), I thought it would be better if I just released this part now because I have no clue how much I will end up rewriting the last few scenes.
By the bye, this is a very Sesshoumaru-centric chapter. We'll start seeing Kagome's views on everything in Chapter 17.
-Cel.
Chapter 16D
His ears perked up as he heard the cries echo through the stoic night, for even the distance between him and the person sobbing couldn't hide the sheer desolation and heartbreak that trembled in the voice. There was something about the sound that just tore into his chest, the terrible tremble of the tone screaming in its own way that no matter how powerful he thought he was, one single cry could strike him impotent.
Rin.
Sesshoumaru broke into a run, only his mind moving faster than his long legs as he wound through the dirt roads that fumbled through the village. Hurdling over a bundle of freshly cut bamboo lying carelessly by a partially constructed hut, Sesshoumaru glanced around the myriad of homes built so closely together.
Where?
He lifted his nose to the air, inhaling the night's calm scents deep into his lungs as he picked up Rin's fresh and completely unique fragrance. Though she didn't smell injured, that hadn't kept the sickly sweet honey of fear from clouding her aroma. Frowning intensely as he berated himself for being foolish enough to think mere humans could safeguard the child for even a night, Sesshoumaru raced towards the tiny, nearly dilapidated hut that was temporarily housing the child he had spent so long protecting.
In retrospect, he really should have known better, but for some reason when he finally was able to push aside the thin bamboo screen to enter the hut, it still came as a surprise to see her there, rocking the child lovingly in her bare arms.
"Sweetheart," the woman murmured, her gentle voice soothing even to his cynical ears. A slender hand, its white skin mottled by the light of the flickering candle, stroked the messy black hair tenderly. "It's okay, Rin-chan, it's okay."
Rin clung to the dark haired woman, her entire body shivering as strangled sobs of despair fought to escape the thin chest. But the heartbreaking sobs slowly transformed into soft, erratic hiccups as the woman embraced the child lovingly.
"It was only a bad dream, sweetie. That's all. Just a bad dream," the miko whispered, her words almost caught upon the stale air of the room.
The youkai stood there, unable to move as a deep frown kissed his thin lips. Had he paused to consider it, he wouldn't have had an idea how long he just hovered at the opening, watching as Kagome said so sweetly the words he wished he had the ability to say. It was almost as if he were relegated to the shadows of his own existence, barred from interacting with the two humans in his life that he couldn't hate.
Still, there was something so terrible and obscene in the tender scene, something that rubbed him raw and deep as he watched the little girl settle down slowly. While he prided himself on the acuteness of his logical mind, there was another, less rational part, deep inside his soul, that whispered Rin belonged there in the miko's toned arms.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, Sesshoumaru told himself. Yet watching as Rin took to the woman so easily, looking almost as if she were Kagome's child, only emphasized the surprise he felt as he realized that Rin finally started preferring humans.
The strange thing was that over the years, he had let himself forget the child was human. And that galling oversight now forced him to stand outside a mere peasant's ramshackle hut, watching as the child, whom he once assumed would follow him to the ends of the earth, nuzzle into the arms of the very woman he couldn't bring himself to consider killing any longer.
"He left me, Kagome-san," the child blurted suddenly, startling both the young woman and the youkai watching silently from the veil of shadows. Small, plump hands hid beneath the delicately woven cotton of the yukata, the fine cloth consigned for use as an impromptu handkerchief as Rin looked into Kagome's eyes. The soft voice choked on an emerging sob as she looked up at the woman holding her.
"He doesn't want me, you know," Rin tried to state matter-of-factly, but it was obvious (to Sesshoumaru, anyway, for he, long ago, learned to gauge the voice of the normally happy child) that Rin's gentle heart was broken.
Stifling the growl that vibrated instinctively from his throat, his golden eyes narrowed as he looked around the room.
The child youkai wasn't in the room.
If the kitsune had hurt the child…
"Who doesn't want you, sweetheart?" Kagome's voice broke the silence of the room, freezing his fury as he turned his attention back to the females.
Rin sighed, the sound hopeless, as she wrapped her chubby arms securely around Kagome's neck.
"Sesshoumaru-sama," the child choked out, the sobbing he thought had ceased renewing with a vengeance as the sweet voice hiccupped and broke.
What in the hell…?
"I had this dream but it was real and he left and he didn't come back and I never saw him again and he left me here, Kagome-san. He left me because I'm human and slow and…" Rin hiccupped, her small fist rubbing relentlessly at her reddened eyes as she trembled.
Kagome lowered her head, oblivious to the almost mesmerizing way the soft candlelight reflected on the thick, black hair that poured over her shoulders. A frown usurped her pretty lips, as she looked the child directly into the eyes.
"Did he tell you that?" she asked evenly, but beneath the guise of casual words, Sesshoumaru could hear the dangerous edge of anger threading through her voice.
"No."
Kagome giggled suddenly, the sound girlish and airy as she nuzzled her lips into the girl's wild mane.
"Oh, Rin-chan. Silly girl! How could you possibly think that?" the miko scolded, her reassuring tone giving her words a gentle, motherly feel as she hugged the child close to her heart. "I'd bet my life on that Sesshoumaru loves you and loves you very much."
Black, knotted hair swung wildly as Rin shook her head emphatically.
"Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't love anyone," the girl whispered sadly, her head falling in a strange sort of defeat against Kagome's shoulder.
"He doesn't?" Kagome repeated softly, her beguiling voice shadowed with confusion.
The growl came to his throat unbidden as Sesshoumaru moved to enter the room. As intelligent as he may be, it still didn't take the intellect of a genius to realize he needed to end this midnight tête-à-tête. Certainly he couldn't allow the two females to speak of him so- it must be stopped and the sooner the better.
Love.
This entire conversation was nothing but nonsense. What did the little miko know of love anyway?
"No. Jaken-sama says that Sesshoumaru-sama is too important to love anything but the Western Lands."
The toad talks too damn much, Sesshoumaru determined, resolved to shut the old youkai's fly-eating snout for good once he returned to the camp pitched just outside the village's boundaries.
The miko just nodded, her easy acceptance of the child's decree somehow gnawing at his nerves. Those plump, pink lips pulled into a tight frown as she combed a hand through the girl's hair, dexterous fingers working at the tangles. "So Sesshoumaru…"
"Sesshoumaru-sama…" Rin corrected spontaneously, the sincerity of her eyes causing a slight upward pull on the corners of his mouth.
"…Sesshoumaru-sama…" Kagome agreed easily, "…doesn't love anything but the Western Lands. Hmm. That's a very serious problem, Rin-chan."
"Yeah."
"It is really such a shame that we have to live in the Northern Lands, then," Kagome sighed, her innocent voice startling the youkai from his slump as he shot an extremely deprecating (though unseen) look at the woman.
Northern Lands? Does the woman not even have the sense to find out where she is?
"Kagome-san?" Rin spoke up suddenly, her small lips pushed into an uncertain pout.
But the young miko merely smiled down at the girl, a precious sort of light dancing in those mysterious blue eyes.
"Yes, Rin-chan?"
The normally confident child fumbled with her fingers, her eyes focused on her dirty fingernails as a bright blush mottled her cheeks. Undoubtedly attempting not to embarrass the woman she had grown so fond of, when Rin finally spoke, the tone was hesitant and almost too soft to understand.
"We aren't in the Northern Lands," Rin stated uncertainly. "You see, you know when you are in the Northern Lands right away 'cuz there's snow up there. We're in the Western Lands."
Grinning widely, Kagome tapped a finger affectionately against the small, snub nose, her words full of assurance as she broke in.
"So if Sesshoumaru-sama loves the Western Lands and you are part of the Western Lands…" the woman trailed off, her eyes filled with an intelligence and vivacity that left the youkai spellbound. "What does that tell you?"
With a squeal of delight, Rin threw her arms around the nearly purring miko, the heavy weight he hadn't expected the child to bearing on her small shoulders suddenly disappearing into the thin, jasmine-scented air.
The Western Lands. A strange emotion, something uncomfortably close to elation embraced the youkai lord as he considered the words still echoing in his thoughts.
The miko, this Kagome, in her typically eccentric fashion, had brought up an intriguing point: it was his duty, as lord of the Western Lands, to take care of Rin. He had spent nearly his entire life patrolling the wild beauty of his domain, daily exterminating the threats against his land and the people on it. In truth, guarding the child was merely an extension of the duty he had accepted with his accession to power.
No. He couldn't leave the child, not when Rin had already lost so much in her short life. Somewhere along the line, the little girl had become emotionally attached to the youkai lord; therefore, leaving her behind would harm the sensitive child, which in turn meant that he was failing in his duty. And Sesshoumaru, regardless of whatever would come to pass, refused to fail.
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you back into bed," Kagome suggested, squeezing the child lovingly a last time before Rin slipped gracefully off her lap. She stood up then, stretching her long legs as her willowy arms reached up towards the rotting wooden ceiling.
His breath hitched deep inside his chest as he witnessed the way the dying candlelight shimmered against the miko's delicate person, the soft glow only enough to outline the soft curves of her body even through the long, white (and technically of a reserved style though it didn't seem to be so modest at that moment) nightdress she wore.
With a hearty yawn, Kagome turned to the child who had snuggled back into the warm pallet set upon the wooden floor, dropping elegantly to her knees as she pulled the woolen blanket up to Rin's rounded chin.
"So, are you feeling any better? Even a little bit?" Kagome asked, her hair sweeping against her thin shoulders as she bent to place a kiss on Rin's forehead.
"Yeah."
"Good!"
"So what made you think about Sesshoumaru…."?
"…-sama," Rin added pointedly.
"…Sesshoumaru-sama and all that other really big stuff, anyway?" the miko asked, brushed the untidy straggles of hair away from the child's cherubic face.
"Oh, that's easy," the child replied, the fear she had been exuding earlier all but gone. "He didn't come back to get me…"
"Yes, he did," the miko interrupted, her voice so strong and certain that Sesshoumaru could have smiled had he been capable of expressing emotion so readily. "He came back a few hours ago but I think he didn't want to disturb you because you were already asleep. He'll be back in the morning."
Innocent brown eyes widened as the girl suddenly sat up, her head narrowly missing Kagome's.
"He did?"
The miko just smiled, her hand gently pushing the child back down upon the thick pallet. "He did. Now I do think you need to go to bed, sweetie."
"Oh, Kagome-sama! Rin was so worried!" the girl gushed, her speech automatically falling into the humbling peasantry dialect of her early childhood that Sesshoumaru had tried so hard to dissuade her from using.
"See," Rin continued excitedly, completely oblivious to the miko's vain attempts to settle the child back down. "When Sesshoumaru-sama has to leave, he gives Rin his … his… " the girl paused suddenly, her mouth twisted in concentration. With a shrug of her shoulders, she continued. "He gives me his signing ring…"
Kagome's elegant black eyebrows knotted together as the little girl persisted in telling the woman something he would have preferred she not know.
"Signing ring?"
"Yeah. Signing ring," Rin nodded, her smile so bright that it was hard to ignore the sudden flood of warmth in his chest. "It's this really special ring that says Sesshoumaru-sama is Sesshoumaru-sama, so I can't lose or else Sesshoumaru-sama will get in a LOT of trouble."
The miko seemed to think it over, her finger pulling at an errant curl that caressed her white neck.
"A signet ring?"
"Yeah. That. A sig-signet ring," Rin acknowledged, her tongue tripping over the difficult word. "He always gives it to me, you know. He just says for me to take care of it for him until he gets back. He said for me not to tell Jaken-sama, though."
"No wonder," Kagome chuckled, honest amusement brightening her beautiful eyes. "Old Jaken would probably think it was a fly…" she snapped her teeth playfully at the child as if there were an invisible insect floating between the two females. "… and try to eat it! But wow. Sesshoumaru-sama must really love you an awful lot to trust you with his signet ring."
For once, the use of that word didn't bother him overly much, so Sesshoumaru leaned against the ancient wooden wall, something inside of him feeling almost content for the first time in years as the child's laughter quaked through her entire body.
"You are so silly, Kagome-san," the child declared grandly, but even from where he stood he could see the sheer happiness in her soft brown eyes.
Silly. Heh. It would have been impossible not to agree with Rin's verdict, but still a slight amusement touched his lips anyway as Kagome finally succeeded in getting the child to lay back within the warm comfort of the worn, green blanket.
"Maybe a little," Kagome admitted ruefully as she blew the child a kiss. "But what I said is true and you know it, Rin-chan." Lovingly, she brushed her lips against Rin's forehead, her delicate hand gliding through the messy hair affectionately. "Seriously, though, sweetheart, there will come times when bad things will happen and sometimes, some people won't be what you think."
Kagome looked up unexpectedly, those dancing eyes smiling warmly as she tossed a conspiring wink towards the tall youkai who stood so silently within the shelter of the darkness.
She knew I was here?
The idea that somehow this young, untrained woman had been able to notice his presence even as he had endeavored to remain unseen scratched his pride, but as their eyes met, Sesshoumaru knew, without a doubt that not only had the woman known he was there, she had been aware of his presence for a while.
"But I promise you, Rin-chan," Kagome continued, her face flushed prettily as her lips turned up into a captivating, shy smile aimed solely at the surprised youkai noble. But abruptly, she shook her head and turned to face the little girl's whose eyes were fluttering sleepily. "Sesshoumaru-sama will always be there for you. And while the big dolt may not say it, never doubt that he loves you. All you have to do is watch the way he treats you to know it's true."
The miko spoke so confidently; as if she could see deep inside of him and he was knew that he wasn't that easy to decipher. He was Sesshoumaru- an enigma to even those few who could claim they knew him.
It was easy and convenient and exactly the way he preferred it.
So it was no wonder that her words, meant to be so soothing to Rin, only ended up offending the youkai. The ease with which she declared her opinion grated on his nerves as he questioned her basis for coming to that conclusion.
Was it based on some fantasy definition she carried in her vacuous head about what love was? Undoubtedly, he decided. But her illusions wouldn't last long, not in this world.
After all, how many times had he seen those around him chase that particular rainbow only to end up miserable in their loneliness? It was best, he had ascertained long ago, to just realize that isolation was a part of life. It was a tool, after all. Those who employed their loneliness ended up utilizing their entire being- there was no more wishing and waiting for something that would never come.
He had lived long enough to know for certain it would never come. But, once again, Kagome had proven that he was guilty of giving her much too much credit. However, there was something about her that made him think that if any mere human was capable of understanding how life really worked, she would.
So needless to say, it was a little disappointing to discover that this Kagome suffered from a terminal case of wide-eyed romanticism. After observing this little scene, it was obvious the young miko possessed yet another serious flaw. In hindsight, Sesshoumaru should have known to expect it for it didn't take much perception to realize that the human woman was nothing more than just ...
His thoughts interrupted by the strange sensation, Sesshoumaru looked down at his large hands with astonishment, each of his elegant digits trembling nearly imperceptibly. That simple, physiological reaction boggled his mind, taking everything he ever thought about himself and throwing it on its ear. He never trembled, not from anger, or fear or any other emotion.
Where was the control he normally possessed in abundance? After all, it was merely a matter of his mind governing his body, nothing more. But it was impossible to deny his control had been affected by this insipid interlude for his hands (both his natural and the demon one he kept attached for the sake of convenience) rebelled. A frown distorted his lips as he slowly turned his palms over, his eyes glazing as he stared at the way the calluses on his sword hand blurred slightly from the motion.
Confusion caused him to step instinctively back, only to have to immediately hide a grimace as his foot slammed into the wooden wall. Mechanically, he lifted his chin proudly as he refused to even acknowledge the existence of the curious woman he could feel staring openly at him, the only thoughts in his silver head that of leaving the miserable hut as quickly as possible before she could see his damn hands.
His stride was as long and coldly efficient as he was. Sesshoumaru stalked back to the small camp just beyond the earthen roads of the village, his narrow eyes closed as he allowed his sense of smell to guide him. That small exercise never failed to clear his mind as he was forced to concentrate on using the kiss of the wind to determine exactly what surrounded him.
With simple training exercises such as that, one could see why Inutaishou had been one of the greatest warriors who had ever stalked across the lands.
Unfortunately, it wasn't doing a damn thing to clear his mind since even though he now perhaps half of a mile away, he could still smell her soft, enticing scent.
With a growl of frustration, he opened his eyes as he reentered the small camp; his nose wrinkling as he noticed Jaken had lit a small fire sometime while the young youkai lord was gone. While the two youkai had no use for the bright, sparkling warmth of raw flame (in fact, the intense light impeded sleep), the toad must have been under the impression that Sesshoumaru would return with Rin. And as much as Jaken may claim he hated the child, he never needed to be reminded that Rin needed the fire for survival.
Gracefully, Sesshoumaru seated himself beneath the giant, heart-shaped leaves of a large tree, his golden eyes reflecting the tendrils of light that danced before him. He remained there for a while, his hand working reflexively through the tangles in his long hair as he watched the fire leap, hissing, into the midnight sky.
There was something almost intoxicating about the controlled inferno, the vivid beauty of its wild nature as it continually tried to break free from its binding. The fire was everything he was not: passionate, rebellious, instinctive.
Beautiful.
He leaned his head back against the prickly bark, his golden eyes staring at the brilliant stars and yet, he did not see anything.
All he could think about was her. When did he start considering the miko beautiful? But as much as he knew that thought was a slap in the face to his entire breed, he couldn't help but think it anyway. There was something about those blue eyes, so unlike anything he had ever seen before and about that soft, warm smile she gave so freely.
Kagome was, in truth, unlike anyone he had ever known before and if that wasn't a good enough reason for his curiosity, he didn't know what was. But mere curiosity didn't cause his hands to tremble and curiosity didn't cause one to reflect on the same human for hours.
And simple curiosity didn't cause his legendary control to suddenly die a quick and quite unheralded death proven by the way his hands shook. That was perhaps the worst part of it all, Sesshoumaru decided with a soft sigh.
Yet another broken vow, Sesshoumaru thought with no small amount of sadness.
It was just another broken vow.
Sesshoumaru felt the grin commandeer the normally staid expression of his mouth, the formal look he tried so hard to keep completely destroyed as he held his father's sword… now his sword … in his hands.
The proper thing to do would be to allow the sword to rest in its fine, gilded scabbard, yet he seemed unable to restrain himself. Something suspiciously close to a laugh tickled the back of throat, demanding immediate release, as he pulled the sword free. Startling silver metal, polished so carefully that he could even see the golden timbre of his eyes reflected so perfectly upon the cold surface, gleamed in the soft torchlight, each uncertain flicker of light dancing along the blade. With a careful, loving touch, let his finger run carefully down the length, only to chuckle as the engraving's rough grooves tickled his sensitive skin.
Had there ever been a finer sword made?
Sesshoumaru couldn't imagine it was even possible. The Tensaiga was perfection; even though his father had warned him it was only to be used as a weapon against death, not life. But that was fine with him, the boy decided as he sheathed the sword, only to draw it out again dramatically a moment later. After all, anybody could have a sword that killed. No one (except for him!) had a sword that was special enough to kill Death itself!
It was the battle against the Soul Stealer that had changed everything. All it took was that one fight for his father to see that he was no longer just a boy but was a man. The humans had proclaimed him a great hero and warrior, and the great Inutaishou had agreed.
And now this sword was the reward.
For the first time in his life, he felt as though his father actually liked him, that what Sesshoumaru thought and said mattered. And when Inutaishou had told him he was proud of his eldest son, Sesshoumaru almost wondered if the world was going to end. That incomparable feeling of knowing that for once he didn't screw up… in fact, he had done everything right, made him wish with all his heart that things would never change.
His father was proud of him.
Few days were of this caliber, Sesshoumaru decided as his feet rebelled into an excited run. It took all his self-restraint to sheath the beautiful sword as he ran, the desire to charge ahead with the sword drawn out in front of him almost overwhelming.
"Master Sesshoumaru!" a middle-aged youkai blurted as he barely stepped out of the way, the green cast to the narrow eyes allowing the boy to determine that the fellow was some sort of distant relative on his mother's side. There were just so many people living in the fortress that it was difficult to keep them all straight, especially since the boy probably never said more than three words to the creature in his existence.
A cough of laughter escaped as Sesshoumaru tried not to smile at the youkai's shocked expression, for he knew that his normal gravity and reticence was already legendary.
"Are you well, Master Sesshoumaru?" the youkai asked, unaware of how ridiculous he sounded speaking so humbly to a boy not even a tenth of his own age.
"The world is well," Sesshoumaru responded, that grin finally breaking free, shining with an easy charm, "and I am part of that world."
The youkai looked strangely at the heir to the Western Lands, but Sesshoumaru was oblivious: people rarely understood the boy's typically cryptic comments anyway so he had given up long ago trying to explain.
Without another thought, he took off running; his mind was so set on reaching his stepmother's rooms that Sesshoumaru forgot to even bid the youkai goodbye. Sliding across the polished floor, the boy came to an abrupt stop, chuckling for once at his sudden clumsiness as he nearly fell over.
He couldn't wait to tell his stepmother about the trip to defeat the monster that attacked her parents' village. Not only would she be relieved to know they got there just in time to save most of the villagers (including her family), she would appreciate the events for another reason, as well. Out of all the people in the world, his stepmother alone would understand what finally earning his father's respect meant.
And he had the sword to prove it.
"Okaa-", Sesshoumaru broke off suddenly, his forehead puckering as he tested the odd-smelling air with a sniff.
Thick. He could feel the burning rage as it nested in this room he normally considered a sanctuary, its demanding tentacles reaching out and drowning all the air in its devastating grasp as if it were an enraged octopus.
Neither the woman nor the elderly man who hobbled after her noticed the sudden appearance of the young youkai at the entrance to the room; instead their attention was stolen by the woman's livid words.
"No. Not a chance in hell!"
The elderly man clutched at the woman's shoulder tightly, his head shaking almost dumbly as his wrinkled mouth leaked placating phrases that no one, not even he, bothered to listen to.
"Milady," he started, his discoloured teeth chewing on his wrinkled bottom lip nervously.
With a quick, almost harsh movement, the woman shook his grip off, only to glare directly into the man's milky eyes.
"I said I am not remaining."
"But Milady!"
"No buts about it, Jiran. None. Don't waste your breath."
"Milady, for the sake of your child, then…"
"Children, Jiran," the woman snapped, her entire body tensed by the exchange. "For the sake of my children, I'm getting the hell out of here. Now that Sesshou-chan is back, we will leave. Tonight."
"And deprive them of their livelihood, Milady?" the advisor grumbled, his liver-spotted hands gesturing wildly as he tried to force the woman to sit.
"Livelihood? Are you perhaps insane? This isn't a way of life, Jiran," she snorted as she dashed a reddened hand across her blackened eyes. "It's not a livelihood when I watch as the man I love beats the hell out of my child because the poor thing had the audacity to drop a silly old vase. It's not a livelihood when I watch as my Sesshou withdraws more and more into himself because his father can't ever say a kind thing to him. You know what that is? That's a nightmare, Jiran. So what kind of mother does this make me? Not a good one, I'll tell you. But it ends tonight."
It finally happened, he realized suddenly. His father had finally hurt her.
Sesshoumaru felt a deep despair churn deep inside his heart as he watched the woman. How many times had he warned her not to try to interfere? Interfering only made it worse. But no, the woman wanted so desperately to keep him safe that each time his father raged, she'd throw herself directly into the thick of it
Something wasn't right, though. His father hadn't laid a hand against him in over a week…
Inuyasha. Inutaishou must have gone after Inuyasha. But his little brother was still a baby. His stomach knotted and turned painfully as he thought of the innocent five-year-old child, the intense empathy he felt actually making him sick.
Wearily, he leaned against the wall, his breath stuck in his throat as he forced himself to survey the damage from the distance. His stepmother's beautiful brown eyes, normally so expressive and full of life, were narrowed by the tremendous pressure of the swollen, darkened skin that seemed intent to drown everything around it in misery. Even from the distance, Sesshoumaru could easily see the red print welted across the soft cheek, the mark even now mutating into an angry bruise that would insist on usurping most of the woman's white skin. Yet, older bruises the colour of dried grass and dying leaves marked his stepmother's neck, each discolouration a testament to his father's unthinking strength.
Perhaps the sorrow that overwhelmed his heart escaped into the heavy air as a groan, or perhaps the woman's sharp intuition kicked in, but the next thing the young youkai knew was that he was eye to eye with his stepmother.
Instinctively, he shoved the scabbard behind his back in a nearly absurd attempt to keep the woman he had long considered his mother from seeing it. Suddenly, the embarrassment of having that sword was nearly too much to bear as he realized that he didn't think he could handle seeing the pain of disappointment in her wounded eyes.
"Jiran, leave us, please," his stepmother ordered, her voice innately majestic though she had once been a mere peasant. The old man looked at her, frowning, but slowly and obediently, he hobbled out of the room.
"Come and sit down by me," she whispered after Jiran left, immediately taking a seat upon one of the cushions on the floor. Smiling sweetly as Sesshoumaru sat next to her, the look of affection almost grotesque on her battered visage, his stepmother began to absently run her fingers through his silver hair.
"Look at these knots, Sesshou-chan," the woman said vacuously, her very tone filled with an anxiety he had never heard come from her before. "You must have had quite a trip for it to get this messy."
Soundlessly, he leaned his head on her shoulder, drinking in her soothing scent as he suddenly knew where this was headed and that realization alone was exhausting.
"You know I love you, right?" the dark-haired woman whispered, her hand slipping from the tangles in his hair in order to rub small, soft circles upon his back. She smiled at his slow nod.
"I love you with all my heart, Sesshou. And regardless of how it may seem, I love your father as well, even though I don't like him very much right now," she sighed, her fingers absently touching the red mark on her face. "He's a good man but he sometimes lets the silly things overwhelm him, Sesshou. He means well. But the thing is that this is happening too much. And it's getting worse. For a while, when we were first seeing each other, he didn't lay a hand on you. I thought that maybe, just maybe if I were good enough, strong enough, he would never hurt you again."
He could smell her salty tears as she chuckled harshly, the scent emblazoned in his mind forever as something terrible… as a harbinger of the ultimate despair.
"But I don't think it's going to happen, Sesshou-chan. I was a fool to think I could change him. We have to leave before someone... We have to leave, Sesshou."
We? Sesshoumaru frowned, his hand rubbing the polished scabbard of his new sword. Surely she knew his father would never allow them to leave. Never. The youkai lord had a difficult enough time allowing his wife and his youngest son leave the fortress to visit the woman's family. There was no doubt in Sesshoumaru's mind that if they tried to leave, for good, Inutaishou would kill them all.
"We cannot."
The woman looked up, confusion and not a little surprise in her damaged eyes.
"Well, we can't stay here, Sesshoumaru. As it is, I've already let this go on too long."
He snorted, immediately questioning why the woman thought this … any of this … was even remotely up to her. His father held all the cards and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it.
"Where would we go? Where could we possibly go that he would not find us?"
She shook her head wildly, her lips askance as she considered his words.
"We would find a place, even if we have to go to one of the other lands."
"And have them chop us into little tiny pieces in order to avenge themselves upon Father?" Sesshoumaru spit out, his hands shaking as he tried not to see the hurt practically emanating from her. "You know as well as I that the other lords would love an opportunity to injure Father…"
"So what do I do, then?" she grumbled, shooting up to her feet only to pace around the large room. "Stay here? Allow this to happen? Not do a damn thing because I'm scared of what might happen?"
He closed his eyes, his heart beating rapidly as his entire life spun out of control. It only figured that the first time in his life he could truly say he was happy everything went straight to hell. Silently he removed his hand from the scabbard, wishing with all his heart that life would stop misleading him into thinking that things would finally be okay, only to end up tearing that hope out with a macabre vengeance.
"I can't go," Sesshoumaru said suddenly, coming to the decision only as he spoke the words. And the truth was, he couldn't leave. He couldn't imagine leaving his father, not now when things were starting to get better.
"No!" she choked out, her ravaged face suddenly as pale as rice powder. "You can't… You have to come, Sesshoumaru. He'll… you have to come."
"He'll what?" Sesshoumaru prodded, giving into the morbid need to hear the words.
She turned her head away, whether from embarrassment or distress, he wasn't certain.
"I can't handle the idea of you being here by yourself… not with him. Not alone."
He frowned, something boiling inside of him as she refused to listen. Didn't she hear? They didn't have a choice.
"I will not leave my father," he said simply, folding his arms across his narrow chest.
"Your father is a monster!" his stepmother cried out, a flush of exertion tingeing the dark colours of the bruises on her face a grisly purple as she turned to face him. "Did you see what that creature did to your baby brother? He's a monster! He's a violent, bloodthirsty youkai!"
His hand shot out before he could even think, the only thing running through his mind was the sheer revulsion in her voice as she spat out the word. Youkai. It was almost as if it were a disease. A disease he himself had. His palm slammed into the side of her face, knocking the woman violently from the cushions onto the polished floor.
Oh, god. What the fuck did I just do?
He sat there, his hands twisting in the soft silk of the pillows, tearing at the delicate cloth until his fingers were literally hiding within the yielding down. He raised his head, forcing himself to look at the woman who lay sprawled upon the floor, her tears slipping down her face until they mingled with the blood leaking from her lips.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
He had done that, Sesshoumaru realized with a start as he watched the blood fall with a strange grace to the ground. But at that moment, the only thing that hurt worse than knowing he had shed her blood was the look in her brown eyes.
She didn't need to say it for it seemed that during that one moment as they stared into each other's eyes, he knew what she thought.
For that one horrible, reckless moment, he had become the embodiment of the most terrible aspects of his father. And the mere thought killed him inside.
He couldn't handle it, Sesshoumaru decided as he turned away, knowing that if he looked at her even a moment longer, he would lose his control again. This time, though, it wouldn't lead to violence. No, something inside told him that if he kept looking at her, he would cry himself. And once he started, Sesshoumaru wasn't sure if he could stop.
"I should have known," she whispered, her voice oddly flat… almost dead. It was hard to reconcile that strange tone coming from the woman he had always loved for the sheer joy she took from living. "I was such a fool to think…"
"You were," Sesshoumaru interrupted suddenly, his words as soft as the wound was deep. He didn't think his heart could survive if she finished that spoken thought.
He could feel her eyes burning into his back, her fear and disappointment so strong that it was virtually tangible. With the refinement of a youkai, she rose from the flooring, the movement so silent that it was hardly discernable. He knew he should say something, anything, but the words refused to depart his throat.
He heard her walk out of the room and a part of him pictured the scene, knowing that no matter what happened, his stepmother would keep her head held up high. That's just who she was.
Sesshoumaru pushed himself from the cushions, flinging himself over the place she had been. He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth her body had left behind slowly begin to fade. Instinctively, he drew his knees up to his chest, feeling somehow comforted and shamed by her residual warmth.
Unable to help himself, he touched a finger gently to the blood on the floor …her blood… and raised it to his eyes. He had done this. His lack of control had done this. But he'd be damned before he'd let anything like this happen again.
He refused to.
His nostrils flared as he closed his hand, watching as the blood smeared over his palm. He was just like his father. Sesshoumaru's head fell, his eyes hidden by his knees.
And softly, his heart broken as he closed his golden eyes, Sesshoumaru began to cry.
His eyes flew open as he looked around, his laboured breathing audible to his own ears. Inhaling deeply, Sesshoumaru leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree.
Both his father and his stepmother were dead now and with them- the past. Instead of worrying about the past, Sesshoumaru chastised himself as he closed his eyes, he should be concentrating on solving the problems of the present: like the current hostilities brewing from the lords of the other cardinal points, like silencing the inconvenient Naraku, like getting that damn miko out of his head.
He frowned at the sudden turn of thoughts, his heart suddenly beating just a little faster as he reflected on the young woman sleeping just a half of a mile away. But he'd ignore it, Sesshoumaru decided firmly as he folded his arms resolutely across his chest.
What did a human miko mean to youkai lord, after all? Nothing. She was nothing to him.
The turbulent thoughts doggedly haunted him, keeping his exhausted mind so busy that he no longer even noticed the annoying way Jaken's long tongue clicked and slurped so loudly as the toad youkai slept. All he could think of was trying not to think of her.
It was just an hour before the dawning sun rose that Sesshoumaru finally fell asleep, his entire body tense as the heart-stealing memory of a shy, sweet smile refused to be forgotten.
Note: Man, when I finally revise and stick all this stuff together, this is gonna be a hellishly long chapter. Oh, and don't get too depressed by the happenings. Only three more scenes to get through and things will lighten up considerably. Try to hang in there! :-)
Note: Thanks for waiting, folks! Well, this is one hell of a long chapter and it's getting longer by the second. Oi. Brevity is so not one of my talents. Funny thing is that I think the original 16D (with all five of its scenes) was only like 13 pages, but Alyson helped out so much that things got expanded big time. Since the first two scenes alone are now up to 19 pages (originally 4), I thought it would be better if I just released this part now because I have no clue how much I will end up rewriting the last few scenes.
By the bye, this is a very Sesshoumaru-centric chapter. We'll start seeing Kagome's views on everything in Chapter 17.
-Cel.
Chapter 16D
His ears perked up as he heard the cries echo through the stoic night, for even the distance between him and the person sobbing couldn't hide the sheer desolation and heartbreak that trembled in the voice. There was something about the sound that just tore into his chest, the terrible tremble of the tone screaming in its own way that no matter how powerful he thought he was, one single cry could strike him impotent.
Rin.
Sesshoumaru broke into a run, only his mind moving faster than his long legs as he wound through the dirt roads that fumbled through the village. Hurdling over a bundle of freshly cut bamboo lying carelessly by a partially constructed hut, Sesshoumaru glanced around the myriad of homes built so closely together.
Where?
He lifted his nose to the air, inhaling the night's calm scents deep into his lungs as he picked up Rin's fresh and completely unique fragrance. Though she didn't smell injured, that hadn't kept the sickly sweet honey of fear from clouding her aroma. Frowning intensely as he berated himself for being foolish enough to think mere humans could safeguard the child for even a night, Sesshoumaru raced towards the tiny, nearly dilapidated hut that was temporarily housing the child he had spent so long protecting.
In retrospect, he really should have known better, but for some reason when he finally was able to push aside the thin bamboo screen to enter the hut, it still came as a surprise to see her there, rocking the child lovingly in her bare arms.
"Sweetheart," the woman murmured, her gentle voice soothing even to his cynical ears. A slender hand, its white skin mottled by the light of the flickering candle, stroked the messy black hair tenderly. "It's okay, Rin-chan, it's okay."
Rin clung to the dark haired woman, her entire body shivering as strangled sobs of despair fought to escape the thin chest. But the heartbreaking sobs slowly transformed into soft, erratic hiccups as the woman embraced the child lovingly.
"It was only a bad dream, sweetie. That's all. Just a bad dream," the miko whispered, her words almost caught upon the stale air of the room.
The youkai stood there, unable to move as a deep frown kissed his thin lips. Had he paused to consider it, he wouldn't have had an idea how long he just hovered at the opening, watching as Kagome said so sweetly the words he wished he had the ability to say. It was almost as if he were relegated to the shadows of his own existence, barred from interacting with the two humans in his life that he couldn't hate.
Still, there was something so terrible and obscene in the tender scene, something that rubbed him raw and deep as he watched the little girl settle down slowly. While he prided himself on the acuteness of his logical mind, there was another, less rational part, deep inside his soul, that whispered Rin belonged there in the miko's toned arms.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, Sesshoumaru told himself. Yet watching as Rin took to the woman so easily, looking almost as if she were Kagome's child, only emphasized the surprise he felt as he realized that Rin finally started preferring humans.
The strange thing was that over the years, he had let himself forget the child was human. And that galling oversight now forced him to stand outside a mere peasant's ramshackle hut, watching as the child, whom he once assumed would follow him to the ends of the earth, nuzzle into the arms of the very woman he couldn't bring himself to consider killing any longer.
"He left me, Kagome-san," the child blurted suddenly, startling both the young woman and the youkai watching silently from the veil of shadows. Small, plump hands hid beneath the delicately woven cotton of the yukata, the fine cloth consigned for use as an impromptu handkerchief as Rin looked into Kagome's eyes. The soft voice choked on an emerging sob as she looked up at the woman holding her.
"He doesn't want me, you know," Rin tried to state matter-of-factly, but it was obvious (to Sesshoumaru, anyway, for he, long ago, learned to gauge the voice of the normally happy child) that Rin's gentle heart was broken.
Stifling the growl that vibrated instinctively from his throat, his golden eyes narrowed as he looked around the room.
The child youkai wasn't in the room.
If the kitsune had hurt the child…
"Who doesn't want you, sweetheart?" Kagome's voice broke the silence of the room, freezing his fury as he turned his attention back to the females.
Rin sighed, the sound hopeless, as she wrapped her chubby arms securely around Kagome's neck.
"Sesshoumaru-sama," the child choked out, the sobbing he thought had ceased renewing with a vengeance as the sweet voice hiccupped and broke.
What in the hell…?
"I had this dream but it was real and he left and he didn't come back and I never saw him again and he left me here, Kagome-san. He left me because I'm human and slow and…" Rin hiccupped, her small fist rubbing relentlessly at her reddened eyes as she trembled.
Kagome lowered her head, oblivious to the almost mesmerizing way the soft candlelight reflected on the thick, black hair that poured over her shoulders. A frown usurped her pretty lips, as she looked the child directly into the eyes.
"Did he tell you that?" she asked evenly, but beneath the guise of casual words, Sesshoumaru could hear the dangerous edge of anger threading through her voice.
"No."
Kagome giggled suddenly, the sound girlish and airy as she nuzzled her lips into the girl's wild mane.
"Oh, Rin-chan. Silly girl! How could you possibly think that?" the miko scolded, her reassuring tone giving her words a gentle, motherly feel as she hugged the child close to her heart. "I'd bet my life on that Sesshoumaru loves you and loves you very much."
Black, knotted hair swung wildly as Rin shook her head emphatically.
"Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't love anyone," the girl whispered sadly, her head falling in a strange sort of defeat against Kagome's shoulder.
"He doesn't?" Kagome repeated softly, her beguiling voice shadowed with confusion.
The growl came to his throat unbidden as Sesshoumaru moved to enter the room. As intelligent as he may be, it still didn't take the intellect of a genius to realize he needed to end this midnight tête-à-tête. Certainly he couldn't allow the two females to speak of him so- it must be stopped and the sooner the better.
Love.
This entire conversation was nothing but nonsense. What did the little miko know of love anyway?
"No. Jaken-sama says that Sesshoumaru-sama is too important to love anything but the Western Lands."
The toad talks too damn much, Sesshoumaru determined, resolved to shut the old youkai's fly-eating snout for good once he returned to the camp pitched just outside the village's boundaries.
The miko just nodded, her easy acceptance of the child's decree somehow gnawing at his nerves. Those plump, pink lips pulled into a tight frown as she combed a hand through the girl's hair, dexterous fingers working at the tangles. "So Sesshoumaru…"
"Sesshoumaru-sama…" Rin corrected spontaneously, the sincerity of her eyes causing a slight upward pull on the corners of his mouth.
"…Sesshoumaru-sama…" Kagome agreed easily, "…doesn't love anything but the Western Lands. Hmm. That's a very serious problem, Rin-chan."
"Yeah."
"It is really such a shame that we have to live in the Northern Lands, then," Kagome sighed, her innocent voice startling the youkai from his slump as he shot an extremely deprecating (though unseen) look at the woman.
Northern Lands? Does the woman not even have the sense to find out where she is?
"Kagome-san?" Rin spoke up suddenly, her small lips pushed into an uncertain pout.
But the young miko merely smiled down at the girl, a precious sort of light dancing in those mysterious blue eyes.
"Yes, Rin-chan?"
The normally confident child fumbled with her fingers, her eyes focused on her dirty fingernails as a bright blush mottled her cheeks. Undoubtedly attempting not to embarrass the woman she had grown so fond of, when Rin finally spoke, the tone was hesitant and almost too soft to understand.
"We aren't in the Northern Lands," Rin stated uncertainly. "You see, you know when you are in the Northern Lands right away 'cuz there's snow up there. We're in the Western Lands."
Grinning widely, Kagome tapped a finger affectionately against the small, snub nose, her words full of assurance as she broke in.
"So if Sesshoumaru-sama loves the Western Lands and you are part of the Western Lands…" the woman trailed off, her eyes filled with an intelligence and vivacity that left the youkai spellbound. "What does that tell you?"
With a squeal of delight, Rin threw her arms around the nearly purring miko, the heavy weight he hadn't expected the child to bearing on her small shoulders suddenly disappearing into the thin, jasmine-scented air.
The Western Lands. A strange emotion, something uncomfortably close to elation embraced the youkai lord as he considered the words still echoing in his thoughts.
The miko, this Kagome, in her typically eccentric fashion, had brought up an intriguing point: it was his duty, as lord of the Western Lands, to take care of Rin. He had spent nearly his entire life patrolling the wild beauty of his domain, daily exterminating the threats against his land and the people on it. In truth, guarding the child was merely an extension of the duty he had accepted with his accession to power.
No. He couldn't leave the child, not when Rin had already lost so much in her short life. Somewhere along the line, the little girl had become emotionally attached to the youkai lord; therefore, leaving her behind would harm the sensitive child, which in turn meant that he was failing in his duty. And Sesshoumaru, regardless of whatever would come to pass, refused to fail.
"Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you back into bed," Kagome suggested, squeezing the child lovingly a last time before Rin slipped gracefully off her lap. She stood up then, stretching her long legs as her willowy arms reached up towards the rotting wooden ceiling.
His breath hitched deep inside his chest as he witnessed the way the dying candlelight shimmered against the miko's delicate person, the soft glow only enough to outline the soft curves of her body even through the long, white (and technically of a reserved style though it didn't seem to be so modest at that moment) nightdress she wore.
With a hearty yawn, Kagome turned to the child who had snuggled back into the warm pallet set upon the wooden floor, dropping elegantly to her knees as she pulled the woolen blanket up to Rin's rounded chin.
"So, are you feeling any better? Even a little bit?" Kagome asked, her hair sweeping against her thin shoulders as she bent to place a kiss on Rin's forehead.
"Yeah."
"Good!"
"So what made you think about Sesshoumaru…."?
"…-sama," Rin added pointedly.
"…Sesshoumaru-sama and all that other really big stuff, anyway?" the miko asked, brushed the untidy straggles of hair away from the child's cherubic face.
"Oh, that's easy," the child replied, the fear she had been exuding earlier all but gone. "He didn't come back to get me…"
"Yes, he did," the miko interrupted, her voice so strong and certain that Sesshoumaru could have smiled had he been capable of expressing emotion so readily. "He came back a few hours ago but I think he didn't want to disturb you because you were already asleep. He'll be back in the morning."
Innocent brown eyes widened as the girl suddenly sat up, her head narrowly missing Kagome's.
"He did?"
The miko just smiled, her hand gently pushing the child back down upon the thick pallet. "He did. Now I do think you need to go to bed, sweetie."
"Oh, Kagome-sama! Rin was so worried!" the girl gushed, her speech automatically falling into the humbling peasantry dialect of her early childhood that Sesshoumaru had tried so hard to dissuade her from using.
"See," Rin continued excitedly, completely oblivious to the miko's vain attempts to settle the child back down. "When Sesshoumaru-sama has to leave, he gives Rin his … his… " the girl paused suddenly, her mouth twisted in concentration. With a shrug of her shoulders, she continued. "He gives me his signing ring…"
Kagome's elegant black eyebrows knotted together as the little girl persisted in telling the woman something he would have preferred she not know.
"Signing ring?"
"Yeah. Signing ring," Rin nodded, her smile so bright that it was hard to ignore the sudden flood of warmth in his chest. "It's this really special ring that says Sesshoumaru-sama is Sesshoumaru-sama, so I can't lose or else Sesshoumaru-sama will get in a LOT of trouble."
The miko seemed to think it over, her finger pulling at an errant curl that caressed her white neck.
"A signet ring?"
"Yeah. That. A sig-signet ring," Rin acknowledged, her tongue tripping over the difficult word. "He always gives it to me, you know. He just says for me to take care of it for him until he gets back. He said for me not to tell Jaken-sama, though."
"No wonder," Kagome chuckled, honest amusement brightening her beautiful eyes. "Old Jaken would probably think it was a fly…" she snapped her teeth playfully at the child as if there were an invisible insect floating between the two females. "… and try to eat it! But wow. Sesshoumaru-sama must really love you an awful lot to trust you with his signet ring."
For once, the use of that word didn't bother him overly much, so Sesshoumaru leaned against the ancient wooden wall, something inside of him feeling almost content for the first time in years as the child's laughter quaked through her entire body.
"You are so silly, Kagome-san," the child declared grandly, but even from where he stood he could see the sheer happiness in her soft brown eyes.
Silly. Heh. It would have been impossible not to agree with Rin's verdict, but still a slight amusement touched his lips anyway as Kagome finally succeeded in getting the child to lay back within the warm comfort of the worn, green blanket.
"Maybe a little," Kagome admitted ruefully as she blew the child a kiss. "But what I said is true and you know it, Rin-chan." Lovingly, she brushed her lips against Rin's forehead, her delicate hand gliding through the messy hair affectionately. "Seriously, though, sweetheart, there will come times when bad things will happen and sometimes, some people won't be what you think."
Kagome looked up unexpectedly, those dancing eyes smiling warmly as she tossed a conspiring wink towards the tall youkai who stood so silently within the shelter of the darkness.
She knew I was here?
The idea that somehow this young, untrained woman had been able to notice his presence even as he had endeavored to remain unseen scratched his pride, but as their eyes met, Sesshoumaru knew, without a doubt that not only had the woman known he was there, she had been aware of his presence for a while.
"But I promise you, Rin-chan," Kagome continued, her face flushed prettily as her lips turned up into a captivating, shy smile aimed solely at the surprised youkai noble. But abruptly, she shook her head and turned to face the little girl's whose eyes were fluttering sleepily. "Sesshoumaru-sama will always be there for you. And while the big dolt may not say it, never doubt that he loves you. All you have to do is watch the way he treats you to know it's true."
The miko spoke so confidently; as if she could see deep inside of him and he was knew that he wasn't that easy to decipher. He was Sesshoumaru- an enigma to even those few who could claim they knew him.
It was easy and convenient and exactly the way he preferred it.
So it was no wonder that her words, meant to be so soothing to Rin, only ended up offending the youkai. The ease with which she declared her opinion grated on his nerves as he questioned her basis for coming to that conclusion.
Was it based on some fantasy definition she carried in her vacuous head about what love was? Undoubtedly, he decided. But her illusions wouldn't last long, not in this world.
After all, how many times had he seen those around him chase that particular rainbow only to end up miserable in their loneliness? It was best, he had ascertained long ago, to just realize that isolation was a part of life. It was a tool, after all. Those who employed their loneliness ended up utilizing their entire being- there was no more wishing and waiting for something that would never come.
He had lived long enough to know for certain it would never come. But, once again, Kagome had proven that he was guilty of giving her much too much credit. However, there was something about her that made him think that if any mere human was capable of understanding how life really worked, she would.
So needless to say, it was a little disappointing to discover that this Kagome suffered from a terminal case of wide-eyed romanticism. After observing this little scene, it was obvious the young miko possessed yet another serious flaw. In hindsight, Sesshoumaru should have known to expect it for it didn't take much perception to realize that the human woman was nothing more than just ...
His thoughts interrupted by the strange sensation, Sesshoumaru looked down at his large hands with astonishment, each of his elegant digits trembling nearly imperceptibly. That simple, physiological reaction boggled his mind, taking everything he ever thought about himself and throwing it on its ear. He never trembled, not from anger, or fear or any other emotion.
Where was the control he normally possessed in abundance? After all, it was merely a matter of his mind governing his body, nothing more. But it was impossible to deny his control had been affected by this insipid interlude for his hands (both his natural and the demon one he kept attached for the sake of convenience) rebelled. A frown distorted his lips as he slowly turned his palms over, his eyes glazing as he stared at the way the calluses on his sword hand blurred slightly from the motion.
Confusion caused him to step instinctively back, only to have to immediately hide a grimace as his foot slammed into the wooden wall. Mechanically, he lifted his chin proudly as he refused to even acknowledge the existence of the curious woman he could feel staring openly at him, the only thoughts in his silver head that of leaving the miserable hut as quickly as possible before she could see his damn hands.
His stride was as long and coldly efficient as he was. Sesshoumaru stalked back to the small camp just beyond the earthen roads of the village, his narrow eyes closed as he allowed his sense of smell to guide him. That small exercise never failed to clear his mind as he was forced to concentrate on using the kiss of the wind to determine exactly what surrounded him.
With simple training exercises such as that, one could see why Inutaishou had been one of the greatest warriors who had ever stalked across the lands.
Unfortunately, it wasn't doing a damn thing to clear his mind since even though he now perhaps half of a mile away, he could still smell her soft, enticing scent.
With a growl of frustration, he opened his eyes as he reentered the small camp; his nose wrinkling as he noticed Jaken had lit a small fire sometime while the young youkai lord was gone. While the two youkai had no use for the bright, sparkling warmth of raw flame (in fact, the intense light impeded sleep), the toad must have been under the impression that Sesshoumaru would return with Rin. And as much as Jaken may claim he hated the child, he never needed to be reminded that Rin needed the fire for survival.
Gracefully, Sesshoumaru seated himself beneath the giant, heart-shaped leaves of a large tree, his golden eyes reflecting the tendrils of light that danced before him. He remained there for a while, his hand working reflexively through the tangles in his long hair as he watched the fire leap, hissing, into the midnight sky.
There was something almost intoxicating about the controlled inferno, the vivid beauty of its wild nature as it continually tried to break free from its binding. The fire was everything he was not: passionate, rebellious, instinctive.
Beautiful.
He leaned his head back against the prickly bark, his golden eyes staring at the brilliant stars and yet, he did not see anything.
All he could think about was her. When did he start considering the miko beautiful? But as much as he knew that thought was a slap in the face to his entire breed, he couldn't help but think it anyway. There was something about those blue eyes, so unlike anything he had ever seen before and about that soft, warm smile she gave so freely.
Kagome was, in truth, unlike anyone he had ever known before and if that wasn't a good enough reason for his curiosity, he didn't know what was. But mere curiosity didn't cause his hands to tremble and curiosity didn't cause one to reflect on the same human for hours.
And simple curiosity didn't cause his legendary control to suddenly die a quick and quite unheralded death proven by the way his hands shook. That was perhaps the worst part of it all, Sesshoumaru decided with a soft sigh.
Yet another broken vow, Sesshoumaru thought with no small amount of sadness.
It was just another broken vow.
Sesshoumaru felt the grin commandeer the normally staid expression of his mouth, the formal look he tried so hard to keep completely destroyed as he held his father's sword… now his sword … in his hands.
The proper thing to do would be to allow the sword to rest in its fine, gilded scabbard, yet he seemed unable to restrain himself. Something suspiciously close to a laugh tickled the back of throat, demanding immediate release, as he pulled the sword free. Startling silver metal, polished so carefully that he could even see the golden timbre of his eyes reflected so perfectly upon the cold surface, gleamed in the soft torchlight, each uncertain flicker of light dancing along the blade. With a careful, loving touch, let his finger run carefully down the length, only to chuckle as the engraving's rough grooves tickled his sensitive skin.
Had there ever been a finer sword made?
Sesshoumaru couldn't imagine it was even possible. The Tensaiga was perfection; even though his father had warned him it was only to be used as a weapon against death, not life. But that was fine with him, the boy decided as he sheathed the sword, only to draw it out again dramatically a moment later. After all, anybody could have a sword that killed. No one (except for him!) had a sword that was special enough to kill Death itself!
It was the battle against the Soul Stealer that had changed everything. All it took was that one fight for his father to see that he was no longer just a boy but was a man. The humans had proclaimed him a great hero and warrior, and the great Inutaishou had agreed.
And now this sword was the reward.
For the first time in his life, he felt as though his father actually liked him, that what Sesshoumaru thought and said mattered. And when Inutaishou had told him he was proud of his eldest son, Sesshoumaru almost wondered if the world was going to end. That incomparable feeling of knowing that for once he didn't screw up… in fact, he had done everything right, made him wish with all his heart that things would never change.
His father was proud of him.
Few days were of this caliber, Sesshoumaru decided as his feet rebelled into an excited run. It took all his self-restraint to sheath the beautiful sword as he ran, the desire to charge ahead with the sword drawn out in front of him almost overwhelming.
"Master Sesshoumaru!" a middle-aged youkai blurted as he barely stepped out of the way, the green cast to the narrow eyes allowing the boy to determine that the fellow was some sort of distant relative on his mother's side. There were just so many people living in the fortress that it was difficult to keep them all straight, especially since the boy probably never said more than three words to the creature in his existence.
A cough of laughter escaped as Sesshoumaru tried not to smile at the youkai's shocked expression, for he knew that his normal gravity and reticence was already legendary.
"Are you well, Master Sesshoumaru?" the youkai asked, unaware of how ridiculous he sounded speaking so humbly to a boy not even a tenth of his own age.
"The world is well," Sesshoumaru responded, that grin finally breaking free, shining with an easy charm, "and I am part of that world."
The youkai looked strangely at the heir to the Western Lands, but Sesshoumaru was oblivious: people rarely understood the boy's typically cryptic comments anyway so he had given up long ago trying to explain.
Without another thought, he took off running; his mind was so set on reaching his stepmother's rooms that Sesshoumaru forgot to even bid the youkai goodbye. Sliding across the polished floor, the boy came to an abrupt stop, chuckling for once at his sudden clumsiness as he nearly fell over.
He couldn't wait to tell his stepmother about the trip to defeat the monster that attacked her parents' village. Not only would she be relieved to know they got there just in time to save most of the villagers (including her family), she would appreciate the events for another reason, as well. Out of all the people in the world, his stepmother alone would understand what finally earning his father's respect meant.
And he had the sword to prove it.
"Okaa-", Sesshoumaru broke off suddenly, his forehead puckering as he tested the odd-smelling air with a sniff.
Thick. He could feel the burning rage as it nested in this room he normally considered a sanctuary, its demanding tentacles reaching out and drowning all the air in its devastating grasp as if it were an enraged octopus.
Neither the woman nor the elderly man who hobbled after her noticed the sudden appearance of the young youkai at the entrance to the room; instead their attention was stolen by the woman's livid words.
"No. Not a chance in hell!"
The elderly man clutched at the woman's shoulder tightly, his head shaking almost dumbly as his wrinkled mouth leaked placating phrases that no one, not even he, bothered to listen to.
"Milady," he started, his discoloured teeth chewing on his wrinkled bottom lip nervously.
With a quick, almost harsh movement, the woman shook his grip off, only to glare directly into the man's milky eyes.
"I said I am not remaining."
"But Milady!"
"No buts about it, Jiran. None. Don't waste your breath."
"Milady, for the sake of your child, then…"
"Children, Jiran," the woman snapped, her entire body tensed by the exchange. "For the sake of my children, I'm getting the hell out of here. Now that Sesshou-chan is back, we will leave. Tonight."
"And deprive them of their livelihood, Milady?" the advisor grumbled, his liver-spotted hands gesturing wildly as he tried to force the woman to sit.
"Livelihood? Are you perhaps insane? This isn't a way of life, Jiran," she snorted as she dashed a reddened hand across her blackened eyes. "It's not a livelihood when I watch as the man I love beats the hell out of my child because the poor thing had the audacity to drop a silly old vase. It's not a livelihood when I watch as my Sesshou withdraws more and more into himself because his father can't ever say a kind thing to him. You know what that is? That's a nightmare, Jiran. So what kind of mother does this make me? Not a good one, I'll tell you. But it ends tonight."
It finally happened, he realized suddenly. His father had finally hurt her.
Sesshoumaru felt a deep despair churn deep inside his heart as he watched the woman. How many times had he warned her not to try to interfere? Interfering only made it worse. But no, the woman wanted so desperately to keep him safe that each time his father raged, she'd throw herself directly into the thick of it
Something wasn't right, though. His father hadn't laid a hand against him in over a week…
Inuyasha. Inutaishou must have gone after Inuyasha. But his little brother was still a baby. His stomach knotted and turned painfully as he thought of the innocent five-year-old child, the intense empathy he felt actually making him sick.
Wearily, he leaned against the wall, his breath stuck in his throat as he forced himself to survey the damage from the distance. His stepmother's beautiful brown eyes, normally so expressive and full of life, were narrowed by the tremendous pressure of the swollen, darkened skin that seemed intent to drown everything around it in misery. Even from the distance, Sesshoumaru could easily see the red print welted across the soft cheek, the mark even now mutating into an angry bruise that would insist on usurping most of the woman's white skin. Yet, older bruises the colour of dried grass and dying leaves marked his stepmother's neck, each discolouration a testament to his father's unthinking strength.
Perhaps the sorrow that overwhelmed his heart escaped into the heavy air as a groan, or perhaps the woman's sharp intuition kicked in, but the next thing the young youkai knew was that he was eye to eye with his stepmother.
Instinctively, he shoved the scabbard behind his back in a nearly absurd attempt to keep the woman he had long considered his mother from seeing it. Suddenly, the embarrassment of having that sword was nearly too much to bear as he realized that he didn't think he could handle seeing the pain of disappointment in her wounded eyes.
"Jiran, leave us, please," his stepmother ordered, her voice innately majestic though she had once been a mere peasant. The old man looked at her, frowning, but slowly and obediently, he hobbled out of the room.
"Come and sit down by me," she whispered after Jiran left, immediately taking a seat upon one of the cushions on the floor. Smiling sweetly as Sesshoumaru sat next to her, the look of affection almost grotesque on her battered visage, his stepmother began to absently run her fingers through his silver hair.
"Look at these knots, Sesshou-chan," the woman said vacuously, her very tone filled with an anxiety he had never heard come from her before. "You must have had quite a trip for it to get this messy."
Soundlessly, he leaned his head on her shoulder, drinking in her soothing scent as he suddenly knew where this was headed and that realization alone was exhausting.
"You know I love you, right?" the dark-haired woman whispered, her hand slipping from the tangles in his hair in order to rub small, soft circles upon his back. She smiled at his slow nod.
"I love you with all my heart, Sesshou. And regardless of how it may seem, I love your father as well, even though I don't like him very much right now," she sighed, her fingers absently touching the red mark on her face. "He's a good man but he sometimes lets the silly things overwhelm him, Sesshou. He means well. But the thing is that this is happening too much. And it's getting worse. For a while, when we were first seeing each other, he didn't lay a hand on you. I thought that maybe, just maybe if I were good enough, strong enough, he would never hurt you again."
He could smell her salty tears as she chuckled harshly, the scent emblazoned in his mind forever as something terrible… as a harbinger of the ultimate despair.
"But I don't think it's going to happen, Sesshou-chan. I was a fool to think I could change him. We have to leave before someone... We have to leave, Sesshou."
We? Sesshoumaru frowned, his hand rubbing the polished scabbard of his new sword. Surely she knew his father would never allow them to leave. Never. The youkai lord had a difficult enough time allowing his wife and his youngest son leave the fortress to visit the woman's family. There was no doubt in Sesshoumaru's mind that if they tried to leave, for good, Inutaishou would kill them all.
"We cannot."
The woman looked up, confusion and not a little surprise in her damaged eyes.
"Well, we can't stay here, Sesshoumaru. As it is, I've already let this go on too long."
He snorted, immediately questioning why the woman thought this … any of this … was even remotely up to her. His father held all the cards and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do about it.
"Where would we go? Where could we possibly go that he would not find us?"
She shook her head wildly, her lips askance as she considered his words.
"We would find a place, even if we have to go to one of the other lands."
"And have them chop us into little tiny pieces in order to avenge themselves upon Father?" Sesshoumaru spit out, his hands shaking as he tried not to see the hurt practically emanating from her. "You know as well as I that the other lords would love an opportunity to injure Father…"
"So what do I do, then?" she grumbled, shooting up to her feet only to pace around the large room. "Stay here? Allow this to happen? Not do a damn thing because I'm scared of what might happen?"
He closed his eyes, his heart beating rapidly as his entire life spun out of control. It only figured that the first time in his life he could truly say he was happy everything went straight to hell. Silently he removed his hand from the scabbard, wishing with all his heart that life would stop misleading him into thinking that things would finally be okay, only to end up tearing that hope out with a macabre vengeance.
"I can't go," Sesshoumaru said suddenly, coming to the decision only as he spoke the words. And the truth was, he couldn't leave. He couldn't imagine leaving his father, not now when things were starting to get better.
"No!" she choked out, her ravaged face suddenly as pale as rice powder. "You can't… You have to come, Sesshoumaru. He'll… you have to come."
"He'll what?" Sesshoumaru prodded, giving into the morbid need to hear the words.
She turned her head away, whether from embarrassment or distress, he wasn't certain.
"I can't handle the idea of you being here by yourself… not with him. Not alone."
He frowned, something boiling inside of him as she refused to listen. Didn't she hear? They didn't have a choice.
"I will not leave my father," he said simply, folding his arms across his narrow chest.
"Your father is a monster!" his stepmother cried out, a flush of exertion tingeing the dark colours of the bruises on her face a grisly purple as she turned to face him. "Did you see what that creature did to your baby brother? He's a monster! He's a violent, bloodthirsty youkai!"
His hand shot out before he could even think, the only thing running through his mind was the sheer revulsion in her voice as she spat out the word. Youkai. It was almost as if it were a disease. A disease he himself had. His palm slammed into the side of her face, knocking the woman violently from the cushions onto the polished floor.
Oh, god. What the fuck did I just do?
He sat there, his hands twisting in the soft silk of the pillows, tearing at the delicate cloth until his fingers were literally hiding within the yielding down. He raised his head, forcing himself to look at the woman who lay sprawled upon the floor, her tears slipping down her face until they mingled with the blood leaking from her lips.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
He had done that, Sesshoumaru realized with a start as he watched the blood fall with a strange grace to the ground. But at that moment, the only thing that hurt worse than knowing he had shed her blood was the look in her brown eyes.
She didn't need to say it for it seemed that during that one moment as they stared into each other's eyes, he knew what she thought.
For that one horrible, reckless moment, he had become the embodiment of the most terrible aspects of his father. And the mere thought killed him inside.
He couldn't handle it, Sesshoumaru decided as he turned away, knowing that if he looked at her even a moment longer, he would lose his control again. This time, though, it wouldn't lead to violence. No, something inside told him that if he kept looking at her, he would cry himself. And once he started, Sesshoumaru wasn't sure if he could stop.
"I should have known," she whispered, her voice oddly flat… almost dead. It was hard to reconcile that strange tone coming from the woman he had always loved for the sheer joy she took from living. "I was such a fool to think…"
"You were," Sesshoumaru interrupted suddenly, his words as soft as the wound was deep. He didn't think his heart could survive if she finished that spoken thought.
He could feel her eyes burning into his back, her fear and disappointment so strong that it was virtually tangible. With the refinement of a youkai, she rose from the flooring, the movement so silent that it was hardly discernable. He knew he should say something, anything, but the words refused to depart his throat.
He heard her walk out of the room and a part of him pictured the scene, knowing that no matter what happened, his stepmother would keep her head held up high. That's just who she was.
Sesshoumaru pushed himself from the cushions, flinging himself over the place she had been. He closed his eyes as he felt the warmth her body had left behind slowly begin to fade. Instinctively, he drew his knees up to his chest, feeling somehow comforted and shamed by her residual warmth.
Unable to help himself, he touched a finger gently to the blood on the floor …her blood… and raised it to his eyes. He had done this. His lack of control had done this. But he'd be damned before he'd let anything like this happen again.
He refused to.
His nostrils flared as he closed his hand, watching as the blood smeared over his palm. He was just like his father. Sesshoumaru's head fell, his eyes hidden by his knees.
And softly, his heart broken as he closed his golden eyes, Sesshoumaru began to cry.
His eyes flew open as he looked around, his laboured breathing audible to his own ears. Inhaling deeply, Sesshoumaru leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree.
Both his father and his stepmother were dead now and with them- the past. Instead of worrying about the past, Sesshoumaru chastised himself as he closed his eyes, he should be concentrating on solving the problems of the present: like the current hostilities brewing from the lords of the other cardinal points, like silencing the inconvenient Naraku, like getting that damn miko out of his head.
He frowned at the sudden turn of thoughts, his heart suddenly beating just a little faster as he reflected on the young woman sleeping just a half of a mile away. But he'd ignore it, Sesshoumaru decided firmly as he folded his arms resolutely across his chest.
What did a human miko mean to youkai lord, after all? Nothing. She was nothing to him.
The turbulent thoughts doggedly haunted him, keeping his exhausted mind so busy that he no longer even noticed the annoying way Jaken's long tongue clicked and slurped so loudly as the toad youkai slept. All he could think of was trying not to think of her.
It was just an hour before the dawning sun rose that Sesshoumaru finally fell asleep, his entire body tense as the heart-stealing memory of a shy, sweet smile refused to be forgotten.
Note: Man, when I finally revise and stick all this stuff together, this is gonna be a hellishly long chapter. Oh, and don't get too depressed by the happenings. Only three more scenes to get through and things will lighten up considerably. Try to hang in there! :-)