AN: This is a new fanfic that was co-written by myself and Stormy Owl – An Onymous, completely written via MSN Messenger, so it may be a bit awkwardly written. I've done my best to edit it, though, and so here ya go, the first chapter of "I've Got The Urge".
Summary: Legolas has lost his Herbal Essences™ and hires two female detectives (a she-elf and an owl maiden) to help it find it.
Rating: PG-13, just in case.
Disclaimer: Neither of us own Lord of the Rings or Herbal Essences™ *Sits patiently* *Is stared at expectantly by the reader* *reader gets out a whip* OKAY!!!!! So we don't own Legolas either. *Sits and sulks for the remainder of the fanfic*.
I've Got The Urge
Chapter 1
It was a bright and sunny day in Northern Mirkwood, and lighthearted whistling could be heard from behind the thin veil of leaves that hid Legolas Greenleaf's naked body from the prying eyes of all Mirkwood.
Everything was pleasantly cheery, until all of a sudden, the source of music stopped and, in its stead, was a terrible shriek
"Where's my Herbal Essences™ gone?!?!?!?!"
Legolas' eyes were frantically searching the shower for his sacred bottle of Herbal Essences™, but it was nowhere to be found.
He started to tear apart the shower, leaves and all, when he realised that he was still naked.
Grabbing a nearby towel, he folded it around his waist and continued his frantic search.
Suddenly, one of the servant maidens came rushing in after hearing the violent shriek, and almost fainted when she saw Legolas' dripping wet body
"S-sir?" she stammered, extremely unsure of herself in the presence of this handsome, and highly authoritative elf, "how may I help you?"
"Rita, I can't seem to find my Herbal Essences™! What am I to do?" He paced around in frustration.
"Well, sir, you could just go buy another bottle..."
Legolas realised his stupidity, and, cursing himself in Elvish, rushed to the nearest store… only having gone halfway, he quickly rushed back, threw on a tunic and some boots, then rushed back towards the store.
Then he happened to remember that he had yet to put on his breeches, and was still wearing the towel, so he ran into the nearest clothes store, bought a pair of breeches, and continued on his voyage to buy his beloved Herbal Essences™.
But to his dismay, he was too late.
The Herbal Essences™ had been all sold out. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he wailed, his voice echoing throughout the store, and making heads turn in his direction.
Already his hair was losing its shine, and he remembered that Herbal Essences™ was very rare in Mirkwood.
He quickly decided to hire a detective. The best money could buy.
Looking up the Green Pages, he found his target- Nurvilya and Tarano were two female detectives and the best by far.
However, they only ever worked together, and he'd have to pay both of them the best rates.
"Anything for my Herbal Essences™," he thought.
He quickly called the messenger, and told him to deliver this letter to Nurvilya and Tarano:
Dear Very Very Good Detectives called Nurvilya and Tarano,
I am writing to you with a serious plea for help:
My precious is loooooost!!!
That is, my Herbal Essences™ has gone missing, and I have reason to believe that someone stole it.
Yes, they dids, didn't they preciousssss....
Yours in dire need, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood.
Slipping him a silver coin, he told the messenger to hurry up.
With nothing left to do, Legolas slowly walked back to his palace, slender fingers in his pockets, and back lightly hunched in thought, but before he'd managed to walk very far, his Elvish senses detected a darkening, and, looking up, he spotted a great big owl flying overhead. Upon its back was seated a lovely Elvish maiden, with cascading dark hair, and the most simple, honest brown eyes he'd ever seen.
As the owl gave a hoot and proceeded to descend, the lovely maiden jumped off its back with surprising dexterity, and landed in a beautiful crouch. The great owl then grew smaller in size, until it stood at the same height as the Elvish maiden, then transformed into an Asian girl.
She had shiny black hair that delicately fell just past her shoulders.
She was a medium height owl maiden, with soft features, and a slender figure. They stood beside each other, facing the gaping-mouthed Prince. "Vedui', Legolas, Taren en' Mirkwood**," said the elven maiden.
The owl Maiden started a series of hoots and got one of her owls to nip her friend on the ear and to do so every time her friend spoke in Elvish.
"OW!!!" yelled the elf maiden. "What was that for?!"
"Talk in a language we can all understand, will ya?"
Legolas blinked in surprise at the scene unfolding before his very eyes.
"Well, I'm sorry, Tarano, but how are we supposed to know if he can speak Westron or not?"
"He sent us a letter written in Westron, didn't he?"
"Oh yeah..."
Legolas broke in suddenly, after realizing that the elf had called her friend Tarano. "Excuse me..."
Wondering how these two young girls could possibly be the detectives he's hired, he stood back to scrutinize them. Then he remembered what the situation was, and decided that he needed to get their attention.
"EXCUSE ME!!!!"
Both maidens stopped their arguing, and stared at him.
"Yes?" they asked simultaneously.
"Are you two Nurvilya and Tarano?" he asked, terrified of the answer.
Nurvilya smiled brightly. "Yes" She made a slight, bowing gesture. "Detectives at your service."
Tarano didn't say anything. She'd gone quiet while analyzing the handsome Prince. Her face was mutual and blank, and she eyed him mistrustfully.
Deciding to ignore the skeptical Tarano, Legolas turned to Nurvilya.
"So you've decided to come help me then?"
"..." Nurvilya was rendered speechless when she saw how gorgeous he was.
Smoothly, Tarano took over.
"Yes, you called and we have arrived and answered your summons. What would you have us do, Prince Legolas?"
'So she does know my status and rank, after all,' Legolas thought.
"Yes, I'd do anything for you, Vanimamin...***" said Nurvilya in a trance.
'Huh?' Legolas thought, slightly surprised. He then smiled with pleasure.
It was nice to have one's looks recognized.
One of Tarano's owls came over and pecked Nurvilya on the ear, repeatedly.
Nurvilya came to from her trance and realized what she'd said to him. Blushing furiously, she tried to stammer a quick response, but none came to her aid.
Legolas cleared his throat and became all business-like. "I have lost possession of my bottle of Herbal Essences™, and I would have you two find me one," he said, mustering every ounce of dignity he could.
"Herbal Essences™?" Tarano echoed in disbelief. A smile slowly played over her lips, and her eyes went from cold and judging to playful and pure hearted as a child who's having fun.
"Yes, I have lost my Herbal Essences™, it is one of my most prized possessions."
Tarano burst into laughter, and Nurvilya even started to giggle too.
Soon enough, the pair of them were in fits of laughter, rolling about the floor.
Suddenly, the pair stopped their laughing fit, and stood up, business-like as ever.
"So, Prince Legolas, where did you last see your Herbal Essences™?" Nurvilya asked, as Tarano summoned a notebook and pen out of nowhere.
Legolas understood that as a pair, Tarano was the scribe as Nurvilya was the interviewer.
"Well, where do you think? In the shower of course!" he answered disbelievingly.
"And when was the last time you had a shower? With you Herbal Essences™, I mean?"
"Just yesterday."
Nurvilya immediately started picturing Legolas naked in the shower, with water dripping down his… (AN: Let's try and keep this PG-13 shall we?). Anyway, a look of glazed goofiness crossed her face, and she stood there for about 5 minutes just dreaming.
"What's wrong with her?" Legolas asked Tarano, confused.
Tarano did not struggle to hide the evil glint in her eyes. She knew, of course, but decided that boosting Legolas's ego wouldn't be too good an idea right about now – there wasn't very much space left for it to go.
"Um, she's just going over the evidence so far in her head. She always looks like that when there's been some um, interesting evidence."
Feeling pleased with herself for coming up with such a plausible lie, Tarano proceeded to ask some more useful questions, as her starry-eyed friend obviously could not be relied upon in this instance.
Then she realized that if she had to ask the questions and write them down, it'd take all day.
"Huh?" Nurvilya snapped out of her trance when a notebook and ornately carved wooden pencil was shoved into her hands.
"You write," Tarano told her. "I think I'll do the interviewing this time round."
"Fine." said Nurvilya sulkily.
Tarano started questioning Legolas again, and when she glanced over to Nurvilya to check she was taking it all down, Nurvilya was scribbling away at great speed.
Peeking over Nurvilya's shoulder, she saw a very stylised version of Legolas.
Broad shouldered and tall, he was portrayed as a very masculine elf along with several large hearts with the names "Legolas" and "Nurvilya" written inside.
Sighing in defeat, Tarano leaned over and whispered to Nurvilya, "Add me somewhere, ok?"
"Pfft. Get your own dream paper."
Tarano then proceeded to asking one last question or Legolas. "And you would have us find you a bottle of Herbal Essences™, right?" She looked doubtful. "I don't know... I personally use Dove™'s moisturising shampoo..."
Legolas's face fell. "I'll come with you, then! I'll help out too, just... please, I need that bottle of shampoo!"
"I don-" Tarano was cut off by Nurvilya who was squealing, "Yes, that would be an excellent idea!"
Sighing, Tarano conceded. "Okay... but this is only for you," she whispered to Nurvilya.
"Thanks" Nurvilya whispered back. "So, Legolas, what do you think happened to it? Did you just lose it or was it stolen?"
"I always take great care of my Herbal Essences™, so I'm guessing someone must have stolen it, cos I wouldn't' misplace it. It goes against everything I stand for."
"Not misplacing your shampoo is everything you stand for?" cried Tarano in disbelief.
"...Yes," said Legolas with some hesitation.
"That's quite sad, really," whispered Tarano to Nurvilya.
"Hey!" Nurvilya cried in indignation. "No one insults Prince Legolas!"
Saying that, she got down on her knees, and begin raining delicate kissed upon his hands. "My Prince, do not fear, we will find this for you and bring it back. You have the word of Nurvilya of Rivendell!"
"Um, yeah, that's nice..." said Legolas slowly, trying to pry his hand away without insulting Nurvilya. After all, she was supposed to be helping him find his Herbal Essences™.
Nurvilya didn't notice, and her fair face radiating with joy and youth, she turned to Tarano, with a cry of "Let's go!"
"Yay!" squealed Legolas, "We're going to find my Herbal Essences™!"
Tarano rolled her eyes. Finally, she thought.
She started her transformation to an owl, but stopped.
"So, Legolas," said Nurvilya coyly, "Do you wanna ride in front of me, or behind?"
"Oh, no," Tarano said, warning thick in her voice. "I have one, and only ONE passenger."
"But we're both Elves, we're really light!" whined Nurvilya.
Tarano considered the offer. "Fine, then. But no wriggling, or falling off. I'm not agile enough to go around saving you two without throwing the other off... and I'm going one size bigger anyway."
Tarano quickly morphed into her owl form, only she decided to go as a blue owl this time "To blend in with the clouds", she'd said.
Nurvilya grabbed Legolas' hand, and dragged him over to Tarano, where she told him to get on Tarano's back.
As soon as he was on, Nurvilya lightly jumped up in front of him, and said, "Right, now all you've got to do is hold on tightly to me, not to Tarano, cos she doesn't like her feathers getting messed up."
Tarano hooted her agreement, and took off.
Legolas immediately grabbed onto Nurvilya so as not to fall off the speeding owl.
Using the mental abilities she had when in the form of an owl, Tarano asked her passengers, "Where to?"
"Um, let's see... Legolas, who might know where your Herbal Essences(tm) is?" asked Nurvilya. Legolas replied that Aragorn might do, as he'd just left from Mirkwood yesterday afternoon.
So the three of them set off for the Palace in Minas Tirith to find Aragorn.
On the way to Minas Tirith, Tarano had to pass many mountains, lakes, forests, and other natural landmarks.
On one occasion, she flew low for the comfort of her passengers, and, unfortunately, flew into a bunch of Uruk-Hai.
"Whoopsies," Nurvilya thought.
"Yes!" Tarano thought.
The Elves were forced to whip out their bows, and send a storm of arrows flying into the crowd of Uruk-Hai.
Tarano intended to be used as a war owl, and started scratching the Uruk-Hai with her talons. But the Uruk-Hai managed to grab Nurvilya's bow during one of these swoops, and, in her fury, she sprang down onto the ground, pulling out her dagger in the same fluid movement.
Legolas nimbly leaped off after her, also pulling out his white knives. With her brown skin and dark hair, Tarano did not stand out as much as the elves, and managed to escape the attention of the Uruk-Hai for a short period of time.
Tarano quickly cast a morph-in-frog spell on the Uruk-Hai. There was a burning sound, then croaks filled the air. A fairly effective spell, about 20% (or 1/5) of the Uruk-Hai had become cane toads.
Tarano had aimed the spell so that the 20% of the Uruk-Hai that had become toads were those that were about to attack Nurvilya and Legolas from behind.
Legolas grimaced as frogs landed on his back and in his silken hair.
"Be strong!" yelled Nurvilya, "They're only frogs! We have to kill the Uruk-Hai first!"
Tarano, even in the face of battle, could not help but laugh. "It's better that swards through your elven armour and flesh!" she could not resist but shout.
And so ends the first chapter of "I've got the urge!"
Please R&R!! Constructive criticism is welcome, and so are good reviews! *Hint hint* Flames will be used to toast Ringwraiths; cook up tomatoes, sausages, nice crispy bacon; and identify pieces of world-dominating jewellery.
~*~Nurvilyawen – CrazyNut2002~*~
~*~Stormy Owl – An Onymous~*~
** Greetings, Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood
*** My beauty (I think)