Spoilers: vague refs to 'zero .

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child;

 but take courage - it can be delightful."

-George Bernard Shaw

  They are people in this world who maintain that love is just a notion; a romantic sentiment that we've created for ourselves, an idea that we've got carried away with, influenced by poetry, books, film, love-songs. They think it's just an elaboration on feelings of familiarity and affection, and that desire and lust are the only true qualities of humanity, the real basic biological need.  Part of that is justified of course, as our hormones tend to tell us on a regular basis: but then there is another set of people; those who believe in love, in its power to make the world seem brighter, to fill that place in our hearts that is empty, alone, bitter, or afraid. They believe that it is capable of binding two people together against all odds, against all doubts, and against all resistance, denial, and fear. To these people, a touch is not just a touch; it is an expression of love, a silent vow of need, understanding, and joy.

  They had both been kissed before, and Lex had certainly been held in many an embrace in the past. But that one kiss, alone on that riverbank, when they gave into their hearts, and not –as last time-just their passion, was a kiss was so much more than the physical. It spoke of all that they had been afraid to say, all that they could not express. It forgave all the hurt and pain, all the guilt and cruelty. That kiss told each of them, in a way they had never been told before, that they were not alone. 

  Lex pulled back after a little while, and taking one of Clark's hands in his own, while he kept the other one at the back of Clark's neck, e watched as this boy before him sighed in contentment before opening his eyes.

 "What are we doing?" Lex asked quietly, love in his eyes, but pain on his face.

 Clark squeezed his hand in encouragement.

 "Hey, I'm scared too, but…doesn't this feel right?"

 Lex looked away, blinking back tears of helplessness that were burning his eyes. He had no idea what to do here. He'd never loved anyone before, and never had anyone love him back; anyone who looked at him, touched him, or kissed him with so much sincere tenderness than Clark. Oh, there had been plenty of lust, girls who'd been intrigued by him, attracted to his style, his money, his power. None of them had ever attempted to pretend that they cared about him though – even Victoria, before he discovered her betrayal, had never made out that what they had was anything more than a bit of fun.

 And now here he was, at the beginning of something that filled him with more excitement then anything before in his life, and he had absolutely no sense of being in control.

  "Clark, I really don't know how this can work…" It was a confession of fear, rather than a statement of regret, and Clark's heart soared at Lex's ability to share his thoughts with him so openly.

 "Hey. " he said, placing his palm to Lex's pale cheek, " I'm here. We'll work through this together. After all, we've always made a great team."

 Lex looked at him, and seeing that all too familiar teasing grin on his face, he couldn't help but laugh.

"I think this is a bit different from hostage situations at the plant, and kidnappings by old acquaintances Clark."

Clark shrugged, keeping his grin.

 "Oh I don't know- its still you and me against the odds."

 Lex smiled in amusement, but only for an instant. They both saw the future looming ahead. It was filled with the watching, suspicious faces of Lex's father, Clark's parents, his friends, Lex's enemies. Somewhere in amongst all the fear of the reaction of others - whether it be anger, disgust, or triumph at what would be seen as his weakness- Lex also dimly acknowledged a more pressing consequence of continuing this relationship. Legally, Clark was too young for him. He could get into trouble with the law, especially if all his contacts abandoned him. But he shrugged that thought away. All he'd done was kiss him. He wasn't even sure if he was ready for anything else, let alone if Clark was… this was all very, very new right now. There were just too many questions and concerns racing around in his head.

 "I know we have to keep this secret." Clark said steadily, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up into the young face, those amazing eyes, serious and darkened by the black locks of hair falling across them. Lex saw a maturity there, a great understanding. Still, he felt guilty saying what he had to say;

 "Yes. We do…I'm sorry, but if anyone was to find out what happened last night-" he sighed, rubbing the back of Clark's hands with his thumbs, "- and what's happening now…" he looked up into Clark's eyes, speaking earnestly, "They'd ruin me Clark. I'd be out of here in an instant. I wouldn't be able to protect you, or protect your family from the rumours, from the press…they'd invade your lives, they'd want to find out everything they could…"

 Clark felt that panic strike him - the one that always came when he thought of what would happen if anyone found out where he really came from. It was always too frightening too think about. Very little had scared him throughout his life, but he'd always had nightmares about that; nightmares of being taken from his parents, locked away in a cage like an animal…

 He shook that fear away. He had two secrets now – and this new one was the one at most risk.

 "You don't have to explain Lex." His face fell in sadness, "Just the thought of my parents' faces if they knew any of the feelings I've been having for you..."

 Lex exhaled slowly as he put himself in Clark's position.

 "I guess I'm probably the person they'd least like their son to have a sordid affair with."

 Clark looked up at him quickly.

 "Hey, don't talk like that! Don't listen to all the ignorant idiots around us…what we have isn't sleazy, twisted, or wrong. I-" he paused, recalling all those sickening comments from those guys in the back of his English class, all the crude insults they hurled at any kid who wasn't so good at sports, or who couldn't get a date, and how it had all fuelled the denial he'd felt for so long.

"-I thought it was wrong once. I mean, I wouldn't have judged anyone else, but…I felt ashamed at what I felt, the urges I had…It took me a long time to get past that."

 Lex was looking at him in amazement.

 " I had no idea you were going through any of this."

 Clark smiled, dismissing any guilt that Lex might be feeling.

"I hid it well." He said. "I'm good at keeping secrets." His smile faltered somewhat at that, but he didn't have the strength to think about that particular issue yet…Another thought came to him instead,

 "Weren't you going through the same thing though? I mean, you haven't-". he stopped abruptly, and he felt his heart lurch. How could he have been so foolish? He'd just assumed Lex was in the same position as him because of Victoria,  Ella, and the stories he'd heard…but if Club Zero had taught him anything, it was that there was a lot he didn't know about Lex's past. He'd hinted that it was wild, but he'd never wanted to talk about it…maybe this was why. Watching Lex's eyes cast down momentarily, Clark's face went red with embarrassment.

 "Oh…I didn't…I mean-"

"Clark, its not what you think." Lex interrupted gently. Was this it? Was this the moment he spoke of that shameful secret for the first time? Unlike Clark, Lex had never written his struggles down in a diary. He'd never managed to clearly think it all through – as such, he spoke uncertainly, hesitantly.

 "I've always felt…different, but…well, I am. No-one ever looked at me like I was normal, Clark, not ever. And what with being the son of Lionel Luthor, let's just say I didn't have a lot of healthy relationships. I just acted as I was expected to act, by my Father, and later, when I rebelled somewhat, by my peers..." he sighed, looking back over the waves. " I know how clichéd this sounds, but I guess I always knew the truth. But the only time anything ever happened was when I was-" he glanced wryly at Clark, "lets just say I was under the influence of something other than alcohol. I told myself that…it happened because I was out of it, I wasn't thinking straight. But to be honest…it was because I lost control; I lost the ability to ignore what I felt. I got that back later though. I had this thing buried for a long time. Until you came along."

  Clark was unsure of how to feel...at first he couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by all this; but Lex's words soothed him, taking away any feelings of inadequacy.

 "Clark, I didn't know what it was about you, but I-" he looked away self-consciously, yet half amused with himself, "I just couldn't keep myself away from you."

 He shook his head at his own struggles.

 "I  was constantly worrying whether I was spending too much time with you, wondering  if anyone noticed me staring, or even if I kept a hand on your shoulder for longer than I should have." He turned back to Clark with a somewhat embarrassed smile.

 "And let me tell you Clark, I am not a natural worrier. I don't think anyone in the world made me so unsure of myself as you have these past months."

  Something in Lex's mind flashed up then, whispering that that wasn't true, there was someone else who made him feel weak and vulnerable…but he pushed it away hurriedly. Now was not the time.

Clark was smiling widely in his happiness and relief. He'd been right all along…Lex did feel the same, he hadn't just been spending so much time with him out of boredom or a desire for amusement. All this time, Lex he'd been hiding his attraction for him. He meant something to him.

 "Lex", he said softly.

Lex looked up to meet his eyes, only to find Clark's lips on his again. After a few moments Clark pulled back and whispered so that Lex could feel his warm breath on his neck.

 "You don't have to worry about any of that, ever again."

TBC

R/R

Please note; back to studying tomorrowgroan so I can't guarantee the sort of 'every other day' updates you've been getting so far. I'll try my best tho'.