Dawn crept up in the cold winter morning.
First sun rays swirled through the room coming to rest on a fluff of pink hair in a too large bed. Shuichi squeezed his eyes even tighter curling up in a ball. He didn't want to wake up.
If he just stayed here in bed, he could pretend nothing happened. But it was too late already.
He was alone in bed. No warmth to snuggle into. No strong arms to hold him. No amber eyes to look into when he woke up.
Not anymore. He ended it yesterday.
Yesterday - the day Shuichi Shindou left Yuki Eiri.
Not the other way round. He ended it. Not Yuki - not this time.
He tried not to move too much. Pain numbed him and he didn't know what hurt more his body or his heart.
'I didn't know that you could die from heartbreak but I feel like I'm dying.'
Shuichi moaned. His head hurt like hell and as he opened his eyes he saw black spots. The sunlight shone brightly into the room. After adjusting his eyes to the light he realized that he
didn't know where he was.
Confusion washed over him and he tried to sat up. In an instant his head was spinning and he gripped the sheets tightly until it was over. Slowly opening his eyes again he let his gaze wander around the room.
It was rarely furnished; just his bed, a closet, a table with some chairs and it looked like that a bathroom was behind the door across the room. It looked like the room of a motel and as his gaze fell upon the night stand beside him it was confirmed.
On it was a small letter with the house rules written neatly upon it. So he did make it to a motel last night. Although he wasn't quite sure what exactly happened after leaving Yuki's apartment.
He remembered that he didn't know where to go. He neither felt like going to his family or to Hiro. His best friend would surely let him stay but he would probably know right away that something was wrong. And he couldn't talk about it back then. He needed to think first. So he decided to go to a nearby park instead where he chose to sit on a bench and sort out his life.
flashback
The bench was cold as he sat down on it. He dropped his pack beside him watching some kids ice-skating on the small pond.
It was late in the afternoon already and it would be getting dark soon. But Shuichi couldn't bring himself to go look for a place to stay for the night - not yet at least.
Shuichi knew that he wouldn't nor couldn't go back to Yuki.
But what should he do now? For the last two years Yuki Eiri was his center of attention, happiness, life.
He still had his music, yes, he loved to sing but it didn't help against his sorrow. He covered his face with his hands.
They were cold but not as cold as he felt inside.
'Is this how Yuki feels? A cold layer of ice closing around your heart, slowly cracking it?'
He shook his head.
'No, I'm not like Yuki and I can't live like him with my emotions all frozen up.'
It wasn't an option. It wasn't an solution. He sighed.
Shuichi stretched to shake of the cold and rubbed his hands together as he felt something soft brush against his side.
He glanced to his left where Kumagoro was poking out of a pocket in his pack. Shuichi smiled a little and took it out and looked in its black little eyes.
"Say Kumagoro, what should I do now? Do you think I can make it?"
He waited for an answer but it looked like he wouldn't get one. A funny thing but it seemed like Kumagoro only talked when Ryuichi was around.
Shuichi drew the pink plush bunny in his embrace hiding his face in its soft plush fur. Tears threatened to well up again and he hugged the little bunny even tighter. He felt tired and it was almost dark by now.
The singer yawned and his eyelids began to drop.
"I feel so lost without him. Not even a a day passed by and I miss him already."
Came the small whisper before his eyes fully closed.
end flashback
After that everything was black.
Shuichi couldn't remember what happened after that. And he had no idea how he ended up in the motel room.
'Maybe....maybe he came looking for me and he brought me here?'
But the longer he considered the thought the more obvious it became that it was out of the question. How should Yuki have known that he was in the park? Even if it was close by to his apartment block.
Shuichi groaned as his head started hurting even more from trying to remember what happened last night. He decided to leave it at that and carefully climbed out of bed.
For the first time he saw that his body was covered with kind of ugly blue bruises. It looked like as if he had fallen down the stairs. He figured that those were frost bites at least from the look of it. He brushed lightly over them as pain instantly cursed through his body.
'Looks like it would be better to wear something more casual today.'
At least nothing like his usual pink shirt and tight black pants outfit. Carefully climbing out of bed Shuichi stumbled across the room where he spotted his pack.
'Where are my old clothes anyway? Argh, probably already stuffed in my pack. Ugh, my head hurts so much.'
Slowly he put on some loose wide clothes hiding the ugly bruising. It wasn't a really nice sight so he figured it would be better not to show anyone. They would probably laugh about him or be angry at him for being stupid enough to stay out so long in the cold. Suguru would probably say something about him being irresponsible like a little child.
After getting dressed he grabbed his pack, left the motel and headed towards the tram station.
'Thanks god that was a 'prepay room'. I already thought they'd keep me there for making beds and stuff. Although the guy at the front desk could have been nicer.
Geez, I had a rough day yesterday. So no wonder I forgot about it. I was probably half asleep anyway when I showed up there yesterday night. That doesn't mean he has the right to call me a stupid baka and throw me out.'
He grumbled while walking down the street.
'Stupid baka.' That reminded him on Yuki. He always called him a stupid baka. Not a nice way to say that you like somebody.
'Oh but how could I forgot? Yuki didn't like me. I'm just a burden to him.'
And that's why he left him.
By now he was at the tram station thinking about where to go. Today was a Sunday so he was off. He probably should go see Hiro. His best friend always knew what to do.
'Yeah. I'll do that. Shuichi Shindou is nobody's burden. I'll show him. I'll show everybody. I can make it own my own. I'm not a stupid little boy anymore.'
Feeling already better he jumped into the tram right before the doors closed. It never accured to him how he could have gotten from the park in the south of the city to the northern edge of Tokyo in a snow storm.
******
On the opposite side of the city Yuki Eiri was sitting on his couch smoking a cigarette contemplating how it was possible that his life was turned up side down in just 24 hours. Up to now he had been sure that something like this couldn't happen again but it looked like fate got him again. It just wasn't fair.
He throw an accusing look at Kumagoro who was sitting beside him as if the poor bunny carried the fault that Shuichi had ran away from him. His mind was a turmoil, no matter how cool and controlled he appeared on the outside, Yuki Eiri was a mess.
Sighing he stood up, walked over to the window and gazing at the gray snow clouds at the sky. It looked like it was going to snow soon. Just like yesterday.
flashback
As Yuki came home in the evening he realized that Shuichi had packed his stuff and moved out without a good-bye. At first he couldn't really believe it. He never even thought in his dream that Shuichi would actually leave him out of his own free will.
It took a while to get that into his skull. It didn't matter how long and hard he tried to deny it this time, he had to do the first move or Shuichi would slip away from him. And this would crush him and he wasn't too sure if he could take it a second time.
So he grabbed his phone thinking of who he should call. Shuichi would probably turn to Hiro first but he couldn't bring himself to call Shuichi's best friend telling him that he messed up again. Not after they had the silent agreement back then that he would take care of Shuichi for him.
And what if Shuichi wasn't there? What if he was somewhere out there in that terrible weather?
The snow started to fall heavier with each passing minute.
It made him sick to imagine that his little pink haired baka could be out there.
Instead of dialing Hiro's number he called the president of NG: Tohma Seguchi. Waiting for the connection he hoped that his child hood friend knew how to find Shuichi.
But he should get a grip on himself it wasn't like he was really worried he assured himself. As soon as this thought passed his mind he could mentally kick himself for not even being able to admit to himself that he was worried. That kind of attitude got him in that mess in the first place. And by now he should have learned to be true to himself. Not having any further time to investigate that thought, the line clicked and a familiar voice greeted him.
Yuki didn't answer. Tohma waited a while before giving him a little push.
"Yes, Yuki, what is it?"
Finally finding his voice Yuki came straight to the point.
"He left me. He packed his things and moved out."
There was a pause on the other side of the line.
"You probably don't want to hear that I expected that all along. It was clear to me from the beginning that it couldn't work out between you two. You are just too different and there are still things he can't understand about your past."
"But he said he loves me."
Came the small whisper back. Tohma shook his head and sighed. That was what he feared all along. Yuki was beginning to realize how much Shuichi meant to him. And he still had no idea how to convince Yuki that it would be better for him if he stayed away from Shuichi.
"Listen Yuki we've been through this a hundred times. You should just leave -- "
"No! No, I won't leave it at this. Shuichi and I have been through so much together and you're telling me to give him up?! Looks like I shouldn't have called you."
Yuki shook sadly his head invisible for the man on the other side of the phone.
"I'm sorry. You know Mika and I only want what's best for you."
Changing the theme he asked:
"You want me to find him, ne?!"
"Yes."
A sigh escaped the young president lips.
"All right then. I'll call you right away when I know where he is."
"Thanks. Good-bye."
Not waiting for an answer he dropped the phone and started to wander around in his apartment. It was terrible cold and void without Shuichi's things scattered everywhere.
A short while later he got a call from Tohma confirming what he had feared secretly all along. None of Shuichi's friends or family knew where he was. That did it.
Sick of waiting Yuki grabbed his coat and left to look for Shuichi by himself.
******
He wasn't very far from his apartment block as he decided to take the short cut through the park. It could be possible that Shuichi had been going to one of the small food restaurants which had open all night.
The wind had picked up on speed and the snow flakes were dancing in the cold light of the park lights. Yuki couldn't get rid of this bad feeling lingering in his gut ever since this morning. The wind hauled in his ears freezing slowly his face and hands.
'Funny!'
He thought as he fought his way through the park.
'It almost sounded as if someone was calling for me. Spooky.'
Yuki Eiri shuddered and hurried off to the exit of the park without wasting another thought on it. As he reached the restaurant, he could already see from the outside that it was empty but he still went in anyway to ask the waitress if she had seen a pink haired boy sometime today.
And she really did see an actually really "cute" young man how she called him, pass by in the late afternoon looking quite devasted. He probably headed to the park. But he wouldn't be there anymore with this snow storm going on out there. She wouldn't even let a dog stay out in this weather.
Yuki only starred at her, suddenly remembering the strange noises as he crossed the park. Without another thought he turned and raced back to the park. Only a few minutes later he where in the same spot like before.
The wind was still hauling but it sounded different almost sad now.
"Shuuuichi!"
He yelled into the dark but only the wind answered him.
Calling for his younger lover he took the path leading to the lake as he suddenly stepped onto something soft.
Gazing down at his feet he tried to identify on what he stepped.
What he saw made his heart stop, beneath his foot was Kumagoro. Horrified he picked the crushed pitiful little bunny up, and then he started screaming again for Shuichi until his voice was hoarse. Something was very wrong because Shuichi would never leave his favorite little bunny in the park - no matter what.
end flashback
Argh, the chapters are kinda getting out of hand. I wanted to put much more in this chapter but I didn't know how and had to rewrite it. I also figured the story line would suffer then. Cuz I'm building up for a real twist. He he!
This time I made Yuki worry a lot. I thought I could make him a little bit more "human" cuz it's playing after the TV series. I guess he knew back then he felt something for Shuichi.
Our little pink haired sweetie is holding up quite good, ne?! Don't worry they'll meet each other soon....if I can somehow arrange it. *grin*
Anyway thanks for reviewing. A lot of you thought that I'd let poor Shuichi die. I love to write angst but it'd be sad to have one of the main charas already die in the second chapter, ne?! ^_^
Thanks also for showing me my spelling mistakes. I hope now everybody "sighs" and not "sights". My teacher would probably call that German-English....
Oh and one more thing, I was asked to find a title for the fic. I'm having a hard time so I'd be happy for some suggestions. Maybe something with "emotions"...? Ah, well thanks for reading. Love ya all. ^_^ See ya in chapter 4 !!!