Shameless Promotions: Like it dark and angsty? My dark Buffy fic "someone to want me" is nearing the end guys…go see. | Like it cute and slashy? Check out my soon-to-be-continued CSI Greg/Nick fic. | Like it set on disc-shaped world set on the back of four giant elephants on the back of a turtle flying through space? I've got a my dark shippy Discworld drama.
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"Le vrai est trop simple, il faut y arriver toujours par le compliqué."
-George Sand.
When Clark had finished his story, the two sat there side by side on the couch in silence for a second. Eventually Lex leaned forward, arms resting on his knees, looking down in thought.
" I'm sorry Clark."
Blue-grey eyes watched him carefully from under black locks.
"But?"
Lex gave a barely perceptible cringe at his own coolness.
"But…you have to be careful Clark."
He felt the couch shift as Clark leaned forward to and tried an innocent grin.
"Hey, can I help it if I'm desperate to tell the world how happy I am? How much my life's changed?"
Lex gave a small smile back, victim as always to the Kent charm, but they both knew this had to be said.
"I know she's one of your best friends, but you can't tell her about us…You know this can't be a normal relationship."
They both knew what a 'no kidding' kind of comment that was, but before either one made a sarcastic comment, Lex continued.
" If we're to make this work, it has to be just ..." Lex gestured around at the tranquil room, bathed in the deep glow of the setting sun. The two of them, together, alone, comfortable, honest. " Just this Clark. I wish I could offer you more, but we can't risk it : no going to the movies together, no weekend getaways, no phone calls, no dates, no walks in the park, not even knowing smiles across coffee at the Talon or the Beanery. Okay? Outside these walls, we're just… friends."
God, who'd have thought calling Clark a friend would ever taste so bitter in his mouth? He felt…cruel. Sure, maybe all of that wasn't exactly his idea of a relationship anyway, but he knew it would be Clark's. High school kids, leading their small town lives, wanted the holding of hands, the dates, and the Prom. They wanted…well, the wanted to be like Lana Lang and her quarterback. Normal.
He'd just told Clark that if he wanted to be with him, he'd have to give up nay hope of all that.
Suddenly he realised that as strong as this was between him and Clark, asking that of a teenage Smallville boy might just be too much.
But Clark's firm " okay" and hand on his, took all his fears away with a grateful sigh.
A glance at each other and they laughed a little sadly. After a moment Clark gave a small shrug and leant back heavily in his seat, staring up at the high ceiling.
"I guess I'll tell Chloe I was just tired, that It didn't mean anything by it. I'll still be the same old Lana-besotted Clark..."
Lex half-turned to him with a rare emotion, for him, in his eyes : compassion.
"You really think you'll be able to cope with that?"
"I'll have to."
A beat.
"I hate hiding"
Clark's voice was soft, a small frown on his face as he sat there lost in his own thoughts. Lex continued to watch him carefully.
"You won't have to, with me. Not any more..."
The younger boy's eyes darted towards him, out of his reverie just that little too quickly. A sadness in the eyes, while the face smiled with practiced good humour.
"You're right. "
Lex smiled back himself…but he'd seen something there. Not just a sadness in the eyes. A lie….?
Whatever it was, Clark seemed grounded now back in the immediate problems. He sat up, and looked around, thinking.
"Lex, I know we had dinner plans but…I should sort this out with Chloe, or-"
A knowing smile from Lex.
"-or, you're going to be worrying about it all evening, I know. But if you can't manage dinner tonight, how about staying for…I don't know, just pizza? "
He had never seen Clark Kent grin wider than he was right now.
"Pizza?"
Lex couldn't help but smile back.
"What? I'm rich, so I can't appreciate fast –food? I didn't exactly grow up with a stable home, dinner-at-the-table-at-six-lifestyle Clark. I know the location of every good Thai, Chinese, and Indian take out, pizza-place and pretzel stand in Metropolis."
"You really get off on these freaking me out with these revelations don't you?"
" It has its moments."
Clark leaned forward with a half teasing half –curious smile.
"So what else are you planning on telling me that no-one else knows about you?"
His look of curiosity deepened as Lex paused a second, before kissing him lightly. As he pulled away, Clark watched as uncertainty flashed up on the pale face before him again, as it had so often the past few days. Lex's hesitant words were barely audible.
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of just how much I don't want you to leave tonight."
He'd spoken in a small voice, surprised at just what he was letting himself say ; at what truths this boy could draw out of him. And just as Clark too, felt the weight of the statement sinking in, Lex seemed to get a grip on his normally controlled self, and returned to the clear line of thinking he'd been following only minutes before. He continued lightly, brusquely;
"But I guess you have to face your fears huh? "
"Lex-"
But he was already standing, heading for the phone to order take-out. With the light streaming in through the window he was a mere silhouette to Clark, squinting into the light as he tried to read the expression on Lex's face, in vain. Only his voice resounded out across the room.
"We'll eat first. But then you have to go, patch things up with Chloe. Friends like that are hard to find Clark. Don't let them slip away."
All Clark could do was nod, as the expressionless figure turned away, talking into the phone.
Sitting there suddenly feeling very alone, he cast his gaze around this : Lex's home. His own fortress of solitude.
And he felt another pang of sadness as he saw the meaning in Lex's quiet words, whispered after a kiss.
He thinks I'm going to leave him. He thinks he'll be alone again…and it terrifies him.
He still couldn't fully understand it. Why, despite what they'd said to each other -not only in the past twenty-four hours, but on all those Friday evenings at the Beanery – Lex could still doubt his commitment to this. To him.
He was saddened, and confused…because he didn't realised what Lex had seen in his eyes earlier.
He didn't know what Lex was thinking as his eyes flashed across to the boy sitting on the couch, looking at his surroundings:
Clark was still hiding something from him. He still had a secret.
And once again, he had that sickening feeling, that whatever it was, Clark knew it could tear them apart…
TBC
*feedback encourages me to work just that lil' bit faster y'know…EML. *