Moving in with Ryuichi was a step in the right direction everybody had assured him. He had talked it over with Hiro a couple of times agreeing it would be the best way to move on with his life.
Hiro was also sure that the always cheerful singer of Nittle Grasper would take Shuichi's mind off Yuki Eiri. Shuichi needed all his energy for the upcoming rehearsals for the Christmas concert and the closer drawing America tour. And it looked like it was a good decision, Shuichi was happy and burst with energy.
Ryuichi Sakuma always tagged along with his pink little bunny Kumagoro and it was obvious how good they befriended each other. Hiro could feel a twinge of jealousy but he was still grateful that Ryuichi could make Shuichi forget about Yuki.
As far as he knew Shuichi and Yuki hadn't met after their break up. Nobody heard or saw the novelist but the media was talking about a writing block after Yuki kept delaying his latest book. So maybe he wasn't all too unaffected by the events. Hiro figured that sooner or later Shuichi and Yuki had to confront each other and then it will show if everything between them was just an illusion.
He knew also that Yuki Eiri was invited to the Christmas party being related to Tohma Seguchi. So in a couple of days they would all know where Shuichi and Yuki stood.
******
Tohma stand in his office looking out of the window. On his desk lay an invitation card openly with Yuki Eiri's name written upon it. He hadn't talked to Yuki in a while. Knowing the introverted novelist since they were still in school he knew that Yuki wanted to be alone.
But it couldn't go on like this forever. If he stayed in his room and kept denying that Shuichi left him then the situation was worse than before. Then everything what he Tohma Seguchi had tried was for nothing. But he believed in Yuki and in Shuichi as well.
The latter was doing quite well. After he had asked Ryuichi Sakuma his old friend to take care of Shuichi, the pink haired singer seemed back to his old self and things went well for Bad Luck. He had figured so much. Knowing full well how much Shuichi adored the singer of Nittle Grasper he couldn't dwell in his sorrow for long being a happy nature anyway.
But Yuki was a different matter. Tohma had hoped that once Yuki saw Shuichi move on and be happy again he could let him go. But how can he realize that if he didn't came out of his apartment. Tohma sighed. Maybe it would have been better they had stayed together. But Shuichi had made a decision and now it was left to him to fix things. He smiled bitterly. Somehow he always ended up cleaning up Yuki's mess. Not that the novelist would care anyway.
Turning away from the window he sank into his comfortable leather chair thinking about Yuki and Shuichi's relationship and with coming up a way how to convince Yuki of attending the upcoming Christmas party.
He sighed once more.
'Why does life have to be so complicated?'
******
Yuki hadn't left his room after he had talked to Tohma. His brother-in-law was very worried about him. He knew that but Yuki didn't really care what was going on in the outside world. With Shuichi gone he had realized how important the little pink haired baka was to him.
He hadn't written a single word since then, not being able to concentrate on his book. He had no idea how to end it anyway. By now his manager was devastated and the media speculated about a writing block. His fans were overflowing him with encouraging letters but he didn't really care.
Yuki only wanted to see Shuichi but he wasn't so sure what would happen if he would actually stand in front of him. Should he apologize? No. Yuki Eiri never apologized and Shuichi knew that. He groaned. That pink haired baka was really good at messing up his life but that wasn't really anything new.
Deciding it wasn't a very good idea to spent the rest of the year in his apartment he decided to pay Tohma a visit. Back in his mind a voice reminded him that Bad Luck would go touring in America in January and then he wouldn't have a chance to see Shuichi for a long time. He had to patch up things before he left. Yuki put on his coat, stuffed Kumagoro in his pocket, it reminded him on Shuichi, and left for NG headquarters.
******
Shuichi felt good today. It was fun living with Ryuichi. He always understood what he meant being so similar in his nature as Shuichi. Around Ryuichi he could do silly things like bounce and yell and sing and nobody would roll his eyes. Ryuichi would just simply join in. He couldn't remember the last time when he felt so content with his life.
Happily he skipped along on the sidewalk on his way to the studio. He was supposed to meet up with Ryuichi in front of the building.
After leaving Yuki he had felt very bad and he cried a lot when alone in his bed. One night Ryuichi stood in his door looking serious and with a sad expression on his face. He sat beside him on his bed taking him in his arms and soothed him. After Shuichi calmed down he quietly began to talk.
"You know being alone is very hard. Especially if there is someone you miss very much."
He gently caressed Shuichis hair. Questioningly Shuichi looked up to the singer of Nittle Grasper. He was surprised for he never had seen Ryuichi like this. Well, he usually acted like a three year old and now he was so gentle trying to comfort him. That was a major difference and this Ryuichi reminded him a bit on the man he used to be on stage. Shuichi couldn't help but feeling a little bit flustered as Ryuichi stroked lightly over his cheek.
"Whom are you missing?"
Curious as Shuichi was he couldn't hold back that question. Sakuma-san was always so happy he couldn't imagine that he was actually experiencing the same feelings like himself.
"Well, you remember as I came back to Japan I didn't know many people. Just the people from NG and you guys."
Shuichi figured he was referring to Bad Luck that meant Hiro, Suguru and himself.
"I was very lucky to get to know you 'cause it made my life a little bit more bearable."
Shuichi was confused.
"But you have so many people who love you. All your fans adore you. You are not alone."
Ryuichi glanced at the pink haired boy. Shuichi seemed to have forgotten about his sorrow. At least for now but that was good enough. Shaking his head he tried to explain.
"You see when you are famous it becomes very hard to tell who are the ones who really care for you and the ones who only see the famous rock star in you.
There are always people who just want to catch a bit of your own glamour. They only see Ryuichi Sakuma as a living idol not the real me."
Shuichi was quiet. Ryuichi looked so sad. He had never considered that Ryuichi could be unhappy with his life. Of course he knew it was tough to be a star but he never thought of it as a bother although it had to be different for Ryuichi who became a star just as he graduated from High School. Ryuichi never had the time to make any real friends because everybody just wanted to be him like on stage.
Nobody wanted to see the funny childlike boy who hid in the man's body.
After a few moments of dwelling on memories Ryuichi picked up his tale.
"Well, back then I met somebody who seemed to be different from all the others. We had so much fun together and I could be myself."
Ryuichi smiled at the memory.
"What happened then?"
Shuichi inquired quietly. He had the feeling there was no happy ending. Ryuichi's smile dropped as he lowered his head. His bangs covered his eyes as he whispered.
"The one left me. Without a word. Without a good-bye.
I still don't know why. And I still can't understand it. I really believed in that person. And it crushed all my hope and trust in the end."
Both were quiet for a while. Ryuichi seemed to be lost in thought and Shuichi was stunned by what he had just learned from the older man.
How could somebody hurt this sweet person so much?
Shuichi was sad and angry at the same time. Nobody had the right to play with someone's heart. That reminded him how Yuki had treated him so often. And once more everything in their relationship seemed like a game. A game he had lost and given up upon. He transferred his attention back to the brown haired man beside him. They were both sitting now on Shuichi's bed leaning against the wall. Distinctly the traffic noise could be heard.
"Do you understand now why I can't leave you all by yourself?"
Ryuichi looked directly into Shuichi's eyes and the pink haired singer understood now why Ryuichi had invited him to be his room mate. Ryuichi Sakuma was his friend and he didn't want that Shuichi had to go through the same pain he had to back then. He wouldn't let Shuichi drown in self pity and sorrow. Not if he could help it. Shuichi nodded and smiled at him.
"Thank you."
It was the first real happy smile he received from Shuichi in days. A grin was plastered in return on Ryuichi's lips. It looked like the child in him was back.
"Why don't we have a slumber party then, no na da?"
He asked excited his pink haired friend.
"With pop corn and movies and games,...."
Ryuichi was in his element and he hadn't wait too long until Shuichi jumped up and both ran into the kitchen preparing the popcorn.
"Yay, we're gonna have so much fun, Shu-chan!"
He giggled and winked at Shuichi.
"And you know what?"
He smiles secretively.
" 'Cause you know now my biggest secret you can call me Ryu-chan, will ya, no na da?! And I call ya Shu-chan, yes pleeease?!"
He looked pleadingly with big green-blue puppy dog eyes at Shuichi who happily agreed with the idea.
"Yeah, Ryu-chan."
Shuichi grinned back at his friend. They seemed to be closer now than before. Ryuichi filled him in on a very painful memory and he knew he could trust Ryuichi. Shuichi promised himself that he would make sure that Ryuichi wouldn't get hurt again. They would take care of each other.
By now the popcorn was done and they both ran laughing into the living room.
"Hey, let's watch one of your concert tapes. Then we can sing together again."
Shuichi jumped with excitement. He loved to sing together with Sakuma-san. It was so much fun. Both spent the rest of the night singing and dancing. Shuichi hadn't felt so happy in a long time.
The air was cold as Shuichi skipped happily along on the sidewalk on his way to the studio. There were only a couple of days left before the concert started. He was already excited about it. Ryuichi had also told him how he made it through the hard time back then. He still heard the words ring in his mind.
"Music kept me going. I loved to sing and it helped me a lot. That's why I was so happy that we had revived Nittle Grasper."
Ryuichi had encouraged him to concentrate on his music. They had been writing lyrics together and Ryuichi explained to him that it's best if he would write over things he had experienced himself. That way it would sound real and it's good to write things down you can't or won't talk about. It wasn't like he couldn't talk to Ryuichi but he felt that he first had to figure out his own feelings and wishes. And he knew Ryuichi and Hiro as well would be there for him when he wanted to talk.
Shuichi felt a lot better since Ryuichi always managed to point out the good things in life. Although he was still curious who the person was Ryuichi had been talking about. He surely had a lot of admirers but Shuichi didn't want to push the issue if Ryuichi wanted he'd tell him all by himself.
The NG building came into view and he only had to cross the street so he skidded to a halt at the crosswalk waiting for the green light. He was really looking forward to meet up with Ryuichi. They had been working on songs together and wanted to fill in Suguru and Hiro. Shuichi thought Hiro would be really happy to hear that he finally decided to concentrate on music. That was what he was good at and this way he was at least able to make others happy if not the one he had given up for good.
******
Yuki had spend most of the morning in Tohma's office. It was almost lunch time and by now he was very grumpy. The blond tried to coax him into attending that stupid Christmas party NG was having every year. He hated events like that. There would be tons of loud annoying people trying to charm him until his head was spinning and he had the feeling he might puke any second.
During the last years he had somehow managed to avoid such public events by being out of the city or like last year being fully consumed by his idiotic lover's crazy ideas.
Oh well, he forgot, his ex-lover's crazy ideas.
Yuki felt sick. He really wasn't in the mood to attend a party not with the media already waiting for him and annoy him with endless questions about his latest book that still wasn't finished.
He tried to focus on the words of the blonde who had been pacing his office for it seemed like hours now.
"Yuki, you know I only want what's best for you. Maybe I did upset you in the past concerning my interfering in your relationship with Shuichi. I know I shouldn't have done this. But to me it simply looked like as if it would never work out.
I only wanted to keep you from going through hell again and I care about Shuichi, too. He's so carefree and a happy person. I just didn't want to see him suffering anymore."
At this Yuki looked up seething with anger.
"So you think I'm a bastard as well? You call yourself my friend if you're telling me straight in my face that I can't take care of Shuichi?"
Tohma flinched at those words but he knew what he had to answer if he wanted get Yuki out of his self pity.
"Yes."
He answered looking straight into the novelist now widened eyes. Yuki looked up unbelieving from where he was sitting. His mind couldn't grasp that his so called best friend had just told him off. He couldn't believe this.
Tohma was the one who always stick up to him, being his support, always being on his side. His mouth opened but not a single word came over his lips. Silently Tohma let himself fall into his leather chair sitting now across from Yuki who was still staring at him. Tohma sighed. He knew what was coming next was going to be difficult but once it was said everything was up to Yuki. As Tohma began to speak his eyes never left Yuki's face.
"Since that day in NYC I've always been on your side, helping you, protecting you, giving you whatever you wanted. Not even once you were grateful or acknowledged what the people who cared about you did for you.
We all know what you've been through and we cannot change the past. But we won't put up with your arrogant and self-destructive attitude anymore. I know it seems harsh but it's been almost over 10 years and you still can't or rather won't let it go. You know what I think?"
Came the now icy question directed at Yuki.
"I think you only care about yourself and you only crave the attention of others to assure yourself that you are still alive. Not once you're considering that you're actually hurting others with your careless attitude.
Your fans, your family, Shuichi and me... ."
Tohma shook now violently. Yuki was obviously shocked. But Tohma wasn't done yet.
"You're stuck in your self pity and you're not only making yourself miserable but others as well.
Do you have any idea how often Mika cries after she had been speaking to you on the phone or how often Shuichi showed up here in an emotional mess. Locking himself alone in a room and not talking to anybody? Or how much your parents worry about you?"
Tohma was breathless as he stopped ranting. Sadly he looked at Yuki hoping he would understand. Yuki let his head hung low. He couldn't look into Tohma's eyes. Yuki felt horrible. All the things Tohma said were right. He had known this already but it was another thing if somebody you thought of your best friend threw them into your face.
Now it didn't matter how he would turn and twist it he had to face it now. No point in hiding anymore. Tohma demanded an answer. A truthful one. Slowly he began to speak.
"Ever since Shuichi came into my life everything changed with rapid speed and I couldn't do anything against it. He just burst in and turned everything upside down. He messed with my feelings and often I would find myself doing things I shouldn't have done.
I don't like it not to be in control.
It reminds me on Yuki-sama. His betrayal. How he took control of my life and then sold it for ten lousy bucks. Back then I swore myself to never loose control again."
Yuki's face twisted in pain. It was hard on him to share his inner thoughts and feelings with someone but if he wouldn't do it he would be alone for the rest of his life. Maybe Tohma would still help him in one way or another but not because he wanted to or because he was his friend but just because of family obligations.
Nothing more.
And that was something he couldn't handle. Yuki was too used that somebody was always fussing over him. Maybe it annoyed him to no end but it gave him the feeling that he was not alone. And he needed that.
"I'm sorry Tohma." Came a quiet whisper.
"What...?!"
Tohma was speechless. Right now he had the feeling that in front of him wasn't Yuki Eiri but Uesugi Eiri the little boy he once knew. Something tugged at his heart and his expression softened.
"It's okay. I'm also sorry for saying such hard words but I do care about you as a lot of other people do. Please don't cast us out anymore."
Yuki raised his head a slight smile playing on his lips. The first one Tohma had seen in a long time. Yuki felt relieved as he heard Tohma's words. It's been awhile since he felt that content.
He only used to get that feeling when he was laying together with Shuichi in bed - in his arms. It was nice and it felt like somebody had lifted some unseen weight off his shoulders.
Tohma was smiling at him. He looked quite relieved as well. Admitting to himself that he was stuck in his past was the first step towards healing. And he was grateful that Tohma had shaken him out of his reverie.
"I think I will attend."
Tohma looked up. He had been lost in his thoughts and couldn't quite place what Yuki was talking about.
"Excuse me?!"
Yuki grinned. You seldom have the opportunity to see the head of NG confused.
"The Christmas party."
"Oh, yes, of course. I thought you weren't even listening."
A slow smile spread over Tohma Seguchi's face.
"I'm sure it would be good for you. And by attending you're showing everybody that everything is all right."
Yuki smiled inwardly. Of course Tohma was taking up the opportunity to get rid of the media who had been making up wild stories about Yuki for a while now. The gossip increased each day and it also involved Shuichi and that certainly wasn't a good thing. That thought made Yuki frown. He didn't want anybody talking bad about the pink haired singer. But it was his own fault and he was going to make it up.
Tohma snapped him out of his thoughts as he filled him in on the details.
"The Christmas party will be tomorrow evening. It'll start at 7 p.m. with dinner. Make sure you're dressed formally. A lot of important persons will be attending as well as NG members."
At this point Yuki's head snapped up.
"So Shuichi will be there as well?"
He hadn't thought about that yet and it made his heart flutter. So he missed completely the thoughtful frown that crossed Tohma's face.
"Well, of course Bad Luck will be present as well."
Yuki stood up.
"Good. I think that will be a good opportunity to talk to Shuichi."
With that he thanked Tohma and waved his good-byes leaving the office. The blonde stood for a while nonmoving staring at the closed door before he picked up his phone. He waited for the connection until a light woman's voice could be heard.
"Hello Mika, he just left. Everything went well. He will attend the Christmas party so you can stop worrying now."
He smiled at the reply of his wife.
"But there is still a problem. We'll talk about this when I get home. See you for dinner. Bye."
He put the phone down and turned to look out the window.
It was snowing again.
******************************************************
That's sooo typical. I want to write about something specific and in the end when I'm finally reaching the right point I have to finish the chapter. Argh, now I have to wait until the next one.
*
Sorry, it took me a while to post this chapter but I felt a bit uncomfortable writing Ryuichi cause I think he's a difficult character. So I read some of those Tatsuha x Ryuichi stories out there to get a feeling for his personality. I hope it didn't go wrong all the way. Maybe I shouldn't have included him.
*
Anyway as you see I gave the fic a title. How do ya like it?
I thought it's fitting 'cause both Yuki & Shuichi play kind of "Hide & Seek" with each other or with their emotions.
Let me know what you think about Tohma's actions.
See ya!! ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!!!