Chapter 11: The concert
Snow was dancing outside in the gray blue afternoon sky. Yuki sat in his bedroom starring outside. He felt cold but he didn't bother to turn on the heating. He didn't really care. Four days ago his world was turned up side down again and he let it happen.
Again.
He run his hand through his unkempt hair.
'So much for believing it couldn't happen again.'
He thought. It had happened again just not to him but to Shuichi which was even times worse. And he hadn't seen him since he had stormed out of the hospital off to beat the shit out of Aizawa Tachi. Well, he had succeeded with that but then things kind of got messed up again.
flashback
Yuki jumped out of the taxi he happened to catch as he stomped out of the hospital. He was angry and there was just one way to release his temper. In a couple of minutes he was standing in front of the guards who Tohma had positioned in front of the office Aizawa was in. In a matter of seconds he had convinced them that Tohma needed their service elsewhere and he waited for them in the entrance hall. After he got rid of them he stepped into the dark room falling backwards against the door waiting for his eyes to adjust to the starlit room. He could make out the man he was looking for on a chair at the window obviously expecting him.
"I knew you would come back. It's not really your style to leave business unfinished."
He smirked.
"Just like me."
"Don't you dare to compare me with you, you bastard."
"Talking about yourself, Yuki?!" Came the smug reply.
No sooner he said that Yuki had gripped his collar choking him.
"Yeah, that's what you are. A bloody murder. Now you're showing your true nature."
Yuki froze and let the dark haired man fall onto the ground turning his back on him.
"Can't face it Yuki? You are a danger to you and the people around you. To Shuichi. They would be all better off if you would go hide into your apartment again."
Aizawa breathed in deeply.
"So you can't hurt them - him anymore."
He grinned knowing he had hit a mark as Yuki's shoulders tensed.
"Aw, somebody has a bad conscious."
Furiously Yuki spun around hissing.
"Don't twist the obvious. You're just trying to manipulate me. I won't fall for your dirty tricks."
Yuki spat slipping back on his arrogant mask.
"You are just scum. You can't compare to me. You're lies are useless. But know what?!"
A malicious smirk curled up at the corner of Yuki's mouth while moving closer to the man in front of him.
"Next time I see you I'll be a bloody murder."
He whispered into his ear followed by a swift punch in Aizawas mid section.
"And don't ever come close to Shuichi again or I'll break every single bone in your body."
The hard glint in Yuki's eyes promised that he didn't lie. Right then the two guards came back in obviously called by Tohma trying to get a hold of the situation. Before neither of them could utter a word Yuki turned to face them.
"Don't bother gentlemen I'm already out of here."
With that he walked past them letting the door fall shut behind him.
endofflashback
Since then he had been sitting in his room damning himself. Despite what he had said to Aizawa being immune to his words he had been stupid enough to let them bother him. Now he was sitting here locked up in his apartment not answering the phone or getting the door. Nobody had bothered him today though. He looked at the calendar on his night stand. A childish one with cartoon pictures on it. Shuichi had gotten it once as a present for him.
The 24th December was marked.
Yuki let his head drop. Today was Shuichi's concert. The one he had promised to attend. It was outrageous he didn't even know if it would be held not knowing how Shuichi had recovered. He hadn't visited him in the hospital. After his talk to Aizawa he couldn't face him. He had been standing in front of the hospital several times but he never went in.
Despite what all the others tried to tell him he felt guilty and nothing could change that. He didn't need to hear Aizawas words to realize it. Seeing Shuichi's bloody and broken body on the ground was enough to have pain claw at his heart. Yuki shook his head trying to get the awful picture out of his head. His gaze settled back on the calendar.
Damn, that brat knew him so damn well. It's just as if he knew what was going to happen and made me promise his stupid request. Yuki held his head by now. His thoughts were a mess. He should seriously considering seeing a shrink, he thought but dropped that thought right after it had crossed his mind. He didn't need a psycho analyzer to tell him what went wrong in his life.
'What a mess, what a mess.' He sighed. 'He's expecting me to come. Stupid baka, you shouldn't believe in me so much.'
A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. Annoyed why would anyone bother him now he stood up and went to open the door. Well more likely he ripped it open to tell whoever was bothering him now to show off. To his amazement a certain gray haired man stood in front of him and the words died in his throat. The man nodded as in a greeting.
"We missed each other at the Christmas party. I only wanted to say good bye since I was leaving today."
Yuki could only stare dumbly. He had expected anybody but not this guy.
'Why would he come in person to say good bye? If he's interested in my books why not a note from his secretary or something. Although he was already pretty odd at the party.' Yuki opened the door a bit to let the older man in.
"I don't want to take much of your time Yuki-san."
Yuki shook his head.
"Don't worry about it. It's not like I have any plans."
"You don't?"
The man looked doubting at something Yuki still clutched in his right hand. The calendar. The marked date was clearly visible.
"Well, plans changed. I don't think it would be appropriate for me to show up there."
His shoulders dropped slightly. Not quite bothering to explain where he was expected.
"Remember what you have been writing in your latest books? Like I said before the characters you're giving life are reflecting what you want or think. Hiding further would only bring more pain. Search inside of you what you really want all doubts aside. All your characters managed to do that. Why not the author, too?"
Yuki grinned at the other man.
"Well, you didn't get to know my newest creations. They are quite stubborn."
The eyes of Mr. Springer twinkled.
"Maybe they need just a push into the right direction. Think about it. But I have to go now. My secretary will send you a letter concerning the opportunities to publish in the States I have to offer. It was a pleasure to meet you."
The gray haired man bowed his head slightly.
"Good day to you."
And walked out of the apartment. Yuki stood frozen in place for awhile thinking about what the old man had said. Suddenly he got a great idea how to finish the last chapter of his overdue book. He went to his office and started typing.
******
Blue eyes looked solemnly into a mirror. Shuichi carefully touched the wound at his head which was luckily at the hair line and was completely covered by his bangs. The make up artist had done a great job. She had covered all the ugly bruises beneath a thick layer of make up.
Nevertheless he felt weird.
Shuichi looked pale and his coal rimmed eyes only made him look more ghostly but the girl had said it's supposed to be like that if you're a rock star - looking wild. Shuichi didn't felt like being wild. He felt and looked like run over a few times too often and he decided to take another painkiller just in case. He was clad in his usual long coat which gave him a feeling of safety. It was strange he was about to go on stage in about a quarter hour facing hundreds of people and he was worrying about his looks.
The others hadn't wanted that he'd go through with the concert. Even Tohma who would have a great loss of money if they had called it off was determined to let Shuichi choose. And Shuichi knew that Tohma was proud of him going through with the concert. His band colleagues still thought he wasn't up to it but he had promised Yuki that he would sing.
Yuki.
After he had woken up in the hospital he had already known something was wrong as he looked up in Ryuichi's face and not Yuki's. That only meant that Yuki was tormenting himself with guilty feelings. Shuichi didn't want his lover to suffer. You could call it selfless or crazy but Shuichi only needed Yuki to feel safe and happy. He hadn't seen Yuki since then but he knew he would be there tonight. If he wasn't coming then Shuichi wouldn't know how to go on. But he had to trust Yuki had to believe in him to make the right decision.
'Please Yuki, please be here tonight.'
******
The bluish light of the screen reflected on the glasses the blonde novelist wore. His fingers were rushing swiftly over the keyboard filling page after page. Just a few more pages and the book will have its final chapter. The blonde threw a quick glance at the watch at his wrist. He had to hurry if he wanted to be there before it was over. Quickly he resumed his work and only clicking could be heard in the otherwise silent room.
******
The lights were blinding and the mass was screaming. Blood pounded in his ears and the hall was a swirl of heat and colors. Shuichi danced and sang as if it would be his last time. Over two hours they had lasted and after this number they would play one more song. Even if Suguru and Hiro didn't know it yet.
He had heard the song as Ryuichi was playing some music for him he had brought with him from the States. He wasn't so good at the English language but the melody had been stuck in his ears and he had asked Ryuichi to teach the song to him.
And tonight he would sing the song to show Yuki how he felt. How it felt to be pushed away again and again. Shuichi hoped that Yuki would understand that he'd hurt him even more if he rejected him. The last song was over and he made the announcement that they'll be playing one more song.
"A friend taught me this song some time ago and it's dedicated to someone who's important to me and I hope he'll understand."
Behind him he could feel thick confusion. He turned around to fill in Hiro and Suguru what they would have to play. Good thing, Ryuichi had gotten him the notes for the instruments so they could play it. As Suguru and Hiro scanned the lines they knew what it was about and nodded quiet understanding. Shuichi gave them a grateful smile and walked back to the center of the stage where he secured the mike into the holder.
The lights dimmed and he could hear the first accords of Hiro's electric guitar. Ryuichi had even taught him how to play the classic guitar so he could play it himself. He seated himself on a high kind of bar stool waiting for his turn to start singing. Shuichi closed his eyes as he began to sing letting the intense melody carry him away. The audience turned silent as he started to sing:
"And you, bring me to my knees again - all the times.
I had to beg you please - in vain.
All the times that I felt insecure for you and I leave my burdens at the door."
While singing Shuichi could see all the scenes flash through his mind.
The time when Yuki left him shortly after he had been violated for the first time by Aizawa.
All the times Yuki had crushed his hope with telling him that he didn't care that he was annoying.
Leaving him in pain.
All the times he begged him to give them a chance that they could make it together.
How often had he sat at the outside of Yuki's office leaning at the door knowing that he was in there but he was on the outside.
How often had he asked himself if he wasn't just fooling himself.
The first part ended and Shuichi nodded his head with the music eyes still closed he started to sing the refrain.
"But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you, see your true colors
cause inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me
I can see through you, see to the real you."
Shuichi smiled at the end remembering how tough it was to see past Yuki's cold exterior.
How hard to break through the barrier. But he had known from the beginning that there were emotions in him. They were just hidden behind harsh words. They've both been used and they both hid in their own way, but now it was time to come out and admit to each other their true feelings. Shuichi was so lost in his thoughts he almost missed the next lines. But he had sung it so often he could repeat it anywhere.
"All the times that I felt like this won't end
was for you.
And I taste what I could never have
it's from you.
All the times that I've tried, my intentions, full of pride.
But I waste more time than anyone."
He had tried so often. They had told him to give it up Yuki would never change. So many things he had sacrificed for Yuki hoping for a sign of approval. Behind him Hiro played the guitar harshly receiving strangled cries. Shuichi could feel tears well up in his eyes which started to roll down his cheeks as he started to sing again.
"All the times that I've cried,
all this wasted, it's all inside.
And I feel all this pain stuffed it down.
It's back again and I lie here in bed all alone,
I can't mend - but I feel tomorrow will be okay."
Shuichi remembered times as he had been laying on his couch asking himself why he was wasting his time to reach something he probably could never reach.
How he kept bottling up all the sadness and pain inside him.
How often had he cried? For himself for Yuki.
How often had he assured himself that tomorrow would be a new chance to win Yuki that everything will be alright. Playing alone at last he sung the lines:
" But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you see your true colors.
Cause inside you're ugly, ugly like me.
I can see through you, see to the real you."
As he opened his eyes they met golden ones - full of understanding what he had tried to tell.
******
A thick snow blanket covered the earth outside. Frozen flowers grazed the windows. The night sky was covered with stars. While it was bitter cold outside two people shared their warmth laying in each others arms. Resting peacefully with the rest of the world.
"Yuki, why did you came back for me?"
Shuichi laying partly with his back on Yuki's side had his head tucked under Yuki's chin playing nervously with the covers.
"Silly, don't you know?!"
Yuki tapped him with his index finger on his nose.
"For you of course. Who else?"
Even if he could only see (and feel) his lovers pink fluffy hair he knew Shuichi was blushing. Smirking to himself he wrapped his strong arms around Shuichis slim waist drawing him closer.
"It took me a long time, didn't it?! To realize what I really wanted and that although I had right in front of my nose."
It sounded a bit sad so Shuichi felt the need to squeeze Yuki's hand reassuringly.
"It's alright now. We'll always be together."
He turned his head sideways nuzzling Yuki's soft skin at his neck.
"Always." Came the soft reply.
Then they fell silent until Shuichi's head shot up suddenly.
"Oh no!"
Yuki's eyes snapped open.
"What??!"
Shuichi turned around and settled himself with his arms crossed on Yuki's chest pouting at him.
"I forgot to get you a Christmas present. It all got messed up."
He just looked so cute Yuki gathered him in his arms pinning him beneath him. His eyes glittered in the dark room only lit up by the moonshine.
"Nah, I wouldn't worry about that. I think Santa was very generous this year."
And captured Shuichi's lips with a long sweet kiss. Shuichi sighed in content.
"Love you." He mumbled drowsily as Yuki pulled away. The blonde smiled leaning close to his lovers ear and whispered. "Love you, too."
******
The laptop stood forgotten in Yuki's office. The cursor blinking at the bottom of the last page.
'Dedicated to all my readers for their support and to the person I love most in the world.'
The end.
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Yay, I'm done. Can you believe it? I really wanted to finish this before leaving for my parents house for Christmas. I would appreciate it if you could tell me if you like my story or not since this was my first "ongoing" story. In "chapter 12" you'll find notes to all who reviewed and some information about sequels if wished.