"It is better to be hated for what you are,

 than to be loved for what you are not".

-Andre Gide

Lex looked at Clark incredulously.

 "Forgive you? There's nothing to forgive, we've both been hiding things-"

"No, no, you don't understand!" Clark interrupted loudly, pulling Lex's hands from his neck, and clenching them desperately, pleading with his eyes. "I'm not talking about the lies, I'm talking about me, what I did!"

 "Clark I don't underst-"

"I love you."

Lex's frown deepened.

 "I love you too." He said softly, watching as Clark gave a barely perceptible nod of acceptance in return.

 "I know. And that's why I have to be honest with you…about what I've done to you…"

"You've saved me, in so many ways, you haven't done anything wrong-"

"Not now, but then – in '89 - I hurt you."

There was a beat, as Lex's face filled with extreme concern. He reached out and put a supportive hand on Clark's shoulder.

"Clark, what are you talking about?"

Those blue eyes looking back at him had the weight of the world behind them. Looking into them would almost have scared him if the face they were in wasn't filled with such loving sorrow.

"All the fear you've felt since you were nine years old...the isolation you've suffered…I'm telling you it was all because of me."

"Clark- c'mon, you didn't cause meteors to fall out of the sky! You weren't even there for goodness-"

" No, listen to me." His tone was intense now. "I was there. That's the whole point. It was my …arrival. I came - and brought with me fire, and fear, and death. And so many repercussions for so many people. I live with that every single day. Every time I see Lana without her parents. Every time I pass by Principal Kwan's memorial. Every time I see Chloe's damn 'wall of weird'….and every time I see you, and how much anger you have inside of you."

 Lex was unknowingly shaking his head, rejecting all these nonsensical things he refused to try and understand, knowing only that with so much guilt in Clark's voice none of it could be true… None of it. But Clark carried on regardless.

" I did this to you."

 "No! Clark just – just stop!" he pulled himself away, but the words kept coming – that truth he had asked for but now wished would just stop, all of it.

"I can't! You know so much already, and I'm so, so tired of keeping the whole truth from you…"

"What whole truth Clark?" he yelled. " That you're different somehow?"

"Yes." No hesitation.

 "That you can't be hurt?"

 "Yes." quieter now.

"That when I hit you that day…you didn't have a scratch on you?"

"Yes."

Lex swallowed deep.

"That…that you ripped the roof off that car to get me out?"

"Yes."

There was a pause. Such a terrible weighty pause it felt like the world had stopped and shrank down – till the only thing in it were two tortured faces, their heavy breathing and pounding hearts…and a distance between them that suddenly seemed miles apart.

 Eventually Lex made a faint gesture towards the cabinet by his desk. It seemed to take him a second longer to find his voice.

"Can you see what's in there?"

Clark stood tense and so, so vulnerable. Finally he nodded.

"Yes."

He watched Lex fall apart. Oh he tried to keep his composure, he tried to look like he wasn't freaking out, but there are so many feelings you can't hide from the one you love. It was an awful mixture of having his life torn out from under him, and the profound - and strangely almost triumphant- relief at having all his suspicions, and all his doubts come to an end.

 They stayed there like that for a few minutes, one watching, waiting, fearing and hoping while the other tried to sort out the thoughts and feelings in his head – and occasionally glanced up at him as if to make sure this was really happening, and he was still sane.

 When Lex spoke again it was with a voice more full of exhaustion than of hostility.

 "So…it was the meteors right? You somehow got exposed to them, like the others?"

He was listening intently for the confirmation that never came.

 Instead he heard only silence, and looking up saw only a terrible wretched, and almost pitying look.

 "Goddamit Clark, what's going on? Was it the meteors or not?"

 "I told you already." came the reply. " I'm not like the others…what happened to them was my fault. They got exposed to fragments of the meteors that I brought with me."

 He could practically hear Lex repeating those words in his head; could see him trying to grasp at anything that he could find comfort in, anything he could understand within his own realm of plausibility. He could feel the inner conflict at what his mind and heart could comprehend.

 The words came with lowered eyes, and so softly…just the first feint echoes of comprehension

 " …when you …arrived."

 Clark's voice was even quieter still – Lex, their future, his very life, and this moment, all made of glass...ready to shatter.

"In a ship…I was just a child. My parents…they found me. They said I…that I looked normal. Like any other kid."

Lex finally looked up with such wide scared eyes as Clark had never seen on him before

 "But you're not are you? You're not like other people..."

 Clark's reply would ring forever in his ears.

 "Lex, I'm like no one on this planet."

TBC

[apologies – I really didn't mean to leave this for a week. More v.soon]

R/R!