#   Could it tear us apart?
It'll soon be forever
It's gonna tear us apart
Keep us together

You're the one i love
You're the one i love #

-Coldplay

How could things have come so far, and yet be exactly the same? How could Clark all of a sudden feel, as he approached the still and darkened mansion that he was but retracing nervous steps from so many times before all this – times when he was so uncertain of himself, of Lex, of what was going on between them, and of what the future would bring… It was such a terrible thing to feel  - it was almost as if all the good times had suddenly been made insignificant, annulled by one conversation.

  Worse still was the guilt he felt at his fleeting bouts of suspicion; the visions of entering the manor only to find himself face to face with scientists from some shady branch of LuthorCorp ready to whisk him away…They were shameful thoughts – Lex was not his father ; but Clark was thinking like his. Jonathon was the one who could never entirely be swayed by Lex's displays of generosity – he was the one who was always ready to sink back into his old prejudices and paint any Luthor as a monster. Just the other day he'd caught his father muttering about how he'd heard about the problems at the Plant the week before ; " Its Chloe's dad I feel sorry for" he'd been saying to Martha, "No doubt the poor guy's doing all of Lex's work, but I bet you anything he's the one that'll pay for that kid's mistakes too. Who puts a 21-year-old in charge of a business anyway? And that one? Its all war-games and personal profit for him, no matter how 'mature and responsible' he tries to appear to be." Yes, things at the Kent household had been getting more and more tense lately – financial difficulties put his father in a mood that he knew wasn't help by his own continual absence, and slack attitude towards farmwork and household chores…

 Clark sighed. The sudden arrival of typical adolescent-parent relations at the Kent farm was the least of his worries right now. As wonderfully melodramatic as he wished the sentiment was, his very happiness really did depend on the answer he was about to receive.

 The truth of it was, even if Lex somehow, possibly, was willing to try and accept what he was, there were still so many hurdles to follow Clark's mind really couldn't comprehend. The likelihood would be that such a deception on Clark's part – not to mention the completely freaked-out nature of the whole thing - would mean their relationship could never be the same again…But they'd come so far, they had reached a point of – well, not perfection, because that had never been possible with these suspicions and secrets hanging around them, but of being comfortable, of being happy and content and of it all working without their feeling like there was any work to be done at all  - they had just been who they were with each other, and found that these more honest and true personalities were even more compatible than the ones they had adopted and hid behind cautiously before – the ones their friendship had grown from all that time ago.

 If he lost that ….if he lost Lex this way…he would forever be hiding. He would forever be alone, untrusting, and bearing his powers like a curse, unable to talk to anyone about how the responsibility and fear that came with such a burden, would many-a-night throw him into a reverie of introspection and almost hopeless depression. He wanted to share that with Lex more than anything – he wanted to be able to keep the happy and optimistic attitude that he held around others, all the time.

 His dad always said that fear was something to face head on though. No use fearing the unknown…

 And so he walked the steps up to the front door, and tentatively let himself in. He was going to make this as normal as possible – Lex's home had felt like his home for months...now was not the time to be ringing the bell, and behaving like a stranger.

 It was dim inside – only the odd wall-light was on. He'd already started making his way to the study before he finally made out Lex's form, sitting a few steps up on the staircase.

 "Hey." He said, unable to help the wave of relief at just being in his presence.

 "Hey yourself", Lex called back gently.

  Clark's nervousness returned, as he sunk his hand deep in his jacket pockets, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back again.

 "What're you doing out here?" he called back, with equal softness. It was strange but the warm shadows created a fragile mood, as if the house itself was sleeping, and they shouldn't disturb it. Or maybe it was just another moment like before – another moment of glass, ready to shatter if dealt with too harshly or eagerly.

 He caught a resigned little smile cross Lex's face.

"Just waiting for you to get back", he said. "I don't suppose you went home?"

 Clark couldn't help but give a soft smile.

 "You know me too well."

 Lex raised an eyebrow and said quickly,

 "Well I think we know that's not entirely true anymore…"

The tension sank through the air sharp and sudden. Oh God, Clark thought, Please no…

 "Sorry, that – I didn't mean it to come out like that." Lex offered after what seemed like an eternity.

 Amidst it all, and perhaps partly due to some bitterness, Clark couldn't help but scoff lightly;

 "Wow, Lex, I think that was one of those classic non-apologies you told me about."

 Lex's eyes flashed up in surprise, and met ones already filling with guilt. He smiled and gave a small nod of resignation. Touche, it said softly, and that was that.

 "Sit with me Clark." He said, sounding exhausted but strangely confident as he nodded to the space on the step beside him.

  There was a pause as Clark looked at that spot full of such doubt. They both knew what he was fearing – that in a few seconds this conversation could all be over, one way or another…But if he refused to sit and talk, if he pleaded some more, and tried to apologise or explain both the secret and why and how he kept it from the person he loved for so long –

 - but no. This was how it was going to be. Quiet. Simple. And, knowing Lex, involving well-thought out and carefully planned words, spoken calmly and decisively.

  He walked over slowly and sank down onto the step beside him, wide enough so that they still had a fair distance apart. They sat in silence for a second, neither one desperately eager to start this. But then Lex, his forearms resting on his knees, and for once, stopping his hands from wringing together and betraying his nerves, began to speak. All the time they just faced forward, staring into the dark hall, filled with soft shadows and gently warm light.

 "While you were gone, I was thinking about people" Lex said. "People…they aren't just two-dimensional TV characters. They can't be just easily categorised into, say, Pete the dependable best friend, Chloe the quirky one, and Lana as prom-queen-in-the-making. Not forgetting you as the good-looking , decent and honest  country-boy that  every girl in a tri-state area wants to take home to meet the folks."

 "  - not to mention that cynical world-weary rich boy." Clark offered lightly, not thinking. He turned to Lex hurriedly, trying to read his face, to see if there was any sign there of regret – any sign that that rich boy actually didn't want him anymore. But all that was met with was a grin.

"Yeah, well, him too." Lex's amusement melted away quickly though as he carried on, with all seriousness. "What I'm saying is…life's complicated. I of all people should know that. God, Fate or whatever…they think it's too simple just to give each person one problem to deal with in life."

 "I'm not going to disagree with that", Clark muttered, getting a brief look of pity from the boy beside him, before he continued.

 "Clark…I can't deny that what you told me shook me up...A lot. It's – well to say that it's hard to come to terms with all that, is the understatement of my life. When you left earlier, for a long time none of it seemed, well, real at all. Like a dream, a ridiculous dream I could tell you about later and we could laugh about together.

 But then, when I saw you walk in just now...when I'm with you, I have to face up to it all. I can't pretend this isn't the serious thing that it is."

 Clarks' face fell.

" - but I can handle that Clark. I can live with this, we can get through this – all of it – together…I'm not saying it'll be easy, but if you help me understand it, and accept it …we can get through it. Because this…you and me…is the only happiness I have in my life. I'm not going to give it up out of some cowardly, naïve belief that life isn't complicated, and that it should just be one problem at a time, that it should  all be fair. 

 So the odds are against us just a bit more now. Well you know what? That night...when I walked out on you at the party? That was the last time I'll ever run away from a challenge again. You and me…its crazy, but I guess it's destiny...it has to be."

 Clark was staring back at him, speechless with absolute ecstatic disbelief.

 Lex grinned and shrugged casually.

 "Besides. I'm dating an alien. Have you any idea how cool that is?"

Shaking his head incredulous, Clark spoke through his laughter,

"Shut up and kiss me."

Lex was all but too happy to oblige.

TBC.

Go on, keep those reviews coming in the final stretch..(tho' be warned – still some twists to come)