Heehee. Just so you guys know, I started this in August. I just haven't been putting it up for you. So I have it up to Chapter Eighteen. But I LOVE the Chinese Water Torture. You gotta read this SLOOWWWWLYYYYY! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: You know the drill. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Three: Departure

Artemis rolled out of bed and hastily turned off his loud alarm clock. Not that anyone would have heard it; the clock was rigged to earphones and Artemis had mixed powdered sleeping pills in his family's drinks the night before. Butler had been included in this treatment; nevertheless, Artemis heard a loud snort from his room as he tiptoed down the stairs. He rolled his eyes. Talk about extreme security measures.

Entering the kitchen, the mastermind looked around for Holly. She was nowhere in sight. He sighed and set a slice of bread in their toaster. No point in going without breakfast.

Holly immediately speckled into view, bedecked in LEP uniform. She scowled as Artemis looked unsurprised by her appearance. "Why do I bother?"

"I don't know. Seeing as that little trick wasted our time, unimpressed me and did nothing to further your own means, I suppose you could call it lack of common sense." The boy poured himself a glass of milk.

"It took about ten seconds out of our day, you little -"

"Ten seconds that are infinitely precious to our plan based on the speed of the participants, or more accurately me and my less important accompaniment Holly Short."

"I don't know why I put up with you. What do you call the ten minutes you're using to eat breakfast?"

Artemis spread blackberry jelly on his toast, smiling to himself. He wondered if any other teenage boy woke up to have an immediate fight with an elf, and decided he was unique in that respect as well. "I call it nourishment, a necessity, and a good use of the time that it takes you to dress."

"Dress?" Holly looked confused.

Artemis thrust a Barbie jacket and a plaid jumper at her. "If you travel with Mud Men, you look like a Mud Man too. Now hurry up. Bathroom's the first left down the hall."

Holly scowled icily at him. "What makes you think -"

"This is my plan. You follow my plan or you don't come."

"Excuse me. I can't believe how stupid I was to forget about your arrogance. What a pig."

Artemis bit into his toast. "Bantering will get you nowhere, Holly. Now please go and change before I decide you need assistance."

Holly gingerly took the Barbie jacket from him and looked at it in disgust. "Remind me again why I'm wearing this crap?"

He rolled his eyes. "Unless you want to waste magic shielding the whole trip, you might as well play the part of a six-year-old as fully as possible."

"Six-year-old?!"

"Holly, spare me the theatrics and go and get into those clothes!"

The elf left, an expression of incredulity on her face as she looked at her new garments. When she returned a moment later, clad in plaid jumper and flowery shirt, her attitude hadn't changed.

"I feel like a stupid Mud Man."

"That was the idea." Artemis finished his toast.

"These itch."

"Go cry."

Holly grinned impishly up at him. "If I cry, I might wake up Butler, and we wouldn't want that. Then again, it would make small difference."

The mastermind blinked and listened hard for a minute. His expression changed to one of horror as he heard thumps on the ceiling; Butler thumps, thumps of a manservant groggily getting dressed.

"D'Arvit," he muttered, eyes wide. He fled the table, moving quietly as he snatched up his duffel bag and yanked on the sneakers he had gotten for informal occasions. Grabbing Holly by the wrist, he bolted out of the manor and set off across the turf.

Holly was protesting loudly at his touch on her hand. She pulled herself free and took the lead. "Where are we going?" she hissed over her shoulder.

Artemis steered her through the trees surrounding his home. "To the Ireland airport."

Half an hour later, Holly looked around the busy building with wide eyes. "This looks like the pod stations underground."

"Go figure."

"No, really."

A falsetto voice crackled over the speakers. "Welcome to the terminal. Please take notice that all unattended luggage will be removed. Thank you for flying today."

Holly shook her head at the unfamiliar voice. Back underground, it would be Foaly's dry tones greeting his passengers.

Some passing security guards gave them odd looks. Artemis instantly stepped in behind a moderately young couple, trying to look innocent. Something that he was not skilled in. Ordinarily he would be playing the devious mastermind about now. But this was fated to be a non-ordinary adventure.

Holly followed him, taking everything in. "Shouldn't we get our tickets about now?" Artemis showed her two tickets for a Stefan Bashkir and his little sis. Holly rolled her eyes. "Aren't you efficient. Since when am I playing your little sister?"

"Since now. Live with it. And these are preordered with tape recordings of my parents' voices."

Holly was impressed in spite of herself. "Any weapons we need to ditch right now, Sherlock? Or do you plan to be held up in security?"

Artemis had thought of that too. "They're all blunted to harmlessness or disassembled. Batteries are mixed in with some dolls of yours."

Holly opened her mouth to say an inappropriate word. Artemis covered it hastily. "Shhh, Holly, don't get us into boiling water now! Six-year-olds don't say that stuff!"

"DOLLS, Artemis? DOLLS?!" Holly said the word with scathing disbelief.

Artemis covered her mouth again, whispering urgently. "My name is Stefan. Use it."

She shut up, glowering. As he turned away, the boy heard her mutter softly.

"Dolls."

He grinned and hefted his backpack up for a security officer.

Moments later, Artemis relaxed in his plane seat. He was pleased with his bluff of "my-parents-can't-come-into-security-they're-back-there" and Holly had played her part beautifully, acting just like a naïve child. Now, however, her face was glued to the plane window, murmuring stuff like "Mud Man technology these days" and "Dolls. A female LEP officer pretending to have DOLLS!"

He sighed and took out his laptop. Once the plane started, he wouldn't be able to use it at all. Opening up his web page, he started to type.

We are going to Denver. I chose last night, stabbing most inadequately with a pin, of all things. It is a fair enough city. Holly has showed up, and doubts my choice, but I could care less. She seems to resent her Mud Man bluff. I hope Butler is sufficiently delayed in his search for us.

A flight attendant came by. She glared down at the boy. "Excuse me, but you'll have to put that away; we're about to leave."

Artemis complied, cursing himself for drawing attention. He leaned back and watched Holly press her nose against the window, clearly enjoying riding in a craft that she wasn't steering herself.

As the plane began to roll away from the airport, Artemis suddenly thought of something. "Holly, I can't believe I've never asked you this, but have the LEP ever been in space?"

"Foaly's working on a model of the space shuttle," she replied without taking her eyes from the window. "I can't believe you've never asked me that either. Knowing you, Foaly won't ever have a moment's peace from now on."

Artemis persisted. "What's it like?"

Holly sighed, finally looking at him. "Three years ago, around the time you kidnapped me, a class was opened in the LEP academy for FSE, Fairy Space Exploration. We've had fifteen graduates so far, hardly enough for an actual project. The class is very grueling, and the graphics and stimulation are from Foaly himself. The sole reason you weren't stopped at the site of my abduction was because of that. Foaly's priority, the business he was working on when I was out doing a routine run for the Ritual. Though it turned out to be more than a routine." She smiled, a little ruefully.

Artemis sighed and looked away as the plane took off.

"Just imagine," the captain went on, mischief creeping into her voice, "if the heir to Fowl Manor was still as brutal as he was around that time. I count your softening as one of my greater accomplishments, Fowl, so don't regret your mistake."

"I never have, Short. I never have." He met her eyes squarely, a hint of amusement in their blue depths.

She looked out the window, watching Ireland fall away beneath them. Her keen eyes picked out Fowl Manor before it slid out of her vision. She wondered briefly if Butler had discovered their flight yet and decided she didn't want to know. Then her mind turned to Root and his restrictions on her. Had he found out about her disappearance? She decided she didn't want to know that either.

Artemis noticed her discomfort. "Let me guess. You're not supposed to be here?"

The captain rolled her eyes, glad somehow for the change of subject. "Root being a stubborn pig again did not help us at all. If it hadn't been for Foaly's sardonic disobedience towards him, I wouldn't be here. Thank Frond for centaurs."

Her companion grinned. "Root might not share your opinion."

"Bother Root." Holly scowled. "You need watching over. Of all the people on the planet you are the most likely to fall into a land mine one day, or something just as unpleasant. I'm not sure why, but you have a knack for getting us in trouble, Fowl."

"Oh really."

"Deep trouble."

"Tell me something I don't know." Artemis grinned again. "And if I remember correctly, you had a hand in those 'getting in trouble' episodes. Do you recall when -"

Holly quickly looked out the window again and pretended not to hear.

I couldn't resist just a LITTLE Fowl/Holly mush. Sorry everyone. It only happens once more. I swear there's no kissing. Between THEM anyway. Lol!