HI PPL! I felt generous today, so you get chapters 6 through 8, and 8 is
the REALLY GOOD CHAPTER because we FINALLY GO TO MIDDLE EARTH! Ya, I take
my time, huh? READ SLOWWWW!
Disclaimer: ONCE AND FOR ALL, THIS IS NOT MINE!!!!!!!!!
Chapter Six: A Moderately Normal Day
When Artemis dialed the operator the next day, he received yet another taste of normality that extremely bothered him. A teen answered the phone, accompanied by music so loud the mastermind felt his ears pop.
"YOU DRIVE ME CRAAAAZY," a woman shrieked, her voice box threatening to squeak. Artemis held the phone away from his ear, and Holly appeared to be suffering a bad case of hiccups. Whether she was laughing, he couldn't tell, because the song was overwhelming his senses.
"Hello?" said a boy's voice.
Artemis started as the distant yet deafening music was suddenly cut off. "Hello, sir," he replied, his ears still ringing. "Might you tell me the number of ma'ams Jennifer or Tessa Chumilka?"
"???" said the boy.
"Who is it?" yelled several people.
"Some geek calling me sir and asking for the number of these two girls," he hollered back.
Artemis blushed. Holly's hiccups were becoming severe.
"Listen," shouted the boy into Artemis's ear, "who did you say you wanted?"
The mastermind found himself turning the same color as Julius Root usually was. "The operator," he hissed.
The boy said something Artemis could not remember ever hearing before and hung up.
Holly finally stopped laughing and looked at her companion with an expression of innocence. "Do you think you got the wrong person?"
"Hilarious," snapped the teen and punched in the correct number.
When at last he got a hold of the two girls, some half an hour later, his temper was not improved as they chattered and laughed to each other. Moodily, he hung up, and sat pondering what to do.
Having no better plan, he sighed and redialed. They were still talking.
"Quiet!"
"What?" Jennie snapped. "Oh, hi. You."
"Me," said Artemis grimly. "Where do you live?"
"So it wasn't a dream!" exclaimed one.
"Duh," said the other.
"QUIET!" said Artemis.
There was a hush on the other line. "Jennie, give me the phone," Tessa ordered.
(Sounds of a scuffle.)
At last they remembered the mastermind. "We live in Denver," they chorused primly.
"Ah," said the teen. If you talk for too long with these cousins, he thought, you begin to lose your marbles. "Where exactly?"
"Alameda Avenue," said one.
"A block from the river," said the other. "The house with the three aspens and blue fir in front."
For once, Artemis was actually on top of the conversation with these two girls. "Right," he said importantly, taking charge as usual. "I'll drop by."
"We'll say you're an exchange student from Ireland," said Jennie, immediately taking the leadership from him.
"Looking for lodging," added her cousin enthusiastically, assuming the position of second in command as she detailed the other's plan.
Artemis seethed. "Fine."
"Bring the elf," ordered one.
"You mean Holly," corrected Tessa.
"I will. Bye."
And he dropped the phone, not even bothering to turn it off.
"I am so glad I'm not a girl," he mused. "It must be complicated."
"Sooner or later, everybody says that," Holly said matter-of-factly, flopping down on the hotel bed.
"Especially the LEP officers when I was on probation."
"I see."
"Actually it's not that awful. Those two make me wonder though."
Artemis suddenly smiled. "I doubt that anybody could say otherwise. And yet... I like them."
Holly chewed on that for a while.
"Mud Boy?"
"Mmm?"
"Don't wear your bow tie today, okay?"
Artemis and Holly managed to find the public bus stop just as it was pulling away. They waited another twenty minutes to board the next one, and finally managed to climb through the sliding doors and sit down on the scratchy seats. Holly watched a man who was smoking with an unfriendly eye. He grinned and patted her head. "Hi, kid," he said. "What's your name?"
Since Artemis was busy talking to what appeared to be a mathematics teacher, the captain decided to have a little fun. She drew herself up and glared at the smoker. "Our name is Ihollia Roxanne Lisabelle the Third," she fibbed, enjoying herself immensely. The man dropped his cigar.
Artemis dragged her off the bus. "God, Holly!"
They walked the rest of the way, Holly trying not to smirk as her companion stewed. The captain tugged his sleeve as they passed a house with three aspens and a blue fir in front. "This is it."
He scowled heavily and led the way up the driveway. Loud chatter could be heard through the open window, and the noise of somebody singing. Through the window, the mastermind could see a young woman trilling a song as she folded laundry. He rang the doorbell.
The voices stopped. Footsteps sounded; a moment later, Artemis found himself looking at the older girl, who stared down at him and smiled wryly at his silence. She finally spoke. "You look about Jen's age. May I help you? I'm Alison, her older sister."
"Yes, I'm... well, I'm... yes, she is," stammered Artemis. Holly turned away to hide her wide grin as the boy swayed. "Could I see her please? And is Tessa here too?"
"Um, yes, I think so." The girl turned, and the visitor took advantage of her distraction to step on the captain's foot as she sniggered. "Jennnnnnneeeeeeeeeee! Tessaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Two teenage girls skidded into the hall. "Now what?" Jennie demanded, then spotted Artemis as she wrested a quilted pillow from her cousin's grasp. "Who's he?" she asked quite brightly and falsely.
Alison frowned. "Don't you know him?"
"We were going to say you were an exchange student... remember?" Tessa hissed at the boy.
The three instantly started fighting as Alison and Holly watched, bemused. Finally, the young woman took the liberty of dragging her little sister out of the row by her coat, to which she responded by scowling. "It's obvious you've met before. Why is he supposed to be an exchange student?"
"He... we wanted him to stay with us," Tessa confessed, watching Jen rub her neck and glare at her big sister, who ignored her.
"I... see."
"Don't tell Mom and Dad," Jennie pleaded, shooting a rebuking glance at her younger cousin. "He really is from out-of-state, and we want him to stay with us." She stopped short.
"Who's owning up now?" the other accused.
Artemis rubbed his temples. This was not working out well.
Alison folded her arms, letting the girls babble. When at last they finished talking, she spoke sternly. "I don't care if he stays with us, as long as he leaves my stuff alone."
("You wouldn't anyway," Tessa confided to their guests. "It's mostly makeup.")
"But Mom and Dad are probably not going to be so easy to fool. Anybody who looks at you and listens to you will know you've met. Me... I'll support your story..."
"Oh thank you Ally, you rule!"
"Why don't you get your own house and we can stay there?"
"I've told you and told you and told you, Jen, I spent all of my savings last year on a new car." Ally gestured at a silver Mercedes in the driveway. "And my college is right in town, so there's no point in moving out."
"Oh."
"AS I WAS SAYING, I'll support your story... IF you do my responsibilities for A. Whole. Month. One whole month, got it?"
"Sure."
"Fine."
Holly stood nonplussed. "Responsibilities? Like what?"
Ally, startled, looked at her. "Like feeding the dogs and washing the cars and dusting and cleaning and sweeping and scrubbing... What's with your ears?"
Much later, Artemis was finally let inside. Holly walked behind him, and Ally behind her, who constantly watched her pointy ears. Jennie's explanation of "it's a genetic thing" was not satisfying in the least. The captain tried to ignore her.
Meanwhile, the cousins conferred on how they were going to present the two to their parents.
Alison listened, finally tearing her gaze from the relieved elf. "I already told you how to do it," she remarked.
"Well?"
"Just tell them when they're not listening. Duh."
The three teens considered and nodded. Jennie looked hard at the older girl. "Aren't you going to tell on us?"
"Aren't you going to try to get out of doing my chores?"
"Yes."
"Then yes, probably."
"But..."
"Jen, I told you. Do my chores and I'll help yours. Simple. If you don't keep your part in the bargain, I'll tell."
Artemis watched bemusedly as the promise was sealed. He had never experienced such bargains with siblings or conspirators. And the sensation of being important was, in all respects, a very pleasant feeling.
They stepped into the living room.
*
O.o that was longer than I expected. oh well! REVIEW!
Disclaimer: ONCE AND FOR ALL, THIS IS NOT MINE!!!!!!!!!
Chapter Six: A Moderately Normal Day
When Artemis dialed the operator the next day, he received yet another taste of normality that extremely bothered him. A teen answered the phone, accompanied by music so loud the mastermind felt his ears pop.
"YOU DRIVE ME CRAAAAZY," a woman shrieked, her voice box threatening to squeak. Artemis held the phone away from his ear, and Holly appeared to be suffering a bad case of hiccups. Whether she was laughing, he couldn't tell, because the song was overwhelming his senses.
"Hello?" said a boy's voice.
Artemis started as the distant yet deafening music was suddenly cut off. "Hello, sir," he replied, his ears still ringing. "Might you tell me the number of ma'ams Jennifer or Tessa Chumilka?"
"???" said the boy.
"Who is it?" yelled several people.
"Some geek calling me sir and asking for the number of these two girls," he hollered back.
Artemis blushed. Holly's hiccups were becoming severe.
"Listen," shouted the boy into Artemis's ear, "who did you say you wanted?"
The mastermind found himself turning the same color as Julius Root usually was. "The operator," he hissed.
The boy said something Artemis could not remember ever hearing before and hung up.
Holly finally stopped laughing and looked at her companion with an expression of innocence. "Do you think you got the wrong person?"
"Hilarious," snapped the teen and punched in the correct number.
When at last he got a hold of the two girls, some half an hour later, his temper was not improved as they chattered and laughed to each other. Moodily, he hung up, and sat pondering what to do.
Having no better plan, he sighed and redialed. They were still talking.
"Quiet!"
"What?" Jennie snapped. "Oh, hi. You."
"Me," said Artemis grimly. "Where do you live?"
"So it wasn't a dream!" exclaimed one.
"Duh," said the other.
"QUIET!" said Artemis.
There was a hush on the other line. "Jennie, give me the phone," Tessa ordered.
(Sounds of a scuffle.)
At last they remembered the mastermind. "We live in Denver," they chorused primly.
"Ah," said the teen. If you talk for too long with these cousins, he thought, you begin to lose your marbles. "Where exactly?"
"Alameda Avenue," said one.
"A block from the river," said the other. "The house with the three aspens and blue fir in front."
For once, Artemis was actually on top of the conversation with these two girls. "Right," he said importantly, taking charge as usual. "I'll drop by."
"We'll say you're an exchange student from Ireland," said Jennie, immediately taking the leadership from him.
"Looking for lodging," added her cousin enthusiastically, assuming the position of second in command as she detailed the other's plan.
Artemis seethed. "Fine."
"Bring the elf," ordered one.
"You mean Holly," corrected Tessa.
"I will. Bye."
And he dropped the phone, not even bothering to turn it off.
"I am so glad I'm not a girl," he mused. "It must be complicated."
"Sooner or later, everybody says that," Holly said matter-of-factly, flopping down on the hotel bed.
"Especially the LEP officers when I was on probation."
"I see."
"Actually it's not that awful. Those two make me wonder though."
Artemis suddenly smiled. "I doubt that anybody could say otherwise. And yet... I like them."
Holly chewed on that for a while.
"Mud Boy?"
"Mmm?"
"Don't wear your bow tie today, okay?"
Artemis and Holly managed to find the public bus stop just as it was pulling away. They waited another twenty minutes to board the next one, and finally managed to climb through the sliding doors and sit down on the scratchy seats. Holly watched a man who was smoking with an unfriendly eye. He grinned and patted her head. "Hi, kid," he said. "What's your name?"
Since Artemis was busy talking to what appeared to be a mathematics teacher, the captain decided to have a little fun. She drew herself up and glared at the smoker. "Our name is Ihollia Roxanne Lisabelle the Third," she fibbed, enjoying herself immensely. The man dropped his cigar.
Artemis dragged her off the bus. "God, Holly!"
They walked the rest of the way, Holly trying not to smirk as her companion stewed. The captain tugged his sleeve as they passed a house with three aspens and a blue fir in front. "This is it."
He scowled heavily and led the way up the driveway. Loud chatter could be heard through the open window, and the noise of somebody singing. Through the window, the mastermind could see a young woman trilling a song as she folded laundry. He rang the doorbell.
The voices stopped. Footsteps sounded; a moment later, Artemis found himself looking at the older girl, who stared down at him and smiled wryly at his silence. She finally spoke. "You look about Jen's age. May I help you? I'm Alison, her older sister."
"Yes, I'm... well, I'm... yes, she is," stammered Artemis. Holly turned away to hide her wide grin as the boy swayed. "Could I see her please? And is Tessa here too?"
"Um, yes, I think so." The girl turned, and the visitor took advantage of her distraction to step on the captain's foot as she sniggered. "Jennnnnnneeeeeeeeeee! Tessaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Two teenage girls skidded into the hall. "Now what?" Jennie demanded, then spotted Artemis as she wrested a quilted pillow from her cousin's grasp. "Who's he?" she asked quite brightly and falsely.
Alison frowned. "Don't you know him?"
"We were going to say you were an exchange student... remember?" Tessa hissed at the boy.
The three instantly started fighting as Alison and Holly watched, bemused. Finally, the young woman took the liberty of dragging her little sister out of the row by her coat, to which she responded by scowling. "It's obvious you've met before. Why is he supposed to be an exchange student?"
"He... we wanted him to stay with us," Tessa confessed, watching Jen rub her neck and glare at her big sister, who ignored her.
"I... see."
"Don't tell Mom and Dad," Jennie pleaded, shooting a rebuking glance at her younger cousin. "He really is from out-of-state, and we want him to stay with us." She stopped short.
"Who's owning up now?" the other accused.
Artemis rubbed his temples. This was not working out well.
Alison folded her arms, letting the girls babble. When at last they finished talking, she spoke sternly. "I don't care if he stays with us, as long as he leaves my stuff alone."
("You wouldn't anyway," Tessa confided to their guests. "It's mostly makeup.")
"But Mom and Dad are probably not going to be so easy to fool. Anybody who looks at you and listens to you will know you've met. Me... I'll support your story..."
"Oh thank you Ally, you rule!"
"Why don't you get your own house and we can stay there?"
"I've told you and told you and told you, Jen, I spent all of my savings last year on a new car." Ally gestured at a silver Mercedes in the driveway. "And my college is right in town, so there's no point in moving out."
"Oh."
"AS I WAS SAYING, I'll support your story... IF you do my responsibilities for A. Whole. Month. One whole month, got it?"
"Sure."
"Fine."
Holly stood nonplussed. "Responsibilities? Like what?"
Ally, startled, looked at her. "Like feeding the dogs and washing the cars and dusting and cleaning and sweeping and scrubbing... What's with your ears?"
Much later, Artemis was finally let inside. Holly walked behind him, and Ally behind her, who constantly watched her pointy ears. Jennie's explanation of "it's a genetic thing" was not satisfying in the least. The captain tried to ignore her.
Meanwhile, the cousins conferred on how they were going to present the two to their parents.
Alison listened, finally tearing her gaze from the relieved elf. "I already told you how to do it," she remarked.
"Well?"
"Just tell them when they're not listening. Duh."
The three teens considered and nodded. Jennie looked hard at the older girl. "Aren't you going to tell on us?"
"Aren't you going to try to get out of doing my chores?"
"Yes."
"Then yes, probably."
"But..."
"Jen, I told you. Do my chores and I'll help yours. Simple. If you don't keep your part in the bargain, I'll tell."
Artemis watched bemusedly as the promise was sealed. He had never experienced such bargains with siblings or conspirators. And the sensation of being important was, in all respects, a very pleasant feeling.
They stepped into the living room.
*
O.o that was longer than I expected. oh well! REVIEW!