YAY! I'm sooo happy! I stayed up late and FINISHED THE COUSIN'S CONSPIRACY!
So you can have all the chapters now! YAY!
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Chapter Fifteen: Of Worms and Weapons
"Alison, would you hurry up?"
"Listen, if YOU were lugging that dwarf dude's ax around, you wouldn't be too cocky, Jennie."
"As it happens, I got favored by an elf in the line of weapons."
"An elf who has braids."
"Artemis, shut up! He's hotter than you'll ever be!"
"Tessa, ask me if I care."
"Do you care?"
Artemis blinked at Tessa, who had stopped walking to turn around and stare at him. He opened his mouth and closed it. "Huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "You are such a dork."
"Some others might disagree," said Jennie. Artemis gaped at her. "But I am not one of them," she continued, smiling in her most irritating way.
Feeling beset on all sides, the mastermind walked ahead, staring out across the miles that separated them from Mount Doom. He changed the subject. "How are we going to cross this," he asked, "in four hours?"
"It's mostly flat ground," Tessa smiled. "We can run it."
"Run?" the other three chorused.
She felt her own resolve weaken. Lord, she hated running. But she would gladly run up and down a mountain for Frodo Baggins of the Shire. Her eyes misted over.
Jennie, who knew what that look meant, cut in swiftly. "What do you guys think?"
Artemis wavered. He was the worst runner on that side of the Grey Havens. Seriously. To run several miles. Thinking of how Holly would laugh if she knew what he was thinking, he blanched. "Okay!"
Alison looked at the three not-so-eager faces, then at the several tons of iron that she carried in the form of an ax. "I don't think so."
Before she had finished talking, the other three had taken off in a steady sprint. With a resigned sigh, she jogged after them, dragging Gimli's weapon. As she ran, she grumbled. "How. the. bloody hell. did. I. get myself. into this?"
*
"Fingerprints." Root drummed his fingers on the table. "We are trusting the future of four people's lives to fingerprints."
"Technology, Julius. We are trusting lives to technology. Mud Men have done it and survived. Why shouldn't it work for the smartest four-hoofed creature in the Milky Way?"
"I love your sense of humor, donkey boy."
"No, I was serious."
Holly was becoming irritated. "Would you two stop bickering and work? This is Artemis's life we are talking about here."
Root raised an eyebrow. "Short, the boy is not that precious to the People."
"Like dung he isn't. And you know it."
Foaly ran a scanner bar over the print copies and fed them into the computer. "Would you two shut up for a moment? I'm working here!"
"Oh, look, the pony has an attitude problem."
"JULIUS!"
"Okay, okay, don't get your tail in a knot."
Holly rubbed her temples.
Foaly scowled at his computer screen, reading the message that had flashed up in blue on it: "Recipient is not in ambit. Contact Kaboi for further information."
"Kaboi?" said Root incredulously. "OPAL Kaboi? Didn't you flush out her traces a few YEARS ago?"
"Maybe, maybe not." Foaly's frown deepened. "Apparently not."
"What do we do now?" Holly demanded, seeing the centaur's hesitance.
"Well, I can run another systems check, and purge Kaboi technology AGAIN, or we can just reboot this particular system and continue."
"What's faster?" inquired Root.
Foaly answered softly. "Reboot is quicker by about an hour."
"And what's wiser?"
"Systems check. If we continue, another Kaboi trace could pop up during the performance and we could kill all four humans."
Holly bit her lip. Precious time would pass, an hour precisely, if they ran a check. But Artemis could be killed. It was a hard dilemma.
"Systems check," said her commander firmly. "No questions asked."
"I hope not," said Foaly worriedly. "I wouldn't have the answers."
There was silence for a moment.
The captain was growing impatient. "Shouldn't you start the check by now, Foaly?"
"Just waiting for the all-powerful Commanding Julius to give the word."
"I'll give you more than a word, you little-"
"I'll take that as a 'go,'" said the centaur hastily, and pressed the button.
*
Alison eyed Gimli's ax. Even after ten minutes of running with it, she could already feel the sweat streaming down her neck. She pushed back her hair with a careless hand and looked at the three jogging ahead of her.
Tessa had it the easiest; Gandalf's weapon served her as a walking staff. She was several yards beyond Jennie, whose bow kept thumping into her rear as she strained to catch up with her cousin.
Artemis was only a little ahead of Alison, lumbering along with Anduril held aloft. All his genius was protesting this; even the smallest kindergartener was taught to never run with a sharp object in their hand. Anduril was definitely a sharp object. Trying not to think about what would happen if he tripped, the mastermind consoled himself with visions of how Butler would torture the cousins if he ever got out of this.
"I mean, I never even wanted to come," he grumbled, glaring after the distant Tessa.
Alison overheard and snorted, finally moving stiff legs again. "But YOU ran away," she accused him. "None of this would have happened if you and that elf hadn't come. Isn't there any water in this place?"
Artemis looked back, lowering his sword. "Elf? How do you- oh. The cousins told you, right?"
Alison thought of Legolas's pointy ears and how she had laughed at Tessa's story, of Holly being an elf. She smiled at the mastermind weakly. "I make it a rule to never listen to my little sister, OR her conspirators. Every once in a while my policy shames me, as they were actually telling the truth. Let's just say that this time, I learned the hard way." She put on a burst of speed and passed him.
Artemis lifted Anduril again and continued.
*
Tessa halted from where she stood at the edge of a small rise and looked back, setting down Gandalf's staff. Jennie stopped next to her. "Why are we stopping?"'
She raised her arm and pointed downward. A quarter of a mile away was a river, small and oily black against the landscape.
Jennie wasn't exactly thrilled. "Ew, Tessa! It's BLACK."
"Oh, I'm aware," the other grinned. "But aren't you thirsty? Even warmed water would moisten your parched mouth. Besides, Frodo and Sam drank from water like this."
"They probably got worms," Artemis said, coming up behind them.
"You shut up," Tessa snarled, not liking the idea of Frodo having worms. That would make for a very uncomfortable relationship.
Jennie noticed her expression and smirked. "What, didn't you ever wonder why he didn't get married, Tessa?"
Glowering, Tessa hoisted Gandalf's staff and began to run again. As she left, Alison panted up to the rise and looked down on the black river.
"WATER!" she managed, and followed Tessa, dragging the ax behind her.
Completely grossed out, Artemis and Jennifer looked at each other. The girl wrinkled her nose.
"Worms," she muttered, feeling nauseated, and jogged down the rise.
Artemis followed, lips pressed together stubbornly. No matter how thirsty he was, not one drop of that unsanitary water would touch his lips. Just the thought of it made him shiver. "Oily, greasy, polluted black water," he grumbled as he ran.
Alison wouldn't have cared if it was monkey dung, so long as it was wet. Carrying an ax around while sweating her butt off was NOT her favored exercise. She passed Tessa, sprinting like an Olympic runner, down to the water's edge.
The other three heard a mighty splash.
"Ahhhh," said Ally. "Hey, sick, it's warm!"
Jennie wrinkled her nose until it resembled a sweaty raisin. "That is so gross, Ally. You'll get dysentery, mark my words."
Her big sister sent a wave of foul water at her. "Ooh, I'm afraid. Look, it's a scary fish."
The cousin stood sputtering, dripping wet. "ALISON!"
Tessa glanced at her ooh-now-you've-REALLY-ticked-me-off scowl and flinched. "Now you've done it."
With an aggressive roar similar to that of a provoked grizzly, Jennie charged her sister, flailing her arms around and sending water all over her cousin. Laughing her head off, Tessa joined the fray, scattering bitter droplets everywhere. "FOR THE SHIRE!" she yelled, sweeping an arc of grimy liquid into Alison's eyes.
They had just begun a major water fight when Artemis, backing hastily away from the onslaught of water, heard a small voice. "The Shire?"
No more than two yards upstream, Sam Gamgee stood staring at the three battling girls, before filling Frodo's water canteen and slipping quietly away.
*
Oooh! A cliffhanger! Me like! Well, not really as you're getting the next chapter, but o well. REVIEW!
*
Chapter Fifteen: Of Worms and Weapons
"Alison, would you hurry up?"
"Listen, if YOU were lugging that dwarf dude's ax around, you wouldn't be too cocky, Jennie."
"As it happens, I got favored by an elf in the line of weapons."
"An elf who has braids."
"Artemis, shut up! He's hotter than you'll ever be!"
"Tessa, ask me if I care."
"Do you care?"
Artemis blinked at Tessa, who had stopped walking to turn around and stare at him. He opened his mouth and closed it. "Huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "You are such a dork."
"Some others might disagree," said Jennie. Artemis gaped at her. "But I am not one of them," she continued, smiling in her most irritating way.
Feeling beset on all sides, the mastermind walked ahead, staring out across the miles that separated them from Mount Doom. He changed the subject. "How are we going to cross this," he asked, "in four hours?"
"It's mostly flat ground," Tessa smiled. "We can run it."
"Run?" the other three chorused.
She felt her own resolve weaken. Lord, she hated running. But she would gladly run up and down a mountain for Frodo Baggins of the Shire. Her eyes misted over.
Jennie, who knew what that look meant, cut in swiftly. "What do you guys think?"
Artemis wavered. He was the worst runner on that side of the Grey Havens. Seriously. To run several miles. Thinking of how Holly would laugh if she knew what he was thinking, he blanched. "Okay!"
Alison looked at the three not-so-eager faces, then at the several tons of iron that she carried in the form of an ax. "I don't think so."
Before she had finished talking, the other three had taken off in a steady sprint. With a resigned sigh, she jogged after them, dragging Gimli's weapon. As she ran, she grumbled. "How. the. bloody hell. did. I. get myself. into this?"
*
"Fingerprints." Root drummed his fingers on the table. "We are trusting the future of four people's lives to fingerprints."
"Technology, Julius. We are trusting lives to technology. Mud Men have done it and survived. Why shouldn't it work for the smartest four-hoofed creature in the Milky Way?"
"I love your sense of humor, donkey boy."
"No, I was serious."
Holly was becoming irritated. "Would you two stop bickering and work? This is Artemis's life we are talking about here."
Root raised an eyebrow. "Short, the boy is not that precious to the People."
"Like dung he isn't. And you know it."
Foaly ran a scanner bar over the print copies and fed them into the computer. "Would you two shut up for a moment? I'm working here!"
"Oh, look, the pony has an attitude problem."
"JULIUS!"
"Okay, okay, don't get your tail in a knot."
Holly rubbed her temples.
Foaly scowled at his computer screen, reading the message that had flashed up in blue on it: "Recipient is not in ambit. Contact Kaboi for further information."
"Kaboi?" said Root incredulously. "OPAL Kaboi? Didn't you flush out her traces a few YEARS ago?"
"Maybe, maybe not." Foaly's frown deepened. "Apparently not."
"What do we do now?" Holly demanded, seeing the centaur's hesitance.
"Well, I can run another systems check, and purge Kaboi technology AGAIN, or we can just reboot this particular system and continue."
"What's faster?" inquired Root.
Foaly answered softly. "Reboot is quicker by about an hour."
"And what's wiser?"
"Systems check. If we continue, another Kaboi trace could pop up during the performance and we could kill all four humans."
Holly bit her lip. Precious time would pass, an hour precisely, if they ran a check. But Artemis could be killed. It was a hard dilemma.
"Systems check," said her commander firmly. "No questions asked."
"I hope not," said Foaly worriedly. "I wouldn't have the answers."
There was silence for a moment.
The captain was growing impatient. "Shouldn't you start the check by now, Foaly?"
"Just waiting for the all-powerful Commanding Julius to give the word."
"I'll give you more than a word, you little-"
"I'll take that as a 'go,'" said the centaur hastily, and pressed the button.
*
Alison eyed Gimli's ax. Even after ten minutes of running with it, she could already feel the sweat streaming down her neck. She pushed back her hair with a careless hand and looked at the three jogging ahead of her.
Tessa had it the easiest; Gandalf's weapon served her as a walking staff. She was several yards beyond Jennie, whose bow kept thumping into her rear as she strained to catch up with her cousin.
Artemis was only a little ahead of Alison, lumbering along with Anduril held aloft. All his genius was protesting this; even the smallest kindergartener was taught to never run with a sharp object in their hand. Anduril was definitely a sharp object. Trying not to think about what would happen if he tripped, the mastermind consoled himself with visions of how Butler would torture the cousins if he ever got out of this.
"I mean, I never even wanted to come," he grumbled, glaring after the distant Tessa.
Alison overheard and snorted, finally moving stiff legs again. "But YOU ran away," she accused him. "None of this would have happened if you and that elf hadn't come. Isn't there any water in this place?"
Artemis looked back, lowering his sword. "Elf? How do you- oh. The cousins told you, right?"
Alison thought of Legolas's pointy ears and how she had laughed at Tessa's story, of Holly being an elf. She smiled at the mastermind weakly. "I make it a rule to never listen to my little sister, OR her conspirators. Every once in a while my policy shames me, as they were actually telling the truth. Let's just say that this time, I learned the hard way." She put on a burst of speed and passed him.
Artemis lifted Anduril again and continued.
*
Tessa halted from where she stood at the edge of a small rise and looked back, setting down Gandalf's staff. Jennie stopped next to her. "Why are we stopping?"'
She raised her arm and pointed downward. A quarter of a mile away was a river, small and oily black against the landscape.
Jennie wasn't exactly thrilled. "Ew, Tessa! It's BLACK."
"Oh, I'm aware," the other grinned. "But aren't you thirsty? Even warmed water would moisten your parched mouth. Besides, Frodo and Sam drank from water like this."
"They probably got worms," Artemis said, coming up behind them.
"You shut up," Tessa snarled, not liking the idea of Frodo having worms. That would make for a very uncomfortable relationship.
Jennie noticed her expression and smirked. "What, didn't you ever wonder why he didn't get married, Tessa?"
Glowering, Tessa hoisted Gandalf's staff and began to run again. As she left, Alison panted up to the rise and looked down on the black river.
"WATER!" she managed, and followed Tessa, dragging the ax behind her.
Completely grossed out, Artemis and Jennifer looked at each other. The girl wrinkled her nose.
"Worms," she muttered, feeling nauseated, and jogged down the rise.
Artemis followed, lips pressed together stubbornly. No matter how thirsty he was, not one drop of that unsanitary water would touch his lips. Just the thought of it made him shiver. "Oily, greasy, polluted black water," he grumbled as he ran.
Alison wouldn't have cared if it was monkey dung, so long as it was wet. Carrying an ax around while sweating her butt off was NOT her favored exercise. She passed Tessa, sprinting like an Olympic runner, down to the water's edge.
The other three heard a mighty splash.
"Ahhhh," said Ally. "Hey, sick, it's warm!"
Jennie wrinkled her nose until it resembled a sweaty raisin. "That is so gross, Ally. You'll get dysentery, mark my words."
Her big sister sent a wave of foul water at her. "Ooh, I'm afraid. Look, it's a scary fish."
The cousin stood sputtering, dripping wet. "ALISON!"
Tessa glanced at her ooh-now-you've-REALLY-ticked-me-off scowl and flinched. "Now you've done it."
With an aggressive roar similar to that of a provoked grizzly, Jennie charged her sister, flailing her arms around and sending water all over her cousin. Laughing her head off, Tessa joined the fray, scattering bitter droplets everywhere. "FOR THE SHIRE!" she yelled, sweeping an arc of grimy liquid into Alison's eyes.
They had just begun a major water fight when Artemis, backing hastily away from the onslaught of water, heard a small voice. "The Shire?"
No more than two yards upstream, Sam Gamgee stood staring at the three battling girls, before filling Frodo's water canteen and slipping quietly away.
*
Oooh! A cliffhanger! Me like! Well, not really as you're getting the next chapter, but o well. REVIEW!