The very strange crushes
I didn't make this story alone; I made it with KC and Ser!
Once upon a time there was a teacher named McGonagall. She had a-erm-thing for another teacher named Snape. She thought he was the hottest person on earth! However, Snape was in love with someone else. Snape was interested in the janitor, Mr. Bill. Mr. Bill, though, was secretly in love with a student. This student was Hermione Granger! But Hermione had a crush on Draco Malfoy. Malfoy, though, was currently humping Ron Weasley in the Trophy Room. Getting back to Hermione, she decided to go look for Malfoy because she really wanted to talk to him. So Hermione ran down the hallways, trying to find the Slytherin common room, where she thought Malfoy would be. She ran smack into Mr. Bill! Then Mr. Bill tried making out with Hermione. Hermione screamed and ran into Harry Potter. Harry was looking for Professor Trelawney, which he had a crush on. "Do you know where Professor Trelawney is?" he asked, looking at his feet. "Why do you want to talk to that *INSULTS CENSORED* ?" Hermione replied, shocked. "Because, um, well, I needed to study for the test we are having with her" replied Harry, who you could tell was obviously lying. "Uh-huh, sure," said Hermione, unconvinced. "Just tell me where she is," Harry pleaded. "YAY!" Harry shrieked, looking a little too excited, putting a frightened expression on Hermione's face. You really don't want to know what happened when he reached the tower, then Hermione kept walking on, just to find McGonagall in the hall crying. "What's wrong, Professor?" asked Hermione, making her voice sound concerned (she really didn't care). "S-s-Severus doesn't l-love me!" McGonagall wailed. Hermione walked over and patted her on the back while soothingly saying, "Oh, its all right, there will always be others". "No, there won't! He was my first!" said McGonagall still whimpering. "Haven't you ever heard of seconds?" "Just leave me alone!" said McGonagall angrily while pushing away Hermione. She obviously had PMS. "Okay," said Hermione, backing up from her moody professor. Hermione sprinted away at top speed - until she ran into Mr. Bill (again), when she screamed (again) and ran away (again). Then she found herself outside the trophy room, she heard screams, so she went in. There she saw Malfoy continually trying to hump Ron. She jumped on top of Malfoy, apparently fancying a threesome. Ron apparently liked the idea, but fancied Hermione more than Malfoy, so he pushed away Malfoy and began humping Hermione. Malfoy still liked Ron so he pushed Ron into a corner and began trying to make out with him. At which point Hagrid burst into the room. He grabbed Malfoy and tried humping him. Then Filch came running in and yelled, "What's all this chaos in the trophy room I kept so clean for years?" But then Nearly Headless Nick entered the room and tried without success to make out with Filch, as ghosts tend to pass right through solid objects. Filch started to run away screaming "Oh, my god" over and over again. The Bloody Baron floated in and said in a husky voice, "Hello, Nicholas" and made a motion for Nick to follow him. Nick followed the Baron and exited (sp?) the strange room happily. Suddenly, Britney Spears walked in. She started singing Christina Aguilera's song "Dirty". Christina Aguilera walked in and shouted, "THAT'S MY SONG!" A bitch fight ensued. The fight went on and on 'til they were both lying on the floor dead. "YAY!" Everyone present looked up from their--erm--partner and shouted. Benji then ran in and burst into tears at the sight of his dead girlfriend. Then he died of a heart attack. Everyone looked up and cheered again for no apparent reason. And on the other side of the world, Joel, Benji's twin, died of grief like only an elf can. Then everyone rejoiced and had a feast. Hermione, who had read "Legolas and Lorie", gagged at the reference to the story. Everyone else looked at her strangely. Meanwhile, Harry and Prof. Trelawney were still -erm- doing things which will go unnamed. This is the same with Nick and Baron. And Ron and Hermione after they returned to their--erm--activities. The narrator (that's me!) is now getting quite bored, so the narrator (once again, that's me!) will now add a twist to the tale. Remember McGonagall? Well, we find her in the dungeon in Snape's classroom making a lot of noise. But she was actually not with Snape. She was with Flitwick! Snape had found Mr. Bill giving himself a Whirly in the girl's bathroom and began making out with him...neither was struggling. Then, Legolas appeared and said, "Amin n'rangwa edanea." (Translation: I don't understand these humans.) Then Kacie appeared and started making out with Legolas, while suddenly Meagan appeared and started making out with Oliver. And then Serenity appeared and began making out with Aragorn, who had also just appeared. Serenity, Aragorn, KRISHNA, and Legolas all began chatting in Elvish, leaving Meagan to be extremely confused. Then Meagan, who was an extremely fast learner, started memorizing elvish and started chatting with them. They laughed at her, because apparently, she was actually speaking in German. Then she killed Krishna. Serenity killed Meagan and used an Elvish spell to bring Krishna back to life so they could transport themselves to Middle Earth with their boyfriends. "Diola lle, Ser," Krishna told Ser. (Translation: Thank you, Ser.) Then Meagan's incredibly hot boyfriend, Oliver, brought Meagan back to life, successfully, then he killed Serenity and Krishna, successfully so they could never ever, ever come back to life anyway they tried, or someone else tried. Legolas and Aragorn got mad and strangled Meagan, and locked Oliver in the dungeon with McGonagall and Flitwick. Then, they brought Krishna and Serenity back to life. Meagan's boyfriend had apparently messed up the spell. Then all of a sudden the narrator, who can do whatever she wants, decided to take out Krishna, Leggy, Serenity, and Aragorn. Then she tortured and killed them. Whoops. Then the second narrator came in and tortured and killed meagan and Oliver, bringing Krishna, Leggy, Serenity and Aragorn back with a minister to marry them. They followed Dumbledore into his office, where he got out an old tattered hat and said, "You will all be students here for a while, Serenity, Allura and Legolas. Oliver is already a student here." He handed the hat to Allura. Then this narrator got really bored with this whole story and killed everyone in existence - including herself - so nobody could bring anybody else back to life. Then the world began again. To everyone's horror. And then everybody got hepatitis and died. Then the world began again. To everyone's horror. And then everybody got hepatitis and died. This included Mrs. Sanders. Everyone rejoiced. But then they remembered that they were all dead, and could not rejoice. Then they all tried having a feast, but did not succeed. Everyone rolled over in their graves. Then we ended this story for fear of knocking the Earth off its normal orbit.
THE END
Or is it?
Yeah...it was