Love your Enemy
Chapter 4
Disclaimer: CCS belongs to Clamp.
A/N- Konnichiwa! I really want to thank everyone for reviewing and making me feel so happy ^_^ wow…100+. And a major thank you to all of those who put me on your fav authors/fav stories list. Anyways, sorry for taking soooo long…first it was school, and then it was laziness, and then a lack of ideas. ^.^
*Warning* This chapter is Lonnggg…now it's 19 pages to be precise…. ^_^ I hope that makes up for not updating for a long time.
Please r&r!
Ages: 15- Sakura, most of CCS & co
16- Syaoran, Hiroshi, Eriol
In High School, 11th and 10th grade
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A whirl of commotion and red lights revolved through the air as an ambulance sped to the high school. In the distance, a girl was crying, and a boy was busy trying to comfort her. The girl had vivacious violet hair that fell in graceful waves down her shoulders and soft eyes that hid her emotions. Yet now, the misery and guilt had overwhelmed her senses, and the tears that rolled down were as somber and true as the mockingbird's last note of song.
The girl watched as Sakura was brought out on a stretcher, looking so pale and small. Tomoyo took a deep breath, trying to control herself. It was all her fault. If only…if only she hadn't promised Sakura…if only she had told someone. Then maybe everything would be all right, and Sakura wouldn't have fallen on her head…then maybe…oh God, she was to be blamed for this.
"Shhhh…Tomoyo," Eriol whispered, watching her with concerned eyes. "Go ahead and cry. It's not good for you to store up the tears. Here-" Kindly, he reached in his pocket to retrieve a handkerchief, handing the cloth to the girl beside him.
Tomoyo stiffened, lifting her head to face the boy. Brilliant cerulean eyes, teasing grin. Why did he have to be so handsome? "It's not funny Eriol Hiiragizawa!" Tomoyo hissed angrily, sadness turned to wrath. "Sakura is hurt, and…a-a-nd you're just laughing. It's disrespectful, a-a-nd indecent."
Eriol regarded the girl gravely. "No, it isn't funny. But you're taking it much too hard. Sakura-chan will be fine, and all will be well," he declared, with absolute certainty.
Tomoyo glared spitefully at Eriol. "How can you say that?" Her arms waved wildly to the ambulance, which was getting ready to depart. "She's in a stretcher, Eriol, going to the hospital from a head wound that knocked her unconscious. She probably has a concussion! How can she be okay?" the girl demanded venomously. "A-a-nd it's all my fault," she confessed softly.
Tomoyo looked up, expecting Eriol to laugh or accuse her of some heinous crime. Instead, his face was turned towards the trees; blue eyes irritatingly calm against the blur of floodlights. She felt like crying again. Eriol hadn't even heard a word she'd said; for God's sake, the grass captivated his interest more than what she had to say.
"If you're not even going to listen to me, then I'm going, Hiiragizawa," she hissed icily, politely. "I know how I bother you so much. I'll just take the liberty of leaving." Quite regally, Tomoyo raised her head, eyes calm and controlled, back straight.
She moved to go, but Eriol reached a warm hand to grasp her arm. "You don't bother me at all,"he replied, offhanded. His hand went to brush away a stray lock behind her ear. "It was quite interesting, Daidouji, to see you flame up like that. Usually, you carry your head so high above the clouds that I can hardly get anything but a refined smile out of you. It would be delightful to see such passion on your face again."
"I-is that it?" Tomoyo declared, astonished. Was he really that inhumane? What happened to altruism, or kindness? "S-sakura is in the hospital, and all that you can think of to say is you like it when I'm angry? It's-it's like you don't even care about her. Is your sense of right and wrong so twisted that you can't discover that Sakura-chan is hurt, and that it's serious? I mean, we should be there for her. Especially since-
"It's not your fault?'' Eriol finished, smiling coyly. "Really Daidouji, how did you happen to cause this? Did you push her, all the way from French class? Or did you poison her, make her swallow some ghastly potion made of spiders? Or was it an archaic version of voodoo magic-
"Kami-sama, shut up Hiiragizawa," Tomoyo snapped, losing the temper she always kept in check. It seemed that Hiiragizawa had that effect on her; he made her feel indignant and irritated, all without lifting an eyebrow. "I'm sorry I even bothered to tell you. Obviously, you can't be serious for a moment, no matter the seriousness of a situation."
"Uh-huh…the seriousness of a situation," Eriol mocked, watching her scornfully.
"What? Did something strike you as grammatically incorrect? That's a perfectly legal phrase," Tomoyo defended. "Go look it up in a dictionary." Why was Hiiragizawa so smug all of a sudden, looking like he'd won a debate? What she wouldn't give to wipe that exasperating grin off his face…
Behind her, someone was yelling, demanding to get on the ambulance. Tomoyo frowned; if anyone was allowed on, it should be her. Not some guy who claimed to know Sakura. Wait a second…Tomoyo squinted, looking at the young man carefully. Tall, windblown hair, handsome features, and amber eyes… There was only one person who fit that description. Li-kun. But…but Sakura hated him, last time she checked.
Enraged, Tomoyo watched as Syaoran said something, and the principal nodded her head in reluctant agreement and let him climb on. That wasn't fair! The principal didn't let her get on! What great lie did he tell? Tomoyo was about to appease this great injustice when she felt Eriol's firm grasp on her shoulder.
"Let me go!" she screamed, struggling to break free. "I have to go to Sakura-chan!" She tried to wrench his hand from her, but his hold was unrelenting.
"Has it ever occurred to you, Tomoyo-san, that you should just let Sakura be?" Eriol remarked coolly. The ambulance was gone now, having departed in a rotation of raucous sirens and bright lights. Tomoyo slumped over, her dismal eyes following the ambulance's path hopelessly. There went her last ride to the hospital, over the road and out of sight.
"Eriol," Tomoyo sighed weakly. "I don't want to argue with you anymore."
"Neither do I, Daidouji-san. But I want you to listen to me," he lifted her chin to face him, until she met the sky-blue eyes in their stunning glory. Eriol took the handkerchief from her quivering hands to dab at the tears leaking down her face. "What happened…it wasn't your fault, but an accident, and blaming yourself will only make you miserable. Sakura-chan should be thrilled to have such a carrying friend as you, and I'm sure she appreciates everything you've done for her." Eriol paused, looking at Tomoyo's tear-stained face. "Sometimes…sometimes I imagine that everyone has a guardian star to watch over them. Someone bright and patient, never quick to anger, self-less from every aspect. I think you would qualify for such a repertoire, Tomoyo-san. Perhaps you're Sakura's guardian star."
Tomoyo smiled sadly. If I were her so-called guardian star, then she wouldn't have been beaten, or sent to the hospital, or-or There were too many ors in the equation.
Eriol eyed her sharply. "Is there anything that you wish to tell me, Tomoyo-san?" Eriol asked softly. "I'm always hear to listen, even if no one else is."
Tomoyo said nothing. Her eyes remained glued to the ground, the smooth texture of the pavement creating blind spots in her vision. The tears were coming again…why was she so weak? One kind word when her defenses were falling, and tears rolled like raindrops down a spring. She couldn't tell anyone, not even Eriol. It was too late anyway…there was nothing he could do. The damage was done… at least for now.
Eriol laughed bitterly, and Tomoyo yanked her head up, surprised. Was he laughing at her again? Was everything he'd said to her false? But it was so considerate…for once, she thought the words were spoken out of sincerity and friendship, and not out of deceit…
"You're not as good at lying as you think, Daidouji-san," he remarked easily, "Fooling Sakura-san isn't close to fooling me."
Tomoyo stared at him. What did he mean by that?"
"You needn't look so scared, Daidouji-san. It's the glasses. They give me four times the eyes to watch you with," Eriol added lightly.
Tomoyo touched her temple. She didn't want to deal with this. Why was Eriol acting so peculiar? Why weren't they having a vocabulary-rich argument about politics and conformity? Kami-sama, they were having a decent conversation. It wasn't right.
"Eriol…" she clutched his jacket to steady herself.
While they were talking, night had quickly descended, taking them by surprise. With a start, Tomoyo realized it was 5:30. It wouldn't be soon before darkness completely blanketed the earth, and Sakura needed her.
"I have to go now. Goodbye, Eriol-kun," she dismissed shortly.
"You're going to the hospital." It wasn't a question, but a statement of fact, like the sun going up every morning. "Come with me. I'll take you."
Tomoyo stared dumbly. "Nani?" Silhouetted against the setting sun, the girl could see the deceptive smile on his lips.
"Well? As much as I revel in your presence, I haven't got all day," Eriol commented, watching her with that irresistible grin on his face; the same grin that charmed practically ever girl at Tomoe; except for Tomoyo. Yet, against her better judgement, she found herself accepting the arm he offered.
He chanced a sidelong glance at her, and for a split second their eyes met. Something passed between them, a thoughtful look that Tomoyo couldn't comprehend.
"You're a good friend, Daidouji-san," Eriol said finally, refusing to look at the girl with confused eyes. "Sakura-chan should be happy to have such a wonderful friend."
"T-t-hank you, Eriol-kun. That…that means a lot to me," Tomoyo replied quietly. Wonderful friend?
Linking arms, they walked together along the path, away from the school.
Crisp leaves crushed underneath their feet, signaling the beginning of winter. Icy wind swept through the sky, howling the desperate melody of loneliness. It was cold, and Tomoyo shivered impulsively. Then suddenly she was warm, covered by a soft jacket that shielded her from the ravages of the night's breeze. It was Eriol's letter jacket, the one with varsity violins and pianos embroidered on the leather.
Tomoyo didn't notice because she was already lost in her own world; far, far away.
She never saw the way Eriol looked at her; serious indigo eyes with not a trace of amusement or ridicule.
^_^
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I'm floating…in a sea of red, orange, and yellow…Everything's so bright and pure…like seeing the moon for the first time after a nightmare.
But I feel so sore…something's leaving me. Something dark and evil, something that has plagued me for a long time. It's leaving me, and then I'll be free. Free to be who I was before, before it happened. Any second now…
Slowly, emerald eyes inched open. Sakura was lying down, horizontally, blankets wrapped around her thin shoulders. The ground underneath was moving quickly, bumpy, like she was on a magic carpet flying across the ocean. But her head was so woozy…
So this is what it feels like to fly…
Painstakingly, she turned her head, following her clutched hand to a certain boy with chestnut hair. Syaoran. His amber eyes were looking at her intently, and there was deep anxiety chiseled on his face.
"Syaoran? Are you a dream?" Sakura croaked slowly, the effort to talk difficult. It was like her brain was all jumbled up, and the letters and ideas didn't meet in the middle.
His eyes widened, and she could have sworn there was relief there. But why would he be relieved?
"Sakura," he whispered slowly. "I'm right here. Are you okay?"
"My head feels funny…w-where are we Syaoran-kun?" she asked faintly. She was slipping…
"We're in an ambulance, going to the hospital," he explained hoarsely.
"I'm scared."
"Shhhh. Don't worry, everything will be okay," Syaoran said fiercely, gripping her hand tightly. "Just go back to sleep, and I swear everything will be okay."
"How-how do you know?" She sounded like a little girl, afraid of monsters in the closet.
Syaoran smiled, looking more confident than he felt. "I promise."
"I'm-I'm so thirsty. Can I have some water?" She was drifting away again… Her face was deathly pale, hand clammy against his.
"Sakura?" Syaoran called. There was no response. She was unconscious again.
Then her eyes flapped open for an instant, and her grasp on his hand tightened. "Syaoran-kun…thank you. For…for everything…for being my friend…"
"Don't worry about it. Save your strength. When we were young…I promised to keep you safe, didn't I?"
"You…you did," Sakura smiled dreamily. "Syaoran-kun…can you tell me a story? Please? A story with a happy ending, where everyone falls in love and lives happily forever after…"
"Is that what you want?" Syaoran questioned, his eyebrows high in surprise.
"A story of love at first sight, where the prince doesn't beat the princess…" Tears were springing up, welling down her face.
"Shhh…Sakura, don't say that."
"But it's true. Syaoran-kun, I was so weak. I-I-I let him treat me badly, and I d-d-didn't even know he was wrong until he beat me. I was nothing but a p-p-plaything to him. He didn't care about me… He-he just used me. I was the perfect pushover, a d-d-dumb cheerleader," she stuttered, her throat closing up.
Syaoran said nothing, only held her hand silently, waiting for her to continue.
"He was nice at first, Syaoran-kun. He was always there to help me with my math homework. I didn't care about school then, and he was really smart, a-and nice. He told me…he told me that he was on clouds whenever he saw me, and he was so sincere. B-b-being the idiot that I am, I believed him," she sniffed.
"Shhh. I'm here," Syaoran remarked.
Sakura blinked, realizing she was squeezing his hand white. "I-I-I'm sorry," she breathed.
"Stop apologizing. There's nothing to be sorry about." He reached to stop a tear that was rolling down her face. "Why are you crying?"
"H-h-h-h…I'm a failure Syaoran-kun. I-I refused to kiss him, and we'd been going out for two months, and he was mad at me. He wanted to-he wanted to-do things with me that he did with his other girlfriends, things behind closed doors. I told him no, that I wasn't ready. I mean for God's sake, I hadn't even kissed him yet. He was moving too fast. I told him about STDs, and all the risks, but he didn't listen to me, a-and…
"Shit." There was a big dent in the side of the ambulance, a dent that hadn't been there a second ago. Syaoran was swearing beneath his breath.
"You shouldn't do that, Syaoran-kun. You'll have to pay for it," Sakura whispered.
"Damn it, Sakura! Why didn't you come to anyone earlier?" he swore, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "Did he-
"Rape me?" Sakura said bitterly. "He-he tried…but there was a bat lying around his house, and I grabbed it and swung blindly. He dodged, and I managed to get away from him."
She rubbed her temple, trying to block out the searing pain in her head. Tears were streaming down, down, down…
"That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Syaoran-kun. To get up and run after he did that to me…it hurt everywhere, my legs felt like fire, a-a-a-and I-I-I-" Then she broke down, just sobbed and sobbed like she could never stop.
"I'm sorry Sakura. Shhhh." His arms were around her, holding her head so that she could cry in his chest, getting his shirt all wet…
"Shhhh," he rocked her gently, back and forth, back and forth, his low voice a soothing melody in her ears. "Everything will be okay…
Somehow, she found the strength to talk again. "I felt like cheap trash. I went home and lied to my onii-chan. Then…then I traded my clothes in to the flea market, for long clothes. All of my shorts, tank tops, e-e-everything…gone. All my pink things, my happy things, my wardrobe…" she babbled. "Until…until there was nothing left. And-and my stuffed animals. I couldn't bear to look at them anymore. They were so innocent and happy, and I was so pathetic…
"It's not just your clothes, is it?" Syaoran commented softly. "That's why you switched grades. You were trying to run away from everything."
"I didn't know what else to do," Sakura whispered. "I couldn't stay there…to see him everyday, to pretend nothing had happened…" Her eyes blazed, and she continued, "but I was tired of being ignorant, Syaoran-kun. If I had been smart in the first place, then this never would've happened. But now…now I'm far away from him…and yet…" Her head was pounding, and she was having problems moving her mouth. She was so tired…
"You know what I think?" Syaoran prompted. "He's still controlling you, because you're letting him. Get on with your life, Sakura, don't give him the pleasure of making you miserable."
"How can I? I don't think I can ever be happy again with the memories; I-I can't live like this. And yet…I-I don't have a choice," she murmured.
Syaoran grabbed her violently, shaking off the self-pity and hopelessness. He forced her head up, so that his intense amber eyes met her empty emerald. "Damn it, Sakura. I don't ever want to hear that shit from your mouth again,'' he growled. "How the hell can you say that? Of course you have a choice."
But Sakura was trembling from his touch, shirking away from him, her back against the far end of the wall. "I-I-'m sorry, for making you mad. D-d-don't hit me. Please," she begged, tears streaking down her face. She looked like a trapped animal, trying desperately to run away. She was quivering from head to toe, looking as if he'd punched her.
"What the hell?" Syaoran looked at her as if she were insane, backing up slowly. "I promise I won't hurt you. Come here," he coaxed softly.
"N-n-n-o-no," she mumbled, panicking. She tried to back further away, but her face reached the side of the ambulance. A dead-end. Emanating a little squeak, Sakura huddled in a ball, wrapping the blankets tighter around her body.
"Damn," he hissed, digging into his pockets. "You think I'm going to hurt you." Old gum wrappers, various pieces of paper…an expired piece of candy? "Here, Sakura, do you want some candy? Come here, and I'll give you some. It's pink," he offered.
"I-I-is it Bubbly Gum?" she asked, tentatively.
He looked at the wrapper. It was small lollipop, a Dum-Dum. "Uh-huh. Sure Sakura, Bubbly Gum," he lied.
The girl frowned. "I don't like bubbly gum. It's too sticky."
Syaoran sighed. "For God's sake, Sakura. What's wrong with you? I'm not going to hurt you. I swear." He peered at her, taking in the wide eyes and red streaks across her face. "It's the concussion, isn't it? Listen to me, Sakura. The paramedic," Syaoran indicated the man asleep by the chair," he said the side effects of concussions are feeling sad and anxious. Just calm down. Breathe in and out, in and out," he encouraged soothingly.
Sakura blinked, and the wild look disappeared from her face. It was like his voice had hypnotized her. She flopped back on the bed, drawing the covers over her head. She stayed in the same position for a while, staring listlessly at the top of the ambulance.
"Where are the stars?" she said finally. "They're not there anymore."
"Sakura…I'm sorry for frightening you. Just forget it, okay?"
"The stars," she pressed, watching him with trust. "Where are they?"
Syaoran thought she was delirious at first, then he saw her eyes. Clear emerald, like the forest surrounded by pure lakes and streams.
"The stars are still there, Sakura. You just don't see them anymore," he answered softly.
"The moon," Sakura reached for his hand again, like a child lost in a nightmare. "It used to be so bright for me, like a candle when it's dark. But now…it seems bleak like everything else. I…I just don't feel like myself anymore."
Syaoran watched her sadly, his heart breaking to see her like this. Where was the girl he knew? The girl with harsh insults and beautiful smiles? "Sometimes…you have to let things be. The earth spins-
-and with it comes the change in fortune," Sakura finished. She smiled faintly. "Who said that? Some famous philosopher who tutored a million kings."
"Probably Plato or Aristotle…" Syaoran muttered.
Sakura smiled. She didn't really care. She just liked sitting here with him, his warm hand around hers. It was comforting, and she had a nice, fuzzy feeling in her stomach. "Syaoran-kun…remember that test we had over dead philosophers? Remember how mad I was at you, because you got a perfect score and I didn't?"
Syaoran shrugged. "Hey, you were the one who made a big deal out of it. You went around practically stalking me, demanding to know I managed to beat you."
"That's only because you were so conceited!" Sakura protested, rolling her eyes playfully.
Then she felt unbalanced and lightheaded, the fog settling in again. It was difficult to talk, and all her words came out slowly, like she was drunk. "Sy-syaoran-kun. The-e-ere's one good that came out of this." She was swinging back and forth, and Syaoran had to reach a hand out to steady her.
"Shhhh…you don't have to tell me now. Just go to sleep."
"No…I do. If-if-if this ne-ever ha-happ-ened, then I would still be enemies with you. We're friends now though, right?"
She sounded so frail and insecure, that Syaoran didn't hesitate for even a moment. "Of course," he snapped fiercely. "You're stuck with me for life now, whether you like it or not."
"I like it," Sakura replied. "And you're stuck with me too." Sakura smiled up and him, lying on the cot with her right hand outstretched to meet his.
Syaoran's breath caught in his throat sharply, and it too all of his will to keep breathing. In and out, in and out. She was beyond beautiful. Radiant forest-green eyes full of hope and friendship, long auburn hair with whimsical twists and turns fanning across her face, which was creamy and smooth. Unlike some of the cheerleaders at school, her eyes weren't only pretty, but full of sparkle and intelligence. He brushed back a tress that fell across her eyes, twirling the lock around his finger. A playful smile crossed her face, and she stopped him with her other hand, the one that wasn't clutching his hand.
Sakura smiled serenely at him. Then she noticed the way he looked at her. She remembered how Hiroshi had watched her, with…with pure lust and selfish craving, and how subconscious she felt. He used to follow her with his eyes, and it terrified her.
But Syaoran…he wasn't watching her like that. There was respect and truth in the way he watched her, and another emotion she couldn't fathom. The fuzzy feeling in her stomach intensified, like the butterflies were playing tug-of-war with her heart as the rope. Syaoran…he was so handsome and earnest, so kind and gentle, the opposite of Hiroshi. The way he was watching her…she was melting under the amber…she wanted to…she wanted him to hold her…
************Flashback***************
7 months ago…
Sakura's POV…
I remember being so happy. Hiroshi and I were climbing a hill, his strong arm around my waist. It was a spring day of daisies, and a pleasant breeze blew across the mountain. White clouds spread across the sky, pure as snowflakes tumbling down to earth.
There we sat, in the tranquility of the morning, afternoon, and sunset. The majestic mountains cradled us between its cliffs, where we enjoyed the breeze and tender rays of the sun. Then it was time to go. Hiroshi stood up first, dropping a hand to help me up, which I took.
He pulled me to him, placing his arms around my waist again. Instinctively, my arms went around his neck, and we swung to the melody of the wind.
"Sing a song, Sakura, as beautiful as you are," he said slyly.
I sang a song, awfully out of tune, and Hiroshi just laughed, pulling me closer to him until I was pressed right against his chest. He forced my chin up, and I looked into his brilliant blue eyes.
"Hiroshi…" I breathed happily.
His fingers traced the outline of my face, ending on my lips. "You're lovely," he said simply.
I blushed. "Thank you." Then I looked hopefully at him. "Did you come to the track meet? I was there, with the other cheerleaders. I tried to find you, but I didn't see you. Maybe you were sitting on the other end of the bleachers." Hiroshi was on the basketball team, and for days he'd promised he would go see me at a game.
"Oh. Sorry sweetie. I had…other engagements. Next time maybe."
I frowned sadly. "You promise? You…you said that last time."
"I promise." He tilted my chin up, until it was inches from his face. Then he smiled, a grin that chilled me to the core. His arms went around me, as unrelenting as metal. I couldn't breathe; he had me trapped. His hand went to my shirt, and he tried to undo the buttons. His mouth was coming, nearer and nearer…he was leaning closer, until all that I could see was him.
And I was alarmed beyond words, just sensations. Because he was so close to me, that I was practically breathing him. But more than that, it was the way he looked at me. There weren't any noble intentions there, just…just desire. I was choking suddenly, coughing on no air…his lips brushed mine, and with all my strength I could muster, I pushed him away, tears down my face. And then I was relieved, relieved that I had stopped the kiss from happening.
"I'm…I'm sorry. I'm not ready," I choked out.
"What!" he screamed, outraged. "We've been going out for a month, and you're still not ready to kiss me? What the hell?"
"I-I-I'm sorry," I sobbed.
Then he noticed my tears for the first time. Instead of softening, he seemed to get angrier every time a tear dropped. "Dammit, why are you crying?" He was shaking me now, so that everything was blurry, and I couldn't see straight.
"Hiroshi," I hiccuped. "Maybe next week, okay? I…I'm not ready."
This seemed to pacify him, for he stopped shaking me. Instead, he yanked my head up to meet his eyes. "You promise?" he demanded.
I gulped. "M-maybe," I lied. "I-I-I mean yes."
He smiled then, a condescending grin. "Well then," he said lightly. "I'll take you home, shall I?" Hiroshi offered his arm, and suddenly he was the gallant prince charming again.
Trembling a little, I linked my arm with his. The whole way home, he was the perfect gentlemen, apologizing and making excuses. This was the first time it happened, so I forgave him.
"Sakura, I'm sorry for getting mad at you," he said sincerely. "It's just…Jesus, you're so beautiful, and sometimes I can't control myself. I just wish that you would act as sophisticated as you look."
I tilted my head, to look at him sideways. What was that supposed to mean? "I'm sorry Hiroshi, but I like to go slow. I've…I've never had a boyfriend before, so I would appreciate it if you would give me some space. I-I-I just don't feel comfortable like that, and I'm not ready. Could you ask me next time?" I whispered hesitantly, afraid to get him mad again.
"Of course, baby. Anything you want." His right hand was off the steering wheel, clutching my hand, which was still quivering, from something other than the cold.
***********Flashback***********
Sakura remembered, the first time Hiroshi tried to kiss her. It felt so wrong, like trying to mix two totally different things together. It didn't fit.
But now… it felt perfect, and for some reason, Sakura found herself leaning forward, wrapping her bruised arms around Syaoran's neck. She felt whole again, as if the whole Hiroshi thing hadn't happened. Her head was awfully heavy now, and she noticed the lights and caustic sirens rolling outside the ambulance. Everything was so bright and loud, daunting to her ears like the breaking of glass.
She liked his eyes…so warm and caring, fiery and strong…she was leaning in, her lips almost touching his…then she felt his finger on her lips, and she realized he had her arms pinned to the bed, and he was looking disgustedly at her.
Syaoran glared at the girl, a fierce glower that could have sent scared little children running home.
He jabbed a finger stiffly. "Don't string me around, Sakura," he threatened harshly. "You're sick. You can't control yourself."
Sakura looked confusedly at him. Her eyes were blurry now, whether from the tears or the pain in her head she couldn't discern. What was he talking about?
"You…you don't like me?" she said in a tiny voice. "Is-is that why you don't want to kiss me?" She was sitting up, fighting the force of gravity, which was unnaturally strong.
His voice was strained, and an unreadable expression crossed his features. "It's…not…it doesn't matter what I want," he replied cruelly. "You have a concussion, Sakura, complete with mood swings. Go back to sleep."
Sakura was crying again, feeling rejected by him. Her heart hurt, like it was breaking into pieces again and again. "I thought you were my friend, Syaoran-kun. I thought-I thought…" She was toppling off the bed as the ambulance took a sharp turn, and Syaoran's muscled arms kept her from falling off. "I want to! You don't know me at all!"
"I know you better than you know yourself, Kinomoto. Go to sleep."
Sakura tried to fight his arms. "Let me go! I feel fine! See!" she declared, triumphant, unaware that her voice was five octaves too high.
"Don't be stupid, Sakura. I know that you're lying," Syaoran replied wearily. She was crying, and it felt like sharp daggers had pierced his heart. "It's not real, Sakura," he whispered, his eyes holding an intense emotion she didn't understand. "Shhh…just go back to sleep."
"You told me once, Sakura, that you wanted your first kiss to be magical, over a sparkling waterfall with lights and music. The only music here is the stupid sirens, and the red floodlights. I'm not sure that's what you had in mind," he answered bitterly.
Sakura nodded dully, not hearing anything he said. Her eyelids were beginning to droop…
********Flashback********
9 years ago…
"Come on, Sakura-chan!" Tomoyo encouraged, waving her hands happily. "Chiharu and I are off to chase boys! I think Yamazaki's around the corner…go get him Chiharu! He's behind the bushes…no, that way!" Tomoyo directed, waving her arm.
Sakura giggled. "It's okay, Tomoyo-chan, Syaoran-kun's going to teach me how to whistle. Plus, boys have cooties."
Tomoyo nodded her head gravely, thinking deeply on the issue. "But Syaoran-kun's a boy too, you know," she whispered conspiratorially. "What if he has cooties?" Tomoyo shuddered at the thought.
Sakura laughed, the sound rich and innocent. "Syaoran-kun? Cooties? I don't think so."
"You're right, Sakura-chan. Bye!" And she was off, running to help Chiharu corner Yamazaki.
Sakura walked beneath a large oak, the deep red and orange leaves of fall scattered to the wind's volition. "I know you're up there, Syaoran!" Sakura called, not bothering to look up.
There was silence, but still Sakura stood. "I'm not going away. You said you would show me how to whistle," she declared patiently.
An exasperated sigh came from the treetops. "I only said that so you would go away," Syaoran yelled down.
"So?" Sakura wanted to know, "I don't care. You said you would."
"Come back tomorrow," he dismissed.
Sakura stomped her feet on the ground. "You're just saying that to make me go away," she accused. "And anyway, you said today, not tomorrow! I'm coming up." She shrugged out of her heavy jacket and threw it up in the branches, where Syaoran reluctantly caught it. Then she placed her hand on the trunk of the tree, one foot after the other as her hands gripped the tough bark. She was almost there, when Syaoran was in front of her, scowling as usual.
She was panting from the hard work, so she looked expectantly at Syaoran. "We-ll? Are you going to help me?" Sakura questioned.
"Mmm…no," said Syaoran, pretending to consider.
"I'll fall," Sakura threatened, a sly smile on her lips. "This tree is really tall too."
"You wouldn't dare," Syaoran countered, narrowing his eyes.
Sakura giggled, a laugh replete of chance and danger. She tilted her head to the side, laughing at him. "Try me," she declared. Without hesitation, Sakura dropped her hands to her side and leaned backwards, so that her face was turned to the sky, and nothing was supporting her. She closed her eyes, preparing to fall, kicking away from the tree…
And was immediately caught by strong arms that hauled her to the nearest branch.
"What was that?" Syaoran screamed, shaking her. "Why'd you do something stupid like that? What if I hadn't caught you, you idiot!?"
Sakura just sat on the branch, smiling her own secret smile.
"Kuso na. Do you have a speck of sense!" Syaoran raged. He cursed in Chinese, and Sakura was thankful that she didn't understand that language.
"What aren't you with your baka friends, kissing boys?'' he interrogated. "At least then I wouldn't have to worry about you jumping off of high trees. Do you know how many meters this tree is? 10 meters, dammit. How you ever climbed that far is beyond me."
Sakura blinked. Was it her, or was Syaoran worried about her? "I'm sorry for making you mad, Syaoran-kun," Sakura apologized. "I just wanted to have some fun, that's all."
He was shaking her again, trying to knock some sense into her. "Uh-huh. Go find "fun" a different way. How about Yamazaki? Go listen to some of his stories."
Sakura shook her head. "I can't, Syaoran-kun," she confided. "He's with Chiharu. K-I-S-S-I-N-G."
Syaoran slammed his fist into the tree. "Well, then go with them. The kissing thing. It's better than trying to kill yourself."
But Sakura shook her head slowly. "I don't want to, Syaoran. Can I tell you a secret?"
"Will you tell me anyway, even if I say no?" Syaoran asked dryly.
She nodded her head cheerfully. "Hai. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Well…you can tell Tomoyo-chan, and otou-san, but NOT onii-chan. Okay?"
Syaoran didn't say anything, but Sakura leaned close to him anyway.
"I want to kiss like they do in Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella," she said dreamily.
Syaoran looked puzzled, and Sakura nearly face-faulted off the tree. "You know…with dancing, and drama, and orchestra and band music, and pretty waterfalls, and shiny lights, and big dresses and tuxedo things…" she prompted. "With magic."
"Okay…I still don't get it."
"Syaoran-kun! Haven't you heard a fairy tale before?" Sakura demanded, clearly indignant.
"Duh," he answered, "but none of it's real, doofus. That's why it's called a fairy tale."
Sakura's bottom lip quavered, like it did when she was about to cry. "It is real, Syaoran-kun, even if you don't believe it. And I don't care what you think, as long as I believe in it. Haven't you heard of 'The Little Engine that Could'?"
"Nooo…but I'm sure you're going to tell me all about it."
She folded her arms, glaring at him. "Well, I'm not going to Syaoran-kun, because you don't deserve it. So…so you just think about that, Syaoran Li. I'm going." She grabbed her jacket from him, throwing it down to the ground. Then, she placed her hands carefully on the branch, stepping down safely and steadily.
"What, you're skipping out on your whistling lesson?" Syaoran mocked.
"I don't want it anymore," Sakura yelled back.
"Suit yourself. Such a pity, though."
"I don't know what pity means, but I don't want any of it!" she declared.
"You really are dumb."
"I'll fall again," Sakura threatened.
"Uh-huh. Go ahead. Then when you fall, your blood and guts will splatter all over the ground, and everyone will laugh and point at you. Then all your baka friends will be sad, and they'll cry, and you can blame yourself for causing their misery. Everything you do has a consequence, idiot."
When Sakura finally reached the ground, she stared up at him, her blazing emerald eyes facing Syaoran's amber, even from so far away. "I hate you!" she screamed.
"Well, I love you too," Syaoran teased.
Sakura groaned and turned her heel.
"See you tomorrow, Sakura!" Syaoran called.
"Bye Syaoran-kun. See you tomorrow," she replied absentmindedly. Wait a minute…he'd tricked her again! Sakura could hear Syaoran laughing at her, even from the ground. Tomoyo was right; Syaoran really did have cooties.
*********Flashback*********
She was asleep now, her breathing smooth and peaceful.
"Good night, Sakura-san." Syaoran tucked her in, placing the blankets around her shoulders.
Syaoran watched her breathe, the way her eyelids were closed, her soft face calm in the fading sun. Her lips…suddenly he couldn't resist, and he found himself leaning towards her. What she doesn't know won't hurt her a voice kept whispering.
Then he stopped, remembered her deepest wish, to share the perfect first kiss. He aimed instead for her forehead. It wouldn't be fair, for him to take her first kiss away; when she was asleep.
"Call my otou-san and onii-chan…" she whispered. Her hand went limp, and she was gone.
Syaoran stared at her. No girl was supposed to have this effect on him. He was a heartbreaker, who went out with stupid cheerleaders. It wasn't his job to care about naive smart girls who got themselves into a big mess.
"God, Kinomoto, you're so dumb," he whispered, hoping she could hear him. "Don't you get it?" He ruffled her hair affectionately. "Now I have to go and solve your stupid problems. Don't you know how to take care of yourself? It would save me a lot of trouble if I just dumped you out on the road."
Syaoran narrowed his eyes. He could almost swear there was a slight smile playing on her lips…for some reason, the thought made him feel better. Whenever he recalled the way she looked when she was hurt, the ugly bruises on her back…he felt so hollow and empty. He wanted to take the anguish away from her; he wanted to do everything in his power to bring a laugh to her voice.
From somewhere within the ambulance, a weak gust of air ran over the girl, blowing a fiber of luminous hair across her eyes. The boy tucked the strand behind her ear, lulled by the melodious pattern of her breathing, in and out, in and out. She was so tranquil, everything about her so angelic; the way her mouth was set, innocent, her eyes light. The moment seemed to stretch…
"You better be okay, Kinomoto, or I'll be mad at you. How else will I see your face when I trounce you at college entrance exams? Don't run away because you're afraid. I'll miss you," he whispered. He twirled a lock of hair around his finger, watching her face. "I know you can hear me."
Somewhere in Sakura's mind, submerged in subconscious thoughts, she heard him. She giggled softly, free as the tinkle of wind chimes on a summer day.
The beat of Sakura's heart was synonymous with his now. In and out, in and out… So placid and peaceful…Syaoran's chair was pulled against the cot, his hand curled around hers, to give warmth to fingers that were shaking from the cold only minutes ago.
In and out, in and out… The soft sigh of her breath was a lullaby to his ears, causing his eyes to close slowly from drowsiness. The last picture that he saw before the sleep fairy waved her wand was Sakura's face, delicate and sweet. Unknowingly he leaned forward, his elbows against the edge of the bed, his head falling on the pillow beside her. Unconsciously, Sakura stirred, moving her head closer to his, so that her cheeks brushed the tips of his tousled brown hair.
Everything will be okay… she knew he was right. Quite suddenly, the weight was lifted from her shoulders, and a sun that twinkled from everywhere radiated an iridescent glow to make her auburn hair glimmer gold. From where she stood, between the world of reality and dream, she was lifted above, without fear or hate to hinder her ascendance. It was almost like wings sprang from her back, pure and immaculate white, to carry her to the light beyond. The wings were hesitant at first, stretching feathers tentatively, as if testing the wind, then extending to the sky.
She would get a second chance, an invaluable gift from Kami-sama. The gift of sleep, and forgetfulness…
Goodbye, Syaoran-kun…
************************************************************************
ohhhhh!! kawaii, ne?…I have some of chapter 5 written, and it looks like it's going to be loonnggg…
Isn't little Syaoran EVIL! Traumatizing poor Sakura by degrading fairy tales…bad Syaoran. He's really quite nice…he just acts mean. He's confused ^_^ Gomen for the scattered swear words…sometimes you need them to convey the right emotion. Like anger. Question: why is the ambulance ride so long? Because the nearest hospital that specializes in concussions is 70 miles away…a long time. Another question: how come Sakura and Syaoran were enemies before? ohhhh…you'll see, next chappie…I have a feeling the next chapter will be up a lot more quickly.
Please review! It's always very encouraging to me, and makes me very happy indeed ^_^
And reviews get chapters up quicker (hint hint ^_^)
Merry (belated) Christmas and Happy (belated) New Year!
Updates: Kan-chan said that "stupid smart girls" didn't make sense…I was going for the oxymoron thing (you know, like "modern history"), but I guess it was too contradictory to be an oxymoron…oh well. I changed it to "naïve smart" instead. Hehehe….me and my tiny details ^.^ Thanx, Kan-chan!