Chapter: A Freaky Yu-Gi-Oh Valentine's Day
It was a normal day in the freaky land of Blue's Clues. People were just waking up, Bakura was one……okay the last one. So, the alarm clock woke up Bakura. Being Bakura, he hit the alarm clock with the direction pointers on his Millennium Ring, but it still rang at him. He grabbed the heaviest thing he could find, a dresser. He picked it up and hurled it at the ringing alarm clock. It stopped.
"Finally." Bakura muttered, but then he heard a ringing sound again, the alarm clock was STILL ringing. He threw everything that he could find in the bedroom at the alarm clock: Beds, pillows, Joe, books, the Millennium Puzzle that was left on a counter, a TV, the Thinking Chair, Joe again, and Yami, who strangled him after he was thrown. But the alarm clock still rang.
'It's mocking me! A friggin' alarm clock is mocking at me and probably laughing at me!!!' Bakura thought as he saw the alarm clock still ringing. He banished it to the shadow realm and a broken up alarm clock that read 9:30 laid on the floor in 100 pieces.
Bakura looked at the clock and said "I told you not to test me…" Bakura mumbled and headed to the bathroom and started taking his daily shower. He dried himself when he was done and the door bell rang. He opened the door and there was a man with about 10 boxes of chocolates, 100 dozen roses and Millennium Items made out of chocolate and wrapped in gold foil.
"What-the-hell-do-you-want?" Bakura growled at the man.
"I'm bringing these gifts-" But before the man could finish Bakura slammed the door in his face.
"Er….Bakura?" Malik asked as he tapped Bakura's shoulder
"What?!" Bakura snapped.
"Uh……..those were f-for you." Malik said, letting him know that the man that he slammed the door at was the delivery boy.
"OH." Bakura opened the door and yanked all the candy and flowers out of his hands and said before he left "Never come back here again…….unless you have to." he slammed the door in his face and started to examine the flowers "Here Yami, these are for you from Yuugi *Bakura obviously noticed the sign that said to Bakura from Malik. But knowing how Malik forgot he was allergic to roses, so he gave them to Yami.* You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Uh……no?" Malik whimpered to Bakura that had that look in his eyes before they had sex.
"I think that since we have all this chocolate and there is some caramel syrup in the pantry. And I was thinking that it would be a shame if this all this candy went to waste. So maybe we-" Bakura said sweetly and quietly to Malik.
"No." Malik said to Bakura quickly.
"But-" Bakura tried to say to Malik.
"No. Not till tonight. You know what happened the last time we did it during the day. Joe, Steve and Anzu tried to get in the bed, thinking that it was a sleepover."
"But they can't help it if they're insane..…and stupid…..and should be in the nut house.….or hell…..or the shadow realm…..or-"
"Okay, okay I get the point!! But not till tonight."
Bakura and Malik headed into the dining room, everyone was sitting at the table about ready to eat. Bakura and Malik took a seat and Steve and Joe came in the dining room, putting the meals down in front of people and sat down. Bakura stared at his breakfast. Oatmeal. Bakura hated oatmeal. It was so sickening. The taste of it just wanted to make him puke all the oatmeal out. He simply despised oatmeal.
He kept staring at it. Then he noticed that there was more evil lurking in the oatmeal. A banana was the mouth and two slightly cut pieces of banana were the eyes. It was smiling at him. Smiling. It was smiling at one of the cruelest men on earth.
Bakura picked up the mouth and took a bite big enough to make there only be half. "You're not smiling no more are you? ARE YOU?!?!!?" Bakura yelled at his oatmeal, everyone, except Steve, Joe, and Anzu found this quite normal because Bakura yelled at everyone (except Malik on special occasions) and sometimes things….so, it didn't bother him that everyone at the table was looking at him.
He went back to eating shoving that horrible oatmeal flavor down his throat. At first, he thought he might be sick for three reasons. One: Yami and Yuugi were feeding each other Two: Joe, Steve and Anzu were eating like pigs. Three: He wanted to Malik to get in the damn bed somehow.
He watched the way Malik put his oatmeal in his mouth carefully, freaking out, if even one drop landed on the twenty-some napkins that were surrounding him. Bakura was going crazy. Anything and everything Malik did made him want to have sex. Even watching Malik place the food in his mouth, aroused his sexual desires, and started moaning in sexual pleasure at the table then... "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME?!!?!?!"
Malik stopped his "sexual turn-on" of eating oatmeal and looked at Bakura innocently and confused while everyone else did the same and Malik said "Huh? Didya say something Bakura?"
"Oh, noooooooo Malik. There is just someone making moaning noises WHEN I WANTED TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE, BUT NOOOOOO *Points to Malik* YOU SAID THAT WE COULDN'T DO IT DURING THE DAY BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN INCIDENT!!!!!" Bakura shoots a deadly look at Joe, Steve and Anzu, and Malik said "It's alright Bakura. *Pats him on the back* It's alright. Now, finish off your oatmeal before Steve gets to it."
Bakura ate the rest of his breakfast and no one dared to ask what just happened. After breakfast Joe, Steve and Anzu did the dishes and then IT happened. The thing they dreaded the most. Steve, Joe and Anzu wanted to play the game they all hated…..Blue's Clues………Blue put a paw print on the screen and everyone looked at it and then they looked at each other. It was that game. The game that made them go insane.
Blue's Clues……..obviously how everyone but Joe, Steve and Anzu thought that Blue's Clues was a game from hell and was meant to drive everyone crazy or to the verge of insanity. Everyone tried to run for it but, Joe, Anzu, and Steve grabbed them and dragged them away. They were trying to figure out what Blue wanted to give Joe for Valentine's Day.
Bakura didn't understand how a dog could do anything from: poop, pee, eat, sleep, and lick your face after drinking out of the toilet. Malik, being the cleaning freak that he is, obviously taught his dog, Windex, not to do that. Windex belonged to both Bakura and Malik. Malik tried to train it to clean up after itself and clean after others….basically anything dealing with cleaning. While Bakura on the other hand tried to make Windex evil by trying to train him to bite people (mostly Joe, Steve and Anzu), steal things, growl at people, and chase people he didn't like.
Everyone started walking around the rooms and Bakura noticed a paw print on a piece of paper. He looked at the piece of paper and shouted "A clue! Joe, Steve, I found a clue!" Bakura waved the piece of paper with the clue on it at Joe, Steve and Anzu.
They rushed over and Steve grabbed it out of Bakura's hand and Steve said "Now what do we need?"
"Notebook" The kids shouted back
"That's right! Our handy-dandy Notebook!" Joe and Steve said together each pulling out their own notebook and drew the piece of paper and went to go look for the second clue.
Now, Bakura didn't do things like that very often he usually wasn't very nice. He was usually very mean and cruel. He would yell at people, bite people, yell some more, and sometimes hit Joe, Steve or Anzu with something. But since he wanted to get this game over with he helped out. But Joe didn't notice the paper cut Bakura gave him.
Then it was time for mail. Joe, Steve and Anzu did a different freaky dance from the first and the freakish talking mail box came in. He started to talk and talk and talk.
"Just give him the friggin' letter!!!" Bakura snapped at the mail box and yanked out the letter.
Joe opened the letter and said "It's a letter from a fan!" in the letter was a picture of Bandit Keith.
"Here's what I think of your program!! *flips them off and from the sound of his voice he sounded drunk, but he knew what he was saying* Your program is a piece of fucking shit, not even fucking two-year-olds wouldn't watch this piece of fucking shit! That dog is the most annoying fucking bitch in the world and a piece of friggin' shit would do better than that fucking bitch! This program is the biggest piece of fucking shit in the world! You are all assholes for having those fucking bitches and fucking bastards on the air!"
You could hear a voice from somewhere that was saying "Too many words! I can't bleep them all! I CAN'T BLEEP OUT ALL THE *#&$@&^#ing WORDS!!!!" The editor curls up into a fetal position and starts to cry.
Steve closes the letter and puts it away and says "I think he likes this program!" Joe and Anzu nod in agreement and start looking for the second clue.
After a while Zahra sees a blue and a Windex-colored paw print on some chewed up crayons lying on a picture of Steve, Joe and Anzu dying and Windex was biting them, while the crayons had bite marks.
"Windex! Get over here!" You could hear Bakura shout, the Windex-colored dog came in all sad knowing he was in trouble. "Look! Look what you did! *Windex whimpers* It's alright, just go for the crazy ones next time."
Zahra rolls her eyes and Yami walks by and says "Psychopath."
"Say that to my face you ancient prune!!!!" Bakura yells at Yami and they start to beat the crap out each other screaming, yelling and cussing.
"Hey, it's our second clue! Crayons! We need our handy-dandy notebook!" Joe says and takes out his notebook while Yami and Bakura are still fighting but are bumping into Joe and got the following trapped in the middle: Zahra, Aziza, Ryou, Yuugi, Seto, Jounouchi, Steve and Anzu.
"We need one more clue!" Anzu says sticking her head out of the fight while Bakura is trying to stab Yami in the eye with his Millennium Puzzle.
They keep looking around while Bakura and Yami continued their fight. After a while Anzu stops a picks up a pad of stickers that have a blue paw print on them. "Joe! Steve! I found a clue!"
Joe and Steve rush over to Anzu and take the pad of stickers out of her hand and say "We need our handy-dandy …."
"Notebook!" The kids shout
"That's right! Our handy-dandy notebook!" They both take out their notebooks and draws the pad of stickers.
"We found our last clue! Now, to sit in our big red chair!" Joe said and Yami passes and says "The Thinking Chair?"
"Yeah!" Joe says while he heads over to the Thinking Chair while Bakura comes over and starts beating Yami up again. "Okay, so what does Blue want to give me with a piece of paper, a crayon, and a pad of stickers? What about a TV?"
"No!" The kids shout at Joe
"No, I think it's a TV."
Yuugi comes up behind him and smacks him against the head. "No, it's a card! Now get the friggin' show over!"
"A card! We just figured out Blue's Clues!" Joe, Steve and Anzu do their crazy dance while Malik cleans the house, Yami and Bakura fight, Yuugi, Aziza, Zahra, Seto, Jounouchi and Ryou watch them do the dance.
Blue gives the card to Joe with sloppy handwriting and the whole front cover is covered in stickers. Bakura didn't know that dogs could write, but he did know it was almost time to go to bed, after dinner everyone got ready for bed and Bakura got what he was waiting for all day.
It was a normal day in the freaky land of Blue's Clues. People were just waking up, Bakura was one……okay the last one. So, the alarm clock woke up Bakura. Being Bakura, he hit the alarm clock with the direction pointers on his Millennium Ring, but it still rang at him. He grabbed the heaviest thing he could find, a dresser. He picked it up and hurled it at the ringing alarm clock. It stopped.
"Finally." Bakura muttered, but then he heard a ringing sound again, the alarm clock was STILL ringing. He threw everything that he could find in the bedroom at the alarm clock: Beds, pillows, Joe, books, the Millennium Puzzle that was left on a counter, a TV, the Thinking Chair, Joe again, and Yami, who strangled him after he was thrown. But the alarm clock still rang.
'It's mocking me! A friggin' alarm clock is mocking at me and probably laughing at me!!!' Bakura thought as he saw the alarm clock still ringing. He banished it to the shadow realm and a broken up alarm clock that read 9:30 laid on the floor in 100 pieces.
Bakura looked at the clock and said "I told you not to test me…" Bakura mumbled and headed to the bathroom and started taking his daily shower. He dried himself when he was done and the door bell rang. He opened the door and there was a man with about 10 boxes of chocolates, 100 dozen roses and Millennium Items made out of chocolate and wrapped in gold foil.
"What-the-hell-do-you-want?" Bakura growled at the man.
"I'm bringing these gifts-" But before the man could finish Bakura slammed the door in his face.
"Er….Bakura?" Malik asked as he tapped Bakura's shoulder
"What?!" Bakura snapped.
"Uh……..those were f-for you." Malik said, letting him know that the man that he slammed the door at was the delivery boy.
"OH." Bakura opened the door and yanked all the candy and flowers out of his hands and said before he left "Never come back here again…….unless you have to." he slammed the door in his face and started to examine the flowers "Here Yami, these are for you from Yuugi *Bakura obviously noticed the sign that said to Bakura from Malik. But knowing how Malik forgot he was allergic to roses, so he gave them to Yami.* You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Uh……no?" Malik whimpered to Bakura that had that look in his eyes before they had sex.
"I think that since we have all this chocolate and there is some caramel syrup in the pantry. And I was thinking that it would be a shame if this all this candy went to waste. So maybe we-" Bakura said sweetly and quietly to Malik.
"No." Malik said to Bakura quickly.
"But-" Bakura tried to say to Malik.
"No. Not till tonight. You know what happened the last time we did it during the day. Joe, Steve and Anzu tried to get in the bed, thinking that it was a sleepover."
"But they can't help it if they're insane..…and stupid…..and should be in the nut house.….or hell…..or the shadow realm…..or-"
"Okay, okay I get the point!! But not till tonight."
Bakura and Malik headed into the dining room, everyone was sitting at the table about ready to eat. Bakura and Malik took a seat and Steve and Joe came in the dining room, putting the meals down in front of people and sat down. Bakura stared at his breakfast. Oatmeal. Bakura hated oatmeal. It was so sickening. The taste of it just wanted to make him puke all the oatmeal out. He simply despised oatmeal.
He kept staring at it. Then he noticed that there was more evil lurking in the oatmeal. A banana was the mouth and two slightly cut pieces of banana were the eyes. It was smiling at him. Smiling. It was smiling at one of the cruelest men on earth.
Bakura picked up the mouth and took a bite big enough to make there only be half. "You're not smiling no more are you? ARE YOU?!?!!?" Bakura yelled at his oatmeal, everyone, except Steve, Joe, and Anzu found this quite normal because Bakura yelled at everyone (except Malik on special occasions) and sometimes things….so, it didn't bother him that everyone at the table was looking at him.
He went back to eating shoving that horrible oatmeal flavor down his throat. At first, he thought he might be sick for three reasons. One: Yami and Yuugi were feeding each other Two: Joe, Steve and Anzu were eating like pigs. Three: He wanted to Malik to get in the damn bed somehow.
He watched the way Malik put his oatmeal in his mouth carefully, freaking out, if even one drop landed on the twenty-some napkins that were surrounding him. Bakura was going crazy. Anything and everything Malik did made him want to have sex. Even watching Malik place the food in his mouth, aroused his sexual desires, and started moaning in sexual pleasure at the table then... "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME?!!?!?!"
Malik stopped his "sexual turn-on" of eating oatmeal and looked at Bakura innocently and confused while everyone else did the same and Malik said "Huh? Didya say something Bakura?"
"Oh, noooooooo Malik. There is just someone making moaning noises WHEN I WANTED TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE, BUT NOOOOOO *Points to Malik* YOU SAID THAT WE COULDN'T DO IT DURING THE DAY BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN INCIDENT!!!!!" Bakura shoots a deadly look at Joe, Steve and Anzu, and Malik said "It's alright Bakura. *Pats him on the back* It's alright. Now, finish off your oatmeal before Steve gets to it."
Bakura ate the rest of his breakfast and no one dared to ask what just happened. After breakfast Joe, Steve and Anzu did the dishes and then IT happened. The thing they dreaded the most. Steve, Joe and Anzu wanted to play the game they all hated…..Blue's Clues………Blue put a paw print on the screen and everyone looked at it and then they looked at each other. It was that game. The game that made them go insane.
Blue's Clues……..obviously how everyone but Joe, Steve and Anzu thought that Blue's Clues was a game from hell and was meant to drive everyone crazy or to the verge of insanity. Everyone tried to run for it but, Joe, Anzu, and Steve grabbed them and dragged them away. They were trying to figure out what Blue wanted to give Joe for Valentine's Day.
Bakura didn't understand how a dog could do anything from: poop, pee, eat, sleep, and lick your face after drinking out of the toilet. Malik, being the cleaning freak that he is, obviously taught his dog, Windex, not to do that. Windex belonged to both Bakura and Malik. Malik tried to train it to clean up after itself and clean after others….basically anything dealing with cleaning. While Bakura on the other hand tried to make Windex evil by trying to train him to bite people (mostly Joe, Steve and Anzu), steal things, growl at people, and chase people he didn't like.
Everyone started walking around the rooms and Bakura noticed a paw print on a piece of paper. He looked at the piece of paper and shouted "A clue! Joe, Steve, I found a clue!" Bakura waved the piece of paper with the clue on it at Joe, Steve and Anzu.
They rushed over and Steve grabbed it out of Bakura's hand and Steve said "Now what do we need?"
"Notebook" The kids shouted back
"That's right! Our handy-dandy Notebook!" Joe and Steve said together each pulling out their own notebook and drew the piece of paper and went to go look for the second clue.
Now, Bakura didn't do things like that very often he usually wasn't very nice. He was usually very mean and cruel. He would yell at people, bite people, yell some more, and sometimes hit Joe, Steve or Anzu with something. But since he wanted to get this game over with he helped out. But Joe didn't notice the paper cut Bakura gave him.
Then it was time for mail. Joe, Steve and Anzu did a different freaky dance from the first and the freakish talking mail box came in. He started to talk and talk and talk.
"Just give him the friggin' letter!!!" Bakura snapped at the mail box and yanked out the letter.
Joe opened the letter and said "It's a letter from a fan!" in the letter was a picture of Bandit Keith.
"Here's what I think of your program!! *flips them off and from the sound of his voice he sounded drunk, but he knew what he was saying* Your program is a piece of fucking shit, not even fucking two-year-olds wouldn't watch this piece of fucking shit! That dog is the most annoying fucking bitch in the world and a piece of friggin' shit would do better than that fucking bitch! This program is the biggest piece of fucking shit in the world! You are all assholes for having those fucking bitches and fucking bastards on the air!"
You could hear a voice from somewhere that was saying "Too many words! I can't bleep them all! I CAN'T BLEEP OUT ALL THE *#&$@&^#ing WORDS!!!!" The editor curls up into a fetal position and starts to cry.
Steve closes the letter and puts it away and says "I think he likes this program!" Joe and Anzu nod in agreement and start looking for the second clue.
After a while Zahra sees a blue and a Windex-colored paw print on some chewed up crayons lying on a picture of Steve, Joe and Anzu dying and Windex was biting them, while the crayons had bite marks.
"Windex! Get over here!" You could hear Bakura shout, the Windex-colored dog came in all sad knowing he was in trouble. "Look! Look what you did! *Windex whimpers* It's alright, just go for the crazy ones next time."
Zahra rolls her eyes and Yami walks by and says "Psychopath."
"Say that to my face you ancient prune!!!!" Bakura yells at Yami and they start to beat the crap out each other screaming, yelling and cussing.
"Hey, it's our second clue! Crayons! We need our handy-dandy notebook!" Joe says and takes out his notebook while Yami and Bakura are still fighting but are bumping into Joe and got the following trapped in the middle: Zahra, Aziza, Ryou, Yuugi, Seto, Jounouchi, Steve and Anzu.
"We need one more clue!" Anzu says sticking her head out of the fight while Bakura is trying to stab Yami in the eye with his Millennium Puzzle.
They keep looking around while Bakura and Yami continued their fight. After a while Anzu stops a picks up a pad of stickers that have a blue paw print on them. "Joe! Steve! I found a clue!"
Joe and Steve rush over to Anzu and take the pad of stickers out of her hand and say "We need our handy-dandy …."
"Notebook!" The kids shout
"That's right! Our handy-dandy notebook!" They both take out their notebooks and draws the pad of stickers.
"We found our last clue! Now, to sit in our big red chair!" Joe said and Yami passes and says "The Thinking Chair?"
"Yeah!" Joe says while he heads over to the Thinking Chair while Bakura comes over and starts beating Yami up again. "Okay, so what does Blue want to give me with a piece of paper, a crayon, and a pad of stickers? What about a TV?"
"No!" The kids shout at Joe
"No, I think it's a TV."
Yuugi comes up behind him and smacks him against the head. "No, it's a card! Now get the friggin' show over!"
"A card! We just figured out Blue's Clues!" Joe, Steve and Anzu do their crazy dance while Malik cleans the house, Yami and Bakura fight, Yuugi, Aziza, Zahra, Seto, Jounouchi and Ryou watch them do the dance.
Blue gives the card to Joe with sloppy handwriting and the whole front cover is covered in stickers. Bakura didn't know that dogs could write, but he did know it was almost time to go to bed, after dinner everyone got ready for bed and Bakura got what he was waiting for all day.