Title: Today
Rating: PG / PG-13
Paring: Warren / Andrew
Summary: I'm sorry, I can't lie. I'm wasting too much time. Drowning I've been blind. But I've opened up my eyes...goodbye.
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS oh how I wish I could. Oh, and I don't own Our Lady Peaces' song Sorry.
Warning: Implied Slash(Andrew / Warren)
Notes: Uh..Warren and Andrew really got away during Seeing Red and have been living 'somewhere'...not-so-happily-ever-after. Based on Our Lady Peaces' song Sorry. Not my...er...punctuation ins't wonderful...but remember in the letter it's 'really' Andrews handwriting...uh yeah.
Today
Dear Warren,
I...love you. I always have since the day I met you, and I still. But I can't stay here anymore; I should never have in the first place...but love is crazy and insane. And every single day I live for you, because I don't really need to live otherwise...do I? Because what's so special about me? Sure I can summon demons...but no one remembers me, unless they've seen me many times. But even then most people forget about me. But you...you just have this way about you that makes my knees weak and makes my heart flutter. You're my light, my all and everything. You're the only thing about me...and sometimes I hate that.
I know that I'm clinging on to something that will never really be true, because you could never really love. I hold on to you. And even if you did love me you'd deny it...at least I have something here even though it's all just fake. But I know I love you...not like some other people who are in love with the idea of loving some one. And it makes me angry sometimes to know that you don't really love me...and then I simply forgive you because I have to forgive myself for getting myself into this mess. But you were never that good to me either.
But then I realized the truth. I thought I wasn't deny the fact that you could never love me, but I was denying it. Because I remember one day I went to look into the mirror for some reason and I saw me but it wasn't me. Because what I saw in the mirror was a shadow of who I was before; because at least before I met you I was a little bit of the person I should be. And then after I looked into the mirror I realized I'd spent too much time here. I realized that my dreams that I wasn't allowing myself to have about us...were already in my head the first time I saw you. And I can't get rid of that feeling for you that's so old. I was like a child then; realizing that life is never perfect...and even if the world were perfect for me it'd go wrong in a second.
Every time I saw you after that it was to- to bitter-sweet. My heart ached every time I saw you because then I really knew all that I had dreamed for could never be. And then I got an idea at first- just a little. 'What if I left him?' And I tried to leave you at first; 'said I was going to the grocery store...but when I got past the doors of the grocery store I never had enough courage to go past them. I could never go past them to the bus stop, to another city, to another state, to another country...'could never go another step past the lines of the sidewalk. And after I realized I wasn't strong enough go past them I'd return to you saying that I forgot what I went there for...but you didn't care.
I prayed to god even that you would love me and even that I had enough strength to get me past those doors. Just another day I kept telling myself; another day to be stronger, another day to see that you didn't care, another day to tell myself that you didn't care. But I still couldn't accept the fact that you didn't love me. But today I really did realize that you truely don't care...when you brought him back. I stopped believing in us that I second. I'll hate you always for that...but I still love you. I think...that it's hard to kill love. It takes a lot of time...and even then I'll still love you, maybe love never truly dies...it just gets pushed back.
So I'm saying this now. Goodbye. I'll still love you every singe day...like you care. Just thought you might want to know. Because basically I can't do this anymore. I can't let you control me...maybe that's the reason you let me be here with you...maybe you do love but only because you love controlling anything. And...I also can't stay here because this is what I should do. It's the right thing...I just wish you did love me so I could stay here with you. Maybe I'll come back to you later...maybe I'll come back when I think you might want me back...maybe I'll never come back. Goodbye...
Love always,
Andrew
Andrew sniffled slightly as he wrote this. Turning his head to look at Warren every few minutes. As Andrew finished he took the letter and put it into an envelope. As he finished that he put the envelope by the dresser of thei- Warren's bed. Lightly Andrew touched the back of Warren's neck then he kneeled down by Warren for a second and got up. Andrew then took a suitcase for a closet by the door and put his jacket on.
"Goodbye..." Andrew whispered lightly as he opened the door softly and then closed the door even softer.
end.
Today's a reason for living
Today we carry each other
Today's a time for forgiveness
You were never that good to me
I'm sorry, I can't lie
I'm wasting too much time
Drowning I've been blind
But I've opened up my eyes
Sorry, I can't lie
So I just say goodbye
Today's the strength that we need
You were not the kind to believe
Today we do what we should
Today's a time for forgiving
Today I wish I could...