Seven and a Half Months Ago and The Present Day
The Present Day
Rae lay on the sofa, her feet up and a cushion behind her head. This was the life. The whole house was quiet; she knew that Jesse was in the nursery, enjoying being a daddy. Rae smiled, as she remembered that he had held their baby first and had been a natural dad ever since. She had worked all night, but she had slept the morning away, and now she was relaxed and content.
Rae looked around. She could see the clear blue sky out of the front window, sometimes she wished for the angry clouds that were so common in England, but for now the weather matched her mood, peaceful and calm. They had been living here for a little over seven months and it still gave her great pleasure to just sit or lie and look around at her home. She just loved the white walls and the wooden floors in this room, although she imagined that it wouldn't be long before there were little handprints to be wiped off. The house was spotlessly tidy, and everything was in its place, with a smile Rae remembered the day they had moved in. She had thought they would never get everything sorted out.
Seven and a half Months Ago
"Rae… Rae! Honey, the man just called ahead from the movin' van, he said they are comin' in through the main gates now." Jo called out, "Can you hear me, or am I callin' to the wrong part of the house?"
"Oh, ok, I hear you, I'll be along in a minute." Rae had stood in the room that was going to be the nursery. The walls were a pale pastel lemon and she had been putting a stencil of pink and blue ducks up and down on little blue waves by the sink unit. There were pink and blue teddies on the wall where the crib would be positioned and she still had to put little elephants by the cabinet, which would house the refrigerator and the microwave. Rae ran her hands over her stomach and felt the pressure of a little foot or hand as she did so.
"Rae, they're here."
Rae sighed. She liked the emptiness of the house, the clear straight lines of everything, still they didn't have that much furniture, so most of it would still be empty anyway. Then she put the lid back on the stencil paint and headed for the hallway.
"Ms Yeager?" The man from the moving truck was standing on the doorstep. Rae had looked at his feet, he had big filthy looking boots on, and Rae had a feeling that she would be cleaning her new floor before the day was out.
The Present Day
Rae smiled to herself. She had actually enjoyed cleaning the floor that day. Once everybody had gone and she was waiting for Jesse to come home from work she had wiped over the tiled floor in the hallway all the way along. Then she had vacuumed in the nursery and their bedroom, and as she did so she felt more and more at home. By the time Jesse arrived everywhere was clean and tidy, and once she had shown him everything they had spent a quiet evening, talking over their hopes and fears for the future, and Jesse had even admitted to re-decorating the nursery in his mind.
Seven and a half Months Ago
Rae came out of the bedroom at the end of the hallway and looked around her. She could go either way now and investigate her house a little more. She decided to go down towards the spare bedroom. It didn't have any furniture in it yet, because they didn't have a bed to put it in it. The closets were a cream colour, and the carpet was too. Rae hoped that she would have plenty of visitors who would want to come and stay in it.
"Rae? Hi, Honey, I'm home." Rae could hear the smile in his voice and had a feeling that he had always wanted to say that.
Rae heard his voice and rushed back up the hallway. She turned the corner outside their own bedroom and then went round past the family room and there he was, standing in the doorway of his own home, waiting for her to come to him. "Oh, Jess, it's just fantastic, I've had a wonderful day."
"You didn't move anything heavy did you?" Jesse had been very concerned; he knew what she was like.
"No, I promise I didn't. Texas was here, and she wouldn't let me do anything. But I did finish the nursery, do you want to come and see?"
They walked hand in hand down the hallway, and Rae opened the door. The room now had the crib in it and the refrigerator and microwave were in position. She had finished her stencilling and the room was almost ready for its little occupant. "We just need to put the nappies and the baby milk and the clothes in the closet, but I don't want to put any of that in, not yet."
"It looks great, Rae, thank you, but what are nappies?"
"Nappies are diapers, don't worry you will soon know exactly what they are." She looked over at Jesse and enjoyed watching him. He had a happy smile on his face as he looked around the room. The room would grow with their child, and he guessed that cars or dolls would replace little teddies and ducks, and the crib would turn into a bed. He stopped himself from thinking. The baby wasn't even here yet and he was planning out its future.
"Hey, penny for your thoughts." Rae touched him lightly on the arm.
"Oh, nothing, just enjoying the prospect of becoming a dad."
"Well, Dad, come and look at our bedroom, I did that too." Rae took his hand and they walked back out of the nursery and into the room next to it. Their bedroom was a big airy room and there was an en-suite bathroom as well as a dressing room.
Jesse looked around and couldn't stop himself from smiling. He had always felt that a house was a house was a house, but now his house was a home.
"Oh, Jess, could you go and put these towels on the top shelf in the bathroom for me?" Rae handed over a pile of dark blue towels.
"The top shelf?" Jesse looked at her.
"Trust me." Rae just smiled at him.
A moment later Jesse was back. "Hey, I can reach the top shelf, did I grow?"
"No, sorry, when they phoned me the other day about where I wanted the shelving to be put I asked to have it lower down. We can reach all the shelves and cupboards in this house, and you should check out the kitchen, even the shelves in the cabinets are at our level."
"Rae, you have made this house a home straight away, thank you." He had pulled her towards him then and begun to kiss her. Rae had been tired, but as she felt his body against hers, all thoughts of sleep departed and she began to kiss him back.
"Jess, Honey, it wasn't a home until you got back from work." She stopped talking then and forgot about everything else but the feeling of Jesse's fingers as he began to take her paint splattered shirt off, she felt him run his hand across her stomach, and realised that instead of making her want to move away, when he did it she just wanted to lay there and let him continue.
The Present Day
Rae smiled as she thought about the first time they had made love in their new home. For a moment she realised that it was the last time too, but she pushed that thought away. If she had written a script of her ideal first day it would have been just as it happened. Things had been like that for ten days before everything began to change again. It had been a frightening and anxious time and even now it brought tears to her eyes as she thought it through. They had discussed their feelings about what had happened over and over. Rae knew how Jesse's thoughts had progressed, and just how scared he'd been, although at the time she had just needed to know he was there for her.
Seven Months Ago & The Present Day
Seven Months Ago
Rae and Jesse had been sitting in the family room, Jesse had been on the computer and Rae had been half sitting half lying on the sofa.
"Honey, are you all right, you haven't said hardly a word since dinner, and you only picked at your food?" Jesse looked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm ok, just leave me alone, all right?" Rae had looked across at him, and for a moment he had seen fear in her eyes. Jesse had moved over to crouch down in front of her.
"Rae, what is it?" He was worried about her now. She didn't usually snap at him. He had been home all day, and now he thought about it she had been very quiet for most of the time. They had been shopping in the morning for more baby things. They now had a mobile to hang over the crib, a baby bath so that they could wash him or her in the warmth of the nursery, and a changer so that everything was all together in the same room. Rae had been quite animated while they were shopping, but once they had arrived home she had quietened down, and had got quieter and quieter the longer the day went on. "Rae, talk to me, what's the matter?"
"Stop it, Jesse, just stop it!" Rae had got up to leave the room, but she had only got as far as the doorway before she cried out. "Arghhhhhh, Oh, God, Jess, help me, please, help me." She had grasped hold of the doorframe for support, but her legs wouldn't hold her and she sank to her knees.
He was right there with her, and was horrified to see that she was absolutely without colour. "Honey, what is it, what's the matter?"
Rae was breathing hard, and it was obvious that she was in great pain. Slowly as she leant against him it began to pass. "Jesse, oh, Jess it hurts." Rae was on all fours now, and trying to concentrate on her breathing, but she had yet to get it under control and she was beginning to feel very light headed. "I'm in labour."
"What, are you sure?"
"Jesse, trust me, I know what it feels like. You have to get me to Community General, it is way too early for the baby to be born."
For a moment Jesse just couldn't think. Then slowly he began to regain his senses. Rae was only seven months pregnant, the baby had been small from the start, and he knew that this was very bad news.
"Jesse, please." Rae's voice broke through his thoughts, and he moved her back into the room and eased her gently onto the sofa. Then he headed out into the hallway and picked up the phone. He dialled the number without even thinking and waited to be connected.
"Doctor Martin please, this is Doctor Travis… Yes I'll hold but it's urgent." Jesse looked at his watch it was just after three in the afternoon. Suddenly he heard Alex's voice.
"Jesse, hi, it's Alex. What's up?"
"Alex, I have to bring Rae, in, she's in labour."
"What, how much in labour? Can we stop it…? Ok, stupid question, I'll find out when you get here. It takes what thirty minutes from where you are? Bring her in the car, Jess, and I'll alert maternity."
As Jesse put the phone back on its cradle he heard Rae begin to cry out again and rushed back in. He checked his watch as he went. There were about four minutes between contractions. There was no way they could stop this labour, he was going to be a dad, probably by the end of the day. All the excitement and the anticipation had disappeared, now it was replaced by a sense of helplessness and foreboding.
Jesse was suddenly furious with Rae, for her to be so far advanced in her labour it must have been going on for a good while. "Why the hell didn't you say something earlier. There is no way we are gonna be able to stop this now." Jesse was shouting and even the look of terror on Rae's face couldn't calm him down.
"I'm sorry, Jesse, I thought it would go away. Please Jesse, I'm so sorry." Rae had managed to talk to him even though the contraction was building. Then she began to concentrate on her breathing again, and this time she managed to get it right, and she began to ride the waves of pain that washed over her.
The Present Day
As Rae thought about how terrified she had been when she realised that her contractions had begun she heard a cry from the nursery. Instinctively she got up off the sofa, but then she remembered that Jesse was there, and so she sat back down. She had known since about ten the morning her baby had been born that something wasn't quite right. She had thought at first that the contractions she was getting were the ones called Braxton Hicks, practice contractions, but as lunchtime had arrived she had known that other things were happening.
She had been so scared that she hadn't even told Jesse what was going on inside her. She kept telling herself that the feelings would stop, besides they weren't that painful so it must just be practice ones. But as she had sat in the family room watching Jesse playing computer games they had suddenly got very much worse, and very much quicker. She had felt that she needed to get up and walk around and when Jesse had been so kind to her she knew she just had to move or she would yell at him, but the contraction that had gripped her as she reached the doorway had taken every ounce of strength out of her. Rae smiled for a moment as she remembered how Alex had told her of his fears and how his first delivery had been much earlier than he had anticipated. She had known that he was concerned, but he had been so calm that it hadn't been apparent until afterwards.
Seven Months Ago
Rae had lain down on the back seat of Jesse's car and he had pulled out of the driveway and onto their new street in a flash. By the time they were drawing up to the gatehouse to get the security guard to let them through, Rae was having another contraction and Jesse was getting seriously alarmed that they might not actually make it to Alex in time.
"Jesse!! I don't care where we are, you are gonna have to stop for a minute, my water just broke." Rae was almost screaming now, and he could see her in his rear view mirror her face reflecting the agony she was in.
"Oh, great! Well you can clean it up later!"
"Jesse, I'm sorry, but you have to stop!"
"Honey, I am not stopping this car unless the baby is coming, otherwise we won't make it in time." Jesse just kept driving, Rae knew now that he had felt mean and helpless as he heard her trying to keep her breathing steady.
At last she saw the entrance to Community General coming up in front of her and had been grateful that Jesse had drawn in as close to the doors as he could.
Alex had been waiting there, and he came running out with a gurney, and was standing by the car as Jesse drew to a halt. "Jesse, how is she?"
"In pain! Alex, it is way too soon for the baby to be born." Rae was contraction free and so she gently moved herself out of the car and let Alex help her onto the gurney.
Rae took hold of Jesse's hand as they moved along the hallway. "Jesse, I am so sorry, I couldn't get it to stop."
"Rae, if the baby is ready to come then you know there is nothing you can do. Everything we need to help him or her get over their early arrival is here. It will be all right. And none of this is your fault. Now relax, and it won't hurt so much." Rae knew that Jesse could tell from her face that that statement didn't impress her.
"And you have experience of this do you. Trust me Jesse, even when it doesn't hurt every bit of you is just waiting for it to start all over again." By the time she arrived at the delivery suite she was in pain once more. "Oh, God, Alex, I need to push, now."
"Rae, hold on, I'll be right with you." Alex was scrubbing up as he spoke and he turned back to her with his gloves on and took a deep breath.
Jesse moved up by Rae's shoulder and took her hand. She was concentrating on her breathing, and he could see that she was looking at something on the wall in front of her.
"Ok, Rae, you can push with your next contraction, but only when I say so, ok?"
Rae just nodded. Her whole body was waiting for the next wave of pain to hit her, and she was almost on autopilot.
Two minutes later, Rae heard the word she had been waiting for. "Ok, Rae, push, now!"
Jesse began to understand how Steve had felt as Rae gripped his hand so tightly that he thought it would break.
"Relax, Rae." Alex looked at her as she collapsed back onto the pillow. "Ok, you're doing great. It won't be long now." He waited for the next contraction, his mind going over what he would have to do as soon as the baby was born. They all knew that it shouldn't be here for another two months and would have to go straight to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There was an incubator waiting right next to him and then he or she would be rushed across the hallway and into the warm and safe surroundings designed especially for very small babies.
"Arghhhh, Alex, it's starting again!"
"Ok, Rae, push, push now… keep pushing… Ok, we have a head… one more push should do it…there, wonderful." Alex let out the breath he hadn't been aware he was holding and looked down at the tiny baby in his hands. "Rae, Jesse, you have a daughter." Alex looked up at his two friends. "Jess, would you like to cut the cord?"
Jesse had just nodded mutely and moved down to wash his hands. Then he gloved up and looked down at his baby girl. "Oh, Rae, she is beautiful, just beautiful." He couldn't think of anything else to say, and for a moment his eyes were full of tears, but then he blinked them back and carefully and gently he severed the tie between mother and daughter and then he held her, just for a second as she began her journey through life.
The nurse came over and took the baby from him and wrapped her up in a blanket. Then she moved over to the other side of the room to quickly weigh her and put her into the incubator.
"Alex, Jesse, is she all right? Where is she?"
"She's with the nurse. She's very small, Rae, but you can see her in a minute." Alex looked over to where the nurse was just weighing the baby and he could see that the digital numbers hadn't gone very high.
The Present day
Rae lay back on the sofa, she felt the tears in her eyes as she remembered how powerless she had felt after she had given birth, and how completely empty. When she'd had her three children in Britain they had been handed straight to her and she had held them gently in her arms and taken in every detail of them, but this time she hadn't been able to do that. The aching need she had to just be able to hold her child hadn't been realised for a long time. She had held her, but there had always been an incubator behind her, and she had been on an IV and a ventilator for a while too. Rae got up off the sofa and walked down the hallway. She could hear Jesse chatting away with his daughter and she watched from the doorway for a little while before she was spotted and she carried on thinking.
Seven Months Ago
Rae had felt the tears spring to her eyes as her daughter was wheeled towards her in the special bed. Even though she was very small to Rae she was just gorgeous and she so wanted to be able to touch her. "Alex, can I hold her, or just touch her, please?"
"Honey, no, not yet." It was Jesse who spoke, and Rae could hear the emotion in his voice. "She needs to stabilize first. We can go to the NICU and see her in a little while."
Alex looked at his two friends, and he felt so for them. They had been through so much, and now they couldn't even welcome their baby into the world properly. Suddenly he realised that he hadn't asked them a very important question. "Rae, Jesse, what are you going to name your baby?"
They smiled at each other then and Rae nodded almost imperceptibly at Jesse, and he looked at his daughter as he spoke. "We are gonna call her Eliana, Eliana Jessica."
"Wow, what a beautiful name, what does it mean?" Alex looked down at the little girl and smiled.
"It means God has answered. It's Hebrew; it seemed apt when we were looking for names. Let's just hope he keeps on answering, I think she'll need it." Rae tried to keep the tears from flowing, but as she watched the incubator being moved away she turned towards Jesse and cried in his arms.
The Present Day
Rae sighed, she had cried in Jesse's arms for a couple of minutes before she had realised that he was crying too. It had been a very hard time for them, but in different ways. She had needed her child, and had been very worried about her all the time, but Jesse knew all the problems she could face and had to keep them to himself.
"Hey, how long have you been standing there?" Jesse smiled as she stood there, Eliana was smiling up at him and her arms and legs were kicking and waving.
"Oh, not long, I was miles away, thinking about the day that she was born."
Jesse's smile disappeared for a moment and then he smiled again. "Well, look at her now, she's beautiful, just like her mom."
Rae had moved into the room, and now she placed a finger onto Eliana's palm and her pudgy little fingers immediately locked around it. "Hi there, Sweetie," Rae smiled at her and Eliana gave her a gummy grin in return. She had two tiny teeth just showing through her gums, which had given them a few sleepless nights that week. Her arms and legs began to move more wildly, and Rae moved her finger out of her hand and took her daughter from Jesse.
"Let's take her into the family room, then we can all sit together. I don't know why but I have a mind full of memories right now."
Jesse picked up the activity mat and centre from the carpet and they all headed back the way Rae had just come. He laid the mat on the floor and put the centre on top of it. Rae gently laid Eliana underneath it and then they sat together on the sofa and watched her.
"She was so small, Jesse, I was so worried that she wasn't going to make it, but then when I finally got to the NICU all of a sudden she seemed quite big."
Jesse smiled at her and pulled her close. "Yeah, I know, I felt the same."
"That first day, the day she was born, I never did thank you for calling Texas. I needed somebody with me, and you, you were so torn weren't you? Not knowing who to be with for the best."
"Yeah, I wanted to be with you, but I needed to be with Eliana too. I knew that Jo would stay with you and make sure you were ok, and then I could concentrate on just sitting and talking to Eliana and…" He stopped talking for a moment and looked embarrassed.
"And make sure that they were looking after your little girl properly?" Rae smiled at him.
"Yeah, yeah, that is what I was gonna say, how did you know?"
"Texas and I were talking about it a couple of weeks ago. She said that she'd seen Alex and he'd said your were being a little … over protective." Rae laughed and then carried on talking. "You know she told me other things too, what she had been thinking while she was in with me. She understood just how I felt about being separated from you and Eliana, she was the best person you could have called for me. Thank you." Rae leant over and began to kiss Jesse, and for a moment their daughter was on her own, as they concentrated on each other.
Seven Months Ago
It was early the next day before Rae got to see Eliana properly again. Once her baby had been taken to the NICU Alex had made sure that she was ok, and then she had been wheeled off to a private room. First of all she just lay in the bed, unable to cry or sleep or do anything, and then there had been a knock at the door.
"Rae, Honey, can I come in?" Rae looked up and saw Texas standing there. She had nodded mutely and watched as her best friend had come and sat in the chair next to her. "Jesse called me an' told me you were here. I'm so sorry, Rae, I know this isn't how it should have been."
"I know, I'm so glad you're here."
Jo looked at her and her heart went out to her. She had been so positive and happy since she and Jesse had moved into their new home, and it had lasted just over a week. Now they had to worry and wait to see if their daughter was going to be all right. Sometimes life just wasn't fair. "I have just been an' seen Jesse, an' he gave me this for you." Texas handed over a photo and Rae looked at her daughter. She was lying in the NICU, she was on a tiny diaper, and had a little hat on her head, but apart from that she looked just as she had when Rae had seen her being wheeled off.
"Did you see her? Did you see Eliana? Is she all right?"
"No, Honey, I haven't seen her. I'm not family, an' they wouldn't have let me in, so I didn't ask."
"Oh, Texas, I just want her here with me, I feel so empty, so incomplete." The tears had started again then, and Jo had moved a little closer and held her friend as she had cried. Rae hadn't spoken, and after a little while Jo had realised that she had fallen asleep. She had buzzed Alex and then waited at the door for him.
"Shhh, she has fallen asleep, I just thought you would want to know, an' also she has a photo of her baby now, so at least she can look at that. Will the baby be all right Alex?"
Alex had nodded his head. "Yes, she should be. Rae was only thirty weeks pregnant, and Eliana has Respiratory Distress Syndrome. Once her lungs have developed a little more she will be ok but it won't be easy for them. She is on a ventilator now, and having oxygen too, I have given her some surfactant, which will help her lungs, but I think it will be ok. She is on antibiotics as well, because babies this small are prone to all sorts of infection. But I have to say it could have been a lot worse."
Jo had listened to every word that Alex had said, and she could see why Rae wanted him as her doctor. He may be young, but he was completely sure of everything he was saying. She felt her confidence rise, and for the first time, she saw a healthy future for Eliana.
The Present Day
"That first night, after she was born…" Rae stopped talking. She didn't know why she had said that. It had been a terrible night, and normally she tried to forget it had happened. Texas had gone home just after Rae had eaten her evening meal, and then she had lain back down and tried to sleep.
"I know, I know, I just felt so helpless, and like you said before, torn. But I knew that Eliana was ok, and you, well you weren't were you?" Jesse was concerned, but he could tell that Rae wanted to carry on talking.
"No, I wasn't, but I knew you were there, and that helped."
"The nurse on duty that night was a little out of her depth I think, and she was definitely relieved when I arrived." Jesse smiled then, just for an instant. Her name had been Jill, and every time he saw her since he remembered the relief in her eyes when he had come rushing into the room.
Seven Months Ago
The nurse on duty at the desk in maternity heard the noise before anybody else and rushed down towards the room that she knew housed Detective Yeager. She called out as loudly as she dared to a nurse now coming up from the other end of the hallway. "See if Doctor Martin and Doctor Travis are around."
Jill had moved over towards Rae's bed. She was tossing and turning and calling out, and Jill could see that she was in the middle of a nightmare.
The Present Day
Rae shuddered and Jesse pulled her closer to him. "That house, it's always that house. Jesse I'm sorry."
"Shhh, I know, do you want to stop?"
"No, it helps to talk about it."
Seven Months Ago
Rae knew that she was in a dream, but it was so real that she just couldn't get free. She had to see her baby; if she could do that then the dream would end.
Rae was in the room where Levington had kept her prisoner, she could see her baby in a room across the hallway and he was leaning over the crib. She tried to get to the door so that she could save her child but suddenly she wasn't alone.
"Please, let me get to my baby."
"No. She is too little, you must stay away until she is big." The voice came from behind her and she spun round to find Alex and Jesse standing there holding a large key.
"She needs me, I'm her mummy."
Jill looked in disbelief as her patient tried to get out of bed. "No, Ma'am you must stay here." She tried to make her lie back down, but it just made her panic.
"No, I must get out of here. Let me go. Let me go."
Rae looked at Alex and Jesse, they were keeping her in this room, she moved over towards the door but something was pushing her back.
"No, Let me go. Please let me go." She looked over towards the crib again and she saw Levington reach in to pick up her baby. "NO! Eliana, No!"
Jesse came out of the NICU as he heard his name being called over the intercom, he moved down the hallway, heard Rae call out for her baby and knew that she was in the throes of a nightmare. He sighed as he ran. She'd had a few difficult weeks while they had stayed with Jo, when her dreams had been vivid and frightening, but she had been free of them ever since they had moved into their new home. Now he knew that they were back, and scaring her once again.
Jill had looked up. "Doctor Travis, thank goodness you're here, I can't reach her, and she just called out for her baby." The nurse had moved away from the bed and Jesse had taken her place.
"Rae, Honey, it's me, it's Jess. Eliana is fine, she is safe and sound in the NICU, and she is fast asleep. I promise you, she is fine."
As Rae tried again to get to the door she heard Jesse's voice. "She is fine." But she knew better, she could see her baby in that man's arms, she didn't know who to look at and found herself turning from Jesse to her baby and back again, then suddenly when she looked Eliana had gone. "No! My God, no! Bring her back."
Rae had begun to thrash around on the bed, and Jesse could see that she was getting very agitated. As he moved his hands so that he could touch her cheek and maybe get her to realise he was there she suddenly stopped moving. "No…no…" Tears replaced the movements, and Jesse knew that she would slowly come out of her nightmare now.
"Did you call for Doctor Martin?"
"Yeah, I did, but I think he may have finished for the day. He would have been here by now otherwise."
"Ok. Can you see if Doctor Sloan is in?"
"Yes, Doctor." Jill had moved out of the room, glad to have something else to do and Jesse had turned back to Rae.
"Rae, Sweetheart, can you hear me?" Rae had slowly opened her eyes but it had been clear to Jesse that she'd had no idea where she was, or what had happened.
"Jess…? Oh, God, Jesse, Eliana is she all right?" Everything immediately came back to her and she tried to get out of bed to go see her daughter.
"Honey, she's fine, but you aren't. Listen to me. Lie back and just listen to me, ok?" Rae had done what he said. "Do you remember? You had a bad dream do you remember it?"
"He was there, Jesse, he took her, he took Eliana and you and Alex, you wouldn't let me go to her. Wouldn't let me see her…" Rae began to cry again then. "I just want to see my baby."
"Well, I'm sure we can arrange that, if you promise to let me give you something to help you sleep afterwards."
Rae and Jesse both turned at the sound of the friendly and welcoming voice and saw Mark standing in the doorway.
"Mark? Oh, Mark, please, can you let me see her?"
Mark just nodded and moved slightly out of the way so that she could see a wheelchair behind him. Rae had got slowly out of bed and Jesse had helped her into it. Together the three of them had moved over towards the NICU and Rae looked inside. It wasn't a part of the hospital she had ever seen before, and all the wires and machinery shocked her. She could see all the tiny babies that were in there and she was suddenly afraid of what she would see when she looked at Eliana.
"Are you ok, Rae?" Jesse had put his hand on her shoulder and she had just nodded.
"Come on then, Jess, if you would hold the door open we need to get in as quickly as we can, so we don't let any heat out."
Mark had pushed Rae up to an incubator at the end of the room and she had just sat in her chair and looked in wonder at her daughter. The miracle of birth never ceased to amaze her, but in a way this was even more amazing. All these tiny babies, fighting so hard to stay alive. She looked around her again, Eliana seemed to be one of the largest babies here, and that made Rae feel more confident for her.
"She is beautiful isn't she, Jesse, Mark?"
"Honey, look who her mother is, how could she be anything but beautiful."
"Thank you, Mark, and thank you for letting me see her."
"That's ok. You will be able to be in here all the time once you have got some sleep, so what do you say we go and deal with that now?"
The Present Day
"You know, I think I would probably had slept without that sedative, once I had seen that she was all right." Rae looked over at Jesse, and she could see that he was thinking about the same time that she had been.
"Maybe, but it meant that the sleep you got was dream free, and it meant that I got some sleep too." Jesse smiled at her and pulled her a little closer to him again.
"Oh, Honey, I never thought of that. I'm sorry."
"Hey, I would have happily sat with you all night to keep your dreams at bay, but once you were asleep I suddenly realised just how tired I was, and I went to the sleep room and grabbed a few hours there."
Eliana let out a delighted squeal as one of her waving hands bashed at one of the soft ducks hanging down from the activity centre above her. Rae and Jesse both laughed.
"I guess we had better be thinking of feeds, bath time and getting read to go to Mark's before long." Rae ran her hands through her hair as she spoke. It seemed like ages since they had been out, she didn't think they had gone out as a family since Eliana had come home.
Eliana had stayed in the hospital for two months. Alex had warned them that she probably wouldn't be allowed home until roughly the time she was supposed to have been born but it had still seemed like an eternity. But when the time had actually come for them to have her all to themselves, Rae had been terrified.
Five Months Ago & The Present Day
Five Months Ago
"Alex are you sure she's ready to come home, maybe we should get a second opinion." Rae had looked at their doctor, an extremely worried look on her face.
"Rae, she's fine now. She could have gone home about three days ago, but you were so concerned about her I decided to keep her a little longer. Look at her, Rae, she's beautiful, she's a healthy weight and she needs to be with her Mommy and Daddy." Alex smiled as he spoke; he had got extremely attached to Eliana while she had been in the NICU.
"Honey, if there's a problem with Eliana I am sure I can cope, I am a doctor y'know."
"Ok, I know, I know, and I'm sorry, it's just that… well she seemed so big when she was in the ICU but now… now she seems so tiny again."
"She is small, and you know everything that we have told you about looking after her, but she is ready to be with you. Now go, before we close!" Alex was almost shooing her out of the maternity unit as he spoke.
The Present Day
"It was lovely to have her home but I was just so scared, and even though you had never been a dad before, you seemed so much more relaxed than I was." Rae looked over at him. It had been a very tense household for a while, and there was no doubt that Eliana had picked up on it. She had cried and cried the first day home, and nothing seemed to calm her.
"I wasn't relaxed, I just did what you did. I thought you were the calm one. You seemed to know how to pick her up, grab an armful of diapers, clean set of clothes, and then the next thing I knew she was all changed, sweet smelling and smiley, and it would have taken me for ever to do all that."
"I guess we were both fooling ourselves and each other. But we both survived didn't we? And so did she." Rae was gazing down at her daughter as she spoke.
Eliana seemed to know she was being talked about because she stopped her playing and looked over at her Mom and Dad a happy grin on her little face.
Five Months Ago
Rae sat up in bed and looked blearily at the clock. It was twenty past three in the morning, and even though it was Jesse's turn to see to Eliana she was awake too. She sat there and remembered doing this before. John and Patrick had been really good babies. John had slept through the night at three weeks, and Patrick at six, but Mara, well, she should have known better than to expect it to happen a third time. She and Tony hadn't slept in the same bed for six months. Every ten minutes Mara would wake up and begin to cry. Rae smiled to herself as she remembered how she used to say that if Mara had come along first then she would have been an only child, and now she had done it again!
Slowly she got out of bed and grabbed her robe. She moved over to the doorway to go see Jesse, but as she crossed the hallway she stopped. She could hear him and as a big smile appeared on her face she began to listen.
"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home, this little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none."
Rae heard Eliana squeal with delight as Jesse got to none and ran his fingers up her leg, tickling her all the way up. "Jesse, we are never going to get her back to sleep if you play with her. Remember, pick her up, change her, feed her, put her back in her crib, and go back to bed. That way she doesn't think waking up at night means fun."
Jesse had looked so crestfallen that Rae had had to laugh. "Well, it's your night's sleep you're forfeiting, I'm going back to bed."
Rae had lain there and listened as Jesse put his daughter back in her crib and wound up the mobile above her head. She smiled as she heard him say, "Now, don't let Mommy be right about this, I'll never hear the last of it, you just close your little eyes and go back to sleep, and tomorrow you get to spend your first whole day in your new home. But please, sweet pea, go to sleep."
Rae had pulled the covers up over her shoulders and shut her eyes as she did so Eliana let her daddy know that she still wanted to play.
The Present Day
Rae got up from the sofa in the family room, and moved over to her daughter. "Come on Ana we have to get you looking real pretty for tonight."
"Don't Rae, you know I hate it." Jesse looked at her, and his eyes had hardened.
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry, I won't call her Ana when you're around." Rae shook her head and picked Eliana up. They didn't disagree over very much, but when she forgot herself and called the baby Ana, Jesse just hated it. "Come on, let's go get ready to show her off."
Jesse got up and joined her, his anger forgotten. He didn't keep a bad temper for long, and it was such a little thing really. He kissed both his girls and then they went off to get ready for Mark's party.